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-   Moving back or to the UK (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/)
-   -   My experience of being back (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/my-experience-being-back-409910/)

by the sea side Nov 29th 2006 1:42 pm

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by whisky
This is very true.
My nightmare is that I have a 15 year old, who says she wants to stay with her dad. I decided that I won't kick up a fuss (though it kills me inside) and let her go through this process.
My real feelings are to tell her she is coming back and thats that, but I want it to be her decision. I am hoping that she will change her mind eventually.
My eldest daughter lives in the UK. She has been so unhappy with us being out here.
If only I could erase the last 4 years and start again.

Whisky

It is so difficult trying to strike a balance.I keep my feelings to myself regarding the children.Your daughter is 15 the pain is awful but what can you do?let her be an adult and make her own decision or tell her what to do? I think I would do it your way.The situation for you is difficult as it is.Your other daughter will provide much love and support for you and that will help.Your 15 year old may change her mind has she soughts it out in her own mind.
Lincolnshire iss one of my favorite places from my childhood and when I lived there before.I hope that everything falls into place for you it will take a little time to adjust.The ending of a marriage I found it to be like someone dying but their not dead.I found it very difficult to get over.Hope the next 4yearsplus are much better for you.

whisky Nov 29th 2006 11:24 pm

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by by the sea side
It is so difficult trying to strike a balance.I keep my feelings to myself regarding the children.Your daughter is 15 the pain is awful but what can you do?let her be an adult and make her own decision or tell her what to do? I think I would do it your way.The situation for you is difficult as it is.Your other daughter will provide much love and support for you and that will help.Your 15 year old may change her mind has she soughts it out in her own mind.
Lincolnshire iss one of my favorite places from my childhood and when I lived there before.I hope that everything falls into place for you it will take a little time to adjust.The ending of a marriage I found it to be like someone dying but their not dead.I found it very difficult to get over.Hope the next 4yearsplus are much better for you.

Thanks bytheseaside.
Everything you say there is right.
I tried to explain that to one of the girls at work who has never been married that it would be easier if he had died (terrible thing to say i know) but at least i would have to accept what has happened.
Yes, my teenager I hope will change her mind. I just need to be patient. Not easy.
My eldest daughter has been a tower of strength to me these last 18 months. It is going to be very emotional at the airport next week.
If you hear of floods at Heathrow, thats us Lol.

Whisky

by the sea side Nov 30th 2006 8:07 am

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by whisky
Thanks bytheseaside.
Everything you say there is right.
I tried to explain that to one of the girls at work who has never been married that it would be easier if he had died (terrible thing to say i know) but at least i would have to accept what has happened.
Yes, my teenager I hope will change her mind. I just need to be patient. Not easy.
My eldest daughter has been a tower of strength to me these last 18 months. It is going to be very emotional at the airport next week.
If you hear of floods at Heathrow, thats us Lol.

Whisky

you will be home for christmas with your daughter.life can be so bitter sweet sometimes.I don't think it's aterrible thing to say about easier if he had died.It is the truth bieng rejected by someone you have trusted and loved is very painful and can really give you a battering.In this case time heals the painbut you never quite forget.Happy Christmas to you and your daughter hope the new year gets easier.

Issie Dec 1st 2006 7:20 am

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by whisky
Thanks bytheseaside.
Everything you say there is right.
I tried to explain that to one of the girls at work who has never been married that it would be easier if he had died (terrible thing to say i know) but at least i would have to accept what has happened.
Yes, my teenager I hope will change her mind. I just need to be patient. Not easy.
My eldest daughter has been a tower of strength to me these last 18 months. It is going to be very emotional at the airport next week.
If you hear of floods at Heathrow, thats us Lol.

Whisky

Good luck Whisky....will be thinking of you x

cranni Dec 5th 2006 11:53 pm

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by Betty Boot
Haven't posted on this site for ages because things have been so hectic since returning. Now that things are settling down i just thought i would like to share my experiences with people, not to influence anyones decisions, just to share a point of view.

After 6 years of living in Oz we finally decided to move back to the UK with 2 aussie kids in tow! It seems like it was a case of being there one minute, the house sold in one day and we were packed up and back home within 2 months, didnt really have time to think about it or worry too much about the outcome. I have always been homesick at some point in time whereas my husband really doesn't care much for the UK so i have always felt the decision to return has been made more difficult.

