TraceyW

Oh sh*t. I've just said goodbye to my Mum at the airport after 5 weeks of wonderful times and catching up on cuddles. Me and our littlest one and my Mum in floods of tears...again.

All I want to do is pack our bags, load the car up, hop on a plane and head home.

After 18 months of so many emotional ups and downs, I really don't know how much more of this I can take. It's just too damn hard. It's not worth it. That big bloody house, the pool, the beach, those lovely parks, what do they all matter really? At the end of the day it's just 'stuff' isn't it?

I keep trying and trying to make this emigration lark work. I support my OH and the kids in everything they do and all I feel like screaming at the top of my voice is "what about me!" Where do my feelings fit into all of this lot? I try so hard to fit in, to make friends, when really these so called friends ( or rather social acquaintances) couldn't give two flying farts what happened to us. I throw myself into uni, I work really hard at it, just so I can get a bloody teaching degree when I don't really know whether I want to teach at all at the end of it. I sort out social occasions, just so we aren't bored. I make sure the kids and hubby are all ok. I seem to be just doing this to please everyone else except me.

I'm just so bloody sad. ....again.

Sorry everyone...just needed to rant.

HiddenPaw

oh tracey, what a sad post. . I can't offer any worldly advice, just a big hug. I can relate to so many of those feelings but I never found out the answers myself.

It's always hard when a close relative leaves and everything feels so empty and lonely. Twice as hard when it's your mum, and especially given your circumstances this last year.

Things will inevitably be hard in the next few days, so maybe try and keep short-term focus (e.g enjoy the school holidays) and then sit down with a fresh mind in a couple of weeks.

Big New Year hug, wish I could help more.
HPx

mand8002

Hi Tracey

Don't know what to say really apart from I really feel for you. I think sometimes people get so absorbed into the emigration process that when it is all over and you have made the move you wonder why on earth did you do it. We have been in Brisbane for almost a year but came back to UK for Christmas to see family and I am not sure it was such a good idea. It has made me really confused as to where I want to be and to be honest I don't feel I belong anywhere at the moment. I am hoping that this will all fall into place when we arrive back in January.

I am not sure if the acquaintances we meet will ever become friends so dear that you can confide in them. I would like to think that they do and I hope that you can forge some good friendships in the coming year.

You sound just as confused as I feel and I don't have the answer unfortunately, but I too am studying and as I enjoy learning that is one thing that I look forward to returning to.

I wish you all the best for 2006 .

Amanda

Irish Guinness

Hi Tracy,
I had a little cry when I read your post,it made me so sad to think you are feeling so low.
Try and keep busy as it's awful when you have your family visit then they leave,all your feelings of homesickness seem to come to the fore !!!!! it just takes over every thing for a few days, then things will settle down again.

Also try and remember they don't call it homesickness for nothing, it is a SICKNESS and it does make you feel quite ill,sad, lonely, and you cannot explain it to anyone who has never experienced it, keep your chin up hon
If it makes you feel any better,I still get homesick and I have been here 42 years :scared:
Have a Happy New Year and may all your wishes come true in 2006

Pants

Hi Tracey sweetheart

Ohhh bless I know how hard it is saying bye to loved ones. I was in pieces when my mum and best mate came to Oz and then went again. Empty..!! and I think as mum's we do alot for our family units. You know if it wasn't for me getting pressies, sending cards etc then we wouldn't bloody have Christmas as my hubby is "pants" at anything like that.

You know hunny you are feeling the way alot of us feel. A big high when your mum was there and then it's an anti-climax isn't it wondering when the next visit will be etc.

This Christmas one of my sisters didn't even bother to send any of us a Christmas card..why cos she's lazy and just didn't put herself out.Now I am going right off the subject...derrrrr just my rant.!!!

You do count and I bet hubby just see's that you are a strong capable beautiful lady who seems happy and content dealing with everything in your stride. Maybe you need to sit down and really weigh up what you need and talk to your hubby about it.

I am sure all your feelings are running high what with saying goodbye to mum and it's times like this that we re-evaluate things.

