counting_our_blessings

Hi all, I've lived in Cyprus with my husband and 2 kids for the last 20months. We are keeping our heads above water financially only just. The kids (4+6) are doing well in the greek preschool but I have done a lot of thinking and I feel that UK education would be best for them as I really dont intend to spend the rest of my life here. Its more than homesickness which i battled with after the first 6months, it is a realisation that the UK has more than we give it credit for!

So I want to go back with my children, but although he hasnt come out and said it, I know my husband does NOT want to return. So how does this work? If he is working abroad and I return home with my kids?

Has anyone done this? Before we left Northern Ireland things were a bit rocky between us and we put it down to being unhappy in the country we were in but I know if he comes back permenantly with me it will not be long before he is miserable and resentful of me. I need my kids to be happy and I dont know what to do

lilybilly101

My girlfriend has returned home to the UK from Spain. She wasn't happy there at all and they always agreed they would go home once the kids were school age. His business however was doing really well and it seemed crazy to up and leave that so she has returned and he has stayed there and they see each other as much as they can. This is truly working for them right now but who knows if it's doable in the long term.

I'm the same here in Canada. We just manage financially and I firmly believe we'd be better off back home. Employment here SUCKS! I do however love the environment and the relaxed all year round holiday vibe. I'll miss that for sure. People......not so much!

Best of luck in your decision.

Bijilo123

Yes, I did this some time ago but the circumstances were different. I married late and had spent it travelling as a consequence of jobs. Me travelling all of the time was just not working - it was affecting my wife. We went to Gambia - about 8 years ago and I continued travelling and doing what I wanted - she had a young family to look after. We were, as it turns out, happier.

I got a job in Kuwait and intended that the family join me because the job was stable. Very soon I realised that I would not last more than a couple of years.

The key to this is constant communication - or it will go wrong. One or two calls a day, and include the kids and visit each other every three months. When I said the circumstances were different, I may have been alluding to being able to afford that.

When I left Kuwait I lived in Gambia for a year and we did things together and the family was re-invigorated. That I think is a key test.

Now I am back in the UK to see my dad off in return for his support when I was young. The family is in Africa and I have got another job. I see them every three months and they are coming to the UK - my youngest has never seen it and would prefer to go to Kuwait.

Honestly there is no compromise in this. If someone wants to do something then they will. If you want to come back to the UK then come. In some circumstances the marriage is not bigger than the people who are married.

moneypenny20

Are your children unhappy? Or are you trying to justify your feelings? Not being argumentative but you did say that they had settled well into school but that it was you that now feels a UK education would be better.

Children will be happy in a settled family home wherever in the world they are. If that means that you live separately and they move between the two then that is preferable to them living in one unit with two unhappy parents.

Good luck.

manamama

Hi

Does he know you want to return? Have you been able to discuss it at all? If not, you need to have a heart to heart and make some plans together...

You returning with the kids is do'able while hubby stays and works in Cyrus. Many families have to do this and survive the distance, but it does mean you have to communicate more !

We may have to do this ourselves because I want to go back (before boredom kills me) and get my eldest into a secondary school (education is a big issue for me here) in the UK but it may mean that my husband will have to stay here in northern spain because of his job...till he finds another one in the UK. Tough but have to do what you have to do !

As is the case with all kiddies they are happier wherever their mom is happier.

Good luck

quoll

Will you be allowed to take the kids? I have absolutely no idea what the law is in Cyprus but you might want to check that he will let you leave with them and that the law allows that (Australia for example is impossible to escape with kids if one parent says they must stay).

I wish you all the best and hope that you can get where you want to be.

counting_our_blessings

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments - i'm glad to have found somewhere that is actually nice about people wanting to move back to the uk!

Moneypenny your words have really made me think - and I think to an extent you may be right. There are a lot of positives for the children in the uk-playgrounds/librairies for a start but I think a lot of it could be that I feel that while they are in the greek system I am of no use to them so is this going to hold back their learning? For example homework help, or even reading letters they bring home is impossible for me. I am trying to learn the language but I know that I will never be able to help them fully especially as they go up the years in school. I dont want to be the 'illiterate foreign mum'.

My husband is not the best communicator at the best of times so that does not bode well if we are in seperate countries.

We may have reached a slight compromise in that I have just said to him that I will give it one more year as long as we try to change things but for me it is putting moving back off til next yr. I feel i have to give it another try but right now i dont know how things are going to change. I know i need to become more positive to give it a real go....

LisaP

I live in Crete, in Greece, and we are moving back to UK later this year. I don't know how similar the school system is in Cyprus to Greece. I have a 7 year-old daughter, who will be moving to triti class in September (for a short period of time).

It is commonly said amongst foreign mums here that you're ok here til the kids get into the school system. Then you are very disappointed, because it doesn't compare favourably with schools from UK, or Australia, America, or New Zealand, or Northern Europe. It is around this time that many, many families either break up, with the wives trying to return to their home countries, or they find a way to patch over their differences. In some cases the husband simply refuses the let the wife and kids leave, although I don't know much about the details of this.

I wonder why your 6-year-old is in preschool...? Is it because he/she was held back a year because of language?

Preschool (pro-nipio and nipio) is a completely different kettle of fish to dimotiko. At pre-school, the teachers are given much more freedom with their curriculums, usually with the result that the early school experience is very good. At dimotiko, it is very academic, they don't have a lot of fun things to do. There are no school clubs, no pre or after school provision, no holiday clubs, no school dinners, no sports days, no school sports teams, very little technical or athletic equipment, many strike days, no school open days and fetes, no drama or theatre work, very few school trips, well, you get the picture. But this is a picture of GREECE, not Cyprus, perhaps it's different there.

If the cypriot system is the same as the greek system, then you will be severely hampered by not knowing the language well. I have been here 10 years, my husband is greek and my grip on the language is shaky at best, and not good enough to help with homework. From year 1, kids are expected to do significant amounts of homework, up to 1 hour a night and you are expected to do it with them. You may end up employing a teacher to come and help with this.

On the other hand, greek schools are mostly smaller, friendlier and safer than UK schools.

My suggestion is that the time to move is soon, before they get too far into the system and it will be more difficult to adjust. And what's the point of them slaving over the greek language if you're going to up and move before they finish school? I don't, however, have any suggestions about how you can work things out with your husband, I just wish you the very best of luck.

Londonuck

Spot on. Felt the same when i lived there.

moneypenny20

My sister lived in Corfu and Athens for 20 years, she actually moved and married there and the kids came along a few years later so she did have some Greek, but she found that if she sat down with the girls when they had homework and worked with them, not helping them but kind of having them help her, her Greek improved and by helping her, their Greek skills improved if that makes sense. Find a mum at school who would sit with you for an hour or so every day or week to help you improve.

My sister felt very isolated to begin with but once she had help from both the kids and Greek mums she settled so well, it's a shame her husband was a bastard who didn't keep his fists to himself.

If it helps, she and the children moved back to the UK when the eldest was 12 and the youngest 9 and neither of them had a problem with fitting into English schools either socially or educationally. The eldest went straight to secondary school, albeit half way through the year and was on an educational par with the others and it was a very good school she went to after being in a small Corfiot village school so from my perspective I wouldn't worry about the educational standards.

Good luck with whatever you decide.