Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

and in need of a shoulder - so sorry but you're 'it' :)

I just need to get this all out of my head before it explodes. I know there's nothing anything can do to change the situation but writing about it will help clear my head and I do need some practical advice.

As most people here already know (from other posts) I am a 14 year breast cancer survivor. Did the surgery, chemo, radiation and 5 years of Tamoxifen. Mid January I had an abnormal mammogram, detected a palpable mass, suspicious for cancer - the radiologists letter stated it was of 'great concern' to her. Although I have no insurance, I am qualified to receive mammograms under the West Virginia Breast & Cervical Cancer Screening Program (WVBCCSP). Following that report I had an immediate follow up appointment at the local hospital where I was given an ultra sound and had a brief chat about the findings with a surgeon. Due to the amount of scar tissue in the area (prior surgery) he was unsure as to what the situation was. As he put it, it showed some characteristics of a tumor but others not. I needed a biopsy. Obviously my head was up my arse, and dealing with something like this alone ( hubby wasn't well enough to accompany me) wasn't the best place to be.

Next day, I received a phone call from the WVBCCSP with an appointment that afternoon with highly respected surgeon at his offices. This guy is partner in group practice of four, who have extensive experience in this area ( the owner iirc sits on the American Cancer Society board) so in that respect they (he) has the relevant expertise. I takes myself to their offices (more like a 5* hotel) along with all my reports, mammogram films ( both here and from the UK), scans etc. He spends a fair amount of time looking at them, then he gives me an examination. He confirms yes there is a palpable mass present and yes a biopsy will be needed but his 'gut' instinct (based upon his experience and what he saw on the films) is that it's not cancer. However, until the biopsy it couldn't be ruled out completely, especially given my history. He was very honest and open with me and when I pushed he responded that while he couldn't say for certain at this stage if it was cancer, he could tell me that if he thought it definitely was then he would have told me so that I could have been preparing to deal with it plus he would want it biopsied asap. I guess in that respect that's the best he could do - and I appreciated his openness.

His staff scheduled me for the biopsy two days later, but he had them reschedule it for Feb 11th (reason being he didn't think it warranted such immediate priority as he was not thinking it was cancer) In one respect I was happy with this ( after all he had seen all the films, done the exam and was still viewing it as low priority) in another I was upset that I still had this hanging over me for a few more weeks. Fast forward to Feb 11th. Roads from our house to the hospital impassable due to the snow and ice appointment now rescheduled for Feb 18th.

I am now at the stage mentally of breaking point. One part of me is clinging to the hope (largely based on the surgeons 'gut' instinct) that this will be a clean biopsy, the other part of me ( which is winning) is that it really is round two with this ****er - and i don't know if I have the personal strength to gear myself up for that battle. It would be a lot more bloodier than the first and I'm scared. Compounding all of this is my domestic situation. My biggest source of strength if I do have to fight this b'astard again would be my hubby - yet because of his condition I wouldn't be able to do it and look after him at the same time. Plus I can't take him to the UK (where I would have the support of my family to help) because he wouldn't be eligible for care support there. Hell we wouldn't even be able to live in my place in the UK as he wouldn't have wheelchair access. So he would be denied entry. Further, if I leave him in the USA our state has recently just suspended (indefinitely) the home care aide program (which he qualifies for medically) so
he would be placed in a nursing home :(

If I do have to deal with it here ( if the worse comes to the worse) then seemingly I can get treatment under the CDC program however, I would still have to maintain the almost 24/7 care I provide for hubby - with little if any support for him (or myself for that matter) - my head is cabbaged.

Oh yes then to add to ALL of that - there's the 'little' matter of my I-751 - which is due by April. Things are tight here $$$' wise and I don't know if we can afford to pay for that and buy a ticket home *if* I need to go there. Further, if I do need to go back to the UK without completing my I-751, where does that leave us - besides up shit creek without a paddle???? Right now I'm holding on to what bit of sanity I have left, so many 'ifs'. I haven't been able to discuss this with my family (apart from my son ) because I know their response will be 'get back here NOW!", plus I don't want to worry them(my mum is 71). I don't know what to do for the best. If i never had the I-751 looming then that would be one less thing to worry about - at least i would have the cash to go home if I absolutely *needed* to - but as it is I'm in no-mans land right now.

