usedtoberoche

.. we have been in the US for over 10 years now. I have citizenship two american born kids (4 and 5) a good job and a lovely house pool boat etc. We are givng it all up to return to the UK to live in a 3 bed semi (probably!) in cheshire as I have a job there to go to.

I am terrified that we are going to regret this - is England the same country we left? We cant stand the US any longer as George Bush is a disgrace for a president - I think deep down we are socialists and cant come to terms with the profligate way of life and the waste that we see every day.

We didnt come to the US intending to stay this long - we just came for a year to work - we just sort of never went back!

The education system is bad here and to get our kids in catholic school we have to pay.

I am terrified of all the paperwork we need to do to get back in the system in the uk. Do we need to pay back taxes for the house we rented out? Shall we pay the 10 years of NI contributions we have missed? My husband has complications with his NI number that we need to resolve. Will we be able to get a mrotgage straight away or will we need to rent?

All in all I am terrified.

On the other hand I am excited that my girls (and maybe even me!) will play netball, my husband will be back playing rugby, we will be able to call up relatives and ask them to babysit whilst we have an evening out at the pub, we will be able to sit outside in the summer withour bug spray and worrying about equine encephillitis (we live in New England) - we can shop in M&S whenever we want - we can visit a real Butchers, buy decent beer and visit the doctor without worrying about health insurance.

Will people think we have failed? Will they be smug ? We ont feel like we have failed - we gave it our best shot - we waited until my citizenship was thru so now we can some back if we want and we have chosen to leave the US for what we consider a better life, but will other people see it that way - and do we even care!

Anyway I suppose I just need reassurance that we other people have done this move and not regretted it and that we are not crazy!!!

Thanks
Claire
Hopefully moving back by June 1st 2005 - (assuming house here sells!)

expat14

Hi Claire,

Not sure I can advise or reassure you, as I am having the same fears at the moment, and it was uncanny to read your post, as I was thinking of asking for advice or reassurance.

We have been in the Middle East for 6yrs, and have decided to go back to the UK, for many reasons, family, friends and all the little things that you miss, but never thought you would. My children are looking forward to it, my wife is happy to go back, but i think would be equally happy to stay, though I have to say I have set my heart on going back.

The company I work for have a big project coming up, just as my contract ends, and I have been asked to confirm that I will re-new my contract or advise them now so they start recruiting to replace me. Its a fair point that they are making and I would have given them fair notice anyway, but its made me question whether I am doing the right thing for all of us.

Unlike you I wont have a job to go back too, I would almost certainly have to find employment when I get back, even though I have asked a number of agencies to start looking on my behalf. Its that little devil sitting on my shoulder, throwing little curved balls, like, 'what if you dont get a job!', 'what if prospective employers think you've been out of the UK market to long'. I am normally a very confident person, about work especially, but for some reason I am having serious self-doubt at them moment.

So, I dont think this helps you much, but I have to say it helps to know I am not the only person who has these kind of last minute worries, we are planning to return in September 2005.

One point I would like to make though, is your concerns about other people thinking you have failed, forget about what other people think & say. You said yourself you never intended to stay as long as you have, 10yrs is a great achievment in my book, you have done what alot of people dream of doing, but most dont get the chance or have the guts to have a go. Be proud of what you have achieved, I know I am proud of myself and my family for adapting to a different country's lifestyle & culture, I seriously doubt anyone will think you have failed.

bored-silly

I think everyone has a fear that their friends will be smug and to be honest, when we have comtemplated going back, I have felt stupid and like a 'failure' that it may not have been all together a happy move but bollocks to it. Anyone who is smug is probably jealous that you have had a wonderful experience - even if you want to go back, you will look fondly at your time there and say 'It wasn't all bad'.
Most of your friends and family will be pleased to see you back and probably can't wait to spend some time with you.

Silverdragon102

why would it be a failure. You went with the intentions of staying 1 year and stayed 10 years. Your children have experienced something most other children don't

Yes the UK will have changed whether that is good or bad only you will know when you move back.

Anna

bromleygirl

I moved back after 8 years in the States just over 6 months ago now. I am glad to be back but it has not all been plain sailing. I do sometimes wonder if I made the right decision but as you said Bush is a nightmare and I couldn't take anymore. I have my US citizenship so maybe one day I may go back. My kids are dual and I know would like to move back at some point. You will miss the material things - big house etc but you then weigh it up by the education system and healthcare and then it balances out. At the end of the day you have to live somewhere it's just choosing which is best for you.

steandleigh

With respect, Britain is simply NOT going to be the same as it was ten years before your return....
If you are purely missing the uk and all that it offers, then fair play to you, go for what makes you happy, buit don't expect it to be the uk you left 10 years ago. The old saying has alweays been: ' America sneezes and England catches a cold...'

No change there then....

usedtoberoche

Thanks for your words of wisdom.
I know England is not the same - I can see from a distance that it has become much more americanised than it used to be - but its still home - and after 10 years we do feel ready to go back even if we arent sure what we are going back to!

