Fejaouk

Hi Guys,

Am back at the point where I need to decide if I want to stay in Oz but just cant make my mind up as its like a pendulum. Staying in Oz professionally and financially is the sensible option. Well paid, lots of opportunities and able to save a lot of money. However like others I feel like a square peg in a round hole. Hate having to repeat myself all the time due to the Scottish accent, Hate having the feeling of not belonging and worried about living here in the long term alone with out family and the security of things in the UK.

Love Oz for the lifestyle, work and weather.....is it enough?

Not sure I really miss home or family to be honest. However I know when I am at home am happy with my lot in life. In Oz I still check the local news, BBc news, think about home. However am getting to the age where I want to settle, buy a house etc. But I keep wondering if I will regret going back to Scotland and settling there. The other factor is I still have my job back in Scotland and well if I give it up, I dont see any jobs in my speciality coming up for good five years due to the GEC.

I kind of thing I should go home, settle and if after a few years am feeling dissatisfied at home, I can always return to Oz. So people any advice to make my decision final. You experience would be great.

Regards

Scottie x

dunroving

I think a lot depends on what you mean by "want to settle" - get married and have kids? If so, then ask yourself where you want to spend the rest of your life because from all the posts on the issue, once you marry a "feriner" your options may be reduced. If you just mean buy a house, you can still buy a house in Aus and if you decide to leave, sell it (of course the wild card issue is where house prices are headed).

I think the answer also depends on what age you are and what your timeline is - how long have you been in all of these places?

Bottom line though is that whatever advice you get here, your decision will likely still be the same. Otherwise, just trawl posts from the last 5 years and everything you need to consider has been discussed a million times over.

quoll

Sounds like you dont have much to lose by giving UK a go for a while - see if you feel you belong there any better than you belong in Aus. For me it would be a no brainer as I do feel like I belong in UK and having a job to return to would be the icing on the cake.

You mentioned settling - I guess it could come down to who do you settle down with and if alone then are you prepared to settle down in isolation from your family/friends network?

You can always return to Aus before your visa expires or if you are a citizen then you can come and go at will.

Good luck with the pendulum thingie - sometimes you can over think things - have you tried tossing a coin?

Fejaouk

Hi Dunroving and quoll,

How's the soggy west coast and cambridge! Here is a bit hot and humid! Not good for the Scottish skin.

As for settling down, at the moment its with myself buying a house, car and do the suburbiah thing. Am 32 while still young, am quite sensible when it comes to thinking about my future, cause goverment certainly seem to be trying to pull the carpet from under our feet!

I suppose the thing that pushes me to going home is that I have been in Oz twice, for a total of 3.5yrs and each time I have arrived at this point, I suppose its telling that I dont think I will settle here in the longterm. I think ill just have to put up with the facts that conditions are worse in the UK job wise, pays worse etc etc but least I will feel settled. Am sure my wee mind will mull it over until D-day, flights are booked as I got them for a steal, the question will be is it a holiday home or have I packed up. Decision!

Scottie x

Englishman43

I'd say , to anyone, who's really serious about going home do it sooner rather than later.

Fejaouk : I think you'll find it easier to go back now rather than in 10 -15 or however many years. Good luck whatever you do and remember whatever decision you make is the right one for YOU.

Fejaouk

Yes very true, for me! Thanks mate.

Scottie

coedyddinas

In pretty much the same position as you Scottie, I too feel like my mind is like a pendulum, one day I say 'just do it' then the next its "OMG don't do it', lol! I have been in Oz for 17 years (originally from South Wales), came here when I was 21, think about home everyday, and each time I go home it feels right. We went home about a month ago and went to Scotland, what a wonderful place, magical. I think its all in the planning, I agree with what you say about Oz being the safe, secure place by way of a job and financial security, I have a good job here in Brisbane and a house in Brisbane and Sydney. Our plan is to rent out our properties so we are not giving everything up in Oz. Its a tough one, I wanted to go back 10 years ago and looking back (hindsight!) I wish I had, I just don't want to look back in another 10 years with regrets - sounds like I have made my decision but then that pendulum comes back, lol. Good luck, do keep us posted, I am sure it will all become clear and fall into place

shouldistayorgo

I'm hearing this thing alot about feeling like an outsider, square pegs/round holes.
I've no idea where it comes from...I work with the lot in Sydney...Aus/NZ/Thai/Indian/Chineese/Wow! just realised no Brits!. Everyone with the same worries and we all seem to laugh at the same thing.

Let go mate....you are holding on to something back in the old country...some romantic dream of what its like.
Let go....or should it be join in?
Maybe this is what it feels like to be an Indian or Pakastani living in UK. Always like an outsider...well maybe they are not just trying hard enough...are you?

