Hello
Me again. I posted already about my baby dilemma. Part of the reason I want to come home due to this is because although I like it here, I feel sometimes I am surviving until I can go home which is not that positive. I would love the PR but is it the holy grail for me? Not sure really.

I work from home and although I have made some friends(2!) and we have some family here, most of them work in the day. I often feel like am existing and feel very lonely and down. My husband works locally so often comes home for lunch.

I had decided to go back in APril then family put me off and said no get the visa and stay till December and come back with the baby then. I felt happy when I knew I was coming back now I feel depressed again. I also worry if I come home I will feel I was a failure for only staying 10 months.

I feel tearful and stressed and anxious and lonely. This is without a new baby and no sleep. Even with my parents here they could only stay amonth around the birth so would mostly still be on my own and I would then be missing them all over again.

Please somenone help as am going out of my mind!
Fishpond

You poor thing. You sound so low.

Look, I've been where you are; I've done the baby thing, I've done the emigrating thing too. I know just how scary both are!

One thing I have learned is not to think too far ahead if you can help it. I know how it feels to want to be in your comfort zone when a baby is due, you need to feel safe and secure don't you? But you will be safe wherever you are. The hospital here in Oz (if that's where you are) are great for baby delivering, they even allow you to go out for a meal while they babysit! (Well, they do here in Joondalup anyway!) Just try to look forward to the birth here, the baby will be an Australian natural and then, even if you don't get PR, and you go back to the UK, you will always be able to get your child to sponsor you as it was born here.

Good luck xx

I am in NZ. I think that it is more that it seems wrong to be "counting the days" and feeling like on some level I am just "existing" when I would rather go home. I feel very down at the moment because I think I had decided to leave in April (as PR not a be all and end all) and then people have suggested this is feeble and weak and giving up on what I have worked to achieve. I have now worked freelance and it is a hasstle to move to and fro.

However, perhaps it would be easier to move home than to here where all was unknown. PErhaps it would be too much stress when pregnant? Perhaps equally stressful with a young baby. I really am getting quite upset by it all.

Thank you for your support :-)

hi fishpond you sure seem like a fish out of water.....hope you can talk this over with your husband and once you have a definite plan then hopefully you'll feel more positive again. remember pregnancy sure can play with those hormones ...take care and good luck

Sorry to disappoint you, but since 1986 birth in Australia does not automatically confer Australian citizenship. At least one parent must be an Australian citizen or PR or eligible NZ citizen. Or the child must live in Australia until age 10.

Hi Fishpond,
Sorry to hear about your stressful situation.
Do you know of any prenatal clinic you could go
and tell someone about how you are feeling?
Looks like you need help now, please talk with your GP
about your depression.
Take one day at a time, April will roll by and if you still want
to have your baby at home, then do it,the PR can wait .
Is your first baby and it is good to have your baby with
your family around.
Right now you are highly sensitive with the hormones , don't
feel guilty about not fulfilling family's expectations.They may not
be aware about what you are going through.Is there anyone in
your family that you could talk to?
Take care of yourself, hopefully you and your hubby will be
referred to a support group for prenatal parents.
Relax , enjoy your Christmas, you have support here and you
will be alright. Yoong

Hello there fishpond

Right, lets try and get this sorted out.

I have been where you are, and I stayed in that state of mind for such a long time. Still dift back there now and again. I was pregnant with my second and in turmoil. What a total waste of some of the best years of my life, days I will never have back again. My youngest son has grown into a beautiful six year old and I have virtually missed it happening. Please don't be like me.

I have been thinking about your current life situation,(I read you other post too) and why don't you take some time, sit down, let go of the tension, take some deep breaths and write out a list. This is what I did and it helped, I urge you to do it, infact I insist!!!!

Write the heading 2007.
Underneath write all the things you want to do in 2007.
Goals you would like to accomplish.
Changes you would like to make.
Make sure you write, a happy and healthy preganancy

It will be very interesting to see what you write, refer to it as a checklist.
In 3 months time, 6 months time or a year review it, have your goals and ambitions been fulfilled?