I am sure anyone who has lived away has this feeling upon their return..
part of it is fear of the enormous task of selling house, cars and moving furniture etc and then somehow aquiring the same thousands of miles away. When we came to the US it was easy - two unemcumbered yuppies wiith a suitcase each and lot of excitement for what they were about to do. Now we are middle aged parents things are no longer qute so simple. Wuth the added the fear for the children that they will hold it against us for taking them away from a lifestyle they will never acheive in the UK.

Thanks for your reassurances - hopefully in a years time I may be able to give the same advice to someone else!!!

Claire

delphiman

...And theres been nearly 8 years of Tony Blair and his mates screwing the place senseless

jumping doris

Hello Claire

We are moving in the opposite direction to you for many of the same reasons. We hate Tony Blair and the mess he's made, education is a bit of a lottery as is health care. We have good hospitals where we are . Two of my daughters go to dreadful schools,one passed the 11plus and goes to a fantastic school. It is very hit and miss.

I think we all want someone to tell us we are doing the right thing because leaving what we know is such a big decision to make. I don't think anyone will think you have failed and anyway so what if they do.(they will be the people not worth bothering with).

good luck

jackpetj

We recently returned to the UK after 8 years in USA (Houston, Texas).
We went through a lot of soul searching, and decided to go for it.
My company was amzingly good and basically moved me back while doing the same job.
Probably like you we had a wonderful house, area pools, beach-club, tennis courts etc.. and we are now renting a house near Aberdeen.
It's almost like being a student again. We probably would have coped better with the 1970's style bungalow had we moved within the UK, but after the US you are spoiled.
I've been through some rough patches, thinking what the hell have I done!
We could have applied for citizenship if we'd stayed another year - which is one regret. However, the age of our could prevented this. We had to get one into A-level stage and the other started at GCSE, otherwise we would have had to have stayed in the US until they graduated from university!
The cost of college fees in the US was scary - I don;t knwo hwo we could have done it. Mind you having said that, we decided to put the kids into private school in UK to make the transition easier.

As with anywhere you live, life is a compromise.
The lifestyle in the countryside is much nicer than the flat urban jungle that is Houston. Mind you Aberdeen really is not representative of UK (we hope). We're not here for ever and will probably look to move to England when the kids are finished at school.

The con's so far are the cost of everything. Being in Aberdeen, house rents are expensive, house prices are high.
We sold our house in UK in 1996 and regretted it ever since. We are like first time buyers (another reason for asking - what on earth have I done!)
It's darned cold and British houses are undoubtedly amongst the worst in the world for heat and energy efficiency.
The Indian food is good here! but we can't afford to eat out!

Living in the US, we never felt at ease. I don't know what it was. Police everywhere.

Another thing we actually miss about the US (perhaps Houston is very different to other places) but the schooling was extremely good (both our kids (14 & 17) are approx 1-2 years ahead of the UK system. Especially in maths and science. Their teachers were enthusiastic and energetic. Even private schools leave you wondering what they are actually learning. The kids liek the cruising though - school was so fast paced that they were burning out.

The other thing we miss in the US is the health system. I had insurance through the company, and any sign of an ailment and I could phone up any specialist and get in. I even had an MRI after an afternoons wait (I think it takes 12 months at ptresent in the UK).
We also had access to excellent dental care. Unfortunately Aberdeen dental practices are all full. I plan to keep my dentist in the US and vist when I'm there on business.

I'm probably not much comfort. I posted the same question as you when we were lookig to come back. I got some feedback on the pro's and con's.

The truth would come out if you said to someone who recently returned "if you could go back 6 months, would you do the same thing and return to UK?"
I kind of think that I would have stayed in the US. Probably because of the bad time we've had so far.

As someone noted in one of the posts, the UK is definitely not the same place it was 10 years ago. We were abhored by the language on TV. You can say that Texas is puritanical, but I'd prefer that to having to listen to fould language, poor grammar and general "oikishness" on TV. It's the source of most of the antisocial problems you hear about.

You are in a good position though. You have citizenship and can return whenever you like! So you actually have the best of both worlds!

Good luck deciding!

usedtoberoche

Thank you for your long reply - funnily enough my current emplyer has also offered to let me bring my job back and work from home and I also have a job offer in Cheshire so I am spoilt for choice. My problem is I dont really want to work from home as I am pretty sociable.

I think that you express a lot of the regrets that I already feel about going back before we even go!
About the "oikishness" of the UK - which we have noticed watching BBC America (and we havent even seen ITV and Channel 4 in years!!).
The school system where we are is really not the best - even though we pay for private catholic school - and when we go back to cheshire the girls will be better off in their state Catholic school (which we wont have to pay for!).
Re health care - both my current and my new employer does offer Bupa so I hope that will help - although we were always fortunate to have good health insurance - a good freind of ours died because he couldnt afford a decent hospital when we were living in Florida.

I assimilated very well into the US - my husband didnt. He is primarily driving this move as he wants to start a business back home - although I do miss my family, and every time we have been back home to visit I am always dreadfully unsettled when we come back to the US.

