Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Moving back or to the UK
Reload this Page >

Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Old Jan 3rd 2007, 12:34 am
  #1  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 35
The Undecided Scot is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Hi everyone,

Like to hear your views on family living in one country and one spouse living in another. Does anyone have any experience of this? And if so, grateful for your advice/thoughts.

Ideally the perfect scenario would be for me to work within Europe and travel home at weekends. If I don't relocate to Europe in the next few years then I may have to look at my family living in UK and me living in the US.

The timing would need to be in the next few years so my children could move back without too much difficutly; due to education; etc. My wife and I have talked the issue through and are pretty certain that we don't want our kids to be in the US longer term.

Also, we would like to retire to Spain. This is another reason why we would like our family to move back to Europe. We couldn't see ourselves retiring to Spain if the kids were in the US.

If I had to stay in the US I would see my wife and kids about every three months and Summer holiday's as they would come to the US for the Summer break. I don't want to leave my employer as the pay and conditions are too good so what's the alternative. Could the 'split base' option work or not ??? Any advice greatly appreciated...!!
The Undecided Scot is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 12:39 am
  #2  
JAJ
Retired
 
JAJ's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
JAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Originally Posted by The Undecided Scot
Ideally the perfect scenario would be for me to work within Europe and travel home at weekends. If I don't relocate to Europe in the next few years then I may have to look at my family living in UK and me living in the US.
That kind of travel schedule will prove to be not only expensive, but also extremely tiring.

Have you got dual citizenship?
JAJ is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 1:02 am
  #3  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 35
The Undecided Scot is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Originally Posted by JAJ
That kind of travel schedule will prove to be not only expensive, but also extremely tiring.

Have you got dual citizenship?
I have got a renewable 6 year visa with my employer. I think I could probably handle the travel etc. I do a fair bit of travelling to Europe with my job - so don't think it would be a problem.
The Undecided Scot is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 1:25 am
  #4  
 
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Englishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond repute
Post Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

We are friends with a British family in our town in New Jersey where the husband did commute between the US and UK.

He was working in senior management for a European investment bank and although a permanent resident in the US his employer transferred his job to their London office. His wife refused to move back to London (I think partly because house prices had gone up after they sold their London home and they couldn't live in such a desirable house as the one they now have in NJ). Also a couple of their children were born in the US and I think she wanted to maintain their green cards so they could get US citizenship.

He moved into a small apartment near Paddington Station and once a fortnight (more often if he could wangle meetings in New York) would take the Heathrow Express and fly back to NJ to see his wife and 3 children. She is very active in the community and on all sorts of committees and they have live-in household help and revels in her lifestyle in the USA.

Apparently it's quite common for people to regularly commute between the UK/US and he told my husband that he knew quite a few men (British and American) who would be on the same flights as him. I also know that it's quite common for managers to be working in Hong Kong or Singapore and they fly home to Sydney to be reunited with their families every couple of weeks or each month for a long weekend. It works for some, but obviously not for every family...I don't know if some couples break up eventually because of the seperations.

Many families also do this if (the husband - rarely the wife!) is working on contracts in some of the countries in the Middle East...often the wife and children remain in the UK.

We were posted to Singapore for a few years and my husband was away about 60-70% of the time attending meetings and managing projects around SE Asia and Australia including frequently being away during the weekends...what kept me sane was knowing that virtually all the expat wives there were in the same boat and most of us either had live-in or part-time help in our homes. I was basically a single parent for much of the time.

Incidentally the husband who commuted between the US and UK changed jobs and works for a different investment bank and is now based in Manhatten again.

What does your wife have to say about it? I assume you would be earning a pretty decent salary to even consider this? You would also need to check your status regarding domicile for tax purposes eg. how many days you would be spending in each country.
Englishmum is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 1:28 am
  #5  
BE Forum Addict
 
honeymommy's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
honeymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

I hope you don't mind, but I just wanted to put in my point of view for you to chew over. Ignore me if you wish.

As a mother of 4 children, and experience of living in the USA with a hubby that worked long hours..........
We had discussions about his part as a father, and material things available to us through his wage from working long hours.

The kids missed out on so much with him working long hours. Having little contact with him, especially in the early years did make a difference. It also made a difference to our relationship.

We chose to put family first in the end. It's years later and him being around consistantly has led to a wonderful close and secure environment for all.

The material things..... We have struggled at times yes, but life is good.

From reading your previous posts, it seems you have been pondering this for a long time.... Perhaps you have allready thought through the absent father/husband part?

As far as the kids education... My children did well in the USA and have done well back in the UK. Life is what you make it, wherever you are. For hubby and I family has to come first.

OK.... I have waffled my bit

Hope I didn't offend, as none meant.
honeymommy is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 1:30 am
  #6  
 
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Englishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Hello HM and Happy New Year!

Hey - it's 2.30am in the UK...have you just finished the nightshift at the hospital?
Englishmum is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 1:35 am
  #7  
BE Forum Addict
 
honeymommy's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
honeymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond reputehoneymommy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Happy New year to you ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Finished nights New Years day.. What a night that was... lol.

