LostinJax

I will be 60 in a couple of months. I have no job, no income and little in the way of savings. My permanent resident status is good for another 10 years. I have a few acquaintances rather than friends. Even after 13 years living in the US, I still feel something of an outsider.

My American wife has just filed for a divorce. I simply don't know whether it would be best to stay in the US and try to make it on my own or head back to the UK.

Neither prospect is particularly appealing, especially as I no longer have family in the UK, although I do have several friends dating back from university days.

I would welcome some input as to what others think would be my best course of action.

windsong

Get thee back home!!!

I can relate to the "aloneness" and being hit by the downturn in the economy and I know I will be much better off back there. Who wants to grow old in the USA!!! Healthcare alone is good enough reason to go back but, to me, it's just an added benefit to my eventual return and not the main reason. I am sick and tired of feeling alone (after 30 years) in the USA.

I have no family - anywhere - and it makes it harder to go back but after being "alone" in the USA, I am used to it. I'd rather feel alone in my own country than in a strange land - and, yes, the USA is still a very strange land in many ways.

WhoFan63

First of all, welcome to BE

If neither prospect sounds appealing then you're really in a difficult situation. It would be easy to say 'go back to the UK', but what would you be going back for? Why would you want to leave the US, is it just because of the divorce? How long has it been since you were in the UK?

I think you probably need to sit down with a good cuppa and work out the pros and cons of both countries. We all have to make those tough decisions in life, but in the end you have to be somewhere that you're going to be happy and a BE member said recently ' If you're you're not happy now, changing countries isn't going to help' So you have to work out your reasons for wanting to choose the UK, rather than staying in the US.

I can totally understand how you feel though. I'm nearly 50 and heading back to the UK myself, so no job waiting, limited funds and family who I haven't seen in umpteen years. But I'm going back for ME, because to me it's home and I'll be happier there.

So sit yourself down and have a good think!

dunroving

It sounds like you don't have US citizenship yet - if not, look into getting this before making any rushed decisions. If you return to the UK for any length of time you may eventually be considered to have abandoned your GC status. Never say never - you could come back and after 2-3 years realise the US is where you want to be. At that point it would be difficult to return unless you have US citizenship. There are disadvantages to being a USC, mainly to do with the PIA of filing tax returns every year - a search of this forum should bring them up.

On this forum you will more likely be advised to return to the UK (makes sense - many people here have decided the UK is for them, so they are likely to think it is right for you, too).

On the US forum, many people talk about the poor social welfare system in the US. At least the UK has this sorted out better than the US. I'd rather be old, poor, and/or sick in the UK than the US.

If you are jobless, money-less, and about to go through a divorce, it sounds like you will need financial help - have you looked into benefits in the US? (I'm not very familiar with how this works as I have always been fortunate to have a job)? Do you own your house? Will the divorce be amicable? I think whether you should rush back here depends a lot on the answers to these questions.

There is no magic pill in these situations, life just sucks big-time at times like this. Good luck getting through your immediate situation (divorce, etc.). Usually the suggestion in these situations is to return to the UK for an extended "holiday" to see how it feels but that's fine if you have money - most people simply can't afford even the airfare to do that, never mind the cost of accommodation, etc..

LostinJax

@WhoFan63

Thanks for the welcome. At this point happiness doesn't really enter into the equation. It is more a case of survival. I also think it is people rather than places that make you either happy or unhappy.

@dunroving
I have had ample opportunity to take out US Citizenship and declined. I am British. What you are saying makes good sense to cover all the bases but I cannot honestly see me wanting to return to the US in two or three years.

I am at a crossroads in my life. The decision I take now will be the one I will live with until my dying day. That's why it is important to get it right. If I were 20 years younger, it would be a different proposition.

I entered a hypothetical claim for benefits in the Florida State Benefits calculator and the answer came back that I would qualify for help in buying food. At least I wouldn't starve to death. Of course, I would have to eat cold food because but I wouldn't be eligible for money to pay for the electric to cook anything.

I am leaning to your view that I would rather be old and poor in the UK rather than the US. Should any health issues arise, the UK would be a better option than the US.

