TRJP

Hi
We have recently moved to Sydney (been here 3 wks), We are a couple (30 and 33) with a 23mth old little boy. We have found somewhere to live and have been there just over 1 week.

However, I am feeling so homesick and wondering why on earth I uprooted my little boy and took him away from his friends and family. My husband loves it already and wants to stay forever but I am willing to give it ago but would like to go home when our lease on the house finishes in 1yr.

The difference of opion is straining our marriage so much and I feel like I have no support. I have made some friends already wirh children but I just know I don't want my son to grow up without his family around him. You're probably saying "didn;t you relaise that before you came" but I suppose things become more apparrent when you are in a situation.

My husband was so sure that Australila would bring a better lilfestyle for all of us, espcially our son but I can't see that there is anything here that he couldn't do in the UK. The hot weather is the only differnce.

Has anyone been to Ausatralia or even Sydney and decided to go home? If so how did you feel, did you regret it? How long did you stay in Aus (or anywhere else) and how much did it cost to ship everything back home?

I suppose I want to speak to people in the same boat who are having the same feelings as me.

Any advice very much appreciated!

Thanks

MrsB

Hi TRJP
I know how you feel - you are not alone! It took me 2 months to realise I didn't want to live here permanently - and my hubby loves it too, but we're going to stay 2 years. Finding this website was great for me too, as all the brits I met here loved it and stayed - you never get to meet the ones who went home - because they are at home!!! I had a 2 month "honeymoon period" - then it hit home BIG time about how far away we were from our families.

I've managed 6 months, and we are just treating it as an adventure. We've seen some local sights, been to Tazzie, going to other places next year.

Its really really hard, I've cried enough tears in the past 4 months to fill a bathub - and nobody understands! Here, it's the same life we had in the UK - with sunshine - like you said (well - its raining today!) - so we may as well be at home, where we have access to our extended family. We are far worse off here financially, and in the longer term, we'd never be able to pay airfares back home every year.

Some love it, some don't - and I'm one who doesn't !!!! For me, it isn't a "better life" at all.

I hope that helps to know you are not alone!

Pootle

Hello!
3 weeks is such a short time to have been here, you are probably still getting over the jet lag. I think the men settle in much quicker than us women - they are usually out at work all day, meeting other people, keeping busy etc. They seem not to have such strong emotional ties to family and friends that we have. We moved to Melbourne in Jan this year so have almost hit the 6 month mark. Have not yet got residency, but we are quite keen to stay for the 2 years after that and get citizenship before we think about returning.

From the very start my husband said he didn't ever want to go back. We have 2 kids, 6 & 3, and the 6 year old has taken a while to get settled into school. After being here about 3 months I was very homesick. I was on here every day, reading threads like yours with tears streaming down my face. I am now feeling alot better (even though its now winter). The things we can do with the kids are so much more than we could in the uk. We are continually making new friends, everyone is very nice. Have you tryed joining a local playgroup?

Alot depends on the area you live. We have friends who moved to Sydney and couldn't settle. Could you try a different city before thinking of returning home? There are lots on here who will give you support but please don't go back too soon as you may regret it later. Give it 6 months minimum then review how you feel.

Hope things look up for you soon,
Ruth

Pollyana

I'm not going to say that time will necessarily change your mind, but three weeks really is not long enough to decide. Many holidays last longer than that. You absolutely must give it more time.
Read through older threads on this forum, there are lots by people who have felt the same as you - some have gone back, some decide in time that they like it.
I had weeks during my first year when i hated every minute, when I cried myself to sleep every night, but I couldn't go back, having married an Aussie and committed myself to living here with him. 18 months on its better, I still have my moments of wanting to leave but there are less of them.

Remember you put a lot of thought into getting here, you owe it to yourself and your family to give it a try for a bit longer.

Pants

Hi TRJP

I think you are feeling what so many of us have experienced at certain times whilst being in another country. Try to take each day as it comes and not think about the " can't be here forever".Men seem to adapt far better but I think its purely the mother instinct that also kicks in with us girlies.

What is it you dislike? I went to Oz(West of Sydney) with my 5mnth old baby girl and my aussie hubby.I truly give alot of thought to the downside of how it COULD be as I was so wrapped up in being a mum. However I went through big bouts of wanting to go home but I know I wouldn't have been very happy with myself for not giving it my "best shot". We lived with my outlaws (which wasn't good) and then when we had our own place life got better.

I joined a mother's group and made some great friends, I joined a playgym session, a playgroup and a gym ( for me) which had a creche. I gradually made more contact with people and just made myself go out and do things. I didn't want to be a bad, sad mum for my daughter.

I found it hard around my daughters birthday, Christmas and any occasion like that but I made the best of what I could.

