I have lived here in the u.s.a for 20 years and I want to return to the u.k. I'm in contact with my ex-husband but I want to get away from him because he is emotionally abusive and controlling. When we were married, he prevented me from working and left me home alone mostly while he went out which made me feel isolated and alone. Then I started drinking all the time to cope with everything. I'm trying to put some money away to support myself for a year.I worry that considering I have not worked in years that I may have a hard time finding work in the u.k and worried my money will run out. I know if I leave he will try to find me and that scares me because he has not hit me but I know he is capable of doing so. Any advice? Please help I'm so alone with all of this.

When you plan your move don't tell him, just go and don't look back. If you don't give him contact info and tell any friends not to tell, how will he find you? I hope you can find a way to get back to UK safely, good luck.

Sorry about your situation. Do you have any children? Do you have family that can help you? Good luck to you.

What about a support group (FREE) in your area or anonymous helpline so that you get to speak to someone neutral. Also, it wouldn't cost you anything.

This might help you get your head sorted out a bit before making the move back to the UK.

Just a thought, and really sorry to hear what you've been going through.

How are you getting on?

I was wondering the same thing.

Hi Skyflower

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I just wanted to bump your thread because I remember there have been several threads over the last couple of years from women who are unfortunately in a similar situation to yours.

If you take a look at the "Useful UK Links' sticky at the top of this section, and in particular take a look at post 32 and 36, you will see a fantastic list of helpful UK agencies and sources of advice and information. The thread is a couple of years old, but I hope the links will give you a good starting point.

(((hugs))) I hope things get better for you.

Rose x

I think with regards to not working for a while and age could be an issue. I don't mean to sound rude, but it seems lately if you're over about 35 here, they don't think twice about offering you an interview even if you are suited for the job description. That's just what I've heard through people of that age and up anyway.

Plus, jobs here are in great need by many, so you may just struggle because of that reason. If you have particular areas that you are skilled or knowledgable in then I would focus on those areas to give you more of a chance.

The other thought, is self employment, you could consider that!? Figures show that people have more stability and regular income than that of employed people. But you have to make it past the first year to be successful as they say only 1 in 10 self employed people make it passed the first year.

And you ex, I wouldn't tell him either like someone else said. He's no part of your life and you don't answer to him, so why would he need to know if there aren't any kids involved!?

Just wanted to add a good luck message. Also read a post here that implied it would be hard to get a job if your over 35. Don't know what kind of jobs their talking about or what you want, but my husband (38 ) sent off emails to loads of supermarkets and they all replied. Might seem a bit crappy, but (from experience) its going to take a while to get your confidence and self respect back and long shifts in an unchallenging environment is a really good first step. Also, many large employers such as supermarkets and factories actively encourage their staff to train regardless of age. I went for a factory, and got quite high up, but you might prefer a supermarket as they are probably more sociable.
What ever you decide - hope it goes well