miss piggy

Has anyone had experience of being on one side of the globe while their partner is on the other ? We had always been intending to move back to the UK (from Sydney) this Christmas . My son is finishing his HSC, has a GAP year job in the Uk starting in January, & will be going to Uni over there in October.My daughter moved over to start A levels in September & is currently at boarding school. However, pretty much everyone else goes home at the weekends & she is left largely on her own, which isn't ideal. Our plan was always for my husband & I to move back for good at Christmas. We reckoned that he might find it tricky to find work for a month or two,so have saved an appropriate 'buffer', but had presumed that he would find work relatively soon. Meanwhile he is in a good, well paid job over here.

Along comes the 'credit crunch' & suddenly the prospect of finding a job in the UK (he is in the financial world) looks increasingly remote.

We don't know what on earth to do.Both of us feel that we should be in the UK for our children & extended family (various health issues with them which is another reason for our heading back) but we can't afford to be there if facing a year of unemployment. As far as we can see we have 2 options - one is for us both to stay here (effectively abandoning our kids in the UK - where they haven't lived for 8 years), & the other is for me to go back & leave him behind,hoping that the financial world will calm down in a while & then he can follow us over.

Another complicating factor is our animals - 2 dogs & 3 cats - who were all due to come over but if we will be renting rather than buying (which we will have to do if he isn't working in the UK) this too makes life even more complicated(he wouldn't be able to keep them here).

We are going around in circles trying to work out what the best thing to do would be - advice anyone ?

Dessiree

Hi, my husband has recently been offered 2 jobs in the dorset area, also in financial services. And he went to the UK for interviews probably the worst week possible so don't despair, there are jobs there.

Fleaflyfloflum

Ummm yep! Twice.

It is very hard. You are in a totally different situation from us, but like you my grown up children are in UK.
My husband is a kiwi and does not have a visa yet and I went back both times thinking i had a job to start. First time the job fell through....long story covered on here over a year ago.
Recently i went back again, with yet another job to go to. Started the job, one day into it i got pnuemonia! Ended up having to resign as i have been too sick to work since. On top of that my husband then collapsed outside the bank here in Sydney, ended up in hospital and I had to do a mercy dash across the globe to be with him. Soooo, here i am once again back at square one in Sydney waiting for us both to recover.

Dont under estimate the lack of your husbands support. I missed him terribly. But, you have to do what you have to do, as you say you want to support your kids and I know only too well how it feels to be torn apart because one half of your family is here and the other there.

I wont tell you to do it or not do it, only you know your circumstances, but it is not easy whichever you choose.

Best wishes with your decision.

lobby lou

My 2 teenage boys stayed in uk(both were in college)when we moved over to uae (41/2)yrs ago xxx it was very tough ...but we all survived,1 is now a prison warden with a son of his own and living in wiltshire and one is in retail management and living with my father in oxford

I was parted for 6 mths b4 move as DH came here to sort it all out ....was longest 6 mths of my life ....lots do it think of all the military families etc whos partners are away at war for months/years........

Kath & Graham

We moved back a year ago to UK and left our 17 year old daughter in Perth Coming up fr the second xmas without her, shes managing fine but I am finding it hard. To be honest if you want to come back just do it, we are now trying to get back to Oz and thats as difficult/worse than coming back to UK.

Good luck with what you decide.

Millie11

Hi

Being an old army wife It's hard of course to be without the OH but surely not as hard as being away from your kids? OK - the boy can manage but your girl is not that old. Your OH could hopefully secure a job in UK before moving back from Oz. And hopefully it will be possible to find a rental that accepts pets.

I wich you luck.

wiltshire_1

We are in a similar situiatiom. We moved over here a couple of months ago and it's just not working out for us. I'm desperate to go home but my DH is tied into a 3yr contract. My elsdest child is due to start school in 2010 and I definately do not want him to start school over here. We have decided we are definately moving back to UK. I will move back next xmas (2009) and DH will have to stay here til Aug 2011 to see out the contract. I'm an army wife too so kind of used to being seperated for long periods but not as long as 20months! Not sure how we will cope and I am really worried, but at the same time I know I cannot stay out here fort any longer. The only reason I agreed to wait til next xmas to go home was because that's how long it will take us to save enough money to ship everything back.

Someone tell me it will all work out okay.......

miss piggy

Millie - that's just what I am feeling at the moment - that while being seperated is horrid for everyone, on the whole my husband is a big boy who can look after himself while she has been abandoned in a relatively unknown country (despite having lots of our friends & family looking out for her it's not the same as having a home of your own).

I've said to him think about it as similar to a forces posting - though at least then the men have each other for company while he will just be rattling around on his own.

Millie11

For a moment I thought I had written that post but clearly I would then have been insane because I could not remember it . My hairs were standing on end

You and I are in the excat same situation. It is horrid! OH also army, I have 2 kids and for several diffirent reason are thinking the same as you. That I'll take the kids back home and then we will have to survive the long separation.

Millie11

Miss Piggy - Then you have your answer You are going home to your kids. And remember you have skype and can talk to your husband all the time. I remember the good old days in the army where you were lucky if you got you 10 min call once a week.....and then had to pretend that everything was great But I know it's hard and the long conversations were you go around in circles are just immensely draining.

wiltshire_1

How long will your OH need to stay for? I hat e to say it but I am so glad I have found someone else in the same situation! I'm sorry you feel the way I do too - I know how hard it is. Don't suppose you fancy a orivate message chat do you??? I could do with all the support I need

Millie11

think we have to - the army have spies all over.... But yes - I felt quite happy too

wiltshire_1

PM on it's way to you now

scrubbedexpat055

Hi,

Well as an "OH" who has had to stay, I would add that it is:-

A very boring existence, and the highlight of my week is going to work

However, knowing my daughter is back in a great education system and my wife is there to be with her, makes my boredom pale into insignificance.

I guess it depends how long you will be apart etc, and how well your OH can cope with the isolation.

We have 4 weeks left of being apart, having been apart since July. Yes I have counted everyday, but it is nearly done now, and soon we will be able to move forward again as a family.

Wish you luck.

Pete