ldollard

I've been living in the USA for about 10 years now, first in Sarasota, Fl, then in Los Angeles for the past 4-5 years.

Every time I look at house listings in the UK, Dorking specifically, which is were we are moving to, I just get really depressed. Last time we moved back ten years ago, I was probably incredibly depressed for about 6 months.

Of course it didn't help the day I came back I exited clapham junction to a miserable cold day; I'd just left Sarasota with its beaches and Sun.

I'm honestly pretty scared about going back and this happening to me again. It was one of reasons I moved back to the states, and in the 10 yrs since I haven't been depressed, like i was back then.

We are moving back to be closer to family. I know its the right choice right now.

But I'm just scared, i'm going to freaking depressed again. And looking at bloody houses on rightmove.co.uk, is really bringing me down.

It might just be all the chintzy stuff in those photos and the god awful wallpaper..

I move to America at 21 leaving at 33, have I just become too American, I feel like i'm moving to another country, not going home. Sorry just need to vent.

ann m

Looking on rightmove would scare me because of the prices, but Dorking is a lovely town. I grew up on Boxhill and went to school in Dorking, moved away, came back again, and left there 6 years ago. I'd return.

Access to so many places is easy - it's a beautiful area, so lush and green, hills and villages and country pubs galore. Easy access to London and the south coast, Guildford and Kingston for shopping. Good schools on the whole. Pretty safe. Can't help inspire you with the weather, except that lots of stuff will grow well in your garden!

Why that town, out of interest? It's a commuter county, expensive, and probably as chintzy as you have noticed! We felt so nostalgic watching the London Olympics and especially the bike racing over Boxhill, around Headley, Mickleham and Leatherhead and all those cheering crowds. I'd consider Epsom too (the Epsom Downs/Tadworth side).

Feel free to vent. Don't try to compare LA with Dorking - it's a no-hoper. Try and embrace the things that are different. Good luck.

emiwar

Hi ldollard - I am recently in similar shoes to you. We lived in NYC for 3 years and LA for 1 and decided to move back to the UK (after a total of 6 years abroad) arriving from California on the 1st Jan!!! In all honesty, and more for me to share my woes than to try and depress you further its been really really tough for us

No the weather doesnt help, and neither does searching on Rightmove. Same thing this end, everything looks just a little greyer, a lot smaller yet still expensive! We have moved back to Oxfordshire but are originally from Surrey.

I agree however with Ann M above, Dorking and the surrounding areas are just lovely. You have great scenery, pretty little villages and with Guildford not far away and really decent train line into London it is a (imho) great area to live in.

My one piece of advice is that if Dorking is nice and close to friends and family then try to make it work. Our mistake is that we have moved to an area that isnt quite close enough to our network which actually defeats one of the main reasons coming back. Currently takes a 3 hour + round trip to visit our folks and with a 16 month old thats just not really viable on a frequent basis.

My only other suggestion would be to try and hold out to the warmer weather arrives (I believe it will one day, if only for one day ) as that may also just help a little bit more with the transition.

One of our first things we did after arriving was head to Waitrose and really stock up on lots of things we missed. We have been cooking lots of game, sausages and wintery casseroles - something we didnt really do in Los Angeles

Of course wishing you the best of luck as I know how daunting it is

dunroving

My heart sank when I realised how much I would have to spend on a house in the UK, having almost paid off my US mortgage and it barely making a dent in a decent deposit here. So in middle-age (late 40's) I felt like I was starting all over again on the bottom of the housing ladder (albeit with a decent deposit). At least for current returnees, prices in much of the UK are lower than they were in 2007-2008 ... my current house has dropped in value by about £40,000 since I bought it and did it up in 2007.

It also depends on where you lived and where in the UK you come back to, though. I'd have thought if the OP lived in LA, houses would be pretty expensive there?

I think the greyness and smallness of Britain can be very off-putting for some people who have lived in the US. Moving from one country to another can be challenging anyway - add in lack of sunlight and for some, it can lead to a pretty tough time. It's easier to say than do, but I think you have to accept what is, and try to deal with it. If you ruminate on things that you can't change, it solves nothing and makes things worse.

dunroving

It just struck me to look up this old BE article. It was taken from a thread I started in 2006 (or a post I made, can't recall) and I guess one of the mods took it and made it into one of the BE news articles.

