Boove

I`m wondering if anyone could give advice or has been in a similar situation? In short:

I`ve been in Canada 11 years, separated for 5 (never married) with a boy of 9. I have legal sole custody of our son; his father has lived on the other side of the country for 4 years and sees his son around 4 weeks a year.

I`ve had enough and want to go back! My job isn`t too bad and I have a nice flat, but I have felt like this for a long time and don`t want to spend the rest of my life here! I have got useful information about benefits etc from this site. But the problem is this:

If I tell my ex I want to go back he is likely to refuse consent(we don`t get on), and as I understand it, I am supposed to have his consent to go. Then he probably won`t even let us out of the country for a visit (as I need a letter from him and he won`t trust me).

I am also worried about making such a big move with my son and about him settling in etc.

I will be going to see a family lawyer about this,but I wondered if anyone had had problems with their ex about going back with the kids and how they dealt with it.

bromleygirl

If you want to move back then no one should stop you. I don't know how the family courts are in Canada but I know that in the U.S. if the non-custodial parent doesn't live in the same area as where you are and only sees the child for a small amount of time you can make the argument that being on the other side of Canada or being in the UK won't make a difference to visitation.

I think the longer you leave it going back the harder it will be for your son to adjust to the UK. I think the court will see that growing up in the UK will be no different to growing up in Canada. Your ex can try and fight you but if you prove to the court that visitation will not be effected then the court should not have any objections to you leaving the country. You will only need to go to court if your ex trys to fight you. You will also be able to use his track record of visitation and contact.

Hope this helps.

april

That is good advise........

Boove

Thanks for advice. I don`t know how the Canadian courts would view this, but if it is a question of history of visitation and contact up to now, then I see no reason why the same level of contact shouldn`t be maintained from the UK.
I really don`t want to go to court - I have already spent so much time with lawyers and courts getting legal custody sorted out! Anyway, I`ll find out more from the lawyer...
As for my son settling down, I should try not to worry too much - it`s paralysing! But I am anxious not to leave it too long.

bromleygirl

Good luck with your visit to the lawyer. Please let us know how it went. Keep your chin up

Kiwipaul

This is a totally non legalistic view.

Assumeing you both have British Citizenship and valid passports why not just go back without telling him untill you are back in UK. I could not imagine any UK court seperating a child from his mother and deporting him to Canada to a father whose is so cavalier.
Also once in the UK you'd be on home territory, and he's have to go to noend of trouble and expense to even start an attempt at custody (which in my opinion he wouldn't have a snowball in hells chance of winning).

Only down side I see is he might stop paying child support and then you'd have the same problem he has with trying to get action from a court in a different country.

bromleygirl

She could do that but there is always the possibility that at the airport they might ask for a letter from the Father stating that he has given his O.K. for his son to leave the country.

However saying this I have left the country (U.S.) with my children and have never been asked for a letter and have never been asked for anything when entering the U.K. so it is possible.

Also I'm sure that Canada and the U.K. have a reciprocol agreement regarding the establishment, enforcement and collection of child support just as the U.K. and U.K. does.

Boove- do you have a British birth certifcate for your son? I'm sure that you can get a British passport from the embassy there in Canada without it based on your passport.

Boove

Yes, actually my son`s British passport arrived this week, which is great.
The continuation of child support is going to be important - another thing to check out with the lawyer.
Bromleygirl - how long ago did you leave the US without a letter? I thought that the US and Canada were very strict about that sort of thing.
I`m finding this discussion very helpful - it is useful to look at the matter from different angles and prepare me for discussing this with the lawyer and for what might lie ahead.

bromleygirl

I've left the U.S. for a month before without a letter. I suppose you could see that I had return flights though. Saying this though you could buy a return flight and just not use the return flight as you wouldn't want to fly back to Canada.

I had friends who returned to the UK from the US this summer. They found that one-way flights actually cost a little more than the return so they jsut bought return tickets but stayed in the UK.

As I always say - they is more than one way to skin a cat!
You can do anything if you out your mind to it.

chippy

Just read your post Boove. I had it in my mind what I was going to say in a reply, but scrolling down I read kiwipauls reply.

He has pretty much said what I was going to say.... word for word. Remember....posession is nine-tenths of the law. Good luck with this Boove.

Boove

I will be checking with a lawyer soon re continuation of child support etc. In the meantime... I have been looking on the internet at prices of flats (I won`t be able to afford a house but may be have enough to put a deposit on a flat). I am astounded at the prices. Does anybody know if prices are stabilizing now? Or continuing to rise? Or if it is a buyers or sellers market?

I remember years ago that there were schemes where the buyer put up half the money and a housing association put up the other half. Do these schemes still exist?

I am quite sure that I will be able to find a job. It is finding a decent place to live that concerns me more.

braddy

Be especially careful just taking your child out of the country, believe it or not that can still constitute as kidnapping. Chin up.

Katy_custard

Hello Boove,

I wish I could give you some first hand advice, as I am trying to receive some sort of benefit myself, but received a letter in the mail last week saying that I am not eligible for any kind of benefit!
I was born in Staffordshire and left to live in Germany when I was eleven. After 23 years of living in Germany I have returned, and finding it very hard indeed to get into the system. I can't even open up a bank account at this point because I do not have some sort of financial history in the UK. Absolutely mad I'd say! I was so frustrated last week that I spent most days crying my eyes out. The main reason why I cannot claim for a job seeker's allowance is because I'm living with my partner who works more than 24 hours a week, regardless of how much he earns. It's not making me feel comfortable and finding a job isn't easy either. It will have to get better, these things take time I suppose. It is a big difference coming from a country that breeds engineering geniuses to a country where, technically, nothing seems to run smoothly. That's Britain, I suppose. In your particular case though, I'm sure the job centre will award you with all types of benefits, but be prepared for the agonizing paperwork. Good luck! I'm sure you'll do fine.

bromleygirl

Hi Katy,

Have you been to the Citizen's Advice Bureau? Surley you can get some kind of income support while you are looking for a job??

Surley they don't think that your partner is financially responsible for you. You should get some kind of support in your own right. Did you work in Germany? Surley because it is all part of the EEC then you are entitled to claim unemployment benefit based on your previous employment in Germany.

Thats' my take on it - I would go back and press the issue with the benefits department.

vicky o

Hi Boove,
Good luck with all this. My piece of info is YES Housing associations still exist. There are quite a few in London and I assume throughout the country.

Hope all goes well for you.