liverpoolbass

Hey, before I start, sorry for this first post being a complete essay!
So, I've been stalking around these boards for a few months now, and thought i'd finally post seeing as things are coming together/or are they? So, I moved to Columbus, OH, June of last year, been here for 13 months.
I'd visited the US twice last year to see how I'd like Ohio, and also mainly to finally meet the girl I'd been talking to for 14 years (she is a USC), along with one mutual friend I had with via her.

She lives with her Mum, and her Mum's boyfriend... (I know people's alarm bells would have probably just gone off right there!) I didn't think this as a problem, they seemed great and happy to help on the first two meetings, and were happy for me to move over, (her mum was aware of me for them 14 years). So they live in a big old house, then 2 stories, so we aren't living side by side, still all the same one house, it's just some stairs separating us.


So, forward the hellish task of sorting the visa, sending me an employment authorization document late with a validity of 2 months, then sending the GC to the wrong address, twice! They lost our birth certificates, then lost the tax return copies we sent, 4 infopass appointments I managed to get an I-551 stamp in my passport, and then finally the GC arrived! It was stressful.
So, that time was spent being unable to obtain a driver's license, nothing. So I was stuck not being able to work, and kind of stuck in the middle of the cornfields of Ohio.

During all this time, her mum knew things had started out tough with the visa, the stress of being 28 and not being able to get a job, make money and get our lives moving. She offered to teach me to drive. (I had never been able to drive in the UK because I can't see out my right eye very well, but in Ohio, I'm good to drive?!) So, got my temps, which was incredible, the thing to open everything up, my wife and I could probably move out, and no longer be stuck without any past times, friends, job.

So around Februaryl, things got stressful, I found a job which was great! But I had to cycle to a bus stop, miles away, ride a bus, then walk for miles, then do the work at a call center. With one bus an hour, and where we lived being isolated and not having an accessible walk to bus stop, It got harder and harder. The weather in Ohio in Feb/March was the horrible cold/rainy/windy tail end of a bitter winter. But being promised the driving lessons, which once again were being put off, then when it did come down to needing a ride from someone, her mum's boyfriend being in a bad mood that people had to do things when we should be doing it ourselves. Then my wife, worked for the family tow truck company, for less than $100 a week, even though she was working for them full time. Once again, to make sure she couldn't move out.
And I know that sounds paranoid, but the last apartment my wife did have, her mum was paying the rent for (as part of her working for the towing company) then when they moved out to the cornfields, 20 miles away, stopped paying her rent, and told her she would have to move in with them.

So, i've asked her does she want to do what I've done,. and maybe come out and see what she thinks of the UK for a couple of months, or maybe try it for a 2 week vacation, and then try it for like 3/6 months if she did like it there... The great thing is, She seems pretty open to it. Me going home and sorting out the beginning foundations of finding a job, or just giving us a little try out there, then her coming over in September or October. The situation of leaving her behind is horrible, but... for a year, I've literally sat in a house, 90% of the time, and done chores for her mum and mum's boyfriend..... whereas in the UK, I had a job, opportunities, friends, a band, was playing gigs, things were easier, better, more fun... I miss the UK, I miss Liverpool especially, I still consider it one of the best places to be. But Sunday, the journey begins back to the old Kingdom! I feel sick about it, worried, nervous, just yeah. completely nervous and sick.

Otherwise, anyone else got any opinions on this idea of going home, leaving the wife, or husband in their country, and them following over, or you even going back to that country after sorting stuff out? I am not going to throw my residency here away, I'm keeping things open, maybe a return to England will give me that feeling of, 'Wow, this is why I left' but right now, I can't see it.

Mummy in the foothills

Well done on making the decision to try and make a better life for you and your wife. I sounds pretty dire where you were/are living.
Have you had a good read through the new rules? Make sure you are going to earn enough to sponsor your wife to go to the UK to join you. But until that happens you are doing in reverse what may have done by one spouse being in the US and the UK partner waiting and working while they get it all sorted out. My Dh and I did it while we had one child, and were apart for nearly a year, it's easier now with skype, back then it was an occasional expensive phone call and letters.
Good luck with the move, it sounds like it'll be a big improvement for both of you with life as it is.

J.JsOH

Looking at your situation from the outside, it sounds like you do need to take a positive step away or be stuck where you are, unhappy, for a long time.
It is quite natural for you to be apprehensive about your move to UK. Good on ya. Keep thinking positive and with a mind for making improvement in your situation.

liverpoolbass

Thanks for the replies. It's scary, and the days between now and Sunday are stressful, and yeah... nerve wracking!

I know i've made the right decision, it's just the bridge, crossing the bridge is scary... in this case, getting to the airport and going, home.
I am looking forward to taking a trip to the pub! Arrive home on Monday at 7.50am... At least it seems to be nice weather there.

Thanks for the advice too about the visa, and financial requirements. I've been following it all very closely the last few weeks. Should be fine, once she actually gets the chance to see the Land!

spouse of scouse

From where I'm sitting (in Australia, but that's beside the point!), you've made the very best decision for you and your wife - you can't keep on living as you have been, that's no life at all. Of course you're nervous, anyone would be but remember, if it all turns to crap you can always go back and you've lost nothing except the price of a ticket.
Just keep your eye on the goal and work steadily towards that. My scouse husband's home in Liverpool at the moment - the weather is glorious. Best of luck lad, and enjoy your first decent pint in ages

liverpoolbass

Thanks spouse of scouse, I appreciate the words! I'm back now, probably going to post something on the, 'back home' board. Otherwise, I got back Monday morning at around 8.10am, got a lift home from a mate, and was straight back in to life... only thing is, it instantly feels so much faster... but having buses and trains at my disposal, and then the shops only 5 minute walk away, is boss!

She wants to come over and visit, so that's the plan now, let her see what it is like here, and then go from there. The plan though is definitely have it all sorted by October, our plans. The weather is super hot, I can't take it... I miss A/C!

jemima55

Ha, ha, me too, I am a useless pool of uselessness! Welcome back, by the way!

Mummy in the foothills

Welcome home. that she loves it when she visits.

spouse of scouse

I love that about the UK (Liverpool), buses and trains so near, walk to the shop for your paper - where we live we have to drive everywhere. One upside of your wife coming over when it's cooler - she won't join the local girls and use a fake tanner that will make her a most peculiar shade of orange Dunno what brand it is, but they all use it and they're all orange!
Does winter get really cold where you lived in the States? A nice welcome home (hopefully!) for your wife when she gets to Liverpool might be a onesie, and a matching one for you
She'll love Liverpool, how could she not? Do keep us updated, lots of people have their fingers crossed for you