Which one to follow Head or Heart
Feb 11th 2011, 11:08 pm
#16
Confirmed grumpy old man
Joined: May 2005
Location: Moved back to Riyadh KSA 2016
Posts: 1,298
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
Following Head or Heart is one quandary, but a big part for me is following my wallet.
I need to look at finances before making a comprehensively sensible decision.
I wish it was easier.
I need to look at finances before making a comprehensively sensible decision.
I wish it was easier.
Feb 12th 2011, 3:11 am
#17
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
You simply throw a complete wobbler, collapse to the floor kicking and screaming and then shout in a high pitched voice 'I hate it here, I've always hated it here.'
Then you book some one way tickets to the UK, present them to the OH whilst stating in an assertive tone, 'it's Australia/Canada/US/Mozambique (delete as applicable), or me, make your choice' and then storm off out the room in a huff and pray he decides to come with you.
Well it worked for me
Then you book some one way tickets to the UK, present them to the OH whilst stating in an assertive tone, 'it's Australia/Canada/US/Mozambique (delete as applicable), or me, make your choice' and then storm off out the room in a huff and pray he decides to come with you.
Well it worked for me
Feb 13th 2011, 6:39 am
#19
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 41
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
I am reading all the replies in this thread ...... Five years and never settled in NZ though my OH loves it to bits and would never return to UK if it weren't for my homesickness. I am in the UK at the moment having returned from NZ to try and find work and somewhere to live before OH follows me over (that is if I can make it work with jobs and housing).
UK does feel like home. Its fantastic to be close to family (parents and children).
Recently and unexpectedly a close family member was hospitalised over here and I would have found that so very hard if I had been in NZ and not able to get there in a couple of hours. Fortunately he is now fully recovered but it does bring it home to you just how far away NZ and Aus are when things go wrong. It also frightens me that what if one day we were not healthy enough to travel ourselves and were cut off from home and everyone over here.
However, on a practical and economics side of things, I am struggling to find work over here and that is scary. Wages are really low and seem to have fallen whilst we were away overseas. I can't move OH back to UK with no work and no accommodation.
So right now I am considering going back to NZ and waiting a year or so til the economy hopefully picks up a bit in the UK.
Never easy eh!
UK does feel like home. Its fantastic to be close to family (parents and children).
Recently and unexpectedly a close family member was hospitalised over here and I would have found that so very hard if I had been in NZ and not able to get there in a couple of hours. Fortunately he is now fully recovered but it does bring it home to you just how far away NZ and Aus are when things go wrong. It also frightens me that what if one day we were not healthy enough to travel ourselves and were cut off from home and everyone over here.
However, on a practical and economics side of things, I am struggling to find work over here and that is scary. Wages are really low and seem to have fallen whilst we were away overseas. I can't move OH back to UK with no work and no accommodation.
So right now I am considering going back to NZ and waiting a year or so til the economy hopefully picks up a bit in the UK.
Never easy eh!
Feb 13th 2011, 7:40 am
#20
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
I am reading all the replies in this thread ...... Five years and never settled in NZ though my OH loves it to bits and would never return to UK if it weren't for my homesickness. I am in the UK at the moment having returned from NZ to try and find work and somewhere to live before OH follows me over (that is if I can make it work with jobs and housing).
UK does feel like home. Its fantastic to be close to family (parents and children).
Recently and unexpectedly a close family member was hospitalised over here and I would have found that so very hard if I had been in NZ and not able to get there in a couple of hours. Fortunately he is now fully recovered but it does bring it home to you just how far away NZ and Aus are when things go wrong. It also frightens me that what if one day we were not healthy enough to travel ourselves and were cut off from home and everyone over here.
However, on a practical and economics side of things, I am struggling to find work over here and that is scary. Wages are really low and seem to have fallen whilst we were away overseas. I can't move OH back to UK with no work and no accommodation.
So right now I am considering going back to NZ and waiting a year or so til the economy hopefully picks up a bit in the UK.
Never easy eh!
UK does feel like home. Its fantastic to be close to family (parents and children).
Recently and unexpectedly a close family member was hospitalised over here and I would have found that so very hard if I had been in NZ and not able to get there in a couple of hours. Fortunately he is now fully recovered but it does bring it home to you just how far away NZ and Aus are when things go wrong. It also frightens me that what if one day we were not healthy enough to travel ourselves and were cut off from home and everyone over here.
