snorkmaiden

It's true. I'm a scouser and fortunately have never suffered from orange foundation syndrome but on any given day in any part of Liverpool it is easy to find a woman with an orange face. The orange foundation is usually around an inch thick as well

johnbuoy

K on its way after a Remark like that!!

johnbuoy

Yeah but take her down the ale house, a few bevvies and she looks lovely!! Let us not forget, Alcohol has been making Ugly women attractive for 3000 years :scared:

odaat

Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

odaat

Heaven
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, the Archangel Gabriel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Gabriel, look what I've made."

Archangel Gabriel looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Gabriel, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor.

Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small populated area in the land of Great Britain and said "What's that?" "Ah," said God. "That's Merseyside, the most glorious place on Earth. There's a beautiful river, glorious parks, and buildings, great music and world dominating football teams. The people from Liverpool are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the worldas expatriats. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Gabriel gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be balance!" God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the lazy, arrogant, b'stards I'm putting next to them in Manchester."

odaat

A bit of balance

DIMO8

DONT MESS WITH SCOUSE WOMEN!!!!!


Three men were sitting bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Albania. and had bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and the house cleaning that needed to be done in the house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from korea. he bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that on the first day he didnt see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Liverpool. he boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didnt see anything, the second day he didnt see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could a little out of his left eye.

Deb+Chris

PMSL!

odaat

Bob Hope was on 'Surprise Surprise', and bragged that despite his 97 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. After the show, Cilla said, "Bob, if I'm not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place." So they go back to her place and have great sex.

Afterwards, Bob says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for a half hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay."

He sleeps for half an hour,awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Bob says, " Cilla , that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand."

Cilla once again says, "Great Bob, but tell me, does my holding your testicles in my left hand and your penis in my right stimulate you while you're sleeping?"

Bob replies, "No, the last time I slept with a Scouser, she stole my wallet!"

Manc

A Liverpool Fan, all decked out in replica shirt, scarf and rosette is heading to Anfield one Saturday afternoon and is crossing Scotland Road and gets run over by a truck.
Upon his arrival at the Pearly Gates, St Peter see's his shirt and pronounces "No Scousers in heaven."

"What??" says our Liverpudlian chum, "I'm a good guy, gone to church"

"How do you mean" replies St Peter "I'm under strict orders, no Mickey's in Heaven"

"Well, last week for example, at church I gave £10 to the Sudanese aid efforts"

"I'll see what I can do" says St Peter. 10 minutes later, he comes back and states that there are no Liverpudlians in heaven.

"But, but, but 2 weeks ago, I gave £10 at church towards the building of our new church roof!!, and 3 weeks ago I gave £10 to help the homeless. See I've been a good man and lived the Lord's way."

St Peter says, "I'll go talk to God and see what he says"

20 minutes later St Peter comes back.

"Well, I've talked to the Boss and he agrees with me, Here's your Thirty quid back, now **** off!"