HighlandPenguin

Here is the situation, I am the UK citizen and my OH is the USC. After my OH lost her job about a year ago, we ended up having to file for bankruptcy and will be loosing our house shortly. Therefore we decided in January to move back to Scotland around August this year and naturally all the visa stuff is being sorted for my OH.

I work in the IT field and have 10 years experience in Network/Systems and Database administration. Ideally I would love to get a job while I am still here in the US, but realistically I will probably only be able to get one once I am there.

The problem is my folks, especially my mother, have been super negative about us coming back to the UK and going on about how dire the economic situation is. I have also read several other posts on this forum as well as others, similarly painting a gloomy picture. However when I search for jobs on the web, I am seeing plenty of IT jobs, albeit most of them are developer type ones. So this negativity is beginning to feed my doubts about whether a move back to the UK is the right thing.

I was wanting to hear from anyone, to give me their thoughts on whether moving back to the UK at the moment, is a really bad idea or not in terms of getting a job and settling back in. Additionally I wanted to hear from anyone on how they handled negative, unsupportive family members, especially if we are going to need their support to make a successful relocation back to the UK.

dunroving

Yes and No.

Yes, it is warranted - things are difficult at the moment and pretending otherwise is foolhardy.

No it is not warranted - UK culture is typically over-negative so they are probably exaggerating. I've definitely been affected by the negativity since moving back. Sometimes I feel like I have had a personality transplant since I left the States.

re: How to deal with their negativity, all you can do is tell them you are definitely coming back and you need them to be as supportive as possible (and constantly harping on about the negatives is doing your head in so please stop it).

Mummy in the foothills

I don't think they get how brutal the US can be, no job, no home, no health insurance, no money, you can live in a tent and in your car (if it wasn't repo'd) and no one really care that much the police just move you along.
No one in the UK seems to believe this stuff. If I'm going to live poor, I'd rather do it where I can see family once in awhile and see a doc when needed.

brits1

we moved back last year and when we first informed our families (all live in the UK) we were returning home a few said we were mad (these were mainly family members who thought/think its all sun,sea,sand and one long holiday...I wish..lol) we just did our thing though and got on with our move, the negativity did worry me but in the end only you know how your life is in the real world....you can always come home and see how you feel, it may be the fresh start you need...for the most friends and family have been great and even strangers were positive about our move when told we had returned from Aus...most knew/know of people living abroad and say its notall a bed of roses overseas. good luck and you really have to do whats right for you and your OH, I think "unless you walk a mile in my shoes"...etc....

Bevm

There have been people here who've realized that their families have enjoyed having a relative abroad "living the good life." Something to boast about. So they have a personal issue if the relative returns home saying it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Bev

DDL

I so agree with brits1 - and Mummy.

Penguin, the same thing happened to us. In our case, I'm the USC and my husband is the UKC. We're in our 50s. We sold everything in the US in order to make the move back. We've been back for 6 months now and while it hasn't been easy, we'd do it all over again.

No one can understand your heart and your hopes and your dreams except you and your OH.

People here are still wondering why we're back, but we know why ... and that's all that matters. At first, we felt like we "owed" everyone an explanation. But we soon found out that even when we tried to explain, they just didn't get it anyway. So now we don't even waste our breath. We just give them some inane reply like, "We really missed it" - and then ready ourselves for their rant about all the bad things in this country.

Some of the reasons we moved back are the things that Mummy mentioned, but other reasons have more to do with intangibles, things that are personal to us.

I think the most important thing you can do to prepare is to be realistic about the situation here. As DR said, it is difficult at the moment, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. Make sure that your circumstances (whether that be cash on hand, a place to live temporarily, etc.) will enable you to survive for perhaps months as you look for work, housing etc. - and don't lose the plot during this stressful period (both before and after the move).

Even on the bad days (and we DO have them) - and despite the things that we *don't* like about the UK (and yes there ARE some) - we're still pleased as Punch to be living back in England.

Follow your heart, Penguin. And GOOD LUCK!! We're here to support you.

Edited to add: I also think it's imperative that you have your OH's full support. My husband's very lucky in that I absolutely adore England.

P.S. My husband has worked in IT for years. Web developer extraordinaire. Solid work history, excellent references, damn impressive CV if I do say so myself. Hundreds of applications made that ended up in less than half a dozen interviews. (We live in Greater London.) After 5 months of being unemployed, he was finally offered a full-time job with a local council - as a Planning Enforcement Officer!!! (He did have experience, years ago, as an Estate Manager.) He jumped at it, even though it wouldn't be his first choice and the pay is crap. My point: be prepared to compromise.

sallysimmons

Amen.

People in the UK seem to believe that theirs is the only country suffering hard times and that the rest of us are living the high life. They also have an extremely unrealistic view of life in America for the average person. They just have zero understanding of what it's like to live with absolutely no safety net and to do it in a strange culture.

I honestly think you have to tune them out and do your own research. They're not able to give you advice because they only know one side of things. If you're seeing lots of jobs advertised, that's a good sign. You could also call agencies and talk to recruiters - even though you probably can't start the search yet, you'll make some connections and get more of an idea of the market.

My mum was quite negative when we first started talking about it. I dealt with it by explaining all our reasoning (health care, cost of living, culture etc) and then talking about how I wanted to be there for her. The more we talked, the more she understood and thought it made sense. She still talks negatively all the time about England but I've told her I tune it out so not to bother. She has a nice house in a beautiful part of the country and is never affected in any way by these things she worries so much about.

Best of luck with your move back. I'm envious!

chriswinter

Mummy..I have to agree. When I speak to my American born brother (who has lived in England for ages) or his estranged wife (we're still friends)...they talk so negatively about the UK and when I tell them that in these later years here in the US have been going downhill as well...it's as if they simply will not believe what I say. Even though I could give all manner of credible sources for them to read. I guess there are still some people who believe that the streets of America are lined in gold....they certainly aren't.
On 60 Minutes tonite, they had a segment of the ever growing population of homeless families...families that were once middle-class or at the very least hard-working families. It was very sad to watch and listen to...especially when the children spoke.

chriswinter

Actually Bev, I have the reverse in my family here in the states. One of my younger sisters (American born)...loves to 'boast' that she has a brother and sis-in-law who live in England!

Mummy in the foothills

I saw that tonight, they say a whole generation of child poverty and being raised while living in motel rooms, so sad. Makes me feel quite helpless.

gmralston

I blame the UK media, it's so dam negative all the time and never reports anthing good.

gmralston

A lot of Americans I have met do seem to have quite a higher opinion of the UK than the British do. Same in Aus, they love to knock the Poms in anything sport related but sub consciously (they sure won't admit it) I think they have quite high opinion too.

HumphreyC

Here's some proof of that

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukne...y-contest.html


Those with the most positive views of Britain were in the United States, at 80 per cent. They were followed by Australia at 79 per cent and Canada at nearly 70 per cent.

Bevm

Oh, yes. Most Americans think it's wonderland. Stately homes, castles, fabulous gardens, medieval streets, perfect pubs. They're not wrong, of course, but they forget that here, people have to make a living just like them, and that often means living in a crowded town or a modern suburb, not in a thatched-cottage village.

Bev

chriswinter

Ahhh, yes...the 'thatched-cottage village'..and the 'streets lined in gold'...maybe a bit of romanticizing on both sides of the water.