Re: Missing home!!!
 

Hello moshimoshi!!!

I am willing to give it a go out here but i really didnt think it would be this hard though, I think all the stress of loosing my dad so close to our move out here hasnt helped! I do feel very selfish because my husband worked so hard to get us out here not just for work but a better life but im just not seeing that at the moment. Im a real country girl at heart and i miss my home town and have wanted to return there for quite a while but unfortunately when you have a family you have to go where the work is! Lets see how thing are in 12 months i cant be no fairer than that!!

Re: Missing home!!!
 

Not kidding when I say I totally understand how you feel!

I'm in a similar situation - moved to NYC with husband on a H4 last October, can't work, bored to death, can't connect with the people, homesick. Lately I've just found out I've developed a thyroid condition, the doctor says it could be due to stress.

All my friends in UK are envy that I get the chance to live in Manhattan and not having to work etc. I dont know what to say to them. It sounds so ungrateful and it gets old fast when i keep complaining about it. But when a place doesn't agree with you, it just doesn't. The media and tv here drive me crazy, food is overpriced and not great. I miss Waitrose and Sainsburys.

Hubby at first thought I was just being negative and thought I would be back to my rational self soon, but 5 months now, I just hate living it even more (especially after having to deal with their health care - US health care, it's only good when you don't get sick!). At least now, he also starts to feel that we've made a mistake coming here and we basically agreed that after the one year mark, he will ask for a transfer to their London office.

I swear its the only good news for me since we moved here and now cheer myself up by researching on where to live when we move back to London. In the meantime, I will try to relax and try to enjoy the remaining time here.

I hope your husband keep his promise and you all come to a mutual agreement when the deadline comes.

Eve

Re: Missing home!!!
 

I think not working can be a big shock. I'm on a J2 and this is the first time I haven't been a worker/student since... well, since I was an age-appropriate viewer of Bagpuss.

It sounds nice, not working, but the reality is that you have much less structure in your life, much less sense of progress and achievement, and -- worst of all -- much less chance of meeting people in a 'normal' way, getting integrated and feeling part of something.

You have to be so positive and disciplined to make the best of it. Hah, but it's easier said than done! Although I'm used to working freelance and having a less structured routine, 'positive and disciplined' in no way describes my own attitude. I'm not exactly a 'let's join a club'/'let's train for the marathon'/ 'let's read War and Peace and study Swahili' person. On less productive days, I've really been pushing the boundaries of moping, pottering, loafing, lollygagging and -- according to my husband, who arrives home to find no dinner or clean laundry -- sittin' on the sofa eating bonbons.

I also hate the idea of doing anything *specifically* to make friends. If you work, you rub up against the same people every day, and friendship develops naturally. If you don't work, you have to schedule all your personal contact, and it can seem very artificial. Not to mention that most other people have jobs in the daytime! I've really had to push myself to get over this reserve and meet people.

Anyway, I hope both of you will feel free to come over to the USA forum. There are plenty of people with mixed feelings over there -- it's not all 'quick, tell me how I can get a visa, I MUST LIVE IN ORLANDO'. :)

Re: Missing home!!!
 

:lol: lollygaggers unite. Apparently I sit on my bum and eat bon bons too. I haven't eaten or even seen a bon bon since I was about 12 ;)
I need a job to take my mind off life in general.

Re: Missing home!!!
 

I wished i lived closer to you eve!!! We moved over in october im only on a h4 visa also!! Im really struggling not working. I know people have said to me to try voluntary work but to be fair not being rude but the american accent irritaes me so much im really sorry if that offends anyone!!! I struggle with so much and its that for the lack of trying i just dnt like it here it suits lots of brits but not me! There is nothing worse than feeling miserable on a daily basis! I also cant watch tv at all it drives me crazy there is nothing decent to watch in any case!!! I want the life i had in the uk. Im still struggling with food. Its all to depressing!!!!

Re: Missing home!!!
 

Hmm... not saying there aren't plenty of issues and misunderstandings when dealing with American English -- but I'm sure you know, really, that being SO irritated by it that you can't bear to associate with Americans isn't a very rational or reasonable reaction.

I remain very sympathetic to your (and your family's) situation, but perhaps you need to give yourself the old 'it's time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps' pep talk. You're here right now and sustaining this level of misery can really wear you down. I know it's a hoary old cliche, and that it doesn't help if someone else says it (unless they're close enough to throw something at), but it might be worth a go.

+1

Re: Missing home!!!
 

Im trying to make the most of the time we have here and the weather does help but its so hard to explain this yearning i have inside to return back home! Ive spoken to other brits who live in the area and most of them have had similar feelings to what im having now! A few have gone back home then returned back here to then go on and have a great life in florida! Only time will tell then i will make my decision!! :)

Re: Missing home!!!
 

