Originally Posted by windsong

Does anyone know if this forum is mobile phone/smartphone friendly? Some forums have a great format and can be read very easily on smartphones while others you have to scroll all over the place and it is just not practical.

Originally Posted by westwind

Windsong, this may sound very harsh but I really don't think that you should have any expectations from your half sister, who you readily admit, you haven't seen since you were four and have only been in touch for two years! At the very most, if I was her, I would invite you for a weekend! To expect anything more from this lady is way beyond any 'sisterly' thing. She is your half sister in name only and owes you nothing. I would cetainly not expect any long lost relative to return expecting accommodation from me. It is hard returning to a country that you have been away from for a long time but that is your choice and you really should not expect her to offer you anything . I hope you get something sorted for yourself without having to rely on your 'sister'. I don't blame her in the least for making excuses. I'd tell you without any excuses.

Originally Posted by Mummy in the foothills

That sounds pretty normal, I've seen people here pick the kids up from school like that. made me look twice. I think the heat does do crazy things to people. We have also found it makes them stay up very late, so makes shopping mostly idiot free before noon (which is when they wake up)

Originally Posted by cheers

Does anyone have any advice for someone who suffers allergies when they are around cats?
My son is getting married in 3 weeks and his fiance has a cat that she is attached to (should I contact Dear Abby). Note, he has been taking allegy shots.

Cheers

Originally Posted by cheers

Does anyone have any advice for someone who suffers allergies when they are around cats?
My son is getting married in 3 weeks and his fiance has a cat that she is attached to (should I contact Dear Abby). Note, he has been taking allegy shots.

Cheers

Originally Posted by windsong

Thanks, everyone, for your very valuable insight into SS.
Dunroving, I have a question. The first two digits are obviously age, but what do the rest of the numbers mean? I know it's probably obvious to everyone except me

Yes, I forgot you have to be 62 and not 60 to get USA SS. That tells you just how much I want to speed up my return to the UK My thought was, "is it worth the SS sacrifice just to be home sooner".

As it turns out, I need to pay a good amount of taxes to the IRS (because of a silly mistake I made a few years back!) and it's probably wise to do it before I return because if I don't, I believe they can take all my SS and all my company pension!!!!

I thought originally of just going home very soon and paying them out of SS and my company pension but I didn't realize they could take so much out of it and I could find myself living in Rosie's river in Frome! My half-sister over there is next to useless when it comes to helping me. I suppose I should accept that since we share only the same father and since I haven't seen her since I was 4 years old that we are not really sisters. She certainly doesn't act like one. It's quite a disappointment because I was the younger one by 10 years and so I idolized her when I was a child. Then the big family split came and I didn't talk to her until two years ago because I didn't know how to find her. I managed to find her when my father died through the woman who cared for him. Any way, it's a long story but at least I need to accept that I am not going to get the help I should expect of a sister. I wasn't expecting to live there for free because she only has her UK pension. I simply wanted to feel grounded there and find a job and my own place while living with her a few months - and it's also helpful to be close to someone who knows the "current" ropes over there.

Oddly enough I suspect there's some jealousy there. I was the one who had the good education and the good life - until 10 years ago when life turned right around. She was married most of her life and didn't work but when she divorced 15 years ago she found a job as a live-in caregiver to an elderly man and his wife. His wife died and she continued caring for him until he died. Lo and behold, he left her over 200,000 pounds so she was able to buy a home outright with some money left over. I am very glad for her because she can live her later years in peace but it would have been nice to feel some sisterly concern. At one point she even suggested that my two cats should be able to go outside. I told her that one is not very socialized (born of a stray) and if she went out, she would NEVER come back. Inside, she is quite happy with my other cat who is a lover. I also will not take this chance of losing my cat. She would be totally lost if she got out. And my "sister" lives on a main road - not down a path to the road but her front door is right on the road! She could have said this just to create an obstacle, I'm not sure, because she knows I would never put any of my pets in danger.

Every time I suggest or hint at her letting me live with her for three or four months until i find my feet, I meet with one obstacle or another from her. This has happened three times now so I am seeing her in a very different light. How strange we carry that sisterly idolization with us throughout our life only to find it is an illusion in later life. Oh well! Then most recently when I mentioned it, she said that her daughter (who owns three homes and rents them all out and rents a house for herself and her three children) may be in trouble because her landlord is behind in her mortgage. I can tell full well when I hear a line like this that she is putting obstacles in my path. It's okay, though. Where there's a will there's a way.

Last weekend I phoned the woman in England who looked after my father. She met my sister when my father died and they keep in touch every so often. I am learned a few things so I can see some reasons why my sister doesn't really want me there.

Anyway, if it is true the IRS can take a good portion of any income I get from the USA when I move to the UK, I need to remain here for a while until the debt is paid. I had hoped to return to the UK much sooner than expected and work there from about 60 or 62 until 65, living off my income from the USA (SS and company pension) while saving everything I earned in the UK as a sort of nest egg. Looks as if my plan isn't going to work!

Now I need a plan B!

Originally Posted by sallysimmons

I think to a greater or lesser extent, this is the lesson that all of us have to keep in mind. We chose to leave. The people we left behind made their own lives. Now for whatever reason we want to return. We can't expect our long lost friends/relatives to open up their homes to us just because we have a need all of a sudden.

I've been back a few weeks and I'm lucky to have good friends and family, but even in my situation I see that working my way back into their lives will take some time and effort. And the effort has to be on my part. I am trying to give more than I take because I think that's how I will earn my old place back.

So Windsong, if you want a relationship with your half sister, I'd suggest looking for ways to help her, ways to be a good sister, without asking for anything back. Over time, you will be able to build a relationship. But it will take time.

Originally Posted by Beedubya

Windsong, when I first arrived here last year I stayed with my sister for 3 months until I got a job, got my bearings, etc.

I think you have 2 dogs and 2 cats right?

I know for a fact that no way would she have let me stay with her with 4 animals, no matter what type or size, no way.

Originally Posted by Almo

I got a bit confused about which thread to post on and ended up posting on the one in the main Moving Back to the UK forum. You can't win every time!

We will be moving back with two cats and are planning to have a place before they arrive. This will mean I go back first to get somewhere sorted, then my partner sends the cats and finally he comes himself.

Windsong would you be in a position to use a service similar to the one Sally used? A home-finder service?

Originally Posted by jasper123

Sally you are soooooo right in what you say, all the time I was in U.S. almost four decades ----- before the internet I always wrote a letter to my Mum & Dad once a week, snail mail it took 7 to 10 days to get a letter home from the west, and then another week or so to receive a letter back,
But for the last 14 years before I left Vegas I had a great phone deal with my landline where I could call England and talk as long as I wanted for only 3 cents per minute, so every Sunday I would call my Mum at 8pm her time and we would talk for an hour or so,
So I always kept in touch with Mum frequently for all the 36 years while I was in America, and I have been home for almost 17 months now and I still feel I have to work hard on getting to the point of earning (my old place back) as you so wonderfully put it, but its getting better as the months go on,
I dont expect anything from Mum, as you say its for me to make all the effort, and I do always try to give more then I take,
Now as far as the other members of my family like Nephew, Son, Daughter,
Uncle, Aunt, I really didn't keep contact with them as much as I should have except I always sent everyone a Birthday and Christmas card every year ---- never missed a single year for everyone,
And with my Son and Daughter I would only call them on the phone every few months, so I really have to work on getting my old place back in there hearts, so far our relationships are still distant Im afraid ---- on there side not mine, but I do feel that its getting a little better.