Hertford

Hey. I've just joined here. Since Saturday night, I've been feeling very depressed. I've just left from a seven week holiday in England to return to the West Coast of Canada. I miss my home, my family, everything.
I just can't settle here. I've tried, but I don't like it here anymore. I've cried about twenty times in the past sixty-six hours. I just need someone to talk to. I'd like any help on how to persuade my parents to move the family back to England. I've tried lots of things, but nothing seems to work. They say: "I don't think you know how lucky you are"
I do know I'm lucky to live on the West Coast of Canada where it's supposedly sunny all the time (In the summer anyway), but I just can't settle down. I just want to return home. I feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I am very popular here because of my accent, but most of the people who say "Hi Harry!" to me know me and I don't know them! I feel awful. I can't explain it other than by my emotions. I feel as though I'm a plant that's been yanked out of the ground and placed into a large vase with nothing to accompany it.
If I liked it here, then I would probably appreciate how lucky I am, but I don't feel lucky at all.
When we moved out here, we started from scratch. There was no trial run to see if we liked it before we moved in here, we just came over and rented some places for a few months before settling into Sidney B.C. I know Canada is a wonderful place, but I don't feel like that. I see England as my wonderland. My clock's all up the chute as well. I keep waking up at 2:00/3:00am here (10:00/11:00am in England). I know I must settle down and get into my routine with school and home, but I just don't want to.
What puts the cherry on the cake is that I've left my phone charger and my combination lock for my Locker in England at my Uncle's house. It will probably be a whole year or even two years before we even fly back there for another holiday. I can't wait that long!
Can somebody please help me? I'm feeling choked up, depressed, and I can't sleep at night. The food here tastes like it's been swept out of a pigeon loft, and my surroundings are not to my taste. I love trains, and England is full of trains.
I've tried persuading my family to move us back to our homeland, but I'm in the minority, they love it here. Dad doesn't care very much for his family, and Mum does, but she knows she must move on and get going on with her housecleaning job.
I'm not suicidal. Not yet anyway. I just want to go home.

I'm sorry to post something like this, but it's how I feel.
Harry

Cheetah7

Harry first of all well done for expressing yourself so openly. Secondly, please print your post out and take it to show your Mum, at the very least she needs to know how you feel and quite often, reading about it can force a person to really listen rather than speaking to them about it where it is a case of they can hear you but they are not listening.

You need your Mum/Dad on your side for support. You do however have to understand that if the majority want to stay in Canada, then you have to come to some sort of arrangement to resolve the situation.

But please, show them this letter and calmly talk to them - that is the first step, accept their decision to stay and at the same time, put your opinions forward because they count as well.

Elaine B.

Hi Harry

so sorry you're feeling so unhappy I know a lot of people on this site including myself understand how you are feeling I really hope you can talk this through with your mum and dad. I don't know what the solution is for you but I know the good people on this site have been a great support for me when I've been feeling down and homesick. It's difficult enough for so called adults to get used to a new place I can't imagine what it must be like when you have little control over your situation but maybe you and your family can come up with a plan to improve things. Take care.

3 go mad in Adelaide

Hi Harry, just wanted to post with my support for you during this very difficult time for you. It's a hard thing to admit when you're really struggling so well done for putting your feelings down so eloquently and looking for help (not that we can really DO anything but we do understand and will offer buckets of support!)

I myself was first brought to Australia at the age of 14 by my parents and it absolutely broke my heart. I had to leave my boyfriend (who I really LOVED!!!! ) and all my mates and move to a land where everything and everyone was 'strange' to me. I was rather bullied at school and had some difficulty initially making friends. I cried all the time and got so bad that my mum took me to the doctors who put me on valium - at 14! (mum soon took me off them again!). After many months things started to settle down and I formed some good friendships, one in particular my friend Jo. This really helped and I started to enjoy my time in Aus - then after 2 years mum and dad took me home again and I had to start all over again! (parents can be a right pain in the bum at times!)

Anyway, Australia actually always stayed with me and guess what? I'm back here with my own family at the ripe old age of 35! As it happens it's not working out for me this time either so we are going home again. And the best thing is that I am still friends with Jo to this day (in fact we took our kids out for the day together yesterday.

It's a tough old journey mate, I've done it, but make sure you tell your mum and dad as clearly as you have told us how you are feeling and meanwhile don't overlook good friendships that may come your way.

Wishing you much luck Harry, keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.

quoll

Harry, I would offer you some hugs but you being a young fella and all .... just have some empathetic vibes instead.

