paul1985

I am in need some advice . . . Im 28 and left the UK about 6 years ago to start an entry level job in Serbia I have really worked hard and now own my own company which has just started to do very well.

The problem is that my wife who is 21 and Serbian is really pressuring me to move back to the UK. Her argument is that no matter what she does in Serbia she wont be able to earn enough to cover the rent and bills not to mention afford to go shopping etc.

I earn enough money to cover all our expenses and I can buy her anything her she wants but she feels that she would be a lot happier in the UK where she can pay her own way.

I'm not close to my family (she is close to hers) I also no longer have any friends in the UK and my business is not transferable so if i leave here i would have to get an entry level job and do the whole thing all over again.

I'm not saying ill never go back but im not ready to go in the near future and advice would be appreciated.

Alizoo

Really difficult one. Have you been married long? Did you discuss where you were going to live before you wed? What's your wife's profession? Does your wife realise that although she might earn more in the UK, the cost of living is relative?

On the face of it it would seem nuts to throw your all hard work, business and your promising future away. You could be completely honest and say you don't want to go back in the immediate future - if at all - and perhaps suggest a timescale to move to the UK, say in 5 years?

ldollard

paul1985, sorry that this is going to sound shitty, but your wife sounds incredibly suspicious to me. How long have you been married. Most husband/wives basic needs are love, a home and enough money to spend and be comfortable.

You say you are providing all these things, plus she has family in Serbia. Wanting to move to the UK sounds at odds with everything she has in life.

I guess at 21 perhaps she is just really itching for adventure. But I think you need to delve deeper into the real reason she wants to move though.

paul1985

Thanks for the answers,

We have been married almost 3 years and talked about moving one day but i never gave it any serious thought. She doesn't work and is in University. To be honest I have no idea why she is so desperate to move all she can say is that she hates living in Serbia.

SanDiegogirl

She married at 18 and now at 21 wants more in life than living in Serbia. Not an uncommon desire for folks from that region.

However, if you have to start all over again then it is not realistic for you as couple. You need to have some serious discussions.

She needs to complete her degree get a job and then review her prospects.

Pulaski

It sounds like you need some long, detailed, and structured conversations, perhaps spread over many months, about what she likes and dislikes about Serbia, how she thinks that moving to the UK would help her, and what her hopes and expectations are. If even you don't have much information about her reasons and thought process, it is going to be just about impossible to create achievable plans and make sensible decisions.
Part of these conversations, perhaps the first part, might be for you to explain what you like and don't like about the UK, and why you prefer living in Serbia.

Sally Redux

He had the excitement of moving countries and building up his own business. She feels stuck in the same place and financially dependent.

I agree, finish her degree and then look at options.

Mummy in the foothills

Has she even visited the UK, maybe once she finishes her degree you could take a trip together and see the country then do more talking.

michali

That is definitely the best idea....to visit first. The grass is always greener on the other side but can your wife be sure of getting a well paid job in the UK? We all know how difficult it can be to find work. A visit might give your wife the experience she wants as an interim measure. I hope you can both come to an amicable arrangement.

WEBlue

I hesitate to say this, but sometimes an unspoken part of the attraction bi-cultural couples find in each other is that each would indeed like to live in the other's country. This doesn't always get discussed in the beginning stages of the relationship, and it can raise issues later on.

The one thing you don't want to do is dismiss her feelings out of hand. (I've seen this kind of reaction end bi-cultural marriages.) Is there a chance you will 'ever' want to live in the UK again? Is there any chance she could wait (with perhaps some visits to the UK in the meantime) till you are in a more receptive frame of mind to consider a UK move, say in 10 years? Is the profession she's educating herself for one where work experience in her own country for 5-10 years would perhaps help her get a better job in the UK?

You may need a spouse visa to get her to the UK, and last year's changes in the financial requirements for the UK citizen bringing a non-
EEA spouse to the UK may well make this difficult or impossible for you, as has happened for some other young UK/non-EEA couples starting married life outside the UK.
http://britishexpats.com/wiki/Spouse_Immigration-UK

I would seriously talk to her about future time frames. You both have work to do where you are for now (you continuing to build your business, she finishing her education and beginning her career), but can agree to keep talking, keep revisiting the subject in a way that is respectful of both your needs, yet sensible of the realities, as you move together into the future.

TheEmperorIsNaked

I mean no offence Paul, but I agree with this view. This is not uncommon. It seems to me you have worked hard and established yourself. It appears you would have to give all that up.

Can I suggest as diplomatically as possible that the feeling of 'back to square one' might be dramatically worse if you ended up alone back in the UK?

You are young Paul (1985?), and you've achieved much, don't be emotionally blackmailed into doing something that in your heart you do not want to do. If your marriage is enduring it will sustain remaining in Serbia for the time being.

I could understand the partner being homesick thing; but this is different....

paul1985

thanks for all the replys, we have visted the uk many times so really the only thing to do is say no im not going and see what happens.

Michael

You mentioned that if you moved back you'd have to get an entry level job. Would the job pay enough or do you have the assets for the new financial support requirements to move a non EU spouse to the UK?

brissybee

I agree with those who say she probably wants an adventure. It's quite common at that age.

Questions to ask, maybe... would you stay in Serbia without her? Would she go to the UK without you? Has she discussed any other future plans with you? Children etc?

She is probably going to mature and develop/change her own ideas and plans in years to come. For what it's worth, I think you should be true to yourself and stay focused on what you think is right for you.