However, on a practical and economics side of things, I am struggling to find work over here and that is scary. Wages are really low and seem to have fallen whilst we were away overseas. I can't move OH back to UK with no work and no accommodation.
So right now I am considering going back to NZ and waiting a year or so til the economy hopefully picks up a bit in the UK.
Never easy eh!
Feb 15th 2011, 1:57 am
#21
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 8
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
LOL. I should try that.
I have been in Norway for almost 5 years and feel exactly the same. I feel quite desparate because of the work situation in the UK so I don't know if I am going to be able to return. I cannot stand it here in Norway (people are nice though) and wish I hadn't moved here. I have spent all this time settling the family and using it as a distraction from the way I feel. Not a good idea. Doctor has repeatedly diagnosed me with various signs of stress. That isn't good for any child. They might not wish to return to the UK but I think they would see the benefits. Parents have to be happy to be totally effective as parents. I also think that 2 years is a good testing point but no more. I am not sure about the 'temporary' advice. I think that might get you through it once you have made the decision to return. But I think that if you use that right now then you may never settle.
As a side, whenever I have started something that I liked and wanted to stick with I have loved it immediately. Generally, stuff that doesn't work out straight away never has!!
I have been in Norway for almost 5 years and feel exactly the same. I feel quite desparate because of the work situation in the UK so I don't know if I am going to be able to return. I cannot stand it here in Norway (people are nice though) and wish I hadn't moved here. I have spent all this time settling the family and using it as a distraction from the way I feel. Not a good idea. Doctor has repeatedly diagnosed me with various signs of stress. That isn't good for any child. They might not wish to return to the UK but I think they would see the benefits. Parents have to be happy to be totally effective as parents. I also think that 2 years is a good testing point but no more. I am not sure about the 'temporary' advice. I think that might get you through it once you have made the decision to return. But I think that if you use that right now then you may never settle.
As a side, whenever I have started something that I liked and wanted to stick with I have loved it immediately. Generally, stuff that doesn't work out straight away never has!!
Feb 15th 2011, 4:27 am
#22
Senior Moment
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: NYC
Posts: 5,008
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
Dont really post much on here, but ive taken the plunge!! We arrived in Perth, June 2010 myself, oh & 2 kids, I remember when we were about to sign the house over saying to one another shall we go for it or not, and we both decided to give it a shot because i think the regret of not giving it a go would have always of been greater than not. Probably like most of you, we have a good life, we were comfortable, nice home etc, we just thought we would give it a go. Well i can tell you from the minute i arrived i thought "what the hell have i done",
we moved into rental, kids settled in school, made new friends who i have to say i really dont know what i would of done without (probably been back in the uk long ago), i found job after 6 months of applying, all this time i have shred tears after tears, I would wake up on a morning with one eye and say am i dreaming, its been a total tester on our relationship, my oh keeps saying hang in there, youll get through this, etc etc, I feel he is really not listening to me, as like so many stories oh loves it and i just cant bare the thought of staying here. I hear the same old you have to give it 2 years lark, but i know in my heart its not home, not for me anyway. I feel i just dont belong here and im also scared about going back and not belonging there (if you can relate to this im not sure). My oh says its for the kids we are doing this, is it selfish of me to take my family back just because of my feelings. My head is in a turmoil, I know its good to bring kids up here, but my heart is to return home.
Hopefully will make the right decision, come what m
ay
we moved into rental, kids settled in school, made new friends who i have to say i really dont know what i would of done without (probably been back in the uk long ago), i found job after 6 months of applying, all this time i have shred tears after tears, I would wake up on a morning with one eye and say am i dreaming, its been a total tester on our relationship, my oh keeps saying hang in there, youll get through this, etc etc, I feel he is really not listening to me, as like so many stories oh loves it and i just cant bare the thought of staying here. I hear the same old you have to give it 2 years lark, but i know in my heart its not home, not for me anyway. I feel i just dont belong here and im also scared about going back and not belonging there (if you can relate to this im not sure). My oh says its for the kids we are doing this, is it selfish of me to take my family back just because of my feelings. My head is in a turmoil, I know its good to bring kids up here, but my heart is to return home.Hopefully will make the right decision, come what m
ayAnd that really struck me because it was so simple and yet so true. I don't know of any families where everyone else is doing great if the mother is miserable.