I have been back 14mnths and my eldest sister hasn't bothered to see any of us. Only 2 of my friends have bothered to come down to sunny Sussex and see us. I have been up to them so many times. My sisters generally leave it to me to do things for my mum without any help or input from either of them. One has just started to help me out...my mum is a widow too Tracey and has basically given all her time to us 3 girls. Now being the youngest I do tend to be left to pick my mum up, do this for her etc etc..I don't mind but now and again some help from them would not go amiss.

What I am trying to say is that when I lived in Oz, I missed people perhaps more than they missed me. Excluding my mum of course. Coming here I still have to make effort to make new friends etc. Please don't get me wrong. I love being home but when I was 12,000 miles away..I think I "loved" it more for all the reasons we do...memories..!!Familiarity...comfort..!!!

Good on you for going to Uni and working hard...and hey if you don't want to teach then you don't have to but if you do then fantastic..you have a skill!!!! that you can take anywhere can't you....!!

Look at all you have achieved sweetheart....soooooooo much.

Sorry I have gone on so much...I am sending you a massive hug....get ready...((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))) ))

Would it be better if your mum could possibly live in Oz?

Have a relaxing eveing Tracey , take care
Love
P x

Cheetah7

I think its hard when loved ones have visited and left no matter how long you have been living somewhere.

And no matter how much you throw yourself into the life that you have, it doesnt for one minute disguise the fact you are homesick to the point that it could be causing you depression.

You have fought these feelings for so long and have done just about everything to please everyone else, but you havent had any help yourself.

After a recent event in my life, I turned to counselling and it was as though someone had given me a strong painkiller which enabled me to tackle what I was afraid of, to break down my thoughts and sort them out.

I would urge you to talk to someone, whether you have depression or homesickness or both.

Because the longer you leave it and put your own feelings aside for others, it will manifest and get worse.

There is no shame in talking to someone who is trained to help you not only manage your emotions, but prioritise what is important.

It will be someone that will not have their own opinions shadowed by their own migration, but someone at the end of the day, may really help you.

And when you have sorted out and learned to cope with what you are going through, you can then make an informed decision which will hopefully, be with the support of your partner.

If you move back to the UK on the basis of what you are feeling now, you may regret it.

Its hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes, and that is when a little outside professional help can assist you in doing so.

Good luck and please dont be too hard on yourself.

Sam

Brucey

Hi Traceyw

That sounds like a crappy situeation, but to be honest if your still feeling that way after 18 months, sod it.
I have heard so many people say how much time you have to give it or they still miss home after so many years. Well in my opinion 18 months is certainly giving it a good try. Its not like the old days where people came out on ships and had nothing to go back to. Life is too short to spend a long period being miserable in the hope that you will get use to somewhere for the sake of a big house, pool , sunshine or whatever. The UK,US or wherever you came from isn't that bad, is it. Get yourself back home surely your well being is the most important thing to your hubby and kids, and if it isn't, well sod them too.

Now I know I am making something sound simplistic that almost always involves more complex issues, but why shouldn't it be simple. If your that unhappy why shouldn't you go home. I bet none of your familly was as miserable and unhappy back home as you are now.

TruBrit

Hi, I'm very much in a similar position and can relate to the unhappiness but at least you're trying like me and loads of others but when people talk about emigrating the points you mentioned above is what makes them think they'd like to emigrate if that makes sense and at the end of the day it's just 'stuff' and it's family and what matters to the individual that counts....sorry still a bit elephant trunk this morning. I now have depression and have to make a decision soon whether to abandon ship or drag this thing out

Garland

I'm sorry you feel so sad Tracy.
If life really is so empty here I think you are right to re-evaluate things. Get the citizenship if that is what is important and then do what will make you happy.
Life is short and I don't think it is at all worth it making yourself so unhappy. Emigration isn't meant to be easy is it? but it is meant to be about enjoying the journey and experience as much as possible.
You are good Tracy at looking at things not forever...maybe its time to start focusing on the family and friends at home and having a plan to go back? It may not seem so overwhelming then?
I'm sure and I know there are wonderful people in Oz too! and if your friends here don't care at all maybe its time to move on and find people who do?

chance to be

tracey, im so sorry you feel like you do...
i hope that by going on this forum, you see that you are not the only one and get some comfort in that.

i want you to make a new years resolution for me...

find a time to sit down with your OH and MAKE him listen, and i mean really listen to how you are feeling.
Suggest a timeframe to work within (if i still feel the same by x despite huge efforts....)so that you know there is light at the end of the tunnel within a certain period of time should you still be unhappy. your feelings are just as important as his in this.

i kept saying to myself "ive got to get citizenship for the kids" (ive been here 5mnths,) however awful it is because i thought it'd be a worthwhile gift for them and make their lives easier in the future. but now (especially as thats changing to 3yrs to get it) i think at the end of the day, if we are a happy family unit and bring them up well, hopefully when they are 18, they will have the right qualifications to apply themselves if they want to.Also, they might not ever decide they want to come here anyway. so what im trying to say is, whats the point of hanging on for something the children can get if/when they want to at the expense of your health/happiness? im sure any child would want a happy family unit than a piece of paper.

just make sure you make your husband listens to your feelings and really takes on board what you want. so have what you want in your mind, then get talking! its bloody hard, but you have as much right as everyone else to have your feelings understood and taken into account. If at the end of the day, your husband were happy enough in the uk, he can be so again, especially if you are in a better position to support him.

there are plenty of people living where you do who feel exactly the same (pm me if you want to meet up) and i see them regularly and they are a great support. they might be what you need to talk things through, rather than the "friends" you have mentioned.

just remember 2 things from my ramble....
1) TALK as soon as you can, because your feelings/mental health are paramount to your family unit and as important as everyone elses.
2) to get as far as you have, you must be a very strong, capable woman who clearly is very caring and loving - so stop beating yourself up!

let us all know how you get on because we all care about how it goes.
c x

TraceyW

Gosh, you lot are so lovely aren't you?

I've slept on it and today is a brand new day. Hubby and I did a lot of talking last night and this morning and we've come to this conclusion: I need to take baby steps.

1) Our new build should be finished by March. Move into it and see how I feel then. Maybe it's the lack of having my own home that's stopping me feeling settled?

2) Go back to uni in Feb and just look at the first semester. Evaluate that and see how I feel.

3) Stop bloody worrying so much about the people left behind in the UK. They will cope without me. (this one is easier said than done!)

4) DO NOT look at this as forever. We'll get citizenship in July hopefully...as long as they don't change the laws for people who are already resident here.

5) If I choose to continue onto my second semester at uni, we will re-evaluate everything in November whan that's finished.

6) Try to enjoy each moment as it comes (yeah right!) Stop panicking about what's going to happen next year, two years, three years etc, etc, etc. This one is also going to be difficult as I am a bit of a worrier (you'd never have guessed would you?!) and I do like things to be in their own little compartments and organised within my life.


My hubby gives me immense support and tries his hardest to understand how I feel, although this is incredibly difficult for him as he so loves it here. Also the fact that he's a man (obviously!) and hasn't the faintest idea what confusion occurs inside a female's head on a daily basis, tends to limit him in his 'understanding' the emotional turmoil I endure on a regular basis!

Thank you so much for your support, the offers of coffee's and chats and an ear to bend. I must admit to being talked out on this subject at the moment and I have to focus on the positives, just for the time being, it's the only way I'm going to get through this.

(Garland: you are the exception to the 'friends' rule and I thank you for being there with your ever so bent ear! xxx)

Thanks again xx

Stuee

Hi Tracey

Sad to hear your unhappy,my Mum is here at the moment in Auckland, its crap saying good bye.

Try to keep your chin up matey, you have been so positive in a few of your last posts.

Not that it matters that much we all did meet once at a BBQ, my wife and I were intensly questioned why we didnt like Perth ( hind site we didnt dislike it that much it was just another big move).

Anyways, cheer up and happy new year to you and yours

TraceyW

Hi. are you the fireman who came over with your wife and was it two sons? You were staying with Deb? If so, yes, I remember you. It was like the Perth Gestapo after you wasn't it? Nobody could believe that you actually weren't overly impressed with Perth!!

I hope you've settled back in Auckland now and you've picked up where you left off.