My decision is made!!!
 

I came her Feb 2005 with my fiance who is a truck driver. I left behind my 2 oldest children who didn't want to come with me. (the hardest thing I've ever had to do) They live with their dad (my ex). My youngest, who's now 13 came with us. All 3 kids are on application for residency which is in Buffalo now. We bought a nice house, which I love, our furniture arrived from UK and I threw myself into getting the house the way I wanted. 3 months later my youngest daughter returned to live with her dad in UK. She hated it here and was so unhappy I sent her back with my mum. I was devastated. I struggled on with only my 2 dogs and MSN to keep me sane. I became really depressed at Christmas time. I missed my kids and family so much. My fiance was out on the road for up to 3 weeks at a time and i shut myself away. Friends told me to go back and visit my family but I knew if I went I wouldn't come back so I struggled on trying to put on a happy face. My relationship has really suffered too. He loves it here and says he never wants to go back to driving in the UK. All we seem to do is fall out. In Feb this year I finally got my open work permit. "Great" I thought. I can go out and experience Canadian life. I found a job straight away. Only problem is its full time. I like the job and the people I work with are really nice but I'm working 9 hours a day for less than I earned in UK. The plan was for me to get a part time job to get me out of the house. Unfortunately, there aren't alot of these about. So......after another fall out this weekend, I finally decided I'd had enough. I told him that I'm going with or without him. Only problem is i am going to have to wait 7 months. My 2 dogs have to go onto the PET SCHEME. They are booked in next Friday for their rabies inoculation. 30 days later they have their blood test. 6 months later they can fly to UK. I know 7 months is a long time and lots can happen before then. We may even have our residency by then. All I know is I feel better now I've made the decision. Watch this space!!

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

I just wanted to say that if you need a friend to turn too i am here. I am going through the same thing right now. I am planning amove in a couple of months as i can take it here anymore.
Where are you from in the UK?

I am from east sussex and i can't wait to get back. I thought this was the canadian dream but it turned out to be a nightmare. Poorly paid job with long hours. fighting with boyfriend constantly(living together) children both want to go home. It has been hell. I am starting to beleive there is a heaven somewhere!

I sold everyhting to come here and now i am returning with nothing at all. But i somehow feel at ease now i have finally stopped fighting this feeling.

well take care and i hope all turns around.

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Hello
I'm in the exact same situation as you two, been here for 16 months, (new Zealand) i hate it he loves it, we have been through so much I'm surprised were still together, Ive been back home twice I'm from west Yorkshire, robin my hubby said try counselling so i did with little effect, now I'm taking anti depressants, it sucks
I just want to go home, but we got a puppy and we have to fix the house up and sell that,
What the hell do you do

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

I totally empathise with you!

It is so very hard when you are alone with your thoughts. My boyfriend is canadian and he has never left canada. He has no understanding of my feelings at all. I go to work in a house all day, looking after kids for a superficial family. I go home we argue over stupid things and i cry so much. Both my children suggested anti depressents. I vowed i would deal with the issue at hand instead of patching it up. No offence intended at all! This is just my way of coping as i find strenght from this to fight back.

Did your hubby ever say he would stay in england if you really wanted too?
Or is it his way or the highway?
these are things to consider. I even considered this a while ago.. I was going to ask my boyfriend to move to england. He is not strong enough to battle through like i have done. I know he would never last 3 years in a crap job and foriegn country.
These are all things to consider!
some times it purely is initial homesickness but for others it is not..
I have tried to turn things around and be positive. I have told myself, things will get better when i find a better job. Then i will have more money and make new friends. My lifestyle will change!
But in my heart, All the riches in the world will never truly make you happy. Contentment,love and laughter is the key. I could earn a thousand bucks a day and have a huge house with pool etc but will this truly change the way i feel?
I have not seen my brothers in 3 years and the little holiday we get here was never enough to go home even if i could have afforded it.

I tell myself that this is my Alcatraz, I came here i did my time. Now i deserve parole.. I just hope i get the rewards that other prisoners get upon release!

I am not Knocking Canada as a country. It has many beautiful things to offer. Just not for me.

Good luck with all you do and i hope things turn around. PM me if you need a scream!

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Pets seem to mess up everything don't they, little buggers! :rolleyes:

Glad you've come to a decision to move back, regarding your situation, I like to put my own mental health before other things. If yours is being jeopardised then I think you're making the right move.

People shouldn't have to live on anti-depressants and where happy masks when they are truly not comfortable. Defeats the point of moving away; if you're more unhappy there, than you where you were before.

Hopefully your hubby understands the situation and comes back with you. It does sound a little extreme on your behalf and looks to be within your interests to move back and start enjoying life again. No offence, but driving a truck, is driving a truck. It might be bigger, and pay might be better, but it doesn't really matter where you're driving it!

