Mummy in the foothills

I passed up chances to live in other countries even before I ever imagined moving to US. I never really thought about it again, I don't think I missed anything and have no regrets in that area.
In life you make choices, you weight the options and go one way or the other, sometimes when you take too long to weight the choices it's cause you don't want to make that choice. Is it cause it's a wrong choice or that you are careful?
Who knows.
I do know most of my life changing decisions were made very quickly, it's the planning to get it done that takes time. But I never had to think long about any of them, I knew what was right for us/me very quickly.
Not that that means I want to stay where I am forever. But I've enjoyed the ride and will happily move on to the next one.

slidingbyee

Now thats advice you can take to the bank. About as clear as it gets

ann m

I agree Bev - it's a comment thrown around so easily - but do people really think about what it means? Really? What kind of regrets? Are you the kind of person who lives with regrets anyway, or can move on again quickly? Could other paths that life gives you be equally as good or rewarding?

There's also the "well, if we don't like it, we'll just come back" - yes, of course one can do that, but it's impossible to weigh up all the changes and financial and emotional costs that could happen. I'm sure many who return to the UK, in a lot of ways, just wish they hadn't bothered to move in the first place. The relationships that have fallen apart, the estranged children, the immediate and extended families thrown to four corners (some people just cannot deal with this and the hints and clues were possibly there all along), the going-backwards-on-the-property-ladder by 10 years thing, the stress and financial implications. No-one would voluntarily opt for those things, surely?

Now - the upside of course is that you might love it ! And how will you know till you try it?

I honestly think many people do put a lot of effort and brain power into the actual practicalities of emigrating, ie, the application and visa forms, the shipping, the transport of the pets, and getting the kids into school, the finding of a job.

But I also think many people don't 'imagine' what happens after that, ie, the reality of grocery shopping, paying bills, meeting new people, missing old people, finding a garage to fix the car, where to source a whatchamacallit from the DIY store - all the boring stuff.

It's human nature isn't it? I'm not criticising anyone - I've done it, I am doing it. Some days (most days) are good, some days are shitty. I think I might have been one of those "you'll regret it if you don't try it" people because it had a been an idea gnawing away since about 1993. And I was definitely one of those people who said "well, if we don't like it, we can come back".

For us, the reality is that returning is not an easy decision to make at all. In fact it's way more difficult that the decision to come in the first place

So - in response to the OP's question - hindsight is a wonderful thing

(but it doesn't necessarily make life any more clear )

sans

Totally agree with everything you have just wrote Ann.....

We were not ever going to come back haha DOH......Such as life eh!!!

But the ones that desperately want to come back and carn't....because of health issues or they hate it or just carn't afford too. Are the ones my heart goes out to....
Had we of not made the decision, when we did to come home ...we would not of ever been able to afford the return costs either.....Nor would we of been able to afford to stay

As you say, all the big things to get us their get sorted but Know one can prepare you for actually living your life and making it, in another country....

MartianTom

Most sensible thing I've read in a long time.

stepnek

That is exactly, exactly the problem we face and it's awful. On balance I don't really want to be in Canada but making that decision to move back is hopelessly hard and I'm not sure I ever see us making it.

MartianTom

How long have you been out there, Stepnek, and - if you don't mind my asking - why hasn't it lived up to your expectations? Sorry... I'm just having the devil of a job at the moment trying to weigh up the pros and cons of going. This is difficult enough... I don't know if I've got what it takes to face up to moving back again if it doesn't work out. In some ways, I wish to goodness I hadn't qualified - this whole thing is now giving me serious stress. My concerns are the same ones that many people seem to voice as reasons for wishing they'd stayed in the UK.

I hope you can work something out satisfactorily. I can only guess how it must feel.

Bevm

Why not? That's not aggressive. I just thought if you stated a few reasons that make it difficult people here might have ways around, or encouragement.

I have days when it just all seems a pain. Our other moves have been for my OH's job, so we've been moved. Still a hassle, but one day the movers come in, pack it all up, and deliver it to the next house. Now there's all the stuff to get rid of like most electricals, but we want them as long as possible. And deciding whether things are really worth sending around the world. And they think we have a bit more than a 20ft container, so we're thinking about what gets left if it comes to that, but we won't know until the last moment, and then we'll have to get rid of anything left.

And then there'll be a long time living out of suitcases.

We're lucky enough to get to choose where to start off in the UK, but that's another round and round decision. But like you, we decided we didn't want to be in Canada for the rest of our lives, so we'd better just do it. I remind myself of that now and then.

