dalaney

Hi all

I'm posting this in both the Canada and Moving back forum, hoping to get all sides!!

Really don't know what to decide for the best.
LMO came through this week and we can now book flights to Calgary after waiting since Oct last year, but now not sure if I still want to go. Am I just scared??

Heres my story:-
Lived in cyprus for last 2 years, liked it but found it hard to earn a decent living and decided it was time to leave.
OH was offered a job in Calgary and as neither of us really wanted to go back to UK we thought great Canada here we come.
Lots of hiccups along the way but finally paperwork all arranged, rented out our house in Cyprus (couldnt sell, bloody recession!) put our stuff into storage and came back to UK to wait for LMO.
Been in the UK for 3 weeks and it's been great, met up with all our old friends and have loved every minute of being here.
Now LMO as arrived and it's time to say goodbye again and book our flights and I don't know if I want to leave.

Am I looking at UK through rose coloured specs, will I regret it if we stay?? After all we were desperate to leave here 2 years ago.

My oldest son (17) really doesnt want to go and has talked about staying here with his sister (22) who also has said please dont go, Canada is sooo far away, I'll hardly ever see you. But do i push him, will he have better chances in Canada? My youngest son (13) still wants to go and excitedly talks about his new life.

Please please can anyone offer me some advice, really worried if we stay in the UK that in a few months time I'm going to regret it.

teenwolfofqmrc

why don't you go over again, perhaps in a different season to the last time....

lianneclark

Hi there, Your probably not back in the uk long enough to remember why you left in the 1st place. If those reasons for leaving the 1st time are still there well then you'll have your decision. You can always come back if its not for you. You should do whats best for your family. I cant offer advise on the teenagers as I dont have any yet and would possibly give the wrong answer. Only you can truly make the decision on what the best thing to do is. I'm in the process of deciding the exact same thing. I would think its best to be able to look back on your life and have no regrets.

Good luck with what you decide!

stepnek

I'm sure that if you decide to stay in the UK that you will definitely regret it because you'll always wonder what life might have been like in Canada. But that doesn't mean that going is the right decision because who ever knows the right decision in advance? We just hope, right?

We moved here five years ago with my three teenage daughters. One moved back to England, one moved to Edmonton, Alberta and one now lives in Ottawa. I hardly ever see them and I can't help but feel that if we'd stayed in the UK that it might have been different. Who's to say though? On the whole I wish that we'd not made the move for a host of reasons but sometimes we just have to try these things.

snowshoveller

you need to figure out what you are looking for in a move to canada,

Tell you son that with his english accent he will likely be a hit with the laydees.

of course you should know that life in canada is not a bed of roses,

How secure is the job you have been offered?

dalaney

I think job offer is pretty secure (plumbing). spoken to them a few times since October and they still taking on people as they have a lot of projects coming up. They working on the Bow tower at the moment and thats where OH will be.
Not sure on work for me though. I work in admin and there seems to be a struggle to get a job at the moment. May have to try shop work.

When we go to another country to live, for what ever reason, do you think it's possible to stay put and still find what we are searching for??

Mummy in the foothills

I think you have to decide what you are looking for in Canada and can it be found in the UK.
Make a list and see.
I have no clue why people move to Canada, the weather is more harsh than UK (So I doubt you move for sunshine) I hear prices are pretty high, many have trouble making friends there.
Also bare in mind it costs quite a bit to fly back from there, how often would you like to see the kids, and to have them come see you? And will the wages you have been offered even allow for that.

snowshoveller

Mummy is right,

Canada is not cheap to live, taxation is high, travelling around and to and from canada is expensive compared to europe and the states, the weather is extreme especially in calgary. Healthcare is not as good as europe, if you find your self in need there is not a great social safety net, particularly for someone on a work permit.

Lots of folks quote the scenery as a reason to come to canada, but thats not much help if you are at work all week!

That said the pace of life is relaxed, which may be what you are looking for, but I'm certain you can find that in the UK if you look in the right place

Bevm

There's no easy answer, of course.

Can your husband get a good job in the UK? If so, then you're going to Canada for something you can't get in England. As people have said, what do you think that is?

There are plenty of good things about Canada as a whole, but in everyday life most people the world over live their lives close to their home, and a city is a city, a street is a street. You can probably afford a bigger home and more of a lot size in Calgary than in any English city, but that might not be as great as you think. That's a very personal thing, but we did the suburb thing once and fled back to a real street with close-by houses and shops we could walk to.

I'm just mentioning negatives here, so put the positives in for yourself.

Don't underestimate the strain of moving to a foreign land, but as you've done that to Cyprus and apparently fitted in okay, you must be good at that. But also, don't underestimate that distance. It's a looooong way from Calgary to the UK, and expensive. Oil prices can only go up over time so it'll be more so.

As Stepnek said, your kid or kids who move with you could end up almost as far away as the UK. Say, Halifax. Your youngest son seems adventurous. He will probably go away to university, and once it's flying distance getting him home for Christmas will be expensive and difficult. Then he might get a job anywhere. How important is it for you to have your adult kids within driving distance?

If you haven't done so, look at a map of Canada and think about the distances. That also applies to all the wonderful things in Canada that you admire, but might never get to see. Through travel and moving we've visited nearly every part of Canada, but most Canadians have only visited a small part of their country. I met a woman from Alberta -- a young, professional woman -- who'd never seen the sea! Vacations are short and you might be using yours to visit your kids in the UK. We used much of our taking our kids back to their grandparents, which is why we missed out on European travel, which is part of the reason we're going back now.

How long does your LMO last for? If you can delay, and if your husband can get a job in the UK, I'd be tempted to give England a year before taking the big step.