If you listen to everyone else, they'll tell you to stick it out year after year after year. But they're not you and they aren't living your life.
You only get one life and it's precious, spending it in a place where you don't want to be is nothing short of a tragedy.
Feb 15th 2011, 6:49 am
#23
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
There's a saying in America that I heard when I was travelling through the Southern states and it was "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"
And that really struck me because it was so simple and yet so true. I don't know of any families where everyone else is doing great if the mother is miserable.
If you listen to everyone else, they'll tell you to stick it out year after year after year. But they're not you and they aren't living your life.
You only get one life and it's precious, spending it in a place where you don't want to be is nothing short of a tragedy.
And that really struck me because it was so simple and yet so true. I don't know of any families where everyone else is doing great if the mother is miserable.
If you listen to everyone else, they'll tell you to stick it out year after year after year. But they're not you and they aren't living your life.
You only get one life and it's precious, spending it in a place where you don't want to be is nothing short of a tragedy.
I also go by Happy Wife, Happy Life.
Feb 16th 2011, 2:12 pm
#24
Just Joined
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Tasmania
Posts: 17
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
have to agree with you on this....so many people i have met who say..." I am doing it for the kids"..I find that a bit hurtful as if your good/happy parents your children will do well and have a good life wherever you may be, its not down to a country that makes children do well. As for feeling unsettled....it's usually the woman in the relationship that will be the last to settle, sometimes this is down to time and finding your own home etc and getting into a routine...for some it's just that feeling settled is having life long friends and family around you that makes a place home....as for coming back for a holiday...well really thats what it is a holiday....really you have to live somewhere to really know a place. We were in Perth for 12 years and like you we left a good life in the UK to try something different, we had a good life in Aus but after a few years it really was not for us....and there is nothing wrong with that as there is nothing at all with your being upset...it all depends on each individual about how you settle we are all different..you should not put a time scale on when and if's just take each day as it comes and when it comes to a time when you really know its not for you then you either leave or you make the most of life where you are....good luck and really migrating...well...it should have a health warning..lol...take care
Hi I have been in Oz for 3 years and i am finding it hard. i am based in Tasmania. I hate it. My OH likes it and although i do not want to throw the towel in yet, i keep feeling that its not for me.
I have never cried so much, and felt so lonely. Trying to find people near your own age group is hard. Althoug the people here a nice, gossip seems to be there pass time LOL.
I find myself asking is it this place. Myself and my OH did a trip to perth, and i have to say i liked it, question is will i settle or will the doubts be the same. I am trying to stay positive, and feel it is probaly Tassie that makes me feel so usettled. I am usually a positive person and make the best of everything, and always think about the reasons i left the UK, although i do miss family like everybody else that emigrates.
Question is do i give Mandurah Perth a go before i make the decision, to return to the UK????????
Feb 16th 2011, 3:09 pm
#25
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
On the other hand; my spouse is on an expat posting in Singapore, which is just under 5 hours flying time from Perth. Last year we decided to visit WA as we hadn't been to this part of Oz before. We had a few days in Perth, staying at the Crowne Plaza near the CBD and the Swan River. We wandered on a Saturday morning to the shopping area...it was disappointing to say the least. We found many items in the shops to be very expensive - and the Aussie 'Target' shop is nowhere near as good as the US equivalent. By late afternoon the shops were closing down (not unexpected, we've been to Oz a few times before and also to NZ). It was just that it was all so quiet after about 3.30pm. It was a bit yobbish at night in the bars, I especially felt uncomfortable in the restaurant and bar area near the railway station.
We met up with some Aussie friends and had a pleasant visit to a restaurant in the suburbs - but it was just like being in the UK as the evening progressed, lots of young adults getting drunk and barely dressed young women and guys in large groups. We also went out to where the casinos are (suggested by the Aussie friends) but it did nothing for us, we're not into gambling. The King's Park was very nice and down the coast we thought that Freemantle was agreeable.
We loved Rottnest Island - but the weather was fabulous and we enjoyed cycling and getting up close to the resident 'quokkas'. However, it's a special trip and not something one would do on a daily or weekly basis (not cheap either to go very often).
We left Perth and toured the Margaret River wine region, staying at a lovely hotel we found on Lastminute.com.au at 'Bunker Bay' and for one night at the 'Karri Valley' resort (again recommended by Aussie friends). Well - it was all very pleasant in this region...but I guess we would have given it 3 out of 5. We couldn't put our finger on it - but tbh we thought it a bit boring. Actually I would say we were underwhelmed.
