Originally Posted by chance to be

i really feel for all of you who have replied so far. I made the move, on my own - i felt i would go insane if i didnt. To play devils advocate here...my OH came back last week (still early days i know) but hates being back. he explains he cant come back to me (in the same house) because from his point of view, he also had hopes/dreams which were shattered when i returned with the kids so he felt he had to follow. what im trying to say is, we have a total role reversal to what it was like in oz. i hate to see him unhappy, im scared to consider a move back as i know what it did to me last time...i dont want the kids to go from pillar to post...he doesnt trust that we could make plans for the future as the plans we had before we went to oz were shattered when i returned after 8mnths, so a happy relationship before we set out on this "dream" shattered with 2 small kids in the equation too. i can understand why he thinks i didnt keep my part of the bargain ie not stayed longer and when you get back your mind plays tricks on you. you think "it wasnt that bad really in x country" thats why i still go on this site so i dont loose sight of how bad it can be, if not you beat yourself up for not giving it a go. All im trying to say is whatever you do there are consequences, and you will NOT be totally happy for i can imagine a long time. Please keep your strengh up, you will need it. just try to remember WHY you made the decisions you did so you dont get the "grass was greener on the other side syndrome". good luck. i really could cry for you all - its horrible when you started out with such hope to come to this situation whether youre the one who hates or loves it. i just hope for all of you that are married and want it to work that time will be your healer and at some time you can consolidate again. its what i hope for. c xxx

Originally Posted by babyblue

I have just read your post and ny heart goes out to you. I fully understand where you are coming from and it is hard. I moved to Canada 3 years ago. I sold everything i own to start over here. My time here has been a misserable experience. I have decided to return to the UK. even this is killing me! My son is 16 and he really wants to return to be near his father. He told me that even if i don't go, he will before he is 18. My 20 year old daughter wants to home. My agency called me this week and are offering me really good jobs with much better pay and conditions. When i go home i will have no home, no job, no money. If i stay i will have no kids and i will be so sad. No choice really.
Although there is still that niggling feeling 'what if'.

Remember when we were kids and there were two school trips the same day? I could never decide which one to choose, as each had something great to offer. But we had to settle for one! I feel like that kid right now!

We have to make a decision that is right for us personally and run with it.
If a marriage is that strong it will stand the test of time, no matter what life throws at you. Don't make yourself unhappy, life is too short. If we don't take care of ourselves then nobody else will.
I have be in a turbulant relationship for three years and i am still living with this guy. We are having to remain in a house together until i leave. It is a killer. He is getting desperate now as he does not want to lose me. He is even suggesting coming to England. This is a joke really because we could not make it on canadian soil, He would never last in England!
It is tough because i still care for him but i know in my heart we can't make it.
Don't beat yourself up anymore!
PM me if you need an ear to bend!
take care

Originally Posted by chance to be

i really feel for all of you who have replied so far. I made the move, on my own - i felt i would go insane if i didnt. To play devils advocate here...my OH came back last week (still early days i know) but hates being back. he explains he cant come back to me (in the same house) because from his point of view, he also had hopes/dreams which were shattered when i returned with the kids so he felt he had to follow. what im trying to say is, we have a total role reversal to what it was like in oz. i hate to see him unhappy, im scared to consider a move back as i know what it did to me last time...i dont want the kids to go from pillar to post...he doesnt trust that we could make plans for the future as the plans we had before we went to oz were shattered when i returned after 8mnths, so a happy relationship before we set out on this "dream" shattered with 2 small kids in the equation too. i can understand why he thinks i didnt keep my part of the bargain ie not stayed longer and when you get back your mind plays tricks on you. you think "it wasnt that bad really in x country" thats why i still go on this site so i dont loose sight of how bad it can be, if not you beat yourself up for not giving it a go. All im trying to say is whatever you do there are consequences, and you will NOT be totally happy for i can imagine a long time. Please keep your strengh up, you will need it. just try to remember WHY you made the decisions you did so you dont get the "grass was greener on the other side syndrome". good luck. i really could cry for you all - its horrible when you started out with such hope to come to this situation whether youre the one who hates or loves it. i just hope for all of you that are married and want it to work that time will be your healer and at some time you can consolidate again. its what i hope for. c xxx

Originally Posted by Kerry UK

Hi
Me and robin talk no stop about this , he said he is sick of my moaning and isn't bothered about me going, and were saying silly comment to each other, I'm keeping my defences up and hes trying to console me, its all weird at the moment.
We have a good strong marriage and i know we will get through this somehow, Reasons i cant take my son are i cant afford his airfare, i dont want to pull him out of his school again , and robin is a good dad, and i think they need that time to bond as father and son.
Robin will finish the house off and then sell it and will come back to the UK all being well.
I feel that if i stay the marriage will end, my resentment towards my husband grows everyday and i dont want that, i just feel angry and frustrated with him
I'm so messed up and i wish it would all be over soon

Originally Posted by kt.2006

I know you are feeling desperate and very homesick, but just think how you will feel when you return and then start missing your son as it will most likely make you feel even more depressed. Does your son know of these plans, as I have a daughter (10) who would be devastated to be left behind. I do hope things work out for you as it must be horrible to feel so bad and I hope that everything works out for you in the future.

Originally Posted by Kerry UK

I have told elliot my plans, and bless him he says he understands, he knows im very homesick and he did ask me to take him ,
Me and robin have been talking all weekend about this, and i know what he says is right, 6 months is a very long time to be seperated, and i wont be here for elliots 10th birthday in january,
So i have decided to take the anti depressants and just get through the next few months the best i can, focus on the positives instead of the negatives,
I want to thank all who have posted and given me some great advice.
Thanks :)

Originally Posted by Rascal

Hope it all goes well for you Kerry, you are not alone in being miserable here, my hubby leaves next week for Middle East and I will follow later, leaving our eldest here. The kids have been the reason we have not gone back to the UK, as well as being unable to afford a house back there now, but our eldest wnats to remain in NZ. He was 13 when we came and is now 17, so old enough to be left behind a few months at a time! lol :D
Next year, I will move to Qatar full time with hubby when my eldest is 18 and at uni.
You too can make it work out with your hubby, it takes time and heaps of patience. We have had some very tough moments here, our marriage is strong though, but my hubby has hated it here as much as you have and I have 'put up with it' to descibe it best.
Good Luck Kerry.
PS where are you from in West Yorks?
I am from Lancs.