Hi

My husband and I moved out to oz in 2004. We'd lived in Oz in 1997 for a year on a working holiday and wanted to give it a go as permanent residents. Took a few years to sort everything out, DH not too keen to go, I was the main pusher for coming here, but eventually we arrived here in 2004. Thing is, by the time we finally got round to getting here I wasn't so keen to be here anymore! Plus, I'd finally settled into the town we were living in etc and enjoying life at home.

We had a baby last year and obviously there is a big pull of family and friends not being here. But, we are wondering if we are making a big mistake to leave here and go back to England and start all over again (no property owned in uk or oz).

My hubby thinks life is better here: better weather, bigger houses, nice scenery, great cafes, good lifestyle and doesn't seem keen to go back.

So, in some senses I feel as if I'm pushing for us to move back, but worried that he might resent the move back and not be happy.

Some days, I think how lovely it is here, lifestyle is great etc and other days I get big waves of homesickness, even for things like a marks and spencer cheesecake!

I do worry about my baby not gettuing to know his family and they can't really afford to come out here to visit so it would be us going home every year or two...

I've read these forums for years (found the Australia forum really useful when planning to come out here all those years agao) now finding the Moving Back to the UK forum just as helpful.

We've decided to go back in March 08 (got citizenship sorted out already so can always come back if goes ti..s up in uk!) and for some reason I feel really happy and positive and I'm really looking forward to going back. But at the same time, I wonder if we're doing the right thing for our child and if he woudl have a better quality of life in oz or uk... I'm sure lots of you out there have been through this dilemma!

I suspect we might be one of those ping pongers I read about on here... but it's PEOPLE NOT PLACE at the end of the day isn't it?

thanks for listening, just wanted to get this off my chest as it's proving to be a real dilemma!

It is a really tough call and unfortunately one that only you and DH that can make. Everybody's stories are so different and depending on the forum you post on will determine the slant of the replies. Post this on the update forum and you will be inundated with stay in Oz responses. The return UK forum is probably viewed mostly by returnees who will say return!!

If it helps our brief story is we are returning next year as we realise how good we had it back home with schools, friends, family and accessibility to places. We hoped we would replace all that with a weather bonus moving here but it has not been anywhere near as good for us here than back home.
We have family here as my DH is from here but the children don't really know them and so miss their Scottish grandparents who spent a lot of time with them. Family, friends and education are our main pulls.

Luckily work for us is as good back in UK, schooling will be better and I think (for us) better opportunities for the children when they are older. Oz is lovely just now with parks, beach etc but when they hit teenage/twenties not so sure. Yes we'll give up the big house and pool etc but I am amazed how little I really care about the material stuff.

So we just weighed up all the pros and cons on a day to day level and besides weather are better off back in Scotland where at the moment the grass seems greener!

Good luck with your deliberations..not easy... but do what is best for you and not what others think is best for you!!

Hi there, it's such a difficult situation, I have found too. We came here to Melbourne 15 months ago with OH's job, it's much better here and well paid, I on the other hand are at home with our two children, 4 and 2. I have thrown myself into a daily routine but have found something lacking here, I miss the UK, the people, the way of life there.

I have noticed lately that when I come on Brit Expats, I go to the 'returning to the UK' part much more now, it's a great help to me and at least I know I'm not going mad! Some days I think it's ok here, like when I see our children playing on the beach. The next day I'll be making a list of pros and cons of being here! My main reasons for wanting to return are our children. I do feel that having their family around them far out weighs what we have here. Also, I know I would prefer them to go to School in the UK. The fact we are better off financially here just doesn't do it for me I'm afraid.

I know I have days when I think, yikes, are we doing the right thing in returning to the UK??? But when I hear my son's excited voice when he speaks to his Grandma and think of him at home playing with his friends and my daughter seeing her friends, I feel a sense of excitement and absolute relief to be leaving this nightmare. I can't wait to get off this rollercoaster of indecision and know I will appreciate the little things, like a holiday in Cornwall or a walk around the park without putting tons of sunscreen on the kids. Just to wake up and get on with the day, instead of waking up and thinking 'shall we stay here or shall we go???!!!'.

