Hi everyone. I've been lurking on and off here, depending on how homesick I am at the time. I'm hoping I can get sort my thoughts out here and see if anyone has any input.

I moved to Vancouver BC at 23, from a town in Oxfordshire, 6 years ago after I finished uni. I initially came to visit my brother, in lieu of getting a 'proper' job right away. I loved it, and also met my ex during that visit. I moved over a few months later and was in a relationship with him for a while. During the six years I've worked very low paying jobs, struggling to get by, but managed to get PR, loved being near the ocean and mountains, and made some friends. I got a little homesick during the winters when I thought to myself why be here in the rain when I could be at home in the rain? lol, but other than that I enjoyed being here.

The relationship ended a couple of years ago, but I mention it because towards the end of it I became extremely homesick and daydreamed a lot about going home. Some of this I think was because the relationship was toxic, and some because I associated Vancouver with being poor, but it's hard to gauge how much.

After it ended I decided to give Vancouver another chance until I could apply for citizenship. I decided to study web design during that time, to hopefully get a better job. I had looked into studying options in the UK but thought this was a good choice (also quicker). I also met my current boyfriend, and the homesickness mostly subsided. School led to getting a job a few months ago and I am finally earning a living wage after 6 years of minimum-ish wage, which considering I have a degree, was not great. I just prioritised where I was living at the time.

However, recently the homesickness has been creeping back up. I just visited home for Christmas and it's now stronger than ever. The thing is, my current relationship is not going well and hasn't been for some time. I am aware that my homesickness seems to pop up when things aren't entirely perfect and I want to be conscious of that, but the feeling of wanting to go home is very strong! My parents are still at home in Oxford, my brother is in Victoria and I would miss him a lot but he's likely to move elsewhere in the world in the near future. I just want to go back home while it's still simple to do so, and settle down there instead of staying and finding that I've settled here sort of unintentionally. (I guess since I'm turning 30 this year these things are on my mind). I just feel like I belong in the UK. Unfortunately I don't want to factor my boyfriend in my decision... it would be wonderful if things worked out, but I have doubts.

I will be eligible to apply for citizenship in the summer, so will do that. I'm happy with my job and want to stay a while to build up some experience before trying to find a new job so soon when I'm fresh out of school, even though I'm tempted to jump on a plane as soon as I apply for citizenship. I don't know how that job hunt would go in the UK (any ideas?).

It's funny I moved here on a whim in just a few months and just sorted things out once I got here (with help from my brother, as he'd been there done that). But now moving back is something I have to think about in terms of several months or over a year - not necessarily I suppose, but I'm probably just thinking things through more than I did then.

I guess other than dumping all my thoughts out here I'm wondering if I'm throwing away a good life in Canada - once I've finally got a decent job and am saving money - for an unknown one in the UK, and if it seems like I'm just flip flopping all of the time. I am terrible at decisions!! I almost wish I'd never opened the Pandora's box of where in the world should I live!? And have I been here too long to assimilate back. 6 years might not be much in the long run but they've been the years where I've grown the most, and it seems like such a long time to me! It's so daunting to think about how to get back on my feet in a different country again, is it worth it? It feels like it.

Anyway thank you for reading, I'm not sure there's a point to what I've written!

Welcome to the world of the permanently unsettled expat.

I'd definitely agree that staying long enough to get citizenship is a good idea, but, don't expect to feel settled if/when you return to the UK, not least because the "good bits" you remember won't be quite as good as you remember, the UK has changed a little bit, and you have probably changed a little bit more.

Also, welcome to BE.

Or could it be that you're unsure of the two relationships and you sort of withdraw into homesickness? Or maybe the boyfriends grew a bit insecure, thinking that you might up sticks and go back to England.

Obviously when you were in England you didn't get homesick but did you ever get to the point where you had doubts about a relationship and something else 'popped up' in the same way homesickness has?
It may not be so simple. A lot can happen between getting citizenship and him moving away. But what if it's you that moves away from him? If things didn't work out immediately back in Oxford and he's still in Victoria, you might miss Canada then.

Might be best to stay on, see how it goes and rethink later if he does move on or if this relationship improves or a new one turns up.

The way I see it is that if you're feeling unhappy with life, whether it's a relationship or something else, you start thinking about how you could change your life. For an expat, there's a very easy go-to answer: move back "home". It's only natural that this is the first thing we think of doing.

At the end of the day, you have to determine whether moving back will leave you feeling happy with life, or whether it will simply move your feelings of unhappiness to another place. You're the only person who can answer that question but if you're happy with your job, happy with your home, happy with your social life and unhappy with your relationship, I'd suggest that you won't be happy if you move back either. Or, at least, not until you embark upon a new relationship that makes you happy... and that could happen either in Canada or in the UK.

As a fellow Oxonian I can sympathise. I, too, left the UK at the age of 23 and spent several years working in Japan, Germany and France before returning to the UK at the age of 29. My motivations for heading home were more practical (job offer) but by that time I had gotten a little homesick as well. Nearly four years later I'm still gainfully employed in London but if it wasn't for my Australian better half putting in the time required to gain her own British passport then I think we would have headed abroad again by now if the right job opportunity had arisen for either one of us.

My advice, in short, stick around long enough to get your Canadian passport and then head home for a year or so to see how you like it. The boyfriend can come with you on a Tier 5 (Youth Mobility Scheme) visa if he likes providing he's 30 or under. If you change your mind then at least you've left that door open for you to be able to simply get on a plane and fly back again.

The ancients knew it all -


Quote by Horace: “Caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt...”

Thanks for the replies!

Ah this is too on the nose. This is exactly it.

Great advice thank you. Nice to meet another Oxonian

Too true

Guess I have some thinking to do. It's good to have citizenship just around the corner and it also gives me some time to make a decision.

Hi Munster and a warm welcome to the wonderful world of BE.

You dump your thoughts all you like. Sometimes just writing it all out can unravel muddled thoughts.

Feeling homesick is a pain in the bum and can boil one's own brain with over thinking.


This ^^ . Exactly this from someone who has been there and done that.

Sometimes it is all about the right fit and what feels right for a phase in your life. Get the citizenship first whatever you decide.

All the best.

I guess other than dumping all my thoughts out here I'm wondering if I'm throwing away a good life in Canada - once I've finally got a decent job and am saving money - for an unknown one in the UK, and if it seems like I'm just flip flopping all of the time. I am terrible at decisions!! I almost wish I'd never opened the Pandora's box of where in the world should I live!? And have I been here too long to assimilate back. 6 years might not be much in the long run but they've been the years where I've grown the most, and it seems like such a long time to me! It's so daunting to think about how to get back on my feet in a different country again, is it worth it? It feels like it.

This little snippet struck a chord with me. I have said very similar to myself over the years quite a few times and I've now put in 20 years. For me the homesickness never really goes away it just subsides and then resurfaces every now and then. It can be many things, relationships, association, watching Brit TV etc etc...I say get your citizenship and go back while your life is still relatively uncomplicated (think children dependent partners etc). As you said yourself you came over with a few hundred dollars and no job. Especially if you have support in the UK the same will apply re going back that way. And if you don't like it come back! Many including me have done that ping pong trick.

You are richer in life and experience. Living a defined plan like me 47 months and counting, frankly, is soul destroying. But I have other reasons for staying as well.

Go

As Pulaski stated the world of a unsettled expat isn't always easy. Knowing there is always another option or 'get out' always comes to mind when you are restless or a bit down. Once you start thinking of moving back, then from our experience it never goes away. Having parents back home is such a big factor and for us we wished we had been with them in their later years.