Question: Is there a 'humanitarian' clause/ get out, if I don't complete the I-751 due to the circumstances I've outlined. In other words, *if* I had to return to the UK would I lose my CR1 status and have to start all over again?

Question: Although I have been told by a hospital social worker in her opinion I would qualify for full treatment here in the USA if I needed it - I'm not so sure about that. Anyone??

Question: Is there a 'humanitarian' entry available for me to take hubby to the UK if I need to go back there??


Thanks for taking the time to read this - it helped just spewing it all out. keep your :fingerscrossed: everything comes back clean for me on the 18th .

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Get hold of Rete or Meauxna re 751-PM 'em or check profile for their email....

Otherwise, oh my dear heart, all best thoughts-strong thoughts going to you. Makes me feel like a whiney baby. :o

:wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Aww thank you for that cindy :wub:
I will pm them - I just know how much they have on their plate and didn't want to lay this solely at their door so to speak :)

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

IIRC, if you do not file the I-751 on-time, then you are no longer a Permanent Resident..but don't quote me on that. As far as a humanitarian reason for being late, I don't know if there is such a thing.

Only thing I would definitely make sure of is to make sure none of the monetary help you would get to pay for your treatments (if needed), would be classed as means-tested benefits. If it is, then your I-864 sponsor could get slapped with paying it back to the gov't.

Good luck hon and I hope for all of your sakes that this is a false alarm. :fingerscrossed: Hopefully meauxna and Rete can give you some help re: immigration impacts.

EDIT: are you absolutely sure that he wouldn't be able to qualify for care on the NHS if you relocated to the UK? I know we were told I would get treatment for my pre-existing condition. Although you would possibly have a problem with sponsoring him if you don't have employment (from my understanding).

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

yes, but they are good people, came to my aid on immigration issues. Rene might be able to help too.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Here I am!

Songbird, I'm so sorry to hear everything you're going through. Big hugs to you!!

To my knowledge, USCIS does allow late filing of the I-751 if you have a good reason for it (which I'm sure yours would be)...BUT....not TOO late. And not if you're going to be overseas. Is April the beginning of the 90-day window? If so, I'd put the I-751 thoughts on hold for the moment, and concentrate on finding out where you stand medically. No sense stressing about the I-751 if all goes well, you know? Don't spend your energy where it doesn't need to go, just yet.

If you find yourself in need of traveling back home, if you have time, try to file the I-751 and get your biometrics done. Then you can safely go overseas for up to 6 months with no problem (if your GC is still valid, of course). If you file the I-751 as soon as you can in April, you should have the biometrics done just a few weeks later, and can then leave the USA (if your GC is still valid). Have someone check your mail in the USA and have them send your 1-year extension letter to you overseas so you will have it in hand for your return to the USA.

Best Wishes,
Rene

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

On the $$ side, it maybe possible to get a waiver for the filing fees..

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/usc...0045f3d6a1RCRD

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

So sorry to read this, Songbird, sending huge cyber-hugs your way.

You must be absolutely frantic, but don't forget the surgeon didn't think it was cancer and there's a very good chance all will be fine on the 18th :fingerscrossed::fingerscrossed:

What must be making it a hundred times worse is the home care being suspended which is just piling on the worry for you both. No wonder you're 'cabbaged' right now, and I'd be exactly the same, but if possible take one step at a time - very good chance all will be fine.

I'm sorry I don't know he answers to any of your specific questions regarding immigration.

:wub::wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Wow Songbird, it never rains huh....Stay strong sweety, take one day/thing at a time and try not to give up under the strain.

I would try and find out for 'sure' what your hubby would be able to get, health wise, in the UK. Do you have any family that could help you out here in the US, while you are going through the tests etc?

Wish I had a magic wand sweety, I will keep you in my thoughts, hoping for the best:wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Do the USCIS not have some kind of system in place for low income or folk in need of financial help!

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Yes, you can apply to have the fee waived....not sure what the criteria is or how strict they are about it, though.

Rene

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/usc...0045f3d6a1RCRD

Found it.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Well I filled in all the forms and spoke to the staff at both the Health dept and the WVBCCSP - had it detailed I wasn't a USC and my current status plus our joint income - so far as the screening program goes I qualified.

