clougherty family

Hi all,

Just thought I'd let you know that they have just started a new series about people who move abroad and then want to come back! This week it was about a family who have lived in Cyprus for 4 yrs . It was interesting because the presenter was saying the same things as we all say about the opportunities in the UK more than most other countries etc etc. The husband was really homesick but the wife wanted to stay in Cyprus but when the programme brought them back here for a couple of weeks they ended up deciding to move back here. Obviously it's all edited so you never know how much is true, but I found it quite amusing that after all those programmes about a new life in Oz etc. they have now realised that lots of people have left the UK and are now trying to warn us in advance that it's not all they cracked it up to be and they are bigging the UK up!! Can't wait to see if Perth features!! Surely they must have found someone to feature in the series who is dying to come home from there??

Jo

dunroving

Yes, it was a very interesting programme. I thik there are a couple of other threads about it, in MBTTUK and the USA forum. The husband was a bit of a whiney git, complaining that people in Cyprus park half on, half off the street. As if that doesn't happen in the UK. I guess it shows what we all know on here - once you've made your mind up you want to return (or that you want or emigrate), you then focus on any piece of information that justifies your decision.

I was quite surprised that the wife and son came around in the end, especially the son.

It is good to see a more balanced picture of emigrating, including those for whom it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

karina

I saw this and totally disagreed with their decision. The UK has nothing to offer me or my children and as much as I hate living with my OH and hate having to put the kids through the DV that goes on - I will NOT move back. But that is just my opinion.

Elvira

putting your kids through domestic violence - are you serious???

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trutje

Apparently after they returned to Cyprus they decided to stay.

glad 2 b back

Well that's a shame if they did, I posted the rest of my comments on this in the other thread.

Karina your kids desrve better, stuff the sun and protect yourself and your family. I know where I'd rather be and its certainly not Fuengirola.

karina

It is very easy to say that, and all those years ago i would never have said that it would happen to me.

Ultimately, now - my own family have been caused enough upset by my OH behaviour and have - basiclly washed their hands of me.

I am in no position to move, move back to the UK or anywhere - he controls all the money - I do not even have a bank account, so what do I do?????????

The social system here is NOT like in the UK and I CANNOT get any help at all.

glad 2 b back

I really feel for you it sounds like a terrible situation, sorry for sounding harsh.
I know what the system is like in Spain, and I also know that there is no help for victims of domestic violence. It is so widespread there and they have a very high rate of murders. I really wish I could help you.
Have you any family at all who can help you? even send you the fare over? once you get to England there are many places where you can get help, you will be put into a safe womans hostel and you and your children can start fresh, if they are turning against you it is because they are being brainwashed by their father and they need to be removed from his company.

Elvira

You cannot expose your children to this kind of environment!

You are entitled to half the money and assets. Go and see a divorce attorney - he/she will explain your options. You are *not* helpless.

karina

Thankyou all of you.................

I just do not think I can put the children and my parents through the hassle that would go with it. My parents are 75 and 76.

I sheild the children as much as I can and now I just "put up and shut up"

But thankyou for your concern

glad 2 b back

You may not realise it because you are a victim but your children know whats going on, no matter how much you try and shield them, this is something that will stay with them forever and affect them deeply. Look after yourself and your kids, your parents will understand. I know a lot of woman who have been abused by partners, I've seen a lot, I was a victim of emotional abuse at a young age but got away before it escalated. If you need to chat pm me.

britvic

Feel so sorry for you but also You can not always sheild the children because there turn will come from him as well These men are Evil.

TraceyW

These men are misogynists. They control women, that's what they do, either by using verbal or physical abuse. If he went to counselling it would probably come out that he witnessed D.V when he was a child, and the cycle started there. So you see Karina, the cycle will never be broken because you are ALLOWING your children to witness it now. You can get out. You just need to find a way. Get your children away from this man as quickly as you can, that is your priority as a mother.

Kath & Graham

Yeh i wrote a long statement but deleted it on here, I lived in a home for abused women for two years it was not nice. There are a few very horrific stories I could say on here but its too upsetting.

One thing I will say is its all very well saying leave him blah blah, its is very very hard when they play mind games with you and totally control your life. I think Katrina's family would really rally round her if she only gave them a chance and confided in someone, trust goes a long way.....

I wish her good luck and I hope she does something soon.....

Deedee13

i realised early in this thread that karina really doesnt want the advise that people are giving her, because she has made a decision to put up and shut up as she says.. but i will say this, and its what opened my eyes to a situation i was in.... Your kids are never out of it, never shielded from the problem, and ur actions, how ur dealing with it today will inevitably have an impact in how they deal with life situations later! Kids tend to do what the parents did and their kids the same .... its always been like that and always will
how often do u hear people say i will never be like my parents were, but we end up doing it. You see a bad experience someone is going thru and shake ur head and say that wont happen to me.. and it does!! Because basically if ur brought up in that sort of environment u tend to remain in it! U actively search for a partner to become a victim to!!! Serious Advice, if ur hubby was to die tomorrow are u capable of taking over the reigns and surviving. U say u have no money, do u have any idea of how much is coming into the house? can u pay the bills? do u know where important docs are? i say this because one day i realised that i had to get a grip of myself and ME!! in a really bad relationship, similar situation i had to grow a set of balls overnight. And what made me move? my doc said to me one day, as a parent and ur daughter comes home and says she has met a man who she is madly in love with who is the mirror of the relationship ur in now how would u feel? as a mother i was shocked i would never want my kids to go thru that EVER!!!!
the balls in ur court to change the situation ur in... and believe me it can be done! either ur going to be forced into it one day, or ur going to gradually get a bit of self respect back on ur own steam starting from now!