Mallory

If you are depressed in Australia with your hubby, why would you not be depressed in UK with mum?

I cannot see how being separated from hubby is going to make you suddenly better. The poor man will miss seeing his kids grow up, and you will be laden with guilt, with more depression for you.

The bottom line is that you need treatment for the depression. You can get treatment in Australia. I believe when you get married, your spouse comes first, not running off to mum.

What will he do for entertainment while you are gone? Will you wonder?

If it were me, I would get my psychological treatment right there, now, as fast as possible.

Tegwyn

Actually Elvira is spot on, and I say this as someone who also struggled with depression. I was always predisposed to depression so it did not take much to slide into a very dark place. My first years away from my siblings, parents and friends were sheer hell, but I had to do what was necessary to get help for myself so I could be a more effective partner in my marriage and parent to my children. It is one thing to up and go as an individual, but splitting up a family wreaks havoc on the other members of the family and that too must be seriously considered. Imagine the depression should the marriage fall apart as a result of this choice?? This lady sounds like she needs some professional help to get her through these challenges so she has clarity before doing something she may well regret later.

Sally Redux

My husband is truly wonderful and would do anything for the family but he had to come down hard on any fantasies I had of a hasty return...whilst truly empathising with the OP her solution sounds full of other heartbreak.

Elvira

Thank you.

I know all about depression and horrible, horrible homesickness, but I have - over several years, I might add! - learned to indeed 'pull myself together' and stick it out in a place where I do not want to be, for the sake of my family.

And I do understand that depression is an illness that requires treatment. This should be the first step. Treatment does not have to be prescription-based - there are other ways, be they plant-based anti-depressants, counselling, or just finding that inner place of peace and the resolve to make the best of a less than ideal situation.

The OP needs to realise that what she is proposing to do would most likely result in the permanent break-up of her family.

Petals

I think you should get treatment for your depression. I had a major depressive incident a year ago and I know that when that is happening its all about me and once I became well I realised that I was not the centre of the universe and others need me.

I do not think that being away from partner/husband for any length of time is a good idea for the marriage and the children. So many people do not survive distance relationships. After all your husband has to have some social life he cannot spend his life like a monk.

You have not said anything about how your husband feels, is he happy in his job because if he is then are you not concerned that if you both return he will then be unhappy.

Jerseygirl

That would have had entirely the opposite affect on me Sally and my husband knows it. After all these years he knows how to handle me.

username 34

I think you should stay and keep your family together. I see alot of homesick people here and it drives them crazy because its all they focus on, its all about them them them, ..... driving themselves into a depression so bad it consumes them ...

and it sounds awful but I'm afraid I have little pity for them. Its not like its a terrible country, your lives arent at threat, you're not living on the poverty line, your human rights arent being abused, you have a home, shops, things you can do, ...

you're just somewhere you dont like.

you have an end in sight, a date to aim for. To leave and take your kids because you dont like it there .... I think you need to reconsider. And if its just a case of money to buy your way out with relocation costs then do it, beg and borrow it if you have to but dont split you guys up just for the sake of cash.

Millie11

Did you do the 25 years as an army wife?

JoB

Tegwyn,
I didn't say I agreed with splitting her family up, if you re-read the post but when I was in the very dark place someone telling me to pull myself together would have made me worse as I would have thought 'they just don't understand' I know this because thats what my husband told me, he didn't believe how bad I was until he came to the GP with me. The lady needs professional help we will all agree with that I am sure. Looking back when clear of depression it is easy to say 'oh yeah I should have pulled myself together' but not when in the depths of despair.
I think the lady should give herself a timescale say 3 months to get better and seek help then review the situation. I do feel for her, homesickness is very different to depression. I am pretty astounded at some of the comments on here about depression and even homesickness, saying it's all me me me. If she were mrs positive and it all be me me me, would they be saying the same. Depression is an all consuming illness but people don't deliberately 'drive' themselves to it and a bit of understanding wouldn't go a miss.

Jo

backagen

As I have said before, on another thread I think, depression isn't always something that can be magically cured by physchological treatment, drugs and so forth.

Sometimes the ONLY cure is to either solve the problems that are the root cause of the depression, or else if they cannot be solved, or not immediately, to find some sort of way to come to terms with it, and cope with it.

On the other hand, if there is no obvious problem in someones life, but they are depressed anyway, then possibly that's when drugs and/or some sort of counselling might help.

In this case though, the problem is very real.

GaryKristensen

I think I have read some of your husbands post on the mlitary forum AARSE where he was asking about how he could get out of his return of service. We have being here a year this week and can fully sympathise with you. It has been a very long year moving from London to a rural ish city, boy was that a culture shock. The first few months were a nightmare, 4 year old son hysterical, husband away on lots of courses and me bored, sad and lonely. It was so bad we booked flights back for me and son, but we decided to give it a bit longer as I could not bear the thought of splitting us up. I too was very depressed so saw the doctor and got help with this as soon as I could.

When we went through the selection process for lateral transfers more questions about the move were directed at me than hubby as they wanted to be so certain it was the right move and we were told in no uncertain terms what out Return of Service was. Bearing in mind the military for their selection process fly over a full team from doctors to socaia workers to ensure it is all smooth for you. We do not pay a penny or what we did pay was reimbursed once we arrived, which is why they will not budge on the return of service. My husband has been doing some research for DCO and it is estimated it costs in excess of $80,000 for each lateral transferee and his family, to get them here and established.

My husband is in his 23rd year though we have only been together 7 so I do know how hard it is, but I also know it would have broken his heart if we had got on that plane that day. I am just glad I found the strength to stay and now our son loves life here and is looking forward to his first Aus birthday party.I used the military education grant of $3500 to retrain. I am a school teacher but have just got my real estate licence and a great job so am now meeting friends. I have also joined the gym and have met people through that. Use DCO they have some great things going and lots of grants available to try and help you settle. I know it is not the answer you want to hear and it has taken me lots of courage to write this and admit I needed the help, usually I just read the posts, but your situation reminds me of me, and I probably have been no use atallTry and keep your chin up and find just one small thing that you may like and build from there. Two years will go so fast.

All the best
Kat

lobby lou

No i didnt ...but have been with him through the bad times ...and he chose to move to abu dhabi to train their military and as his wife i supported him...as ive said in another post ...my mum died just b4 we came here and my eldest 2 sons were in college so stayed in uk....it took me well over ayear to settle and in that time i suffered serious deppression.....but i fought it and won...now 3 years later we are all very happy and have a life secound to none ........

Tegwyn

When a person is swirling around in their own dark reality, it sometimes takes some very blunt words to get them to understand that there are other people also suffering - and will suffer because of their problems. Depression spreads a dark cloud amongst all in a home. Comforting words are nice and sometimes helpful, but may not necessarily be the motivator to get the person to make an effort to seek help when unable to cope themselves. The op needs treatment and counseling before making her family pay for her unhappiness. She may have a lot more depressive issues to deal with later if she does not address her problem now. Running away rarely works. This I know.

MsElui

before i married my husband i spent a year abroad on a uni placement. I muddled along as i was consumed with missing him and looking back it put quite a downer on the year and i could have gotten so much more out of it had I not been missing him so much.

I guess what Im trying to say is - dont underestimate how hard it might be to be apart from him. It could cast a pall on the life in england and make the whole situation more confused.