Best of luck mate :) :beer:

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Hi
My and the hubby, have come to an agreement, i have 8 weeks to raise the funds to go home and in that time if I'm still homesick i can go home, it will be without him and my eldest sine who is 9.
I'm saving my socks off but i dont want to leave my son.
I'm currently sleeping on the sofa as i cant face hubby at the moment I'm thoroughly pissed off with the situation and am at a loss what to do
so for now its save save save and see if i can settle down

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Why can't you take your son with you? Me-thinks there's a bit of emotional blackmail coming from your hubby :mad:

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Where are you from in the UK?

It is a Killer when you have all the emotional BS to deal with as well as everything else. I was foolish enough to beleive my boyfriend had a big change of heart after his heart attacks but i was so very wrong. He did the big Woowing thing and i moved into a new home with him two months ago. Fool! fool fool!
Now i am faced with everything. I barely slept at all last night as he was so nasty. I have tried to explain how i feel and he just threatens me with words. He told me i can't stay in the house! We rented it together and i am sure the landlord will understand as he has just gone through a breakup. He told me to get out and leave him alone there. I am not materialistic and i don't really care if i had to fly with a bag in hand. I would like to be able to at least pack a few of my kids things and send them home. I try to remain calm and not argue, I need every bit of strength in order to make this move.
I am trying to stick it out until august so that i can get a little cash behind me and possibly have a couple of yard sales.
Furniture is replaceble! but me and the kids aren't.

Keep in touch!
if you need to scream then email me or PM me.

take care
From one who knows!

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

That is a very unwise move for you in terms of your legal rights over your son, not to mention his future involvement in your life and the emotional toll that leaving him will take on both of you. Someone appears to be exploiting a power imbalance here...where exactly is the balance or equity in this agreement? You have to save....you have to leave...you have to give up your son....? You may wish to think again. :confused:

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Hear, hear!!

Short-term relief.
Long-term grief...

At least consult with a divorce/family attorney before making any rash decisions!

All the best,
Elvira

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

I think i might not have explained myself very well sorry
Ok i want to go home like yesterday and he wants to give it till next February and then we discuss it again, I'm like no way!!!
So we came to that agreement i mentioned earlier and he will follow with my son next year
i hope this explains it better sorry

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Is that likely to be 6 months without your son then ? I don't mean to slate you personally, but I know I couldn't leave my son for 6 days let alone 6 months. Kids need their Mummies (and Dads, before someone jumps in, but the maternal realionship is often that little bit stronger)...................and Mummies need their kids just as much. No matter how unhappy you are right now, please think about how 6 months separated from you could affect your son. I'm not saying men can't do it, but, how is your husband at coping with household chores, running a home, dealing with childrens emotional issues, giving your son a healthy balanced diet.???? etc etc etc There must be so many issues whizzing around your head, and I can't imagine for a second the turmoil you must be in.......................if you have to separate, would it not be better if YOU take your son, instead of the other way around.?

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

I urge you again to seek legal advice before you do anything. I fear that if things don't work out the way you hope, you may have drawn a legal line in the sand which could be to your disadvantage...

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

Absolutely. Think!

Re: My decision is made!!!
 

i really feel for all of you who have replied so far. I made the move, on my own - i felt i would go insane if i didnt. To play devils advocate here...my OH came back last week (still early days i know) but hates being back. he explains he cant come back to me (in the same house) because from his point of view, he also had hopes/dreams which were shattered when i returned with the kids so he felt he had to follow. what im trying to say is, we have a total role reversal to what it was like in oz. i hate to see him unhappy, im scared to consider a move back as i know what it did to me last time...i dont want the kids to go from pillar to post...he doesnt trust that we could make plans for the future as the plans we had before we went to oz were shattered when i returned after 8mnths, so a happy relationship before we set out on this "dream" shattered with 2 small kids in the equation too. i can understand why he thinks i didnt keep my part of the bargain ie not stayed longer and when you get back your mind plays tricks on you. you think "it wasnt that bad really in x country" thats why i still go on this site so i dont loose sight of how bad it can be, if not you beat yourself up for not giving it a go. All im trying to say is whatever you do there are consequences, and you will NOT be totally happy for i can imagine a long time. Please keep your strengh up, you will need it. just try to remember WHY you made the decisions you did so you dont get the "grass was greener on the other side syndrome". good luck. i really could cry for you all - its horrible when you started out with such hope to come to this situation whether youre the one who hates or loves it. i just hope for all of you that are married and want it to work that time will be your healer and at some time you can consolidate again. its what i hope for. c xxx