I think as Louise D has already said, Australia offers so much, weather, beaches, etc that we should'' like it, and feel as though we have failed in some way if we don't., I totally agree, at the end of the day, it's not for everyone, just go where your heart is, and at least you have citizenship if you want to return. Good luck, ann x

Can't help you much unless it be to serve as a warning!

We came here 28 years ago - not intentionally emigrating, just taking an opportunity that arose (also married to an Aussie which is why we had an opportunity here in Aus). We had a baby then and added another one to it. Somehow it seemed easy to stay here - DH finished his studies and got a job here, I got a job here, the kids started school .....

Now, here I am in a cage! DH wont go back to UK - he wants to move out in the bush to be self sufficient (UGH, FLIES!!!!!). I want to move to "Midsummer Mallow". The more I HAVE to stay here, the more I hate it - yes, I have come to HATE it and I count the days to my next trip home. Sure, the weather is nice, if you like droughts, the sun is gorgeous if you dont mind being paranoid about you and your kids getting skin cancers, the education system is very so so IMHO (but UK may not be much better from what I hear!). I yearn for green, I was in 7th heaven when the rapeseed fields were in full bloom in May, I want to feel the history and visit buildings which arent the result of some architect's bad night on acid. In all, you can have too much of a good thing but if you dont have your family and friends then you have nothing IMHO.

I have found this forum to be a real life saver! No one IRL understands what I am feeling, no one could give a toss really.

Moral of this story - dont let yourself get caught in unhappiness down the track. Make a concerted effort to have a great time, enjoy every moment but if the homesickness still lingers after (name a time - 2010??) then go home.

Oh I so feel for you and can see what a horribly difficult situation you are in. I think that is why I have made such a quick decision to return as my OH is also from here and once you start to put down roots then it is harder to leave particularly as we have a lot of family here.

At this point we all think returning is the best option so I am grabbing that while I can. I just know from a purely selfish and personal point of view I just do not want to spend years here. I actually feel a bit sick at the thought of dying here!!!!! Perhaps a couple of years would be nice for a change but yes I would also run that risk of being trapped. Luckily for us the childrens school back home is about 10x better than here so there is no quandry on that front and they much prefer their old lifestyle.

Anyway very good post. All we can do on here is illustrate different scenarios and then each to their own in the decision making.

What age are your children ? Do you think being here has been better for them?

My boys are 26 and 29 now. The 29yo has emigrated back to UK - he went for a gap year after uni 5 years ago and has found a career niche in which he is very happy so he never came back (except for a holiday to clear out all his stuff!). He talks about returning one day but not in the forseeable future and not at all if he sticks with his current partner who is a London girl and never will be persuaded to move to the other side of the world!

The 26 yr old has decided that self sufficiency out in the bush is the way to go and he and his partner have just had our first grandchild (another steel hawser to bind us here!). He bought himself a one way ticket to UK when he was 20 but after 7 months decided to come home, finish uni and ultimately become self sufficient miles away from any other sign of civilization!

I shuddered when you mentioned being sick at the thought of dying here because that is just how I feel!!!

Hi Guys,

It's so nice to hear how many of us are going though the same thing - helps you to feel a little bit less mad I think!

I think the absolute worst thing is the umming and ahhing. I have spent almost all of the last 2 years flipping between being 100% certain that Oz is the best option and 100% certain it's not and it's absolutely exhausting!

We are almost certain now that we'll be moving back to the UK next June (pending a recce trip to the UK in 5 days time ) but I am still waiting for that epiphany which some lucky people seem to experience where they make the decision and 'bang' they can be happy again. It just seems to depend on what day you catch me on as to which side of the fence I am sitting!

I am a lot more realistic that Oz isn't working for us at the moment but we've tried to be sensible with our plans - not rushing, doing a recce and getting those little blue passports - it's just very hard not to worry about the reality of life in the UK and the potential of being miserable (or even more miserable) over there.

