just_jenn

I'm moving back to Lincs after nearly 5 years in the New York area and I am starting to brick it...I think it's only just started to hit me in how much stuff there is to do.

I don't know where to start to pack. I have no idea where to start in getting myself established once I get there (bank accounts, doctors office, cell phone, daycare and child benefits etc). I've lived my whole "grown up" life in the USA (moved here post degree) so I have no idea how things like pensions or NI work. Even the job search is a bit confusing ("what do you mean I have to list my NI # on the application? Why are you asking my religion???")

And to top things off, my DH is staying behind until May at least, or up to December, to finish off his degree so I'm going to be a single parent for a while. I'm going to live with my parents so I'll probably have a lot more support than I have here but it's still scary.

All in all, I suppose I'm regretting that I made the decision a little hastily, but I suppose I have to remember the reasons why (typical missed family, too hard to raise baby in country without relatives etc. reasons mixed with a large dollop of post partum depression that was starting to affect family life in a really bad way). These are normal feelings, right????

inaquandry

Hi Just_Jenn

Yes all normal feelings in my experience and also from reading on here and other forums. You are bound to have doubts, but as you say, remembering how you made your decision and why is the key.

I have been in the UK for 7 weeks after living away for over 2 decades. I had a house to sell and two international moves to organise as we were living in two countries simultaneously, due to work. From this experience I can only advise that you take one thing at a time and not allow everything to overwhelm you. (Easier said than done, but otherwise you will be spinning on the spot!).

So, organise the packing, moving etc systematically and just have your eye on the horizon i.e., when you are settled in the Uk in the future, and not worry about everything that needs doing in between. Tackle each thing that needs doing, one at a time. I had one notebook to record everything in, and kept it on me so I could scribble down things as I thought of them - I know this sounds simple (and un-techie!), but it did help me. It will only add to the stress if you are trying to remember eveything you have to do, all of the time.

As you tick off each item as done, you will start to feel better and more in control. You are lucky to have your parents waiting to support you, too.

Believe me, if you saw me pre-pack up stage and during the house selling, you would not recognise me as the same person I am now, so I totally understand how you are feeling. Accept that you are going to have some very wobbly days, and just forgive yourself and tell yourself tomorrow will be better. If you truly are overwhelmed, then perhaps consider going to your Doctor for advice. Also, take up every offer of practical help that comes your way, and if you can, make time to exercise, even if it is just walks around the block - it is a great stress-buster. i am sure you know all this already, but sometimes when you are in the middle of it all it is easy to forget the simple things.

I found this link very helpful in knowing what to expect in terms of the "reverse culture shock" which has definitely applied to me too. http://www.vagabondish.com/how-to-su...culture-shock/

Hoping everything goes well for you - it will all work out.

Take care

J.J

Right, all normal feelings. A step at a time does it in making your arrangements there and then here. Sure, the steps are pretty steep, but look, you already have started a pretty decent list of stuff to do, and don't worry, there is a normal learning curve with most things but most will become obvious as you progress. (I had to google the meaning of 'brick it')

Search this site / forum for stuff like NI and you will find you are not the first to ask the question. NI is not so different in concept than the US Social Security number.

As for packing, you are lucky that OH can at least hold on to stuff that is not essential on your trip. Just look at the stuff you have and go through, one by one decide yes or no.

Take a deep breath

Sunshine111

one step at a time & in order of when you roughly think it should happen, if you can..... I am trying to do ours around x2 kids under 5 yrs, is a challenge but we are x2 wks away & although very stressful, am trying to focus on the end result. E.g amongst other things, being with family (been so lonely & isolated living in Oz last couple of years) & getting out & enjoying all the fab things there are to do for children.

Definately found going for a walk helped as a stressbuster when it all seemed so overwhelming. Good luck

just_jenn

Thanks for the support guys! I am SO glad I found this site. It's such a wealth of information.

Thanks for the link on reverse culture shock, inaquandry! I have no idea to what extent it will affect me but I've kind of been dreading it.

Off to take the little un out in the stroller now for a walk!

Barbara1133

I'm moving back in 3 weeks - in fact, this time in three weeks I will be on the plane with about 3 hours before landing at Heathrow! I too am feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I try to think of it as taking big chunks at a time. I turn my car over to its new owner next weekend, so that's out of the way. I leave my job the day before. The following week the shippers are coming to take the few things I plan to keep. I've already been selling my furniture. What isn't sold, friends don't take and isn't donated will be dumped. It's the little things like shutting off utilities, closing back accounts, etc. that will take time.