Anyway, after getting back, moving into my parents for 2 months (which was a nightmare!!!), setting up bank accounts (even more of a nightmare!!), getting a rental (not too tricky but bloody expensive), getting my daughter into nursery (which she cries about going to but never did in Oz), chasing numerous agencies and my husband getting contract work (which pays surprisingly well) and basically trying to establish our lives again, I can safely say it has been one of the toughest times of our lives :eek:

I believe everything happens for a reason because as soon as we got back my FIL was diagnosed with cancer and is really very sick, there is no way we would have been able to cope with that being so far away so I believe it would have been the deciding factor for us to return. We are grateful we are here to help my FIL and family members, saying that it has also added a lot more stress to an already stressful situation.

We decided that to help us settle we should to buy a home of our own and for me to return to work as i have always stayed home with the kids, we have now changed our minds as we just cant see this move as permanent :confused: After the initial excitement of being back has worn off and you stop running around like an idiot to get everything sorted we have sat back and said - is this what we really want? The answer for us is no. I never appreciated what I had in Oz and how simple my life really was, I thought it was too simple and boring but i would take it all back in a flash, i didnt realise how good my friends were there and i thought my family could be the centre of our lives - big mistake :o

During this whole process my husband hasn't complained, he has gone to work (although he detests the travelling times to and from work and the traffic jams!), i know he hates this awful weather (because I can now admit to myself it really is grim) but he has settled in OK, surprisingly after all those years of complaining about Oz, is me who feels we should return at some point :o

So we are going to continue renting a home, my husband is going to carry on contracting and as soon as timing is right we will be going back!

We have wasted a lot of money, will have upset a lot of people and will probably have put ourselves well behind in the housing market (with the way Perth prices are going) but I have to say - no regrets, i came, i saw, i changed my mind (woman's prerogative!!) and will be going back. If we hadn't have done it i would have always lived my life with what ifs. So this post isn't to put people off because i believe i had to do it to answer a question, i just wanted to share my experience :beer: Good luck with whatever you decide

Im sure you did the right thing, all the very best to you all, and lots of happiness for the future, enjoy Christmas over there, as that is what i really miss.
Just got back from Perth went to Burswood Dome last night to see Kylie M.
Denise x

Betty Boot Dec 6th 2006 5:12 am

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by cranni
Im sure you did the right thing, all the very best to you all, and lots of happiness for the future, enjoy Christmas over there, as that is what i really miss.
Just got back from Perth went to Burswood Dome last night to see Kylie M.
Denise x

Thanks for your best wishes, my FIL passed away yesterday so I am sure our Xmas back in the UK is going to be just awful, but at the same time i am so glad we are here to have spent a little time with him and to support the rest of the family.

LouiseD Dec 6th 2006 6:40 am

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by Betty Boot
Thanks for your best wishes, my FIL passed away yesterday so I am sure our Xmas back in the UK is going to be just awful, but at the same time i am so glad we are here to have spent a little time with him and to support the rest of the family.

Commiserations to you all Betty.

cranni Dec 6th 2006 10:23 am

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by Betty Boot
Thanks for your best wishes, my FIL passed away yesterday so I am sure our Xmas back in the UK is going to be just awful, but at the same time i am so glad we are here to have spent a little time with him and to support the rest of the family.

Oh im so sorry, Its fate isnt it, you was meant to be there at this time.
But try and make Christmas special for the kids, as its probably been quite stressful for them as well.
Sending you Karma
Denise xx

Issie Dec 6th 2006 9:29 pm

Re: My experience of being back
 

Originally Posted by Betty Boot
Thanks for your best wishes, my FIL passed away yesterday so I am sure our Xmas back in the UK is going to be just awful, but at the same time i am so glad we are here to have spent a little time with him and to support the rest of the family.

My Deepest Sympathy to you and your family X

Pants Dec 12th 2006 3:44 am

Re: My experience of being back
 
Hi Betty

Sorry to hear about your FIL.

:(

Betty Boot Dec 12th 2006 3:51 am

Re: My experience of being back
 
Thanks everyone, just makes me believe even more that we came back for a reason (even if we dont intend to stay). The funeral is this week so we are focusing on that, then going to make the most of Xmas and see what the new year brings us - some stress free times i hope :beer:


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