I go along with the others - you have expressed yourself really well in your original post and perhaps that would let you show your mum and dad the depth of your distress without having to go straight into the emotional discussion to explain yourself.

Is there anyone at school you can go and talk to about this? - we have school counsellors here but I dont know what you have in Canada - perhaps there is someone there who could lend you an ear at least so you have someone to bounce ideas off in person.

Perhaps the best thing to try and achieve is not necessarily to get the whole family to move back to UK - adults often have lots of reasons why they cant do things and it usually revolves around security and jobs etc - but to look at ways at which you could go back within a time frame. For example, I have no idea how old you are but perhaps could you go back and live with family to do A levels and then that would set you up (almost) for doing uni in UK. Sometimes having an end date on your time in a place makes it almost a "holiday" rather than "the rest of your life" and you can deal with it better.

If that is not a goer then look to when you finish school and have a "gap" year (my son did that - 6 years later he still hasnt come back to Australia!) and see how it goes from there.

Whatever you do though, you do need to talk about it with someone who isnt going to lambast all your ideas but who will give you the time and space to work it all out. Good luck!!!

Irish Guinness

What a lovely reply 3 go mad in Adelaide...I also had the hurt and sadness of moving to OZ while in my teens and am an old lady now and still have many a sad day in the lucky country ( or so they tell me ) one day I may write about just how unlucky it has been for me

Celtic Princess

Hi Harry, I'm very sorry to hear that you are so unhappy. I can understand what you're feeling as I hear the same thing from my daughter. She is 15 and we left the UK last summer. She would be on the first plane back given half the chance.

Unfortunately there are no easy answers to your problem. Sometimes life takes us down roads we don't want to go down and children have even less say in this than adults. All we can do is make the most of what we have until such time as we can choose another route. But give it time. Homesickness is a terrible thing, I've had bouts too, and it can feel like there is no end to it, but usually there is. (At least until the next time) I still get emotional when I see a Union Jack and cry when I hear 'There'll Always Be An England'. They never had any effect on me when I lived there.

And most importantly TALK TO YOUR MUM. Us mums are often not very good at listening but we do care. I'm not a betting person but I would put money on the fact that your mum cares for you more than anything else is world.

Hertford

Thank you all for the kind replies. I'm feeling a little better now, but I still feel homesick. My uncle (whom we stayed with in England) feels the same way as I do. There are still parts of my own country I haven't explored yet, let alone Canada. But Canada is far too vast for me, I wish to explore my homeland. I do have an explorer spirit, but it is limited. I do not like the atmosphere here, it's too quiet for my liking, like the calm before the storm. A major earthquake is due around here anytime. I have referred Dad to this post, hopefully Mum will read it too.
I have been thinking about coming back on my own, but then I would still be missing my family. I love my homeland, I love my family. I can't decide which, which is why I want us all to move back to England. I don't want to seem selfish in any way, but I don't like it here.

Cheetah7

To be honest, wanting the entire family to move back might not be realistic or fair to them.

However, expecting you to remain where you are unhappy is not fair on you. It might be worth going back on your own to see which way you want to take this.

Your family have their new life which they are enjoying and if they gave that up to move back with you, the situation could be reversed and they in turn could end up as unhappy as you are now which I am sure you wouldn't want.

By going back yourself, you could at least be in your familiar environment which could enable you to make a better decision with a clearer mind.

Emigration splits up families, it is the ultimate divider. My family live in the UK, me in Australia and my sister in Cyprus so I know what it is like to be away from everyone you care about.

But I would never expect any one of them to change anything, I just have to deal with the distance - but I am a hell of alot older than you.

If it is possible to go back and you have somewhere to stay, see how you get on and how you can deal with it all.

You might get the answer, you might not but at least you will have tried.

Good luck mate, it is not an easy situation to be in at any age, let alone at your age.

Hertford

I know it's not an easy situation to be in. At first in 2004, I was excited. I was going to explore a whole new type of territory, but when I got here, I did feel slightly homesick, only for a day or two though. When I went back to England in 2006, I felt extremely happy, but at the end of the six week holiday I was dreading the flight back home, I entered a major nervous breakdown and depression. This year, it hasn't been as bad, but I just can't stand living here anymore! I have a duty in the UK. To film and watch the trains, to make sure my precious hobby is healthy, and I'm stuck here! I can't take it anymore!
I just wish I could persuade my parents successfully into getting us to sell our five bedroom detached house in Sunny Sidney and return to Home Sweet Home in Ware or Fakenham. Either will do, really. Fakenham doesn't have any trains, yet, but it will in the next four-five years. Ware has trains already, and it's extremely close to family, but both Fakenham and Ware are home territory.
I miss everything here, the trains, my relatives, the scenery, the hills, the food, the drink; even the thunderstorms which stay in Ware for an hour at a time! As they say, you never know what you've got until it's gone. I didn't realize there are still plenty of parts around Ware and the rest of Hertfordshire that I haven't even explored yet!