Having trouble sleeping tonight, so thought a little expats may help me on my way to bed...
honeymommy is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 12:28 pm
  #8  
BE Forum Addict
 
the4ofus's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Buderim, Qld, Australia
Posts: 1,072
the4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud ofthe4ofus has much to be proud of
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

my FIL works in the USA, has done ever since i met my husband. He comes home for 2 weeks in the summer and 2 weeks at xmas. My MIL still lives back here in the UK, it seems to suit them but then their kids are all grown up and have flown the coup. He has however, missed out on the grandchildren which annoys MIL more than him! He insists he's soing it for their retirement but personally I dont think he will ever return. I've told my husband that i think he has a whole other family out there - well, no-one goes to visit and even tho his wife has asked to go, she's not allowed (he says there is nothing for her to do!)
the4ofus is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 5:39 pm
  #9  
BE Enthusiast
 
dewdrop's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario(house is SOLD on our way back to UK/aug 09)
Posts: 426
dewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud of
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Originally Posted by The Undecided Scot
Hi everyone,

Like to hear your views on family living in one country and one spouse living in another. Does anyone have any experience of this? And if so, grateful for your advice/thoughts.

Ideally the perfect scenario would be for me to work within Europe and travel home at weekends. If I don't relocate to Europe in the next few years then I may have to look at my family living in UK and me living in the US.

The timing would need to be in the next few years so my children could move back without too much difficutly; due to education; etc. My wife and I have talked the issue through and are pretty certain that we don't want our kids to be in the US longer term.

Also, we would like to retire to Spain. This is another reason why we would like our family to move back to Europe. We couldn't see ourselves retiring to Spain if the kids were in the US.

If I had to stay in the US I would see my wife and kids about every three months and Summer holiday's as they would come to the US for the Summer break. I don't want to leave my employer as the pay and conditions are too good so what's the alternative. Could the 'split base' option work or not ??? Any advice greatly appreciated...!!
We live in Canada and want to do the same thing move to the UK....was just deciding how difficult it might be for hubby to work in Canada, as he has 7 years til he retires w/full benefits/pension and me live in the UK with the children. Then our base is in the UK a & get a home and start them in their schooling...daughter will be 9, and son will be 4, one-on-the-way....We did talk about him travelling back to the UK 2-3x/monthly...I wonder if it can be done, or is it just too much to separate a family?? My heads spin with trying to find a solution.
dewdrop is offline  
Old Jan 3rd 2007, 9:38 pm
  #10  
 
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Englishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishmum has a reputation beyond repute
Exclamation Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Just a thought: how old are your children?

Looking ahead to university education in the UK and Europe....your family will need to be resident in one of the EU countries for three years prior to beginning a university degree if you want to avoid having to pay the international student tuition fees...which are a *lot* more than an EU resident student pays.

Your eldest would ideally need to be resident in the UK or EU by the age of 15 if he/she intends to go to uni at the age of 18 without having to pay the international tuition fees...of course in England and Wales it would be best to have the child there at the age of 14 when the 2-year GCSE courses start, then 2 years of 'A' Levels from the ages 16-18.

Not sure about the Scottish education system - I think the school leaving age is 17? Of course, Scottish students going to Scottish universities pay no tuition fees at all (lucky things!) so you might want to bear that in mind too.....and a heck of a huge saving on US tuition fees...
Englishmum is offline  
Old Jan 4th 2007, 12:18 am
  #11  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 35
The Undecided Scot is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

The kids are 7 & 5 they would be 10 & 8 when we do the split base if that's what happens in the future.

Appreciate your thoughts.
The Undecided Scot is offline  
Old Jan 4th 2007, 12:23 am
  #12  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 35
The Undecided Scot is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

What would your other options be? Seven years is not that long .I know it would be hard going but would you be happier as a family longer term if you did go back to UK or stay in Canada. Why are you thinking of going back? Your kids are young enough at the moment to go back without any problems if you wait too long then things might be different. This is our dilemma - we don't want the kids to be here long term.

We know of a few people who work in the Middle East and they only get to come home on Holiday once a year. 2x3 Months would not seem that bad considering,at least that's what I'm telling myself!

Last edited by The Undecided Scot; Jan 4th 2007 at 12:27 am.
The Undecided Scot is offline  
Old Jan 4th 2007, 1:00 am
  #13  
BE Enthusiast
 
dewdrop's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario(house is SOLD on our way back to UK/aug 09)
Posts: 426
dewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud ofdewdrop has much to be proud of
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

7 years doesn't seem that long, until, daughter will be 16 when we go back, and that is no good...I want her to adjust when she is young.
Other option is hubby get a buy out at his company, and we have to find work in the UK, to support 3 children...That seems abit intimidating.

I was born in the UK, and have many family there, we are pretty much alone here. My parents immigrated here when I was young and I have been back many times.
dewdrop is offline  
Old Jan 4th 2007, 1:50 am
  #14  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,151
stepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond reputestepnek has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Wow. I couldn't imagine being away from my family for three months at a time no matter how good a career or how fantastic the money is. Thats just me of course and obviously some people do this kind of thing but I couldn't. When I think of people that live like this I can't help but wonder isn't having a family all about being part of the family, you know, living and just being together. Regular three month periods away has to be a relationship breaker doesn't it? I don't have any experience of this of course so maybe it's more managable than I would know but as I say, it's hard for me to imagine.
stepnek is offline  
Old Jan 4th 2007, 2:56 am
  #15  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 35
The Undecided Scot is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Split base - US and UK - Could it work?

Originally Posted by dewdrop
7 years doesn't seem that long, until, daughter will be 16 when we go back, and that is no good...I want her to adjust when she is young.
Other option is hubby get a buy out at his company, and we have to find work in the UK, to support 3 children...That seems abit intimidating.

I was born in the UK, and have many family there, we are pretty much alone here. My parents immigrated here when I was young and I have been back many times.
Sorry, when I said '7 years', I meant 7 Years would not be that long if you went back to the UK and your Husband stayed in Canada until he retired. To wait until your Daughter was 16 I agree would be too long.

Looks like we have the same dilemma....!!
The Undecided Scot is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.