I know my chances of employment are pretty limited in either country but at least my degrees from the University of Manchester will be recognized in the UK. It may help.

windsong

You are degreed? I don't know your field but I am the same age as you and I am beginning a business that I can run anywhere in the world and plan to operate it from the UK when I get there (hopefully, in the next year but it depends on many things).

You obviously have a brain if you have a degree, so think how you could put it to use to make a better life and think of the UK as the "beginning" rather than the "ending".

I do agree, though, that change is easier in your 40s than when you reach 60 but it can still be done

rebeccajo

Isn't 60 the new 40?

windsong

Do you know I thought it was that 60 is the new 50 but I read today, as a matter of fact, that 60 is the new 40! You are SO right!

We 60 year olds now have the power to turn this world right on its side!!

LostinJax

@rebeccajo and windsong

You are probably both right.

At the moment, 60 feels like the new 80.

@windsong

Where did you read that 60 is the new 40? I would like to check it out.

windsong

I know what you mean about it feeling the new 80. I had a few years like that myself recently - but we do get past those obstacles in our life

It was somewhere on Facebook that I read it - and then somewhere else on the Internet, too. I can't remember exactly. I forgot all about having read it until Rebecca mentioned it - and I am SO glad she did!

You have a whole new life ahead of you!!! The best part

Note: I just looked it up on Google now

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michae...b_2069191.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-500156_162-2751907.html

http://www.squidoo.com/60new40

Stay on this forum with us It's a great group and many of us are approaching those new beginnings

SanDiegogirl

Why are your chances of employment limited in both countries? What is your position with regards getting a job? What is your profession? Have you ever worked in the US?

If there is absolutely no way that you are able to work in the US then, yes, its probably better to return to the UK, since being sick here without insurance is dire.

LostinJax

It has been my experience that employers in professional fields do not look favourably on candidates aged 55 or over and I believe the same is true in the UK.

I was a production journalist in the UK for 14 years. When I first moved to the US, I worked for Adweek magazine then moved to a news website. When that folded, I became an independent contractor for my wife's law firm, summarizing depositions. When she got a job in Jacksonville, I contacted 80 law firms in order to carry on what I had been doing for the previous five years and met with a complete blank.

I have a doctorate in Geography and thought I might make use of that teaching at a community college. Despite my impressive resume, I was told that I needed 18 hours in a graduate program in the subject I wished to teach. I did not have the money to embark on a Master's degree and it seemed strange that I needed to go back to college to gain an inferior degree.

Back in June 2008 there was a possibility of working for The Daily Telegraph in the US but then the financial crisis began to hit hard, newspaper advertizing revenues fell and the opportunity went out of the window.

Yes, I probably could work in the US if I was prepared to clean toilets or stock shelves in a supermarket. I think, and I know, I am better than that.

windsong

I think you underestimate your chances of finding work in the UK - seriously. There is a journalist on this forum who recently went back and had no trouble finding work. I forget his name but when I find it, I will post it here.

I also hope to return to teaching in the UK because I can run my business outside of normal working hours. You might find this thread helpful. You should be able to teach immediately in a further education college - and private schools, I believe.

Believe me, I felt the same way you do.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=790397

What part of the UK are you thinking of? (Hate ending a sentence like that )

vikingsail

Hello LostinJax. Sorry to hear about your situation. Divorce is bad enough let alone from a lawyer Sounds like you are feeling down but with those degrees you mention I think you should be fine - especially if teaching is your thing. Remember this is the land where you have to find a way around something and there usually is - I wouldn't be put off by one community college telling me I couldn't teach.....I think the thinking here is just as prone as anywhere else to be parochial! I am sure if you investigated further those degrees could work for you

Also contacting 80 law firms might seem a lot but its really just a drop in the ocean. I think I would rework my resume and try again.

However, as others have said I think being poor and in need is infinitely better in the UK. The USA is no place to grow old or be in need (unless its truly temporary). I say get thee back to the UK.

You have the added satisfaction that if you have nothing to take (assets, eg, house etc) the future ex is going to be particularly confounded with you being back in the UK.

Oh and if your feeling down try Anthony: http://www.demellospirituality.com

windsong

Thanks for that link, VikingSail