At the hospital I was taken to see a social worker ( who partners up with the state DHHR - I know this because she had access on her pc to all my hubby's and my details) She was quite emphatic that even without being a USC my treatment would be covered and wouldn't impact upon my sponsor as if I needed the treatment it would be deemed 'life threatening'. According to her ( and she has other patients/clients in a similar situation) I would be entitled (as they were) to full Medicaid cover. Further, she stated that regardless she was confident that even if there was a problem she would go to bat against the hospital admin if needed be and was sure she would win. Bottom line I would get treatment either via full coverage, or waived hospital costs. :fingerscrossed: she's right.

Yep he wold qualify for NHS care he wouldn't however qualify for any state benefits i.e. care aid. Further, my UK accommodation would be considered unsuitable, so we wouldn't have anywhere to live right off the plane. Plus as you rightly say I wouldn't have a job (or if I did return home in those circumstances) have much prospect of getting one to show that I could supplement our income to the level required for entry :(

Thanks sweetie :wub:

Thanks hun :wub:

well the 90 day window closes in April - hence my dilemma. Bottom line I suppose I can wait for the Feb 18th biopsy/results and then make that call. Dealing with the 751 hasn't really been a priority for us right now (this whole thing couldn't have come at a worse time!) Do we file the 751, spend the money on that if I can't even get treatment here *if* I need it? Or do we delay the 751 as long as possible till we find out *if* I need treatment here I can get it? Also, if I do have to return to the UK then it would obviously be for longer than 6 months - what impact would that have upon my status assuming I had a properly filed 751 with my conditions lifted? As you can probably tell I'm not even thinking coherently right now. My head is pretty muddled up. I'm generally a fairly strong person but this whole thing has knocked me for 6. I hate that I'm not able to think this through clearly and I sooo appreciate all the help and advice you and others are giving. :wub:



EDIT: I'm checking out the link - thank you

Thank you all so much for your support and advice - you have no idea how much it helps just actually being able to 'tell' someone all of this. :wub: :wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

You'd mostly likely be OK to stay in the UK up to a year. You'd get questioned as to the length of your stay when you return to the USA, as you have good reason for being gone that long, just keep your ties to the USA intact while you're gone.

Rene

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Songbird, I know that you are probably having it tough emotionally right now. Our eldest daughter had a double masectomy in September, and she unloaded her emotions on me, although that is what I am there for I guess. So our thoughts are with you, and you sound like a tough cookie, so hang in there. Things will work out OK.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

So sorry Songbird. Hang in there, hopefully it's nothing serious. Also, have you been in touch with the Breast Cancer Society, as it is a wonderful organization?

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Songbird...I am sorry you're having to go through all this. Please try not to worry too much until you hear something negative.

About 5 years ago an abnormal mass was detected during my routine mammogram. I had a pressure mammogram and ultrasound the following day. The doctor said I should see a breast cancer specialist immediately...I was a little taken aback by that statement. I remember driving home in a daze...then managed to talk myself around not to worry until I'm told there is something to worry about.

Within a couple of days I had an appointment to see a breast cancer surgeon. She looked at my records then gave me another ultra sound. She said she was almost certain it wasn't cancer...she asked if I wanted to go ahead with a biopsy but said in her opinion it wasn't necessary. I asked when one could be scheduled and she said she would do it immediately. A few days later I was given the all clear.

I hope you get the same result. :fingerscrossed:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Send you a PM

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

If you are late in filing the I-751 for a reasonable and good reason, i.e. medical health issues are good reasons, your petition should be accepted and processed.

Song, do you belong to a church group or is there an organization in your area that assists seniors or the ill? I have found that most areas, especially those in places such as WV, do have private citizens who offer assistance such as you will need for yourself and your husband if you needed to have chemo and/or radiation. In turn you would pledge to give time to such a cause when you are well enough to do so.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Hey songbird...just to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that everything turns out for the best on the 18th :fingerscrossed:
It must be hard not to worry, but you seem a strong person so try not to unless there's going to be something to worry about (if that makes sense)
Sorry I can't offer any advice re immigration etc.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Thank you for your support and advice - I will check it out :wub:

Thanks for that JG - I hear you! I'm so glad yours was all clear girl! :thumbsup:
Yep I had the pressure (aka squeeze your t*t off) mammogram - OUCHY is all I can say! Things have changed a lot since my last bout with this, the last time it was diagnosed via needle aspiration and then I had a general anesthetic lumpectomy and wide excision of the lymph nodes. For this biopsy they are going to do a Mammotome. As I understand it it's like a pressure mammogram, with a local anesthetic and they leave a 'marker' in if they have to go back again. Did you have that one?

