Its come to no surprise to me really questioning whether this was a good move, bad move, spontaneous move, right or wrong move but what ever move it was I think we still had to do it regardless - mainly to stop our heads being banged to and from the idea of living in the UK.

It has been 2 months since we landed in Manchester with big hopes and expectations, the first few weeks was enjoyable, a relief and a weight off our shoulders and of course exciting. I guess what I'm trying to say is those rose tinted glasses are slowly becoming clearer and clearer!

I'm not sure if this is a mild case of what is and what could of been but something doesn't feel right here in the UK. I love the green, the countrysides, the hussle and bussle, having friends around at a snap of a finger, asda at my front door, the pitter patter of the rain, the small villages and winding roads but aside from the characteristics of UK - is there really anything here for us?

My OH got a job offered two days ago, shocked at how long it took considering how skilled and experienced he is but non the less he got a job in his field of work the downfall he is not only taking a huge cut in wages compared to Canada but also a cut in how much he was earning 2 years ago when he was last employed in the UK. As for me, I have quite a varied area in work but still have no leads on a job unfortunately and if I'm honest I can't see anything coming my way any time soon, simply because there not a lot of jobs and I can't widen my search as I don't have a UK license.

I must say having the NHS is brilliant as I have had some underlying fertility problems of which has been diagnosed and I am getting that seen to in the next month We are a young couple who wants children, a good lifestyle, stable enjoyable career and a good retirement and I keep imagining our lives in the next few years back in Canada. Weird right?

I don't know if its the current circumstances that are making me think like this i.e living with the in-laws, no job, no money, no home etc... and I get people will be worse off so I shouldn't complain but it doesn't help in the matter of us thinking what our life could be like here or in Canada in the next 10 years. Its like once you have had a taste of the good life, its hard to retract and settle for second best - not because we are unmotivated, just because UK doesn't offer oppurtunites like Canada and its a struggle.

Whats your thoughts? Anyone been in the same positions? Sure sign case of ping-pongers comes to mind

I posted a couple of times when I was at around the same point you are; moved back, the fun and reunions were over and real life was kicking in. It took me months to find a job and I was unemployed all through winter, miserable in our tiny rented house with the dark days (literally and figuratively) making it hard to do much. I didn't know anyone here either.

OH got a job straight away and is earning decent money, roughly equivalent to what he earned in Oz. I had many tearful days and felt the pain of leaving Aus almost like grief. I questioned our move daily.

Things have improved since, I have seen old friends and made new friends here. I have a job, which is not remotely related to anything I've done previously and although I have some concerns about long term career prospects it is well paid and secure. OH and I enjoy a lot of what the UK has to offer in terms of our interests.

I think two months in is too quick to make a decision. I understand how you are feeling, I really do, I couldn't understand all the joyful happy posts from other returners when I was feeling low but I knew we needed to give it a decent amount of time, if only to avoid ping ponging back to Aus and then wondering what could have been.

There is no shame if it turns out that Canada is the right place for you long term. We said when we moved to Aus that we would give it a year before deciding anything and the same when we moved back to the UK, and my advice would be to do similar.

Best wishes OP, I hope things look up for you.

I think it is too soon to decide. It is natural to feel this way in the beginning until you get completely settled with a home of your own, a job for you as well, etc.

I fully anticipate feeling the same way you do upon my own return until all these things are in place.

It is this realization that made me question whether going back was the right thing to do but when I put pen to paper and made a list of the pros and cons, there wasn't anything substantial on the list of pros of staying in the USA - and heaven forbid I should do that because I really don't want to stay here.

Familiar is comfortable - no doubt about it. We have to wrench ourselves out of the familiar and fight the unknown and the newness until we feel our feet in the new place. I, too, am not looking forward to the bit in the middle but I am staying focused on the final goal - being home and fully integrated and autonomous in the UK. It will take time - about a year, I think.

I think part of the curse of the expat is that underlying unsettledness that seems to linger because you now and forever have something to compare your current reality to. There is, too, often an assumption that you can go back to what you had but, sadly, that's rarely the case - every move is a move forward and probably best attacked in that way. You probably want to give it a bit longer before you decide - and certainly after some time living in your own place, nothing stifles settling quite like living in someone else's home! Good luck with the treatment anyway, hope that is a big bonus on your horizon!

I would think living with the inlaws and no job/money would be a huge part of the problem. Once you are working settled into a routine and in your own place I'd reassess after a few months or a year even, of living a normal life. Then make your long term plans, where do you want to raise the kids, and make sure the rosy glasses about Canadian living aren't on too. Maybe make a list of reasons you came back to UK and keep it somewhere safe, it may remind you of reasons Canada wasn't working for you.

Keep an open mind, try to give it a couple of years then weigh up the situation. You certainly wouldn't be the first couple to try two countries, but decide that where they came from was a better deal overall, and so return. (Yes with a foreign spouse I know that adds a further complication).

Others who know me probably know my situation and preference, but by the same token that some Brits emigrate and then decide that it's not for them, there are some who return to the UK (perhaps with a foreign spouse), and decide that the UK isn't for them. There is nothing to be ashamed of in trying a move, giving it your best shot, but eventually admitting it didn't work out for you, and moving back, no matter which way "back" is.

Yup, that's it. All of it.

Good luck to you OP!

Agree with the others here. Give it time. You have to let everything settle in before you make a "command and control" decision to move overseas again. Interesting though. We're thinking about returning and you have described some of my fears.

I've been back in the UK from Australia for almost a year now, and my thoughts are similar - and increasingly so the longer we're here. There are a lot of familiar things that are "nice" to have around or nearby, but not really essential to a happy or fulfilling life. Our move was always a test move anyway, to decide which way to go permanently.

jkgoulds, I would definitely hold on in there until you have a chance to live in your own home, have a job and some money to spend on the things that you enjoy.

