Need some help

Old Aug 26th 2007, 3:38 pm
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Default Need some help

Hi all
Finally i think or hope my husband and i have come to a solution about getting back to the uk, as he owes quite a bit of money on his credit card here and with my medical bills it will take years to pay off, and then with saving money to make the move back i just cant see it possible and i desperately want to go home. So.... hopefully this is doable? In a years time i plan to go home by myself and get a job, i can get quite a well payed office job as i have 10 years experience as an office administrator. I will live with my parents, they said they wouldnt charge me rent so most of my money can be sent back here to the US and it will almost double (well near enough anyway) we can have all the bills payed off in almost a year or over and then i can get established here again and can get on with getting us a place to live etc etc...
Now my thing is, would my husband get a visa to come over after us not being together for a year or 2, with me being back in uk and him in the us.... ? I know all about having to prove that we are going to live together and all that crap, because of the visa process over here. We have been married 2 years this sept and have a child together, thats proof enough, i've tried to read up on the visa process for uk but i dont understand any of it, just like i didnt understand the US.

I hope this is possible....

Hope all is well with everyone

Thanks
Rach
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Old Aug 26th 2007, 5:37 pm
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Default Re: Need some help

Originally Posted by uk_sweetie
Hi all
Finally i think or hope my husband and i have come to a solution about getting back to the uk, as he owes quite a bit of money on his credit card here and with my medical bills it will take years to pay off, and then with saving money to make the move back i just cant see it possible and i desperately want to go home. So.... hopefully this is doable? In a years time i plan to go home by myself and get a job, i can get quite a well payed office job as i have 10 years experience as an office administrator. I will live with my parents, they said they wouldnt charge me rent so most of my money can be sent back here to the US and it will almost double (well near enough anyway) we can have all the bills payed off in almost a year or over and then i can get established here again and can get on with getting us a place to live etc etc...
Now my thing is, would my husband get a visa to come over after us not being together for a year or 2, with me being back in uk and him in the us.... ? I know all about having to prove that we are going to live together and all that crap, because of the visa process over here. We have been married 2 years this sept and have a child together, thats proof enough, i've tried to read up on the visa process for uk but i dont understand any of it, just like i didnt understand the US.

I hope this is possible....

Hope all is well with everyone

Thanks
Rach
Sorry I can't help you regarding your husband's visa. I just wanted to say good for you trying to pay off your debts at great personal sacrifice. I hope everything works out for you.
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Old Aug 26th 2007, 7:18 pm
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Default Re: Need some help

Hi,

If you both work right now and have a house etc, why not try to get a visa right now?
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Old Aug 26th 2007, 8:45 pm
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Default Re: Need some help

Originally Posted by uk_sweetie
Hi all
Finally i think or hope my husband and i have come to a solution about getting back to the uk, ..............
Thanks
Rach
Couldn't you all move back together - couldn't your husband find a job in the UK?

What's the point in him staying behind?
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 1:59 am
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Default Re: Need some help

This was the only way that i can think of to get us back quicker, my husband just would not talk about moving back until yesterday afternoon when i had 2 huge rows with his mother. It was so bad that i called my parents to send me ticket money over immediately so i could go home. My husband talked me out of it and that paved the way for moving back over in the next year.
We dont have any money to move, the house we live in is owned by his parents and he just pays rent each month, my husband has 2 credit cards (only found out about the other yesterday) with huge debts on each we need to have some money to move back with, all his money is taken up by bills and keeping all 3 of us. I tried from last oct thru jan this year to get a job here, i applied for over 100 jobs (i counted them) and didnt even get 1 call back, i applied for office admin, shop work, just about anything, i was getting desperate, i have no idea why i cant get a job over here. In the uk i would have got tons of calls back, another reason why i hate the usa. We need £500 for his visa, we need money for shipping, flights.... get my drift
I just cant sit around here for months waiting and hoping someone will call me back for an interview, i want to go home asap. I know i will get a job immediately in the uk and the money i send back will almost double here which will put us in a better position.
Its not that i want to leave them both but its only for a short time and the end outcome will be so so worth it
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 2:06 am
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Default Re: Need some help

Originally Posted by uk_sweetie
This was the only way that i can think of to get us back quicker, my husband just would not talk about moving back until yesterday afternoon when i had 2 huge rows with his mother. It was so bad that i called my parents to send me ticket money over immediately so i could go home. My husband talked me out of it and that paved the way for moving back over in the next year.
We dont have any money to move, the house we live in is owned by his parents and he just pays rent each month, my husband has 2 credit cards (only found out about the other yesterday) with huge debts on each we need to have some money to move back with, all his money is taken up by bills and keeping all 3 of us. I tried from last oct thru jan this year to get a job here, i applied for over 100 jobs (i counted them) and didnt even get 1 call back, i applied for office admin, shop work, just about anything, i was getting desperate, i have no idea why i cant get a job over here. In the uk i would have got tons of calls back, another reason why i hate the usa. We need £500 for his visa, we need money for shipping, flights.... get my drift
I just cant sit around here for months waiting and hoping someone will call me back for an interview, i want to go home asap. I know i will get a job immediately in the uk and the money i send back will almost double here which will put us in a better position.
Its not that i want to leave them both but its only for a short time and the end outcome will be so so worth it
I believe you would have to show proof of having the means to support your husband...including somewhere to live before he could live in the UK.
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 2:53 am
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Default Re: Need some help