Bev

MartianTom

It's a Catch-22 thing. If you don't go, you'll regret it. But if you go, will it be right? You can't know until you do it. It's like having buyer's remorse before you've bought the thing. You can make a 'For/Against' list, you can spend countless sleepless nights pondering the various outcomes, you can toss coins... Ultimately, though, you have to go with a combination of what's in your heart and your gut. If you rely too much on your head, you won't get anywhere. Take it from someone who's always been ruled by his head!

Good luck.

dunroving

Only you really know whether you are looking through rose-tinted spectacles, but I agree with what others have suggested - if you don't give it a try, you'll forever wonder whether it would have been an opportunity missed. The UK will always be here if Canada doesn't work out.

As for the oldest son, he's at that difficult age where he's nearly an adult (at which point he can do as he pleases), but you may feel that you know what's best for him. It might not work out very well if you pressure him to come along to Canada. Maybe you could either (a) suggest he gives Canada a try for a year and if he decides he wants to return to the UK, you'll pay his fare, or (b) tell him he can stay with his sister and if he ever decides he wants to move to Canada, you'll pay his fare (who knows, he may realise he really wants to go to Canada if he hears how much fun you have).

Besides, if you are not sure yourself whether you really want to try Canada, dragging him there and then back again after a year or two may be a bit too much for him to handle. I think he needs to feel he has a certain amount of control over his destiny at that age.

Something else (I'm sure JAJ will know the answer): if he stays in the UK until after he is 18, will he still be eligible for Candian residence if he is then recognised as an adult (i.e., not a dependent)? Just a thought, but I seem to recall this issue coming up for US immigration, I think.

Tough decisions - good luck with them.

sans

I seem to remember its at the age of 21 or 22 and then he'd have to apply for residence independantly......

But personally i wouldn't try and force him to go, if he's hell bent on not doing.
I was forced to go at 15 and was so unhappy, so much so that i got a job and saved up to come back within 8 mths.

I returned 30 yrs later with my kids and still couldn't make it work, for a whole bunch of reasons. We have been back in the UK for 10 mths now and carn't think why we wanted to leave in the first place.
Sometimes we have to leave home to realise where home really is

If you do go, he may change his mind and follow you later, but that will be because he wants to go and that will make a big difference.
Life in Canada is so different to the UK in everyway, not everybody can hack it...........I wish you well, whatever you decide ....

Bevm

You know, I've been thinking about this "you'll regret it if you don't try."

Perhaps it's true, but I've had some ideas in life that I didn't pursue and most of them I haven't regretted at all, because what's happened has been good anyway. A couple of years ago we were seriously thinking of moving to Portugal. (Don't ask!) I'm not feeling I've missed out by weighing it up and putting it aside.

If we always felt we had to chase every dream or live with regrets we'd spend life spinning around and never really enjoying what's going on in the here and now. There's a blessing in knowing when things are good and setting to making where we are even better.

Of course there are times for going after a change. Like most people here, including me.

Bev

YankeemovingAbroad

I'm curious to know what you are looking for in canada that can not be found in the UK, or in another european country? Moving so far away from home should offer you enough advantages, in case things don't go well that you at least have advanced many of your other goals in life.

Example:if your family moves to Canada you might would want know that your new job pays better than what you could ever make back in the UK,which would allow your family to afford greater travel,savings for your future and retirement. You should require from any move some concrete reasons for such a major risk. As many of the posters have mentioned, there is no real way of knowing beforehand if such a hugh life changing step will work in your favor until you try it.

I'm sure you know that quite possibly after you've made the move and if things don't go well your family could be stuck in a country that you have come to hate over time. That has happen to a lot of people on this website. Many of them have discovered that the grass is not greener on the other side.

I wouldn't tell you what to do but it is wise for anyone in your situation to ask them self what would you be willing to give up to make such a risky hugh move. Would you give up not seeing your kids for 12 months at a time? Would it trouble you if your family unit were to lose it's close nit union because of the travel distance? Can you afford the financial set back of moving to a country and then learning years later it was not the right choice thus setting your finances back by 5 years or more?

There are people on this website who feel they could have nearly paid off their homes with the money they spent to scratch the traveling itch. It's a lot to consider and much to gain or to lose. Just think it out and be clear what is at risk and what you "might" gain from such a big move.

Good luck to you

P.S.......... Personally speaking, I truly like Canadians maybe even more than I like some of my fellow Americans, but as far as Canada? I'd rather go back for another visit but my time there did not impress me enough to want to live there.

MartianTom

Very wise words, and ones that I'm more inclined to go along with, despite what I might have said to the contrary. Whenever I tell people that I've started to harbour a few doubts since making my application, the response is usually: 'Go, or live with the regret if you don't.' Interestingly, the people who say it are predominantly those who've never seriously had to confront such a situation themselves, so they're easy words to say. But it's not like deciding whether or not to take a promotion or buy a house: it's far more profoundly life-changing, with a far greater potential for failure. It's essentially stepping into the unknown. Personally, I'm not so sure now if I have the necessary 'stuff' in me to adjust to such a change - psychologically, economically, socially. And admitting to such a thing can so often be adjudged to be an admission of weakness or failure. But it's not. I've done many things on impulse in my life, and lived to regret them. I've also passed up a few potentially life-changing opportunites - but something else has usually come along to compensate. I'm not a fatalist, but sometimes I wonder if 'the paths not taken', which might have seemed afterwards like missed chances, would actually have led me to a better place in life; a different place, possibly (don't all roads lead to Rome?), but not necessarily a happier one. And I don't think any of them would have significantly changed the intrinsic 'me'.