I like Australia very much indeed (and my closest friends here in the States are all Aussie expats). We've been to Tassie, nice for a holiday but I wouldn't want to live there....but if you don't enjoy living in Tassie I would think that Perth isn't exactly going to rock your boat either. It's the most isolated city on the planet...
Feb 16th 2011, 3:19 pm
#26
Confirmed grumpy old man
Joined: May 2005
Location: Moved back to Riyadh KSA 2016
Posts: 1,298
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
'Happy Wife, Happy Life'
yes I like that one
yes I like that one
Feb 18th 2011, 9:38 am
#27
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2010
Location: N Yorkshire was Alberta
Posts: 96
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
As I read your post it sounds identical to the situation I was in when we lived in Perth. I felt exactly the same as you with an OH who loved it and wouldn't listen to me. I did (under duress) give it 2 years and it never changed a thing, I knew it was wrong from the day we landed and 2 years later I felt the same.
We came back to the UK 4 and a half years ago and I have never had a moment's regret about coming back, only sheer relief at getting out of Perth.
Personally I think listening to your head is over-rated. Follow your gut instinct, listen to your heart, it won't let you down!
We came back to the UK 4 and a half years ago and I have never had a moment's regret about coming back, only sheer relief at getting out of Perth.
Personally I think listening to your head is over-rated. Follow your gut instinct, listen to your heart, it won't let you down!
Mar 28th 2011, 11:13 am
#28
Just Joined
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Tasmania
Posts: 17
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
Hi I have been in Oz for 3 years and i am finding it hard. i am based in Tasmania. I hate it. My OH likes it and although i do not want to throw the towel in yet, i keep feeling that its not for me.
I have never cried so much, and felt so lonely. Trying to find people near your own age group is hard. Althoug the people here a nice, gossip seems to be there pass time LOL.
I find myself asking is it this place. Myself and my OH did a trip to perth, and i have to say i liked it, question is will i settle or will the doubts be the same. I am trying to stay positive, and feel it is probaly Tassie that makes me feel so usettled. I am usually a positive person and make the best of everything, and always think about the reasons i left the UK, although i do miss family like everybody else that emigrates.
Question is do i give Mandurah Perth a go before i make the decision, to return to the UK????????
Well after loads of soul searching, Mandurah here I come. I have enrolled on a long distance course while i await the move. Property Management, although i do have my hairdressing to fall back on.The decision has come at the right time, Tasmania has gone tits up big style, and is going to get worse. Building sector is in a bad way, and know the Antartic Division is about to possibly leave for Freemantle, so you could say Tassie is in big trouble.
Tasmania is a very hard place to settle, and i realised why i have found it hard here its like Gods waiting room. So my theory is I liked Perth very much and any were is better than here.
4 weeks to go can not wait,to give it my all.
Apr 1st 2011, 6:40 am
#29
Every day's a school day
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Was Calgary back in Edmonton again !!
Posts: 2,667
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
You simply throw a complete wobbler, collapse to the floor kicking and screaming and then shout in a high pitched voice 'I hate it here, I've always hated it here.'
Then you book some one way tickets to the UK, present them to the OH whilst stating in an assertive tone, 'it's Australia/Canada/US/Mozambique (delete as applicable), or me, make your choice' and then storm off out the room in a huff and pray he decides to come with you.
Well it worked for me
Then you book some one way tickets to the UK, present them to the OH whilst stating in an assertive tone, 'it's Australia/Canada/US/Mozambique (delete as applicable), or me, make your choice' and then storm off out the room in a huff and pray he decides to come with you.
Well it worked for me
Apr 1st 2011, 1:18 pm
#30
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2009
Location: Perth
Posts: 2,237
Re: Which one to follow Head or Heart
Well after loads of soul searching, Mandurah here I come. I have enrolled on a long distance course while i await the move. Property Management, although i do have my hairdressing to fall back on.The decision has come at the right time, Tasmania has gone tits up big style, and is going to get worse. Building sector is in a bad way, and know the Antartic Division is about to possibly leave for Freemantle, so you could say Tassie is in big trouble.
Tasmania is a very hard place to settle, and i realised why i have found it hard here its like Gods waiting room. So my theory is I liked Perth very much and any were is better than here.
4 weeks to go can not wait,to give it my all.
.