KRUSADR

Hello mate,

I know exactly how your feeling. I've been out here ten years and still not happy, it's bloody hard! Explain to your parents exactly how your feeling.

dewdrop

I'm a child-expat(all grown-up now). My parents brought me to Ontario Canada from England. luckly enough i was young enough NOT to know the difference with my surroundings. Eventually, my grandparents immigrated so nice i had some extended family around too!..

I'm not sure how old you are? do you plan to finish your schooling in the UK? can you stay w/relatives?..

I think if you are old enough and you speak with your parents about how u really feel...(speaking from a expat as a child) then you should make arrangements with your family over in the UK and go home...see how it feels...maybe you will have a change of heart but no sense being unhappy daily...lifes too short!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...I've been in Ontario a long time now, and have a family now, & many holidays back home, even though immigration is scaring me to bits...I'm know i'm going home!!!

good luck and keep us posted...

backagen

I also know exactly how you feel. I moved from UK to Australia with my immediate family at 15 years old.

I think probably between the ages of about 13 and 17 are the worst possible ages to emigrate.

Emigration certainly does split families up and this is terrible.

I was very close to my extended family in UK and I still love them all very much now. Unfortunately my parents do not feel the same way, and really couldn't care less if they never saw any of the extended family again.

To make it worse, I know from many bitter experiences that the extended family in UK really couldn't care less about us here in Australia (including me) even though I love them all very very much.

To make it even harder, I miss some things about England and I still consider it my "real home" but I also know a lot of things there are not as good as things are here, the cost of living is also much higher there and frankly the thought of moving back 'home' scares the hell out of me.

Because of all these things I have been in a constant state of unsettlement and uncertainty for the last 20 years, some days feeling reasonably happy with my life here, other days desperately missing England, and especially my extended family there.

On the other hand, if I do move back to UK there are many things about Australia I will miss, not least of which would be my immediate family.

Like you I know that the only REAL and complete permanent solution to all this if for the whole family to move back to England. I also know there's no chance of that though because apart from me everyone's fully settled here.

There's probably no perfect solution for you either, but I think it helps a bit to know that you're not the only one in this situation, and to know that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

I remind myself of that regularly (It's not my fault) and it does give me some comfort. At least I know that for my part, I have always, and continue to make all reasonable efforts to keep in touch with family in UK and to keep family relationships alive and as strong as possible.

So I'm not settled or happy, but I at least have a completely clear conscience, and that helps a bit.

My advice is the same as everyone elses, make your parents fully aware of how you feel and try to get them to understand.

Probably you should try to make some sort of plan to get back home on a trial basis to see how that makes you feel and then work it out from there.

It's a terrible thing for families to be split up like this, which is why I tell all my friends in UK to never emigrate. People just cannot appreciate what it does to you until they've actually experienced it.

I hope you can find a way to resolve your situation. I'm still trying to do so too.

jackhigh

Hi Hertford

seems we have a few things in common here.......both from hertfordshire, both wishing we were back in the UK and both having a passion for UK railways (although mine's more your heritage stuff...steam and first generation diesel)

Did your parents read your post?? and what were their reactions.
Life in many ways is having to compromise over many things. I hate it here in Australia and want to get on a plane tomorrow and go back to the UK but my OH feels differently and likes it here, so we've compromised and we will stay here until my OH gets her citizenship then we will return to the UK.

I dont know how old you are but could you stay with your uncle in the UK during the long school holidays? Would your parents subcribe to your favourite UK railway magazine for you...then you would have something to look forward to each month. This would be your compromise to having to stay in Canada until you are old enough to return to the UK.
I think that it is unfair to expect your parents to just move back because you are unhappy there, equally your parents for their part have to acknowledge your unhappiness and do what they can to see you through this peroid until you are able to move back.

Its not easy but your'e not alone. Talk to your parents and see if together you can come up with a plan that will see you through the next couple of years. Its so much easier if you have something to look forward to.
Good luck

crap coffee

Stop moaning and just go home.

I think you are lucky enough. Mind you I don't have proper British accents (so I am not popular as you), and don't speak perfect English, either. plus bad health.

sit down and think about what you have got (something good about yourself).