Hi Guys

Some of you may know me from many previous threads. Well basically i think i have come to the end of the long road....

I have been here in Canada for three years and battling it all the way. I sold everything i own in order to make the move here. I have put up with a poor paid job,bad relationship along with the everyday challenges! I just can't seem to find my feet.
When i was back in England, everyone turned to me as i was a tower of strength and i always thought positively. It is hard to even get out of bed each day now. I have tried so hard to remain positive but i have not got the strength anymore.
My son wants to return, My daughter prefers England. I am sure you can understand my position.I live for my kids as a good mother should. I can't have them return without me. I moved into a new home with the boyfriend to give it another try! That was a mistake! Famous last words.....I promise things will be different!
This week i had another huge blow!
My PR applicant was return completely as i did not fill in a separate application for my daughter. I put this in back in January and i was due for an open work permit any time now. My job was going to end in August and i was finally planning to find a better job. Now this is all blown out the window. I would have to sign another contract with my employer in order to remain here.
I am desperate for support... Please can anyone help me..
I don't know where to turn or what to do.
I have a friend in the UK that said she would put us up for a while but the whole thing is just so awful after all i gave up and what i would have to lose again. I am not materialistic but i do believe i can't be selfish either because of my kids.
Does anyone know if i am entitled to support from DHSS if i return(until i find a job)?
Does anyone know where to begin with this?
My road here is ending and i really can't take anymore. Canada may be a wonderful place if you have security but it is not a home to me!

any help would be gratefully received.
thanks

What a difficult situation you are currently in.

I'm sorry that I can't help.... just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.

sorry about your dilemma....maybe try and contact the dhss online and ask their advice...good luck

Reading your post, I think it's probably time to return home - particularly since your son and daughter want this too.

As far as I know, you would be entitled to Jobseeker's Allowance (and child benefit, if your children are under 18 and will be full-time education).

As far as help with housing is concerned, I am not sure. I fear that your local Council might argue that, by moving back, you made yourself 'intentionally homeless'. I would try to contact Shelter, as well as Housing Associations in the area where you plan to live.

This is a difficult decision, but you'll probably feel better once you have made it. At least then you can focus on what is ahead, instead of forever mulling over what went wrong in the past.

Wishing you all the best.

*HUGS* You sound so miserable and like you really need to come back.

There is info on the Department of Work and Pensions website about what the rules are if you are coming from abroad. The link is here:

Department of Work and Pensions

If you're interested in council housing there is a question that asks if you've lived out of the country in the last 5 years which has an effect, but depending on your circumstances it's not a definite no. Also private housing associations don't usually have the five year rule.

Hi Babyblue
little sweetheart, don't despair you know that someone will have some answers for you,
I'll fish around to see if i can find anything out
don't worry
A trouble shared is a trouble halved
You will get child benefit for the kids if under 16 or 18 if they go on to higher education, you'll be entitled to that straight away, you will have a lot of queueing and form filling to do but I'm sure you will be entitled to job seekers allowance more or less straight away, after all there's no reason you can't work is there?
As for housing I'm not sure its a bit of a minefield but once again if your on your own with the kids I'm not sure if they will have to give housing of some kind.
I suppose thinking logically you will be better off back home take the help off your friend and anyone else who offers it, and take a day at a time it will sort its self out, it is frightening taking that step it is a massive step but it will be ok, take all the help offered, this is when friends and family are at their best when there's a crisis, take it from someone who's been there.
Shelly x (((big hug )))

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/residence-rules.htm

Read this and let me know if you have any questions. You may not get benefits straight away because you have been outside the EU and away for more than a year. Either way....go home. If you sign on with that family again you will have no control over your life and that of your son. Your daughter is old enough to take care of herself.

Hi,
I agree with what Elvira has so elegantly written here. It sounds like you will never be happy in Canada and Britain is where you need to be. It's heart wrenching when you have made such a big move in the first place to have to make the decision to give that up and start again back home. But if you do it now, in a couple of years you will be able to look back on this time and be glad that you made the decision you did. Sure, there will be a little hardship to get you back on your feet but weigh that against staying where you are and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel and it will seem like a small price to pay. Life is short, don't stay where you are unhappy.
Good luck

babyblue,

You should find the following link helpful

http://www.ac-company.org/en/forum_en/hrt_en.html

Also do a search for some of honeymommy's posts back in 2004. She posted some really useful information during her move back to the uk.

Good Luck

Hi, I can really relate to what you are saying. I currently live in Perth, Western Australia but am desperately unhappy here. I know for a fact that my familys lifestyle would significantly change for the worse in a material sense if we return to the UK as i want to do but share your feelings that even day to day living is a struggle for me here. I go through the motions of pretending to enjoy my life here for the children but it gets harder all the time. Like yourself i am not materialistic and having a big house,pool etc is worthless in my eyes but i have to consider my childrens lifestyle too. I would return to the UK tomorrow if i was single but with a family one has to consider everyone as you know! I'm sure you know deep down (as i do!) that you will never find contentment where you are and that returning is the only answer for you. I can't help with DHSS info as i have not looked into that, all i have found out is that to be able to work in my profession (which i obtained qualifications for here) i would have to go to uni in the UK and would not be entitled to financial help as i have been out of the country for over 3 years.
I just thought i would let you know you are not alone in your feelings, it is a terrible way to live knowing you are never going to be happy where you are but feeling trapped because of ones family and finances.
Good Luck