Do you find yourself seeking out americans now because you feel more comfortable with them? I want to try and keep some relationship going with americans when we get home - try and find an american club or something so the girls are able to retain a sense of where they came from and where at some point they will probably go back to. We still talk about the possibility of retiring back to the US.

Anyway - once again thanks for sharing your experiences with us, and Ill bet its colder here in Boston right now that in aberdeen!!

Claire

jackpetj

I wouldn't be able to generalize and say that I would seek out Americans as friends, now that we're back in the UK.
I knew some very nice American's that I hope we stay in touch with, then again we do have some good friends from other countries too.
One thing that is difficult dealing with after coming back, is that everyone here is still the same. It's difficult being with family sometimes, as they have not really travelled and have a completely different frame of reference when it comes to discussing cultural or social affairs.
Rgds
PJ

P.S. I noticed that no one has responded to your rental question.
We rented our house out in UK for two years before selling it. The agent was making automatic deductions for tax. If you went through an agent I'm sure they have done the same thing. If this is the case, you may be able to claim some tax back as they may have assumed you were still resident in the UK and a basic rate tax payer.
If you rented privately, then I guess you may be liable for tax - as long as you have kept all receipts for maintenance, repairs etc. these should be tax deductable.

ags

PLease think even longer and harder! We are leaving the UK after 10 years, so we came back when you left. I am sorry to say that the place really is going to the dogs, and unless you have a vast amount of money, it really can be tough. We are tired, struggling uphill all the time. If it is not the healthcare,( I had to wait 3 yrs for a major operation), then the schooling is a battle too. You may not get your children into the school of your choice, you now have to provide up to 6 choices when you apply, and of course all the better schools are over subscribed, so children just get put wherever there is a place. Private schooling is unaffordable, unless again money is no object, Private healthcare is expensive, but if your company pays then that is fine.
You cannot work legally now if you do not have a valid National insurance number, so your husband will have to sort that out. The inland revenue will contact you at some point to let you know how much national insurance you have short paid, and give you the option to pay it in, but that is no guarantee you would receive the full pension, about £130 a week for couples.
I don't know if you would be able to get a mortgage straight away, as you are supposed to be on the electoral role so thay can do credit checks and the like. Without a credit history it sucks! We had to pay cash for everything for 3 years until we had voted!!
There are good things, plenty of history, free museums, lovely countryside, but for us it doesn't work. A day out for a family of 4 will set you back £100, nothing fancy, so you can see a lot of planning goes into everything!
Sorry to be so negative but these are the realities of Britain today. Take care and hope you decide what is best for all of you.

Merlot

Have to say this echo's a little of how hubby & I feel after nearly a year back after 7 years in Oz, then previous to that 6 years in other countries and 18 years for hubby living in Australia.

There is a lot I love about being back, my one and only priority was spending time with the family which I am and to see some of the UK. Seeing the UK has been tough as it is costly once you factor stuff in such as petrol, accommodation, entry fee's to places.

We both work but feel like we are on a tread mill as we never seem to get ahead here with bills and the like, in Oz I worked less hours and got more for our money.

This credit thing is a massive hinderance, as much as we don't do debt it is handy to have a credit card and have just got sorted with one, before this the hassles of credit checking.

Traffic is a complete nightmare, the first thing we noticed as we drove up from London to NE England. We lived in Sydney for 4 years so you would think we would be used to it, it is very bad.

We always said it was a temporary return for us, if we loved it we would stay permanently but it is not to be. Hoping to get back to Oz in later 2006/early 2007. We have no kids or ties so lucky in that respect for mobility.

Funny thing is before I left Oz I would always say England was home, now I have returned I have realised I am a Citizen of the World, and feel more "Australian" than British, even after near 12 months back in Blighty.

Each to there own, many have returned to the UK and love it, some of us have struggled especially if you are starting out again with house buying, etc, you can feel behind the 8th ball a bit.

Britain has changed in our eyes, not the palce for us forever!

Best of luck with everything.

Merlot

Perfumdiva1

Jackpet

Within the last 4months we have had the opportunity to return to Aberdeen twice

I am from there but my husband is from down south. I have been back to Abz 4 times in the last 12 months.

We are also, based in Houston, and have been in the US for nearly 8 years. Whenever I have the yearning to go back, which by the way, is not often, I go in to the city centre, and look and listen. This is not a place I want my children to be brought up. We also went to private schools in Aberdeen, and my kids have places there if we need them, if and when, we return.

The crime if awful, and getting worse, and I have to say, I feel safer in Houston than in Aberdeeen, and Cornwall is even worse.

It is a purely personal choice, but with the house prices, fuel prices etc, and the UK dentists are crap, even if you can get an appointment, for now, this is the best place for us.

Who knows what next year will bring, but I will be kicking and screaming if I have to return, even though my family are there and many good good friends.

Again, a personal choice

PS Try the Indian next to Filthy McNasty's, ( I presume it is still called that), yum yum

Good luck

PD