It's just another reminder of the mental aspect of moving countries. It's not a case of where is better (or best). For at least two years, probably more, after moving I would have given my right arm to be back on that windy, warm spring evening listening to the baseball and walking the dog without needing a rain coat! But with time and a good kick in the pants, I have slowly but surely come to appreciate the best of both worlds and accept that yuo can't have it all. There are still aspects of life in the US that I sorely miss, but there are very pragmatic reasons for being better off here.

For the OP, LA is LA, Dorking is Dorking. You can't move LA to Dorking and vice versa - but that doesn't stop us wishing we could!

Alfresco

If I had the choice, I would live in L.A.

vikingsail

I vote the opposite. You could not pay me to live in Los Angeles. I already live to close and have turned down several jobs paying far more just because its LA.

windsong

The areas "around" Los Angeles are nice - Monterey, Carmel, etc. but it's even better in the north around San Francisco and just to the north of it, Tiberon.

Sally Redux

Easy to say.

vikingsail

After my flippant comment about LA let me clarify a little. After 17 years of moving around, and I have lived throughout the US, and elsewhere. I now know where I want to be ( I think .

LA, I would think can be great but as a day to day place to live I believe it soon grinds on you, just like Nebraska by the Sea - beautiful to look at (mostly) lovely weather, but there is more to life surely? I have lived in some beautiful places in the world Bermuda, Hawaii to name two but the sun and beaches grow old very quickly and the day to day living that sets in frankly is no different than anywhere else imho. Sometimes the adjustments that must be made because of weather differences are worse. I personally have grown to know I do not like extreme heat or air conditioning. I would far sooner be colder and warm up than try to cool down, its personal preference?

Living fairly close to LA for over a decade I can proudly say I have avoided it like the plague but then I am one voice, its my choice, and clearly others do like it. On those occasions I have had to visit or drive through it I suffer in silence knowing its only temporary. Recently there for a conference, I rarely exited the hotel, there was just nothing to see or do. I might as well have been on an iceberg somewhere in the Artic.

At least for me at this stage of life I feel, as they say I've been there, done it got the T shirt and as I have said in other posts a phrase given to me by an American friend who lives in Monterey from SD, "one rathole is the same as another."

I think it really is just a case of where you want to be at a moment in time, and maybe that is a transitory thing or certainly it can change over time. The trick is probably not to become a ping pongerrr, unless you have the finances to support that lifestyle, which I suspect is at the root of many of our frustrations?

One trick I use is to say if money was no object where would you live? For me it is the UK, just like JK Rowling chooses Scotland. And perhaps she does so because she is a celebrity author who can fly away at a moments notice. But still she chooses to settle day to day in a much cooler clime?

As an aside, Monterey, Carmel, and Tiburon are very nice, and pricey, I know, but they are 300 - 400 miles from LA so worlds apart. However, they do still have lack of healthcare issues, gun control issues and the ubiquitous, sometimes infectious, but mostly annoying CA lifestyle and mentality.

Here in N by the Sea very few real relationships or conversations develop. Transitory, flighty conversations but no depth. Always guarded on both sides wondering what is the 'angle' who wants what. Niceness is usually used as a means to obtain something. On the occasion's when this is not the case it really stands out, and it does occur but isn't it sad that it sticks in the mind rather than be an everyday event?

Sally Redux

Some parts of this area are beautiful, many are horrible urban sprawls baking in the merciless sun or simply desert. Where I live is OK if you like the look of Toytown, without the community spirit.

Almo

I know American houses tend to be much bigger than UK ones (as is the case in Aus too, so I do know that feeling) and I know in some areas they are considerably cheaper. Dunrovin made a couple of posts about this recently and I couldn't believe the price differential.

On the chintzy front, though, look at it as an opportunity! Unless they have been recently renovated in chintzy style, and you would be paying a premium, it's a great chance to do up a house and make it yours. You just need to see past the decor and imagine what it could be.

Sally Redux

There are some real interior design horrors when you look on Zillow for my area, and they're not exactly cheap either.

Perth

You might as well have been speaking of Tampa!

ldollard

To be clear i think LA is a dump, but as you all say, just outside is wonderful.

But I do love America, faults and all. I think I really grew into my own in this country. I had a pretty tough time as a kid and I left the UK in my early twenties to get away from a lot of that. I guess I fear having those old feelings come back, by simply being in the same country again, i know that sounds stupid. But I toughed it out and beat a lot of that depression growing up, probably why i'm sometimes cold to people whining on this site, like i'm doing now.

I would move back to Florida if they had the jobs. I really associate with the south and the kindness of people (not the stereotypical south most people think about).

Thanks for all your response guys, means a lot.