Does anyone have experience of living half and half in two countries? We seem to flip flop back and forth between Canada and the UK. We are currently in Canada (for the past 3 years) but now we are retired we can’t find anywhere that feels like home. Houses in the GTA are wildly overpriced, as is food and daily living. We know we would have a better living standard back in the UK and would enjoy the lifestyle, however… Our two adult children live here and I don’t want to live apart from them permanently. Added to the mix is that we have cats so it makes it difficult to travel back and forth. Ideally, we would split our time between the two countries. Is anyone else in this situation, or can offer any advice or insight? It feels like we are going round in circles.

Moose, I think you're over-thinking the issue. In my experience, "home" is where the body is, not the mind. By now, you and your spouse ought to have enough cash in the bank to splash out on a couple of air-fares once or twice a year. And it's an easy enough routine to slip into. Also, in this age of free endless phone conversations and videos via WhatsApp, the limiting of actual physical hugs is easy to cope with. For many years my wife and I kept up with our son and his children on a weekly basis. The grandchildren lived - and still do live - in Norway, while our son lived in different places around the world. We lived in the Caribbean, and he worked in several nations, over the years. We are a very close family.

Thank you. I agree that we are overthinking. We seem to be wrestling with the decision constantly, and in the meantime time is slipping away. Thank you for your thoughts; I really appreciate it.

I agree.

We faced the same choice in 2016 and decided to move from the USA to the UK leaving our 2 children in Texas and California. Long visits back to the USA were much more affordable because the cost of living is so much lower here in Yorkshire than where we living in the USA. We immediately reconnected big time with our siblings and their families plus our old friends and have made many more friends since moving back.

Thank you for your reply. We are lucky because we have dual citizenship, and we are also lucky because we have different opportunities, but that in itself can present problems. My heart lies here whereas my husband’s lies in the UK. If there weren’t pets involved, it would be an easy and exciting situation of roughly half and half in each place; the best of both worlds.

Our daughter retires in a couple of weeks (SHOCK!) and her partner is Australian-American, working on Australian-American-British, and he can work his job from anywhere in the world. They have been living close by us in England since the end of 2022 but from October this year they plan on splitting their time 50/50 between England and Australia so I guess that means 2 more houses for us to keep an eye on over the winter. No children or pets for them to worry about, just their houses while they are away. He has owned an apartment in Adelaide for years that his sister keeps an eye on, so they have that side of things covered. He will buy a car that he will leave with his sister, our daughter has a car here (EV) that we will have to keep an eye on. (Take it "walkies" once a week and keep it charged up as needed)

Actually that’s a really good idea about the car and having a small place here. It makes it much easier, practically and psychologically, to come over when we want.

Not always though, in some cases its where the Heart is.
My body was in Australia for 19 years. It was never somewhere I would describe as Home.

That’s part of the challenge. Our hearts are in different countries!

For sure.

Fortunately my wife and I have always had our hearts in Yorkshire even though neither of us is from here but is where we were happiest and where both our children were born. (We met and went to university in Yorkshire and then lived here for 6 years between ‘79 and ‘85)

Ummm... Well... No disrespect intended, Moose, but couldn't that be classified as bad management? Every one of us on this thread - every member of BE, really - ought to be living where his heart is. That's what life is about really, isn't it?

My first job after leaving school - aged 17 - kept me away from where I wanted to be. Sigh... at that age I didn't know any better! It took me a year and a half of hitching home (80 miles away) every weekend, to get my body to where my heart was. I never made the same mistake again. Ever since that switch (I'm 85 now) I've made a point of living in places where my heart and mind were, and working with jobs I enjoyed. Maybe I've just been lucky, but in general we make our own luck, don't we? Six months ago I was persuaded to move in with my son and his wife in a new country, away from my Caribbean home of forty-odd years. (Ecuador, of all off-the-map places!) And so far, so good; what else can I tell you?

You are probably right. Bad management to have the pets as they definitely limit travel. Luckily they do bring a lot of joy though!

Yes, you're probably right about that too, Moose! I'm not a "pets man" - except for cats, and they're more bullies than pets! Anyway, I wish you well in your search for a fair compromise. Take care. GB

My cats and I thank you for your good wishes!

This is where we are. We’ve been together 50+ years, met in Israel, lived in England, then US, then England, then US. We have two adult children, firmly settled in the US with US partners. My wife is a New Yorker born and bred, I’m a Londoner. Our hearts are in those respective countries. We have homes in both countries, the intention being that I’d spend several months in England each year. The pandemic played havoc with this … closely followed by another, inexorable problem. Old age. Health problems and worries about long transatlantic flights as the body gradually rebels.