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

I don't recall anything about a marker.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

That is exactly what I had done 18 months ago. It isn't picked up at the airport screening.

You lay on your belly and your boob goes through a hole and then is gently squeezed and they view it through a sonagram type machine to pinpoint where the needle goes in.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Songbird, I can't offer an advise just wanted to tell you that I'm wishing the best for you.:wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

I was upright for mine...it was interesting to watch it on the screen.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

i can't do much but include you in my prayers tonight, which I will. It sounds like your doctor knows what he's doing, so try not to worry too much. That's easy for me to say, though. Just hang in there and keep your sense of humor. They say humor works wonders, so here's a bunny with a pancake on it's head:

http://www.faithmouse.com/oolong_pancake.jpg

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Thinking of you, and keeping everything crossed for good news on the 18th x

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

I just want to say how overwhelmed I am at the response both public and private I have received from the members of this board. If I could hug you all I would :wub:

My life to date in the USA has not been the smoothest of paths however, I've always considered myself fairly tough and resilient - even when faced with the most adverse of circumstances ( and lord knows the last three years have tested that! lol) I recall my first post on this board (when I was all bright eyed and doe tailed), sure I knew it wasn't going to be easy but my ignorance of just how hard it could be makes it embarrassing reading now :o You live and you learn - and one of the many things I am grateful for is that members of this board give time out of their lives to help others (just like they helped me) to make that rocky path a bit more easier to travel.

When someone on this board offers their advice / support / help (as so many of you have not just to myself and hubby but others having problems ) I KNOW it's sincere, none of that 'have a nice day' fakeness. We may just be pixels in a cyber world but we are all real people and that comes across so strongly especially at times like this. Thank you all for your support, thank you for being there for us, and most of all thank you making this difficult time a lot more easier to cope with. :wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

:fingerscrossed: it turns out to be nothing. Take care of yourself.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

I can't offer any advise Songbird, just wanted to pass on my best wishes, :fingerscrossed:for the 18th.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Thoughts and prayers are with you, you are part of our pixel family, so hang in there sister.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Ah geez girl, why've you been keeping this to yourself? We're expert worriers here and happy to help you carry the load! :wub:

We'll work it out, one step at a time. First things first, go get those results next week & find out where YOU are at. The rest will come in its time and we've got lots of researchers on the case now.

The thing about the means-tested benefits is that each state and even each agency inside a state can choose how to interpret/apply those rules WRT new immigrants. As you've already found out, some things, some states choose to just cover without fault & it's not an automatic the Sponsor is asked to repay. (it's not horrible everywhere for everything here, people.. a little compassion does exist).

I'll get on the details tomorrow; for tonight, rest your head and let us share your burden.
xxx :wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Songbird - just wanted to add my good wishes and positive thoughts for the 18th :fingerscrossed:

As others have said - one step at a time... :wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

You can be rest assured that we are all routing for you. Yes you may be pixels but as Ray would say...you are our pixel.

Remember we are always here for you...24/7. So whenever you want to moan, chat, laugh or cry...just log on and let rip.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

I wish you the very best of luck, Songbird! My thoughts are with you. You WILL get good results 2/18; don't stress yourself out until then.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Songbird, you are in our thoughts here too.

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

I was feeling particularly stressed and sorry for myself this morning. Had the high of getting our visas in London yesterday but woke up on a real low this morning at home. I read your post and I am grateful to you for reminding me that there are so many others out there with genuine things to be stressed and worried about. I hope things work out for you both and my thoughts are with you from all this distance away!

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

adding to the love and good vibes coming your way and keeping everything crossed for the 18th :fingerscrossed::wub:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Songbird, I cant offer any advise but my thoughts are with you, good luck for the 18th :fingerscrossed:

Re: Scared, Angry and Confused....
 

Chin up and fingers crossed. I hope all goes well for you. :fingerscrossed: