HighlandPenguin

Well I find myself after a recent move to the PNW from KY after leaving Scotland back in 2011, wanting to return to Scotland.

The story began back in 2004 when I came over to the States to marry my OH, who some of you may know as Bluegrass Lass on the forums. To give you some further background, I was born to Scottish parents in South Africa and spent most of my life there before 2000. So I have lived about 10 years in the UK, with 6 in my childhood and 4 before leaving for the States.

My life here in the US went pretty well, until about 2009 when I began to get that itch to return to Scotland. This came to head with my OH loosing her job in late 2009 and us loosing our house the following year. This resulted in me getting a job back in Scotland in 2011 and the subsequent move of my OH and I to Scotland. Unfortunately within 3 months of starting my new job in Scotland, the company went bankrupt and I lost my job. Luckily I manged to get another job, but with a major cut in salary. Between the job experience, trying to study for a degree online and also dealing with my mother’s cancer she had been diagnosed with, led to quite a stressful time. Thank God though my mum pulled through with her cancer treatment. However I was offered a job back with my old employer back in the States before Xmas 2011, offering a good salary and all. Me and my OH decided to take up my old bosses offer and left early December 2011. In hindsight though I wish that job had never come through and that I had stayed to be there for my mum that Xmas. Needless to say I have guilt about not being there for my mum as much as I should have in her moment of need. After working for another year in KY, my OH and I decided to try something different and moved out to Seattle for my current job.

We have now been here almost two months and if I had the money I would be on a plane tomorrow back to Scotland. My almost 10 years living here in the US has culminated in my feeling a deep disconnect with the country. This became more apparent to me after the spate of shootings running up to the Sandy Hook massacre. Surely I am not the only British Expat who is disgusted with the obsession of guns and the 2nd amendment in this country? I am shocked at how desensitized most Americans are to the gun violence in the US. I am further disturbed by the many that truly believe the 2nd amendment gives them the right to protect themselves against a “tyrannical government”. It has dawned on me that this so-called protection against a government is the very source of why so many Americans don’t trust the Federal Government or anything federally mandated like God forbid, universal healthcare. Between these alien ideologies to me, lack of employee rights compared to the UK and a need to be closer to my family, I am driven to feel the need to leave the States. Are these thoughts of mine out of place and am I mad for yet again wanting to ping-pong back across the Atlantic to the UK? I so wish I had come to this realization when I was in the UK, as it would have saved a lot of time and energy. Needless to say my OH is tired of all the moving and I don’t blame her as we need to settle down, especially if we decide to have kids. But that is just it too. If we are to have kids, I would much rather have them raised in the UK. Then I wonder if a move to the UK would have my OH feeling the same way about the UK as I do about the US. Please let me know if I am loosing the plot and if I have rose tinted glasses on or if I should try to see if Seattle will improve with time? Although I somehow think after 10 years living in different parts of the US, that I should know by now whether I like the place or not.

Elvira

I know all about "deep disconnect with the country". Like you, I tried it for 11 years but was never able to connect. Something vital was always missing. I moved back and forth for a while but eventually broke away 18 months ago. It's difficult because my husband won't be able to join me until he retires, and two of my sons remain in the US, at least for the time being. But I know I now am where I belong.

I can empathise with your OH's difficulties. All you can do is talk, discuss, weigh the options.... and eventually make a decision. It won't be easy. It may turn out to be the wrong one. All I'd say is don't have kids until you're sure about where you want to bring them up. Biological clock etc notwithstanding. It could just lead to unimaginable heartbreak if one of you ends up having to live in the 'wrong' place.

Wishing you all the best.

Sally Redux

I know exactly what you mean. I cannot get my head around the gun mentality and that puts the icing on the cake for me.

However, you obviously have to take your wife's feelings into consideration. How did she feel about Scotland at the time? Would she consider trying again?

BlueMorpho

Entirely with you on the 2nd Amendment/Guns thing. And agree with most everything else. I'm in Portland OR, just down the road http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...lies/smile.gif and feel similarly to you. The weather is the same here as at home, more or less, it's beautiful with the mountains and the sea on our doorsteps, but something is missing. Whether you can find that something is only your call, but we have decided to try and move back "home". My wife is American.
My grandparents all died whilst I was here and I was unable to attend any of their funerals...which sucked. As my parents age, I dread the inevitable calls in the night.
You don't think about these things when you leave the UK, or anywhere really I suppose. I was 27 when I left to come here. A boy, pretty much. But 18 years later I am a man who misses is family and real fish and chips...
You are not alone. Try meeting up with some local expats, just for a little moral support. People here are great, but only you can make your decision.

Good luck.

ldollard

The first thing that comes to mind, is that Scotland might not be in the UK much longer and I wonder how that might play into all this.

I feel the same as you, we may all speak the same language but we have such different cultures that, at one point you may be able to enjoy, but for a life time of living its hard to stomach.

You can do all the pros and cons of wage's home costs, but if the culture and the feeling of home dont exist, I dont think you can truly be happy or feel like you can settle down.

So I totally agree with you, but at the same time see what you OH is saying a decision needs to be made and stuck to, so you can start to live your lives.

jemima55

HP, I am back now, after five years in the US.
My perspective, from having a bit of distance between me and it is that it is a very different culture from the UK. You can't help but be shocked about the different attitudes to issues like guns. I think many of my American friends would breath a big sigh of relief if the laws were tightened. I don't believe it's a nation of "gun nuts". A lot of people I knew shared similar values to me and the same abhorrence about mass shootings.
This is only one issue that makes us different, I know, but I found the only way to cope was not to dwell too deeply on the big things we can't change.
To me, your feelings are completely natural. Your answer, though, will have to take into account a lot of different factors, like your wife, where she will be happy to live, working in US versus UK etc.
I just have a little something to offer about your mum's cancer treatment. I am so glad she has pulled through. I went through that treatment four years ago while in the US. Don't beat yourself up. We all do what we can and I am sure you were great at the time and your Mum really appreciated you being there for her.
You really sound as if you are taking on lots of guilt and worry about things that are out of your control.
You have decisions to make, you and Bluegrass Lass, and lots of talking to do about your future. My advice would be to narrow it down, decide what your priorities are right now for a happy home life, ask yourself if the pluses of the US outweigh the minuses or vice versa, and don't despair too much about the state of the world.
Here endeth the sermon!

luvwelly

I flipping hope not or England will never get a non-Tory Government again.
Opinion polls currently show a majority wants to stay in the Union.

mrs Bucket

Highland Penguin

This morning I read your thread and could feel your anguish. We went back home to the Devon for 8 months after living in Arizona for 21 months. We returned in December 2011 (to AZ) as my husband was feeling very down and was desperate to return. I on the other hand enjoyed being back in the UK and felt this was the right move for our daughter education wise. Roll on 13 months later my feelings have not changed and I am desperate to return. Education here has been a battle for my 5 year old, we finally took her out of public school kindergarten and placed her in a charter who put her in first grade so that she could be finally be challenged.

Anyway, I work in a local farmers market shop and this morning a young chap of 25 came into the shop with a hand gun and bullets holster vest thing on his back. I was quite shocked and the lady customer in front could not get out of the shop quick enough. I was quite on edge being the cashier serving him! I do not understand the need to come into a shop that's quite small compared to walmart with a gun and spare bullets!

This was not the first occasion I have encountered people with guns in the shop.

pomikev

Do you really believe that it makes a difference any more ? - From what I can see both parties in the duopoly are just puppets to the corporations, they have very little conviction and belief in their parties original ideology

The last real leader Britain had was Thatcher, (and I'm from a working class background and was raised to despise the tories) but these days both parties have just merged into a pale grey blend of mediocracy, pathetic ego jostling and incompetence, not one MP who is affiliated with either of the major corporate puppies (sorry - political parties) has any guts or they wouldn't be in the position because the Murdoch press would have destroyed them before they even got to local council level. Most of them I feel sure have been so compromised by the sleazy path they had to take to get to their position in the first place that they are easily controlled and bribed into doing exactly what the bankers want, they disgust me.

Sally Redux

The Tories are still worse, IMO.

pomikev

I come from Devon, I too am desperate to return - I'm stuck in OZ at the moment, a country that also has a gun problem of a slightly different kind, only the police have a gun fetish here and a handful (tiny percentage) of the crims.

But the mindset behind it I feel is the same, It's a cowardice thing, it's got nothing to do with needing to counter the situation of other people having a gun, it's that these gun carrying yellow bellied cowards have no guts, are terrified of violence, most were bullied as children or were bullies themselves and are now stuck in some weird psychotic mental loop.

They wouldn't last 10 minutes in a Devon pub if all they had to rely on was their intellect and humour to make friends or their fist in a fight situation.

They are terrified of having to show any real backbone and have a very low IQ and so hide behind a gun, they are pathetic wimps.

pomikev

I used to think so too, by at least with the tories you know they are going to fleece you and they make no attempt to hide the fact that they are all Margo Ledbetters and are lap dogs to the aristocracy, With labour you get fleeced just as badly while they pretend to be for the working man, and that is hypocrisy, and the older I get the higher that word goes on my list of disgusting character traits.

kimilseung

Maybe give Seattle a little bit more time. Many of the issue that we Brits find disconcerting about America are minimized in King County, we hear about them and know that the dragons exist over in Eastern Washington, but it is rare for us to come up face to face with them.

Are the problems you feel, experiences now in the city? or memories from recent times and reading from other places in America? Employee rights are not much better, but Seattle and overall WA is by comparison a liberal place, with plenty of educated erudite types. Yes there is still Mars Hill Church, but they are the minority here, not the majority.

ldollard

I really hope so, I think it will be a very sad day if it happens.

ldollard

Great post, and possibly very true.