Lorry1

Yes...me again...moaning lol

I'm sitting here at work, and it may just be because we're quiet right now but unfortunately that gives me more time to think.

I have many friends here, Canadian and British and I have a relatively good social life. I pick and choose what I want to do, as in I attend some things and not others depending on how I feel.
I just find that Canadians, although very friendly, have no real depth and I cannot, no matter how hard I try, have a real good laugh with them.

I am bored to tears. I feel like I'm dying here.
I need some culture, and I need to travel to Europe to get some. I need my fun loving friends who I can talk to about anything and everything.

OH know how I feel but he loves it here and really doesn't want to go back to England. He has, at least, agreed to review it in a couple of years when my eldest has finished school.
I know this is the right thing to do, as if we return now she will struggle through her GCSE's in June. They finish school at 18 here so the pace of teaching is alot slower.

Also, this allows time for the economy to pick up again and to hopefully make more jobs available.

We have been here 3 years, and I just don't think I can go through another 3 years! It's driving me crazy.
I just want to walk out of this office, get in my car, drive to the airport and get on a plane one way to England.

I don't hate it here, there's nothing really I don't like. Both OH and I are in great jobs, have a lovely house, in a nice area. I love the weather (not so much winter lol).
What is wrong with me?

Mummy in the foothills

Theres nothing wrong with you (((hugs))) some places and people mesh better than others.

Lorry1

Thanks mummy

SultanOfSwing

I agree. Nothing wrong with you at all. I am having similar issues here in the US right now.

Lorry1

Hi Sultan,

Thanks. I read your post and it definately sounds familiar accept I have spoken to my husband and he knows exactly how I feel. I was dreading telling him because I know he loves it here and it took us alot to get here. In the end I kind of just blurted it out lol

The only fair thing would be to speak to your wife about how you're feeling. Otherwise it will eat you up inside and she won't know what's wrong.

Also, best to do it sooner rather than later if your step daughter is 11, as she will be able to go into senior school and not fall too far behind.

That's where we are now. We can't go back because my daughter is almost 16 amd has another 3 years here

Good luck

SultanOfSwing

He (Stepson, but not to worry ) is about to turn 12. Had he been born in '78 he would have been among the oldest in my year going into first form in 1990 so I assume he'd be going into 1st year, or year 8 or whatever they call it in NI now (1st year of high school). Either way he'd have a while before he has to worry about GCSEs so I think it could be done now if we were all agreeable to it.

I do know he wants to live there, he's told me a few times already!

I just can't shake the feeling that this is all not going to end well, or she will say she doesn't want to move and I will forever be stuck here (or at least feel like I am). Damn me for not being stronger in the beginning and sticking with the original plan for them to move to the UK to live with me

Lorry1

Sorry stepson lol, well at least he would like to give it a try

There are lots of things I would have done different too, not emigrating for a start
Unfortunately we can't go back, only forward.

Just tell her how you are feeling, she may surprise you.
You may never know otherwise.

Do it! lol

SultanOfSwing

I will have to, as you say. If I'm stuck here, I'm stuck here, but at least I will know and I can stop dreaming.

I may have no choice - yesterday on the way to footy practice my son and I were talking about planes and stuff, as we like to do, and I made the mistake of telling him about the UK air traffic control thing! Five gets you two he blabs to his ma about it at some point. He's a lovely boy but he can't keep a secret!

ExKiwilass

You feel how you feel. It is not wrong.

I know how it feels when you don't mesh with a place, too. I suffered 4 looong years. Now at least I can look back and say that I know and there'll never be a part of me thinking 'what if'? 'Specially when so many of my countrymen are there.

Can you take a trip home soon?

Lorry1

Hi Kiwilass,
Thanks
I haven't been home for 2 years which is why I also think I'm feeling like this. My brother is getting married in Italy next May and I fear we won't be able to join him. Flights are sooo damn expensive from here!
We are hoping to go for a visit next summer, finances allowing of course.
My OH is in London on business right now and I am so jealous. He doesn't even want to be there lol

Are you back home now?

quoll

Nothing wrong with you in the least. You know where you belong and that IMHO is a real bonus! I'm stuck in Australia with a DH who wont move and I've had him too long to train up a new one so I stay here - the only way I manage that is to have some sense of compromise on his part. He funds my trips home every year and I dont go and live in the bush like he wants to. I am still the sacrificial bunny but it makes it marginally easier to live with. I think it must be so much harder when you have kids' education to consider and perhaps if you could get a cast iron agreement to go once that is no longer an issue it does put a time frame on your agony which may make it more bearable.

{{{hugs}}} it's a crappy situation to find yourself in.

Lorry1

Thanks Quoll x
It's a shame you're stuck there, but lol at the comment about training him up.
Maybe if I could get back every year I wouldn't feel so bad, but saying that, it was going back for a week 2 years ago that started it all off. I was totally fine up until then.

The only major downside of waiting 3 years is my daughter not wanting to return with us as her life will be here. If that happened I think I will have to stay as I couldn't bear only seeing her once a year!

ExKiwilass

No.

I lived in OZ for a while which is what I was referring to. It didn't work for me so I know how that feels. I like Canada most of the time, but still get homesick. I don't see myself getting back to NZ any time soon for various reasons. I have the expat's curse now...never totally happy anywhere!

I suspect my MIL feels like you. She's from Ireland and been here 30 years but can't leave because both children and all grandchildren are here.

I think you deserve a trip home. I need one too!

lynfleet

Hi there,
There is nothing wrong with you, you miss home i have been in the States 19 years and i feel like you at least once a week this past ten years. i don't hate it here the standard of living is far better than i would have back home but i miss my family and REAL friends like you said a good laugh chat about any thing type.My girls are now grown and i'm planning on going back soon.Keep your chin up.I found Canada more English than it is here so least you have that..lol

roaringmouse

I feel much the same way living in Australia - although for me it's the summer here I don't like!

There isn't necessarily anything wrong with the place, there are days I really enjoy living here and other days when all I want to do is return to the UK! My wife is Australian, however she enjoyed living in the UK so that's not a major issue for us - the related issue to this is that she's close to her 2 sisters, and the last year has been the first time in about 10 years when all 3 of them have been living in the same city. So moving away from that will be difficult for her.

We have decided that we will be moving back to the UK, we just don't have a definite date yet - although we're waiting until at least next July to apply for her visa as it will be 4 years outside the UK, she has previously passed her Life in the UK test, and so should be able to get permanent residency in the UK straight away.

It's hard to say exactly why we have chosen the UK to settle in (we've been married 5½ years and lived in both equally so we could make a fair decision). There's just something missing about life in Australia - it just feels dull and more monotonous compared to living in the UK. Australia is a great place if you want a fairly quiet life, but if you want more in your life (and have experienced more) then sometimes it feels like life here is lacking in some way.

My in-laws (in Brisbane) are totally against us moving back to the UK, and take every opportunity to say or hint at that. They've taken our decision very personally - and although it would have been easy to decide on the UK based on their way of making a point over and over again, it wasn't based on that at all. It's quite stressful at times - I was hoping that telling them in good time would help them get used to the idea, but it hasn't. It's difficult with families in 2 different countries.

It also hasn't helped that since being here we have had 2 children - and we are lucky with the oldest being 2 that we have time to play with regarding when we move. However not too much time as the wife will be hitting 40 in a couple of years, and it would be good to be in the UK before then.