I suspect your problems are far more complicated than ours. Foung kids, houses, jobs etc etc. But perhaps sharing will help?

Bev

stepnek

We'll have been here five years in September and it has lived up to my expectations. The problem lies in that I underestimated just how much I liked living in England and how much I've missed it. In fact pined for it.

This is my second marriage (married to a Canadian) and we were living in England in the house that belonged to me and my first wife along with my three teen daughters. I owed a lot of money and although my relationship with my ex was a good one at some point we had to settle up over the house. We couldn't afford to buy her out but we could afford to sell up, split the profit, move to Canada and buy a house outright here in Eastern Ontario. My Canadian wife had grown up in Montreal.

It was way too tempting not to do so we did it and we now live on a low income but are completely debt free and live within our means. What more could I want? The answer of course is what I have but in the UK.

I miss the history, the green fields, the narrow lanes, the shopping centers, the High Streets, the coastline, Devon, Cornwall and the Lake District. I miss Asda, Tesco's, PC World. I miss WH Smiths, Argos, Iceland. I miss the hugh range of Computer mags that were available to buy. I miss saveloys, snackpots, Donna Kebabs. I miss the BBC TV continuity announcer! I miss everything and despite the debt and large mortgage that I used to have there I personally find life here to be completely unenlightening and flat.

My once teen daughters that came over with us have flown the nest. One back to Britain, another as far as Edmonton. Moving here has I believe stretched our family further apart than it would have done if we had stay in England.

But look at what we have here. No debt. A paid for nice house. A severely autistic son, aged 5 who is part of the system here now. We've settled here over the five years and although I don't really enjoy it how can we sell up and move back to start all over again?

We arrived here with a pot of money to spend and house buying to do. We'd go back to the UK having to rent in order to build up a credit history so that maybe, somehow we could buy a home again one day even though we'd head back with a decent enough deposit.

My wife and I are tired of the discussion. We appreciate what we have here and yet it's not what I really want nor her and she's the Canadian one. But how do we arrive at the decision to go back. As I said it's a decision I envisage maybe never making.

MartianTom

Hi Stepnek,
Well, I know I'd miss some of the things you mention - the history, the countryside, etc. Plus Radio 4 - though I could probably pick that up on the World Service. The shops and food and things wouldn't bother me, though. I lived and worked in the States for a short while and actually found myself preferring what they had to offer in that respect.

I'm glad, at least, that it's lived up to your expectations in other ways. I wonder... if you came back to the UK (or - hard to imagine, I know - you were moving to the UK from Canada and knew nothing about the UK), what would you miss most about Canada?

I'm currently a care worker with special needs adults, including most ASDs. One off-putting thing is that my experience in this field would count for virtually nothing once I got to Canada, as I understand it's far more heavily-regulated out there (a good thing, I have to say), so I'd have to requalify and start again - not something I particularly relish doing at the age of 50!

R I C H

Do you have any other sweeping generalizations you wish to add?

I don't think the UK comes close to 2000+ hrs of sunshine and consistent summer temps of between 30-40 degrees. Prices are in many cases lower than the UK, and even in major cities (Vancouver/Toronto etc) they're comparable, not higher.

Making friends is easy with the right attitude.

Mummy in the foothills

This is my observation from talking to those who have been to Canada some of those who have come back others remain.
Touchy much?
I don't believe I said the UK had 2000+ hrs of sunshine and consistent summer temps between 30-40 degrees
I do know you get to dig out a lot in winter (per Canadian born folks I've talked with and family friends) that is a lot more harsh than most of the UK.
Nice to know you've settled in Canada so well and made friends, this isn't the case for many.
So the point of your attack was??

Bevm

Mmmm. The comment was that the weather is harsh. Constant 30-40 degrees is harsh as far as I'm concerned!

But I agree that the west coast can have a non-harsh climate. Mostly like the UK except it spikes a lot higher now and then. More or less the same sort of winter.

Bev

R I C H

Not in the least, but if you're going to comment on somewhere, at least be accurate rather than make such sweeping statements.

You didn't - I was making the point that in my part of Canada, the 'harsh weather' is actually not dissimilar to California's from May to October. Do you describe yours in the same terms?

Depends very much where you live. Some do, some don't. Again a generalization that's just not correct. 2-3ft of accumulated snow that settles here over 4mths isn't hard to cope with.

Not an attack at all, I just hate judgement that's not based on fact

R I C H

Virtually no humidity here makes those temperatures very pleasant. BTW, I said consistent, not constant

That's my point. Mummy Whatsherpickle's comments just don't ring true for a chunk of BC.