Sometimes fate whispers in our ear and I think in your case he is having a good old shout. Don't ignore all these signals to go back, someone is definitely trying to tell you something! I am worried about going back to UK as well........we all like our pools and our big houses but I'm sure you all will agree when I say they don't mean anything without friends and family to share them with. I think if you are really brave and go for the move back it will only make you a stronger person. Take control of your life and let people help in whatever way they can. It sounds like you know what you have to do but its always hard committing to an idea that will make you worse off in the short term...........I am trying to think of the big picture too and have asked myself what would I be doing in 5 years time here in Perth and the answer is always the same........same as now - absolutely nothing!
Once you have made the decision it will be alot easier for you and you can spend your days planning and preparing for the trip back. I know it has given a bit more purpose to my day!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do..........we are always here to listen! XX

It seems a shame that you have to return to the UK because of bureaucratic red tape - i.e. you didn't fill in the correct form. I guess it boils down to whether you are willing to re-send the application, put up with your current employer and hope you get PR soon or just go back to the UK. Of course you have to take your kids feelings into account too. Personally I think working conditions for the average person are much better in the UK. If you do sign on you'll probably have to show evidence of past employment in the UK, like payslips. Best of luck.

Hi there.
Read your post, and can add some of my experience that may help.

First... Step back from all the chaos around you and in your head for a while. Go sit somewhere alone. Think about how you would like your life to be right where you are now, and think if it would be a possibility in the future. If so... Think about that life and the life you could have returning to the UK. Which would you prefer? Thats your answer.. Easy isn't it.. LOL

Now.. nitty gritty... If you return to the UK after being away for over 1 year it will be hard to get any benefits at first. You will need to call the local benifits office for an interview. You will have to complete a habitual residency form at that time. This is to show you are a UK citizen and making a permanant home in the UK. They will ask for proof of address, doctor, dentist etc. This may be a problem if you have no home, but if you can stay with relatives initially it will help. They will then send the forms off for assessment. If passed you will be able to recieve benefits. It can take up to 8 weeks though. Any problems quote the swaddling case from the European court of justice, which is about UK citizens being allowed to recieve benefits and aid the day they return to the UK from abroad. (do a yahoo search).
If you plan to return completely homeless, you will need to contact social services immediately on your return, They can help, but don't expect much. You are expected to return to an area you last lived in or to the closest relative. With children, you are more likely to get help. If you are staying with a relative, they will class you as housed. Your relative will have to tell them you cannot stay with them. It's all very hard and uncaring I know but it is the only way.
It will be extreemly stressful, and degrading, but if you need help it's waht you have to do.
We returned to the UK homeless and unemployed with 4kids. Had to spread between the inlaws, with 2 kids on a couch, and 2 camping in a shed for a couple of weeks. We luckily had enough money to rent somehwere, and hubby got a job quickly, so our worst case senario didn't come to fruition. We did however have to go through all the interviews and stress initially.

Now as far as making yourself intentially homeless, If you can 'truly' state you were in an unbearable situation staying with a boyfriend. Not good for the kids or you etc etc.. Couldn't stay in you job as would have no home etc etc..They will not say you made yourself intentially homeless...

Life is too short to stay somewhere you are miserable and see no future. It may be a nightmare getting where you need to go, but it's all life experience, and worth it for peace of mind in the long run.... IT'S ALL TEMPORARY.

Just take a step back first and think about what you really want and if it's possible...

Hope this reply isn't too muddled, I am in the middle of night shifts. PM me if you like and I will try to help. If you know an area you would return to I can get you some contacts that may be able to help with advice.


Oh and a bright point... Years ago I return to the UK with 4 kids and £500. I was desperate at the time and thought I would get no help..... Within 2 weeks I had a 3 bed flat, benefits and was settled, much more relaxed and ready to look for work.. There is help if you need it...

Hi - I've sent you a PM - hope it helps a bit!

Please use this forum for support. We may not be there physically, but we know what you're going through and will help as much as we can.

Big hugs

Jo

sorry i have not replied guys.
My employer decided to take the day off and i was unable to get to the computer.
I deeply appreciate all your support during this very difficult time. My story got so much worse this week. I went to work yesterday and when i arrived i was horrified.
I care for three children boy7 and twins of 5. One of the twins is severly disabled with complex medical needs. His mother had gone shopping on saturday whilst dad mowed the back lawn. For 2 solid hours this little angel sat in the scorching heat. He has burns all over his face and blisters the size of toonies. (which have burst). He had no medical attention and mum is convinced he is fine. I have suggested seeking medical attention but mum denies it as she feels vitamin E cream is the answer. I had to walk to the local schoool and pick up the other children where everyone that saw him said it was awful and it looked like third degree burns.
I broke my heart becuase i hate to see a child suffer in any way. This was awful. If i took him too the doctor i would jepodise my job, But if i don't he will get worse(possible infection) what can i do?
if i walk out of my job at this point i have not one cent to my name and i need to have money behind me in order to get home. I can not work for another employer unless i had an open work permit. my hands are tied and it is killing me.

i wish i could win the lotary right now.. I don't need a big win only enough to get me home and help me out for a while.

I satrted here with nothing and i know i will do it again but i feel for my kids. I know they will be happier in the UK.

thanks for the support.