Call me Mrs Bossy Boots if you like.
Tell me to get lost as well if you like.

You are not just 'existing', you are an extremely important person. Your tiny baby needs you, you will be a fantastic mother. Just think, soon enough he/she will be here in your life, that will be total bliss. What could be better than that, where ever the birth takes place?


You can call me bossy again now if you want to, and this is in no way intended to upset you more than you already are. Please, please don't take my advice the wrong way. I wish I had asked for help years ago, and you are so honest and upfront to post this on here.

I admire your courage.

All the best

Rosie

what is it with you? She CLEARLY stated that her husband is a NZ citizen. so why bother posting?

On another thread ...

Baby born in NZ will clearly be an NZ citizen (one parent NZ, the other PR).

Hi
Baby will have NZ and UK citizenship because my husband is a New Zealand Citizen. It is tricker admin wise to arrange this from home but it is still the case. It is the same as my husband himself who was born and lived all his life in the UK. The only thing is that if the baby then goes on (very hypothetical all this!) to have children, it will then not be able to pass this citizenship on unless these children are born in NZ (I think!)

I have to say I am trying to separate the citizenship/PR issues from the issue of where/who I want to be with when the baby is born next year.

My question is if it is doable to fly back at 24 weeks (beginnign of April) and arrange things such as flat/hospital etc. without going mad in the process and causing unecessary stress. I think relatives could help with much of this, we would have to arrange shipping/post/bills/flat/packing here...

Trying to forget about it all till the New Year and chill out for a bit. What with all the hormones I am feeling pretty wierd and confused!

Fish

Hi Fish,
Just take one day at a time and do not make any major plans for now.
Get through the holiday seasons, have enough rest , sleep and
food intake. You will feel differently when you start meeting
other new mums in the prenatal exercise/education classes .
Come the second and third trimesters you will be blooming.
Watch comedy movies, contact family and friends by skype.
You will be fine.
Yoong

Hi

I really feel for you. I'm not in the same situation, but I did emigrate to Canada with a 18 month old daughter and have since returned to the UK. I too felt like I was just "existing".

Being pregnant (as you know) can send your hormones up the wall. How were you feeling about NZ before you got pregnant? Has this all come on since finding out about the baby? It can be scary having a baby in an "unknown" place but I'm sure you will meet lots of mums-to-be in anti natal classes and then at the mums and tots groups. Although, having family around to help out at this very stressful time is priceless.

All I can say is do whatever you feel is right for you now. NZ and PR can wait - with a husband as a NZ Citizen surely you can get back into the country in a year or two if you want??? And, please, DO NOT EVER be told that you are feeble and weak for wanting to go back home. You had the guts to give it a go in NZ and if it isn't the right thing for you, then who are other people to tell you otherwise? It is your life and you live it how you choose. Alot of people get cold feet and don't emigrate - at least you've tried it - hold your head up high for that my friend!

I wish you lots of luck and love.

Jo

I really wish you luck in your decision. I am also hoping to go back in April and my baby is due in August. I have been in the states for 5 years. I am sorry that you are feeling so lonely- I know how hard that can be. When I was on maternity leave here was some of the loneliest times of my life as they don't have the mums and tots groups in my area like back home.

What was really hard for me was trying to work out whether I would be less stressed travelling with a newborn or pregnant. This is my second child so I am still guessing as to how it will be but I am hoping it will be similar to my first- I didn't get too big and tired.

Whereas travelling with a newborn and all the equipment involved seems too overwhelming to me. I am really worried about where I am going to be settled by the time the baby comes but I think I would be more worried about toting a newborn and being transitional.

Having a baby is such an exciting and wonderful thing- it's often also the calm before the real fun begins I hope that you are able to be in a place where you can feel happier about your new arrival but I know it is hard to prepare if you don't know where you will be.

I don't know your preferences and what would be best for you I only know for me I want to be able to buy baby clothes, and supplies without worrying about whether I have to ship it etc. This is going to add to my excitement- I've been on next.co.uk already!

Best of luck!