I can reason with myself that the material and lifestyle benefits I have here are not making me happy. That doesn't make them easy to give up mind you -or to give up those options for my son - but I think I would feel worse having denied him his family rather than a swanky house and good weather.


I've chosen to see a move to the UK as what we need NOW. The prospect of forever is too much to get my head around at the moment and we may well want to try something else further down the track. I suppose it's a trade-off really - I just can't have everything I want so I plan to make the most of what I NEED just now.

I have PM'd you back Lucy - hopefully we can catch up for a cuppa when I get back.

x

Hi

I went through a terrible patch of homesickness when we first came over, and me and my then 10 year old decided it was a good place for a holiday but not to live. Well, almost 3 years on we are still here, and very settled. I am certainly not going to tell you how wonderful it is here and you should stay, I think that everyone has to make up their own decisions as not everyone has the same experiences etc. I think the fact that you have citizenship is great as it means that you can always return if you so wish. After our first year, I think my 10 year old hadn't truly settled and would still have gone back, but we went for a holiday (we were there for 5 weeks) and once the initial fuss had died down she realised that she wasn't missing much at all. Family and friends who were desperate for us to return didn't spend time with her or even contact her that much (which is how it was before we left anyway) and she realised that things would be no different should she return. She was glad to be returning to Australia.
I used to spend all my time on the returning back to UK forum and pop in now and again just to see what is happening. I hope your return is all you hope it to be and if you end up being a ping ponger, so what, at least you have the choice.

Amanda

just wanted to sat goodluck in whatever you decide

Hi Lucy
Just wanted to wish you good luck in whatever you decide. 2 things to add.
1) you have citizenship - GOOD FOR YOU! At least you know nothing need be forever, and if you have a change of heart, you can alwas return. So, not really as stressful as it might be.
2) A lot of people are worried (me included) about the best place to bring up kids and I have come to the conclusion that the best place is in a home with YOU!!! For the outside life, Oz wins hands down, for different places/experiences UK wins hand down. Either way, with you happy, they will have a great life wherever. And Im not even going to go down the Daily Mail route of teenagers with knives etc. That happens in certain rougher areas of the Uk (not nationally) as it does in Oz. You wouldnt choose to live in such an area because you love your child. If you dont live in a violent area, you have no more or less chance of being hurt than where you live in Oz. So, your child will be happy and have things to do wherever he lives. So, think about what YOU want, for now - and remember your options are always open to change plans a few years down the line (or when yu retire!)
Good luck
Chrissy

Lucy, we have been here coming up to our 10th year and we were always okay....not loving it not hating it...but as our boys are getting older and are wanting to go back "home" as they call it both of our boys have enjoyed their time here but always say when they go back home they feel they belong!!! honestly even our youngest who was 10 on his first visit home said the same thing...they have always missed their cousins and immediate family as we are a close group (on both sides), our last visit this year even our youngest cried in the taxi to the airport and he is not a "softie" it broke our hearts it made our decision even easier as we had gone back home to see how we all felt, we did not treat it as a holiday, we did our own shopping, cooking, cleaning etc, my husband even helped his dad with work and it felt just "right", our oldest sons friends in England (he has kept in touch) are lovely lads, they went to our local Independant School and have just obtained great results in their GCSE's, they are more advanced than our son who is very "bright" and gets high scores in his subjects here, I have always thought the education here in W.A a bit of a worry.....our sons were classed as "gifted and talented" when they arrived here and that was because they had been at school in England and could read and write to a good standard (our youngest was then in year 1!!!) my brothers children who have just turned 6 go to our local primary school and they always look smart in their school uniforms, they are clever, polite and have lovely manners (they are twins) my neice goes dancing, swimming and wants to join our local poney club, my nephew plays football, swims and is joining the cricket team, we just live in a nice and normal area near Manchester, no violence has so far touch our families there, our other nephew and neices who are in the early/mid twenties are great people, most have their own homes/cars and have good jobs, the others live with their parents as they are either at college or uni and as I said we are just "normal" families....so I would not worry about what you read all the time in the papers...what happens in one country usually does happen in others to some extent as well. Both countries are good for children...here we may have a more outdoors life but when we lived in England in never stopped us from going out for days or even having BBQ's, if it rained we just use to take the party inside!!!. We miss travelling to Europe/America as it is really inexpensive to travel to these places, we miss different cultures ie Germany,Spain,France and having them on your doorstep etc....it is down to preference....we are not saying Australia is bad, there are some really nice things here it is just not for us now at this moment in time who know what the future will bring..I have learnt to never say never (I don't mean that we are thinking of coming back to Aus which we may, I mean we could end up in France/Spain who knows this would be ofcourse when our boys have left home ....gulp!!) you have your citizenship....you can always come back as you have a young child...or who knows you may end up living in some other country....life is for living...and no matter what a country offers you in material things you have to be happy within yourself first...without that all the riches in the world will not make you happy...(a bit deep I know).
Good luck and best wishes with whatever you decide....
Take care
Jackie

