Banana707

Hi everyone

I have lived in Brisbane 8 years. The first few years I loved it here. I had great friends and thought my family would move here.

For the past couple of years I have been getting more unhappy here. I don't miss England but really miss my family. My parents have decided they won't be moving to Australia and many of my friends have moved to different states so I now feel really lonely here.

My fiancé however loves it and would never move back so if I go, I go alone. We have been together 12 years so it will be really hard to start again.

I feel so torn at the moment. I can't believe I've been away from my family for 8 years and can't believe I live in Australia.

It's an amazing place and I would love to stay here for another year or two with my fiancé and then move home. However know that's not an option.

I've got really depressed lately thinking about a future without my family near and am now on anti depressants. I can't see a future here forever but not sure I will be happy back in england without my partner.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Pulaski

Typically when people get married, they leave their parents and any siblings to join their spouse and start a new family (not necessarily with children). You seem to have entered an extraordinarily long engagement and not moved on emotionally from the family you grew up in.

There is nothing wrong with maintaining close ties to your parents and siblings, and perhaps cousins, but you really to "grow up" and recognize that you aren't a child any more and can't go back to be with a family with your parents, that is neither natural nor normal. Whether you stay with your fiancé or not is a separate question, and may be key to your happiness, but whether you stay with them or not, you need to recognize that you have grown up and should move on with your life.

Stormer999

Bloody good start by showing this post to your partner then by following Pulaski's advice !

Banana707

Thanks for your advice.

Can't say it makes me feel better however I do appreciate your point of view.

I have always been close to my family and plenty of people choose to go back to the uk to be closer to family and friends.

I don't feel like I have not grown up as I have lived here 8 years. I would just like to be nearer my family as they are getting older.

I have never felt like Australia is really home and want to be somewhere I feel like I belong.

Dorothy

I get that. And I think you need to ask yourself whether your unhappiness stems from missing your parents or from your relationship with your fiance. Neither is wrong, but IMO - and as someone who's been there - if your partner can see that you're unhappy and is not willing to consider your needs then it's time to look at whether this is someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Can you go home for a month or two and see how you feel after? Maybe take a leave of absence from work and go for 6 months or so. Actually live and work and not just have a holiday.

It's a difficult decision. Good luck with it.

Banana707

Thanks Dorothy
My fiancé tends to be more of the attitude of the other posters. To just deal with it, Australia is better.
Wish it was that easy for me. I don't want to be torn forever.

Dorothy

Then you have to make a decision and stick to it.

In my case that entailed ending a 23 year marriage. I was looking at moving to Canada (I'm Canadian) when I met my new partner. He's happy to do whatever makes me happy, including moving to my home if that's what I want to do. Funny thing is that now I'm with someone who doesn't minimise my feelings I'm not so unhappy here. Still not 100% settled but the constant longing is gone.

We're going on holiday/fact finding in May to get an idea of whether he can get work and if he even likes the place before we make any life altering decisions. But no matter what the decision will be one we're both happy with.

Pulaski

That's smart, very smart. .... An Australian might reach a different opinion if you took him to Canada in January!

Dorothy

He's from Middlesbrough. But you're right about going to Canada in winter. From +35 to -20 in a day is too much of a shock to the system.

Banana707

Good point.
I know if he said we could go home tomorrow I would want to stay in Aus a bit longer as at least I would know that we could go back.

Sparkleydiva

We are returning to the UK in may after being in NZ for 8 years. I have been unsettled for the last 3 years, but when my wonderful other half said we would go back last year it gave me the peace i needed. He loves it here and doesnt have the closeness with his family, but we have been married 30 years this year, and together 34, and he will still do anything to make me happy.

So, what i am saying is you need to think carefully about the future with your fiance, there has always to be some compromise. Mine has been to not rush back when he agreed to it and in returning home i will now be the main breadwinner while he can now look at a career change as he has supported 7 years of study here.

Good luck

Editha

In my experience, what makes a relationships work is enjoying the same things and having a lot in common. If he is happy in Australia and you are not, I ask the question whether you are really compatible.

mikelincs

The decision to go back or not is yours to make, however you haven't said if you are an Australian citizen or not, I would, no matter what the decision is, ensure that you get citizenship, then you have much more in the way of choices, no need for a visa for one.

Banana707

Thanks for the advice.
I'm definitely going to see if there is a compromise we can make. I'd stay longer if I knew we could go home eventually. It's only the foreverness that's making it so hard.
My fiancé doesn't like my family to even stay with us when they come over to visit which makes it hard.
Think this is going to be a difficult decision.

Banana707

Yes we got citizenship last year.