I'm so lucky I only have me to worry about and a rented apartment to leave. I'm sure we'll all be fine and this is a big new adventure. Good luck, everyone.

brits1

For me the last few weeks were the hardest....I started to think "are we doing the correct thing"....some things that really bothered me did not seem so bad....all in all it's human nature to question motives and it seems especially more so when you about to take the next step..oh the mind games you go through. But try and remember what is important to you for your future happiness. Good luck I am sure you will be fine....

Sunshine111

am less than 2 wks away from leaving OZ after 10 yrs & know exactly what you are talking about!! Human nature is a funny thing.

brits1

When we first arrived home and my Dad said "take your time and stay here with me for as long as you like"( I love him to bits but he drives also drives me nuts sometimes lol) ....and I really wanted us to get our own place after a few weeks spent with my Dad ( I knew it was the right thing to do) but I still started to think when push came to shove "oh it's not so bad we should stay longer" I knew then the mind games were really working overtime lol...and I do love my Dad!!! was brought back to earth when our two sons nearly fainted when I suggested we stay longer lol.

DDL

For us, we had to constantly remind ourselves of the reasons that compelled us to return, because on some days (especially the first 6 months or so) the challenges of re-establishing ourselves and re-building our lives (we are in our 50s) was so draining that we wondered if we had made a mistake.

But we forged on, one day at a time, and when our lives eventually returned to 'normal' again (had jobs, got a car, our own accommodation, etc) we were able to relax.

My biggest piece of advice would be to keep looking at the big picture, because it's the small stuff that's going to be annoying and frustrating in the beginning.

Mrs Sully

I understand exactly how you feel. We are nowhere near to within five weeks of departure but I'm waking at 3am thinking through 'to do' lists. We are getting closer to our decision making but I am dragging my heels, much to OH's annoyance because he wants to start the process. I think I know once I make the decision I will be overwhelmed by the enormity of the move. One thing I know from reading all the advice on this forum is we are not alone. It appears that just about every single person has gone through the same doubts, fears, euphoria and indecision. In the end I think we have to approach the whole thing the same way as one would eat an elephant - a little bit at a time!

To all of you who have sent me advice, Quoll, JJ, Beedubya, TT, and many others, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm closer to listening to my inner voice and I always remember my mum's favorite song by Edith Piaf - No Regrets. Just a little sign this morning (you will love this B) it was clear from a conversation with our son that our invitation to our gd's 5th nd party was NOT lost in the post. We haven't told them about our prospective move home!

Our daughter and SIL are being wonderful and very supportive. Even though I know it will be hard for her. She sees the positives - a home to visit and stay for a holiday and some great experiences for the grandchildren.

I am going through a lot of "what ifs" particularly to do with health. We are both healthy so my fears seem unjustified. I see a specialist here and have a thyroid scan every other year; I'm sure the specialists are as good in the UK. Maybe my fears and indecision are related to my turning 60 next

So regarding the move, scared? Yes, worried and overwhelmed? Yes definitely - but more than that, I take comfort that to be a spectator in this short life is not an option for me. I can't climb Mt Everest or swim the channel but I can have this big adventure before I'm too old to enjoy it. We got married at 19 and had two babies by 23, I think it is time for us.

I think I've answered my own question. I hope all my dear friends on this forum will bear with me when I get the screaming 3am horrors. Beedubya thank you so much for your insight, you are exactly an example of the wonderful value of this forum. TT I am so happy for you that your dream is just about realized, your are an inspiration.

I've rambled a bit this morning, I suppose I wanted to share with those who understand, just how I feel today. Tomorrow? Well, that's another day

just_jenn

Thanks for your experience, Mrs Sully. I'm up late running through my lists too, haha!

Today I'm feeling a little better about the whole thing....although I'm still really worried about finding a job. Ah well, deeeeeep breaths....

Cumbrian Lass

3-4 weeks for us after 10yrs in Canada,we should get a date tomorrow ....rather confused myself

sallysimmons

So true! How would we all feel if we went to our death beds thinking 'what if...?' The only way to know 'what if' is to actually do it.

When I think back over the last few years, there are several years that I don't remember at all - they slipped by without anything eventful happening. At all! How awful is that?

No matter how scary and stressful a move is, at least we'll know we're alive. As someone very clever once said, if you're not scared, you're not doing it right!