Thanks for all your replies, this forum is such a good support network of people who understand what you're going through and how you feel, I'm very lucky to have found you all!

Since deciding to go home, I feel really happy and positive. Of course there are worries about the future, can we afford to buy anywhere, what will we do for jobs, will we miss things in oz? But at the moment, it just feels great to be going "home", even though oz does feel like home now, I've realized it's more to do with people than place.

Who knows if we'll stay in England, maybe we'll want to come back? This is what concerns me the most, that we'll be one of those ping pongers who aren't able to settle anywhere!

I hope home is everything I remember it to be. I hope I'm not remembering it through rose tinted glasses! Of course there are positives and negatives to both countries and I will miss a lot of things about Australia such as the good weather, outdoor lifestyle, easy way of life, never feeling as if there's a winter, great cafes and restaurants, stunning scenery... sometimes I wonder if I've got sucked into thinking that it really is like that here because you can never "bag" oz, but I think it really is quite near to the truth!

Of course England can offer all of this and much more too,(apart from the weather?!) maybe I just need to focus on all the positive and wonderful things home can offer rather than on the negatives which people here are all to keen to point out when you mention you're going home! (most commonly, why do you want to go back to that dump of a country!)...

Lucy, we have had all those comment about home but when we were there this year (our second) visit we did not think it a dump (never really have thought that though) there is a lot of revamping of most of the major cities and from what we saw they should be proud of how they have done this. A lot of places do look older etc but that is because it is....if we only really started to build things in the 1930's etc as most parts of Aus was really being developed the it would look similar to Aus in some ways but we are from an "old" country and it does look old (but in a nice way) in parts. We had just lovely weather throughout March - May (08) when we were there and there is no place like the U.K (and parts of Europe) in spring time!!! we all know the weather can be bad at times but to tell you the truth after over 9 years here we do miss the seasons...yes even the winter!!! we are aiming at being home in March 08 and we really do worry about certain things but when we look what we want out of life at the moment we all want our family near us and our friends whom weve known forever and holidays to Europe and even days out to different towns and the "seaside" we even miss the "Kiss me quick hats" my mother in law wore on a recent weekend away with her friends (74 years old as well!!) we would like to be doing things like that...but I have said who knows what the future will bring....and were we will all end up....maybe back here....Spain.....we are even thinking of Dubai when the boys are "sorted" out at home in a few years...who knows...the world is your oyster if you want it to be but we all want to be at home is how we are feeling and there is nothing wrong with that....you have to listen what is right for you and your family.....as I said we worry we will miss certain things but then again we will have other things to look forward to that we miss here and that list is a long one!!!
Take care and try not to look to far into the future it can drive you potty!!!! just try and think about what you want for the immediate future...worry is a waste of time...thats a quote by my dad (79) as it may not happen!!!
Jackie

When you return to England do yourselves a favour and avoid reading The Daily Mail/Daily Express....

The Daily Mail fills the rough end of the toilet paper market.

To get a feel for how it panders to the paranoid, check out http://commentisfree.guardian.co.uk/...ly_hell.html?1