Don't get me wrong it wasn't all hunky dory I had many days of tears and sadness and feeling alone. My husband worked shifts of over 12hrs a day so I hardly saw him on the days he worked.I had no help from my outlaws at all. They never once took me anywhere or showed me anything I was left to get on with it myself.

After a massive falling out with my stepford sister-in-law and yet another horrible Christmas hubby and I chatted and we made the decision to return to the UK.

We stayed 21/2yrs and have been back here in the UK since Sept 04. You know I still miss Oz and my mates. I am glad to be home but I don't think we will spend the rest of our days here. I have very happy memories of Oz and thats what I think about not the terrible time I had.

It's not easy and no-one should expect it to be. There are no easy solutions to being homesick etc and I think one way to deal with it is to recognise it for what it is, accept it and move forward. Be proud of the steps you have taken. look at what a great adventure this is. None of us know how long this lasts and like I said I think don't look at the end of it...the forever look at it each day and make good of what you can.
Pls feel free to pm me....I do truly feel for you and you are not alone. Others feel the same...what part of Sydney are you in? Did you not fancy meeting the other girls in the area I know they have all been out for a bevy recently. !!Sandra, Wheezy etc...Geordie George...they all post on the Australia forum and they are all in Sydney area..

Good luck and be strong.....you have shown how much courage you have already by being there..!! be Proud...

mand8002

Hi TRJP

I know just how you feel. We came here in January and I have never felt such an overwhelming feeling of homesickness. I constantly had a knot in my stomach and felt sick. I decided that we would return home at Easter, but Easter came and went and it is now almost July. That feeling has gone and I now only have occasional days where the tears flow, most of the time I feel so happy to be living in Australia. I can't say what brought about this turnaround as it happened gradually but without noticing it I began to enjoy my new life.
Three weeks isn't long at all, please give it more time. As somebody else suggested maybe try a different city.
Whatever you decide I wish you all the best.
Amanda

jad n rich

Just what the others have said really, give it a bit of time, it might grow on you, the intensity of it all the first few weeks is hard, especially with a little one, try some of those playgroup, toddler activity things, even swimming lessons great ways to meet aussie mums, and having mates does make it easier

Mercedes

On the Australia forum, I noticed some have meets occasionally. If there is not one coming up soon, why not arrange one yourself. You may find others who are feeling the same, and you can have more friends who are in the same boat and a support network to hand as well. Sometimes it can be harder when people have their own established groups of friends, to fully break into and for them to fully understand how you may be feeling.

There were times in the early days I wished there was a "Beam me up scotty" system so I could see who I missed and then be beamed back

seacreature

I'm in Canada, but I totally understand where you're coming from.

Jellybean

It's sad to hear too many people saying the same thing and so far all after such little time. I shall say again, remember your dream, don't forget the reasons why you moved. You are feeling very vunerable and scared, it is normal.

It is quite often easier for the husband as he has a focus and busy with his work, whilst you have to rebuild the rest. Take it on as a challenge, like others have said as an experience, make a date head towards it.

Finally, try and give it a year at least before going back, remember what you have left behind, the good and the bad. It is a brave thing that you have done, many wouldn't have gone that far....you have, don't look back yet.

Also when you do get back to see your family, your visits are so much more special.

Best of luck.

Jxxls

crozz

hello TRJP sorry to butt in but what you have to try and remember is that you are one of the fortunate ones that i call handpicked i know people that have applied and failed to get into oz and others that want to go but cant due to age these people would give their right arm to be in your position.life is too short to have any regrets.life in the uk cant have been that good for you otherwise you would never have gone through the immigration process in the first place sit back and enjoy what oz has got to offer get over the fiirst 3 months and you will be fine but good luck anyway.crozz

banjo

Your post could have been one of mine about 18mths ago (except I'm only turning 30 this year! ) We arrived with our 23mth old son and another due within 8 weeks of arriving. I knew very quickly that it would never be 'home' for me, but put it down to feeling immense guilt at taking my son from all the people who had known and loved him, and had an input into his life since his birth. My husband loved it from day one.....it was just one big adventure. He managed to convince me to give it a year and then we'd evaluate and if I 'really' wanted to go back we would. After a year things looked an awful lot better than they did those first few weeks and months. However....I still wanted to go back. This time the rat (aka husband) got me to agree to waiting until the 2yr mark so we could get our citizenship just incase we ever wanted to come back. So....that's what we're doing.

The first year seemed to drag - and we had three loads of friends come out to visit - but this year has gone by sooooooooo quickly. I can hardly believe we're already into July.

Once your son finds some little friends that he enjoys being with, I'm sure you'll feel better about the whole move. Until then.....hang in there. You're not alone. One thing that worked for me was to limit my time on this website as I found it just made me feel even worse......