That's all very true! And have you read the Australia and NZ forums? I'm flabbergasted and very interested by their tales of 'ping ponging' -- moving to Oz, moving back to the UK, then moving back to Oz again. That's a bl**dy long flight, too! My in-laws moved to NZ once, but 'pinged' back to Brum after a few years.

Anyway, I must get back to eating bon bons, but good luck with everything (or, as we say at home, Chin Up Moy Luv). :thumbup:

Re: Missing home!!!
 

I'm usually a rather rational and flexible person, so I'm also surprised (and disappointed in myself) that I struggle so much for this move.

I think, one of the reasons, like Weymouth, I didn't want to move to the US. My husband got head hunted a few times over the years, when he kept mention it for 10th times, I figured I shouldn't be selfish and gave this a chance, even though I really have zero interest in living in US and I love my work, my life in London. So in some way, I believe I'm holding a grudge now... It's not healthy, I know. And I do not want to turn it into deep resentment. I do think it's important that spouse shows their understanding (they aren't the ones who had to "come up" with things to do everyday - our house is spotless too!), to make a plan, review and try to work out a solution.

Re: Missing home!!!
 

Hello fellow lollygaggers! What a relief to find this thread where we can talk about feeling unhappy, knowing that we all understand what that feels like!
I have been in the USA for four years now and am amazed at how desperately I still miss home. Hoping to return next year.
I have had a difficult time, one major illness, breakdown of son who ended up coming to live with us here.
I miss food and good, intelligent tv, like you, Weymouth. It sounds shallow when I say it, but they make life more bearable!
I have survived because I go to a good church that does volunteer work for the homeless (although thats not for everybody) and also I lunch regularly with a friend who is a good laugh!
I still have too many days when I dont talk to a soul, and worry I might be going a bit ga-ga! Anyway, its been a great relief to come across posts by people who also live "a day at a time". I found as soon as my OH mentioned going home next year I embarked on a big programme of "cleaning up and getting ready to sell". Its as if I`m packing my bags already!

Re: Missing home!!!
 

Hello everyone! I am also very glad to have found this thread. I have stopped complaining to friends about it, cos it gets old fast and they don't really understand - why I'm suddenly having a breakdown or something.

When the weather gets warmer, I plan to find a pool membership and go as often as I can. Something needs to be done before my insanity goes. I also promised my husband that I will make an effort to enjoy living here, as long as we have a plan to go back home.

Having BBC America helps and also there is BBC World News on PBS every night if you want to watch any news that aren't biased or insane :)

Re: Missing home!!!
 

I need to find a way to do this too. My problem is that once I get my heart set on something, I get really single-minded. My husband is coming round to the idea of a move but it will be in a few years for a variety of reasons. I can't mooch around until then - I have to get on with the life I have here.

Let me know if you figure out the secret :lol:

Re: Missing home!!!
 

i know its not everything, but belive med it helps.. find an english pub... there are some in america we had a few in florida and while they are not the real deal some are pretty authentic... you can get some grub and def meet other brits in your town that you can relate to and who may introduce you to other people and things you like.. i was a regualr at a pub called the "kings Head" in south florida and ll the girls there were english an dthe music and they had great pie and chips.. its nice to have a bit of familiarity... good uck ladies...

just 7 months left for me hee and i am sure i will miss some stuff about the states afer 20 years... hope i dont become a ping ponger....

Re: Missing home!!!
 

sorry for the typo's...

Re: Missing home!!!
 

Don't beat yourself up about it -- you sound pretty pragmatic!

It's hard not to judge yourself from an exterior perspective: oh, here I am in a fabulous place, not working, I MUST BE HAPPY. As you said, that tends to be how friends and family see it, but the actual experience can be very different.

The film 'Lost in Translation' was on TV the other day, and it cracked me up -- in case you haven't seen it, poor old Scarlett Johannson is in Tokyo for her husband's job, and she's mooning around feeling alienated and lost (and is eventually cheered up by a movie star's attentions).

When I saw this film in 2003 I was most scathing about Miss Johannson's troubles: boo fricking hoo, it must be dreadful to be in a great foreign city and have no job and spend your time wandering around trying to think what you're going to do with your life. I would love to do that, ScarJo, but I HAVE TO GO TO WORK NOW.

Eight years later, in LA... oh, ok. I understand.

(My only remaining gripes with the scenario are a) being alienated and lost seems more picturesque when someone who looks like Scarlett Johannson does it, and b) none of the local movie stars here have shown any interest in mentoring me. I must be meeting the wrong ones :confused:.)

Right, if this has any point, it's that we could make a film of our lives now -- obviously it would be called 'The Lollygaggers' -- and 90% of the population wouldn't be able to relate to it. BUT there would always be a bunch of people, like here on BritishExpats, who understood what we were going through and sympathized, and I hope that'd make us all feel marginally better.

:fingerscrossed: