willamos

Fellow expats beware of the 'sticking point': the point at which you realise that you are a teeny-weeny bit stuck in your adopted country and returning to the UK is going to be very difficult/impossible.

Moving abroad is all well and good if you get there and you like it straight-away.

Some folks will get there and fail to settle in; for some this situation will resolve itself over time whereas for others it will not improve - and may even get worse.

The problem comes if you have settled down (got job/business/kids/rent/mortgage and all the other stuff that ties you down) but have not settled in. You find yourself wanting to go home but find that you can't.

Being partnered to a national of your adopted country doesn't help either!

Cue lifetime of misery!

Beware!

Mummy in the foothills

Aww sorry you're feeling stuck.
I'm having a feeling stuck week too, you never know what will happen.
Have you had a big sit down, no kids interrupting, talk with the other half?

macadian

Your analysis of the 'sticking point' relative to myself was from the moment I I sold up everything in the UK and moved over here. Fortunately for me it has worked out but had it not, then from a financial point of view if nothing else, it would have been a bit of a disaster I doubt I would have enough years left to fully recover from.....

ann m

I understand what you mean when you have a 'dual-national' marriage.

But the other points are not sticking points when we all decide to leave the UK! We jack it in, we sort it out, we sell stuff, we pack stuff and we make it work.

The same should be the case for returning .... if you really, really want to ...

Tr1boy

I'm in a dual nationality marriage, thankfully she's not an Aussie.

NotTooShabby

Why can't you go back? I understand it may be a difficult decision but not an impossible one surely? And just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for other people.

Bijilo123

The fact that you call somewhere else home indicates that you have not really settled in! Your spouse, job , domicile and so on are largely your choice given that circumstances do constrain you sometimes and so you just need to make the best of it! I hope that you don't have a life of misery - but if you really want one then I'm sure you'll get one!

quoll

Yup, totally agree - I call it the point of no return. Easy to achieve the point of no return, especially with a dual national marriage (like mine) and the thing is, you dont realize until you are past it!

Nu-Shooz

Will, how does your wife feel about you feeling like this, is there no compromise somewhere?
It sounds all one-sided to me. That will obviously make things worse for you. A very difficult situation!

manamama

I feel that I am getting closer to that "sticking point". Not quite there yet but....

We have only been in Spain for just under 2 years and I see my children nice and settled, fluent in spanish with lovely friends. The school is great and the education is brillant (small classes and lovely teachers).

So each week that goes by, it pulls at me. I would really like to go back but not just yet. But when we reach that time when it is good to return, how will our children react? Will it ruin their childhood? Tough, really tough.

I don't think I could uproot them again. They are aged between 2 and 11. But I can't see me loving it here for years and years to come.

betsyboob

I know exactly what you mean by 'sticking point'. Myself and my partner both felt uneasy with Oz and we did everything whilst we were there not to get 'stuck'. We didn't want to make any big purchases...especially not a house (which is weird because we thought we would be excited about buying a 4bedder in oz before we left!). As it has worked out we have come out OK, in fact i think we are actually a bit better off..we are buying a house and yes it will be a bigger mortgage but a substancially bigger house too, i doubt we would have been able to make this move before and having our monies available has meant that on returning we have been able to upgrade our vehicles, nothing fancy but a bit better than the 500quid astra we left behind!

livinginreality

No one is ever stuck!There is such a thing as divorce!(yes I did divorce my aussie husband but not because I wanted to return to the UK but......nah only joking lol)I guess you have choices right?Nothing is impossible.If you feel like you don't have a choice,then there is only one option and that is to make the most of the situation.Not easy,but its a choice of being happy or unhappy and being happy takes less energy!Some people have discussed when they are older doing 6 mths in Oz and 6 mths in the UK,and that might be an option?Its all about compromise is'nt it?

quoll

It gets to be choosing the least worst option in some cases. Compromise makes it easier to handle but when you feel like you are the one compromising on every single damned thing then the resentment can creep in.

Pollyana

Yep. And even if no longer with the partner, the "displaced person" can find it very hard to make the move back because by then they have built a life of sorts in the new country. Friends back home have moved on, need to find a new job, new house, need the hard cash to make the move and to survive until these things are sorted out.
And its hard enough to rebuild one's own life after a divorce anyway, when you factor in the complications of moving to another country at the same time it kind-of makes one's head want to explode!
Not impossible to go back, but in some cases very very difficult.

jad n rich

Kids, they can be the sticking point.

Married to an aussie he/she can make them stay in OZ, once the marriage is over.

And one many dont consider Pom couple emigrate, become aussie citizens, one partner wants to leave, the other partner wants the kids to stay in OZ the court will probably make them stay.

Easier to divorce a spouse than your kids