Originally Posted by uk_sweetie
This was the only way that i can think of to get us back quicker, my husband just would not talk about moving back until yesterday afternoon when i had 2 huge rows with his mother. It was so bad that i called my parents to send me ticket money over immediately so i could go home. My husband talked me out of it and that paved the way for moving back over in the next year.
We dont have any money to move, the house we live in is owned by his parents and he just pays rent each month, my husband has 2 credit cards (only found out about the other yesterday) with huge debts on each we need to have some money to move back with, all his money is taken up by bills and keeping all 3 of us. I tried from last oct thru jan this year to get a job here, i applied for over 100 jobs (i counted them) and didnt even get 1 call back, i applied for office admin, shop work, just about anything, i was getting desperate, i have no idea why i cant get a job over here. In the uk i would have got tons of calls back, another reason why i hate the usa. We need £500 for his visa, we need money for shipping, flights.... get my drift
I just cant sit around here for months waiting and hoping someone will call me back for an interview, i want to go home asap. I know i will get a job immediately in the uk and the money i send back will almost double here which will put us in a better position.
Its not that i want to leave them both but its only for a short time and the end outcome will be so so worth it
It all does not sound right,you going home and waiting a year for them to come over just sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.I want to go home myself but wife and kids don't want to and I am really having a hard time with it all.
Is everything ok between you and your husband?
Do you want to leave them here?
Is there anything your not telling us?
Sorry to sound a bit nosy but it may help if you answer those questions.......although you don't have to.
Myself I feel like getting in the car sometimes and going straight to the airport but the thought of being without the wife and kids (at the moment) is worse than the thought of staying here although the gap is getting closer.I hate the place and have for a few years I guess someday soon something has to give.
I really hope things work out for you but don't be to quick in making decisions .....good luck and all the best
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 3:02 am
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Default Re: Need some help

I felt the need to reply to this but you can't leave without your baby. Things have been bad here for me but I never would ever consider being away from my little boy. Just think about that?? Is anything REALLY worth it?

I want to leave here but I would go back with my little boy, couldn't that be an option and then your husband if he agrees to it come later when things are sorted out?

That little baby needs his mother.
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 4:07 am
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Default Re: Need some help

Originally Posted by babsi

I want to leave here but I would go back with my little boy, couldn't that be an option and then your husband if he agrees to it come later when things are sorted out?

That little baby needs his mother.
I agree strongly.... even if this means additional expense for child care in the UK. Please don't leave your son behind; it sets the precedent for him staying here permanently.
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 4:57 am
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Thumbs up Re: Need some help

Don,t send money over too your husband-if he has hidden the 2nd credit card debt from you, what makes you think he would pay off the debts with the money you send over?I can,t understand why you can,t all come over here together set up a direct debit out of his US account to pay the debts and wire money through to his parents to put in his account to cover the payments?And Please,please,please don,t leave your baby behind, can,t your mum and dad look after the baby while you work?if things got bad and he decided not to join you-he may be more entitled to the child than you, he could claim you abandoned them and gain full custody.I,m not trying to be negative you obviously want to go back to the Uk but not at the expense of possibly losing your child.And if he won,t come with you now he probably never will.Good luck with everything i hope it all works out well for you.
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 5:33 am
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Default Re: Need some help

Originally Posted by jilla411
Don,t send money over too your husband-if he has hidden the 2nd credit card debt from you, what makes you think he would pay off the debts with the money you send over?..........If he decided not to join you-he may be more entitled to the child than you, he could claim you abandoned them and gain full custody..............if he won,t come with you now he probably never will.......
I absolutely agree!!

You are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.

Whatever you do, do not leave the US without your baby.

But to be allowed to take him/her, you need your husband's consent.


As for your inability to find a job - have you followed up on any of your applications to find out *why* you were not even selected for interview? You cannot learn from any mistakes you may have made if you do not know what those are...
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Old Aug 28th 2007, 6:49 am
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Default Re: Need some help

I too agree, with everybody here, do not leave your baby behind; your baby needs both its mother & its father. It doesn’t matter how bad everything is, if you leave him behind & things doesn’t work out your husband could say you've abandon the baby, & I guarantee you he's family would back him up.
Please, please don’t it this way, try to play the clever woman, try to either get him to come with you then you can both work & pay off the debt together.
Without the fighting or shouting, use kind words, even if you think he doesn’t deserve it some times, you’ll be surprise how he rather come to UK with you rather than stay at home with he’s mum & dad.
Once you leave your baby behind he’s mother would surely would try to take over, seriously think this over, when you leave him behind, you said you might be away for 1 or 2 year, who do you think when your son is crying or hurt, who would he run to, trust me it wont be to you.
Wishing you all the luck in the world for you, I know you are going through a very difficult time in your life.

If you need somebody to chat with PM me, I'm not close to at all, but I'm really good listener, sometimes by talking things can get a lot easier.
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