I can certainly empathise with you as we have been back almost 3 weeks now and have been staying with friends until our rental becomes available in 2 weeks time!
We were also staying with friends for over 2 weeks before we left Canada so 7 and a half weeks in total we have not had our own living space (plus 1 week on the QM2)
Although I totally appreciate our friends going out of their way to accommodate 4 of us in a 4 bed home which now has 8 people in, it certainly comes at a price for all concerned. Both sets of kids are irritable and more argumentative, and I am struggling with not having my own space.

It is by no means ruining the excitement of being home, but I really cannot wait and am counting down day by day.

We are lucky that my hubby found a job before we arrived so we do have money to spend, although it is tight as we still have a mortgage in Canada until the house sells.

Please try to give it more time as 2 months really is no time at all to make another life changing decision. Once you have your own home, you may feel totally different about being here.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I would give it at least 6 months. I moved back and left after 3 months! It was a stupid decision. I missed my dogs!! Also, my daughter and grandson were going to come come but I didn't know what the best decision was and I was in constant turmoil. If it were just me, I would have happily stayed. It does take adjustment so give it a little more time. Best of luck to you whatever you decide.

we went back to UK for 12-18 months as a planned brief return from Australia.

I think knowing it was for a fixed period helped me settle, and make the most of our time. We ended up staying 2 years (family illness) and despite the sadness related to the illness and bereavement, I have no regrets.

We are back in Aus as planned, I miss things about the UK, but definitely feel-for us- Australia is where we want to be. One thing I have learned is that 'nothing need be forever'. Who knows ...when we retire we might go to Europe or 50/50 between UK and Aus!

I would say give yourself 12 months before you make any decision, but enjoy the here and now, and plan for the future further down the line. I can guarantee if you return to Canada you will miss certain aspects of UK..as quoll said - it is the curse of the expat!

jkgoulds,

I'm sorry things aren't great at the moment

As others have said I think you are dealing with things that would suck no matter which country you are living in, no driving license, no job, living with in-laws. These things aren't really because you are living in the UK but because you have only very recently relocated there.

If you are able to I would work on getting the driving license as soon as you can because ultimately that is going to greatly increase your job opportunities.

Its interesting that you say
"Its like once you have had a taste of the good life, its hard to retract and settle for second best - not because we are unmotivated, just because UK doesn't offer oppurtunites like Canada and its a struggle."

What made you want to leave Canada? You make it sound like you were happy there but it takes a lot of effort, $$ and stress to move so there had to be something motivating you to move? Was it just that you missed family? Could it be that you are now looking at Canada through rose colored glasses?

Canada and the UK are both countries with a lot to offer but maybe Canada is the better fit for you and your husband? Sometimes you have to return to understand what you preferred about your adopted country.

I think right now its way too early to make such a huge decision. It might help to write some lists so you can separate out the things that would be horrible where ever you were living (no job etc.) and the things that you would actively dislike about the UK even if you had a job, driving license, home of your own, along with a list of what you are missing about living in Canada.

Give yourself some time, its early days hopefully you will find a job soon and that will not only make it less stressful for you in the UK but will also make it possible to save $$ to make a return to Canada, if that is what you decide you want to do.

Thank you all so much for your posts and replies, it gave me a little hope and made me feel slightly better. So thank you, it made me think about things as such. I apologize for the late reply, (limited access to the internet).

I agree with it is too early to make a decision on whether moving back to Canada is what we ultimately want or if it is here in the UK, our situation obviously doesn't help with the limbo stage of what if and could of been but after months of thinking should we or shouldn't we head back to the UK when we was in Canada and was unsure of things, regardless we still needed to do it to settle our minds and see what is what.

Briefly, some reasons why we came back to the UK are:

- Company that OH was fixed too through his LMO was basically taking the biscuit. Working him and myself (i worked within the same company) to the ground. normal shifts was 10 hours, which ended up being 14-16 on plenty of occasions, we would on get 1 day off a week, after working hours the company would be calling 'just for a chat' or 'can you do me a favour' and telling us we can't go somewhere on a day off because he might find something he needs doing. You get the jist, it was hell.

- We missed socialising, of course as mentioned above we never got the time to do so. It was work, eat, few hours sleep... literally.

- Couldn't enjoy what we had on our doorstep (the mountains) and or any other activities

- Pushed ourselves to not like what we had and where we was living due to the situation we was in

- Couldn't bear the thought of being with that company for 1-2 more years to secure PR

- Missed home comforts, asda, greenery, fish and chips and all the little things that the UK offers

- We had to snow plough in the winter months along with tree work which dragged and we hated it causing 8 months of the year to be awfully unbearable

-Missed our friends and old routine

- In a city/province that didn't really appeal to a young couple

So there is some of the reasons why we wanted to come back to the UK. I guess I like adventure and new things, I get bored pretty easy and its occurring to me that if it wasn't for the job situation in Canada we might still be there, loving it. Makes me wonder if it is worth trying a new part of Canada with a new company where they won't ruin our experience of living an enjoyable Canadian life.

That is the absolute foundation of life at working age. If it absorbs everything, it isn't working to live, it's living to work!
I'm not surprised you left-and I'm not surprised you are not completely settled in the UK.
After that, sunshine and roses is what you need, and the UK is not that, it has its own problems.

Time. Give it time. This is a period of transition after trauma, it's difficult. Allow the dust of change to clear and then reassess.

I utterly loathe seeing anyone exploited-and it is clear that you were.