The UK is up the swanny mate...stay put.

sallysimmons

Have you ever lived abroad for any length of time? I suspect not because if you had, you would understand what people mean and not be so quick to dismiss peoples' feelings just because you can't imagine them.

For me here in the US, feeling like an outsider is ...

• Sitting around like piffy while people talk passionately about American football when you think it's the stupidest thing you've ever seen.
  
• Having random strangers say "I'll pray for you" any time something bad happens instead of "sorry to hear that, mate."
  
• Making a sarky joke and then realizing everyone thought you were being cruel.
  
• Watching a Republican Presidential debate for more than 1 minute and wondering if the whole place has gone mad.
  
• Living in a country where the governor of a major state thinks an appropriate response to a drought is a "national day of prayer."
  
• Seeing people carry guns as if they were toys.
  
• Smiling politely and pretending that you think Saturday Night Live is even remotely amusing.
  
• Sitting around with work colleagues talking about 'the good old days' and realizing you don't share any experiences or memories.
  
• Trying to make friends - and sometimes succeeding - but never quite connecting all the way.
  
• Talking to people who think it's perfectly reasonable to have fighter jets fly over every time the national anthem is sung at a sports event.
  
• Watching the world cup but then having no one to discuss it with afterwards.
  
• Wanting fish and chips and only being able to get McDonalds or Wendy's
  
• Asking for a cup of tea and getting some weak brown water with a slice of lemon
  
• Having every stranger who meets you think you love the royal family (or know them personally!) just because you're a Brit

Those are just a few and I'm sure everyone has their own list, but the point is that it's not something you can understand until you've spent a few years in another country. For some people, their new lives are so enjoyable that the good outweighs the things they miss. But for some of us, it's not that way - especially as you get older and your priorities change.

As for the UK having "gone down the swanee," that's not the experience of either my friends or my family members, so perhaps it all depends on where you live and how you look at life

shouldistayorgo

Some really good points there.
Sorry if I upset you.

Just making sure you are sure I guess.

Emigrating is not for everyone one I guess
I've lived away since I was 22. I've emigrated twice now.

Maybe I'm lucky I tend not to put my roots down too deep and am lucky my other half is like that as well.

Also did not realize you are in the states (thought aus)
I love aus and the people seem similar.

Best of luck chap I think after this you have a clearer picture of what you want.

Squirrel

I agree with Sally. For me, life in the UK is good so far. Well, I have health problems but these would have occured wherever I was living. My family are all happy here too, at least they don't think moving to another country would be a magic solution to all things. The expat experience isn't the same for everyone, some love it and want to stay, some hate it and want to go back, some love the experience of it and are glad they did it but ultimately want to go back, and others could go either way and either stay or go because of a foreign spouse. My husband is an American and he hated it here at first but he's really quite settled here now he's got a job he really likes, he even moans about all the adverts on TV when we're in America! I think he'd like better weather in the summer here and he misses US sports, but you can't have everything. He likes to keep up with all the talk shows from New England via podcasts. The world is definitely a smaller place nowadays. I can't help but thinking back to wartime GI brides from the UK. Wouldn't they have been thrilled if they could have had Skype, cheap phone calls, yearly flights home etc instead of just letters?

The only thing I would say to anyone who gets the chance is apply for citizenship of your new country. That way you didn't burn any bridges, and I believe naturalised citizens can pass on their new citizenship to any children they have. Dual citizenship is a great gift to give a child!

sallysimmons

You didn't upset me at all - sorry if it seemed that way. I just wanted to say that you can feel like a square peg in a round hole even when you try hard not to. I've been away 22 years now, and I don't regret emigrating at all. I have had lots of great experiences and met lots of great people. And up to a few years ago, I would have sounded just like you I think. I generally was very happy here and able to overlook all the ways I didn't fit in.

But, for me at least, my priorities have changed now. My mum and my in-laws are not getting any younger. And I'm sick of seeing my closest friends only once every few years. And feeling like I belong seems more important than it did when I was in my twenties and thirties. It's just time to go back to my roots - it's funny but I haven't ever felt as sure about any decision in my life and yet it's not one I ever expected to make.

Englishmum

Out of the blue your quote reminded me an old disco record called "Going Back To My Roots" (which I think may have coincided with an American TV show or series called 'Roots'...?)

DandNHill

OP it sounds to me like you have already made your mind up but that you just want a nudge to make it happen... you're still young enough to follow your heart

golgo13

I am just eight weeks away from boarding a plane to blighty and have feelings you do, I am almost thirty and left the UK straight after uni, along the way got married and moved to Oz via Canada. We are now going to embark on a new adventure in the UK, my wife is from Oz but has previously lived in London. When your heart is gone from a place you just know its time. Take the advice given here if you have the chance to become a citizen do it, its a great safety net.