I have mentioned on here before that we came to the US with my husbands job for 2 years, which beyond our control became 3 years.

My husband came home today and said he had been asked to stay another 18 months on top of that

Well you can guess my response, a few choice words and a resounding no from me and the kids who overheard my few choice words

Luckly, this time we have a choice in the matter so at least it is in our control.

I wish my husband understood it from our point of view, its not that we hate it here, we are actually having a OK time. But our real life is back in the UK and this is just an extra long holiday (only way I can put up with it).

Can't understand how he doesn't feel the same

Just needed to tell someone and at least I know you will understand my point of view.

PS this was two days after we returned from our first holiday in the UK:blink

That has to be a killer. I can appreciate how you must feel.Is there any way you and the kids could go back early(6 months prior to the end of 18 months) while he completes the extension? Maybe that would make your stay more bearable. What state are you in America?

Hi UKWinds , we are in Las Vegas and its 114 F here today

Unfortunatly we are unable to go back before my husband, unless we paid all our own costs, which we can't afford to do.

It would be fantastic if we could, but a least we don't have to do the extra 18 months on top of it.

It just confuses me that he even considered it, because he is very much a home person and would never consider emagrating forever, he only finds it OKish here and hates the work situation

My DD has just realised that we are here an extra year on top of the original two and she's not talking to her Dad (shes 9).

There is a small chance of going home in another year, which I would love to do, but it would be very depremental to my husbands job so he doesn't even want to consider it and I don't feel I can push him to.

To be honest I feel stuck as its my husband that has to make the choice regarding this and I've been very luckly to never have been in this position before.

Oh dear, poor you.
How long should there be left right now without the 18 mth increase?

My heart goes out to you and family. If staying the 18 months is a must decision try and find ways to keep your self busy doing various things.It seems to help the time feel shorter.I would also if possible take a trip back to the uk for a holiday, around the mid point time in that 18 months. You and your partner, I'm sure will decide which choice is best for your family.

I completely sympathise! We went to America for a two year posting that turned into five, and, if it was up to my husband, would have been a lot longer than that . It was only through me being very clear(!) a year ago that I never signed up to emigrate that we are headed back this summer. As you know I`m back early, with my husband to follow soon.
My feeling is it`s "all about the work". That is a big persuader and if it`s interesting in the UK, then he will be happy, and that is out of my control.

Good luck with everything. I think that must be very frustrating for you , as you just want to get going and get truly settled again.

I do think a lot of good, solid men are stubbornly hard wired and singlemindedly focussed when it comes to their jobs and providing for their families, and they don't necessarily see the affects of the spillover on those around them .

It does sound from your later post that there seems to be no options but to stick with it and try and make it work . Maybe you can come over to Uk for an extended stay with the kids . I know you are eager to move but enjoy your time there and really make the most of it . Sounds like your OH doesn't have too much of a choice either re his job.

Good luck !

I totally agree, ramblingsue. They are, on the whole, good men, and want to please everybody, including their employers, and most importantly, at the moment, want to stay employed. I think that its hard to be a 'trailing spouse" as well, because you end up in a situation where you feel like you havent much control over the fundamentals, like where you live, being able to work etc.
I also agree about the "spillover". Everybody gets affected. Whether it`s your kid`s education, ability to work in the country, not seeing your close relatives very often, high cost of air fares to see family members, and for them to see you.
I`ll stop now before I get carried away!

Thank you for your understanding, to be honest thats what I needed. Someone to say I undertand why you don't want to stay, hugs

We talked again last night and he is fully aware now that under no circumstances am I staying past the first extension of 3 years. We have done one so that means 2 to go. I have got my head around that (but secretly hope something will change

Going home at the 3 year point will not be depremental to my husbands job, luckly. Also, it fits just right for both my childrens education, so he has no argument about staying

Thank you for your support

we came to the USA in 2000 for a 14 month contract with 3 kids aged 10-15 yrs old. After a year it was extended for 1 yr and then in almost exactly the same period as yourself we were asked to extend for another period of time. We decided from the get go that we would not treat it as an extended holiday as that would be too unsettling for the kids. We were upfront with them that it was a temporary contact but things can change as that is life.
After the 2 yr mark, we sat down and discussed our options. we didn't know it at the time,if we had gone back to the UK, he could have easily have lost his job and had to move elsewhere. Several of our friends, all of whom had temporary contracts in the US, ended up in France, Ireland, back to the USA or unemployed. One of my friends who was desperate to move back to Scotland, ended up moving to Scotland, Ireland and the USA and back to Ireland, all within a 3 yrs period, just to keep a job. They ended up in the USA.
We decided to ask the company to make it a permanent position and go for our green cards, as leaving it up in the air for another 2 yrs would have been to unsettling to my kids who were by then 16 (nearly 17),13 and11. Is this an option for your husband?
Is your husband's job secure in the UK? We took this into account, as my husband has been in his particular industry for a few decades. He saw the signs, although nothing was concrete at the time. He had a good idea, his plant would close in next 18 months, even though it was the most up to date plant the company had in the UK, however it was also the smallest.. He could have moved down the road (50 miles) to other plant. Within 3 yrs, that plant had gone as well. That was a shocker! The industry he works for, is now practically dead in Scotland, there is no future there or England. So any move now would be China, France, Germany or the US. Thank goodness he had the foresight to consider where the industry was going as he felt the US was the most secure place for us and him, job wise.
As your daughter is now 9, it might be the time to sit down with her and explain the situation and that until she leaves home for whatever life she might have , there is a good chance because of Daddy's job that she will not live in the same place all her life. In the meantime, your husband might discuss with the company whether he can stay permanently in the US as this unsettling to his young family. As it is temporary I assume you have not got your green cards yet.
Before you make you decision to move back, make sure you have fully discussed the situation with your husband and don't just give him an ultimatum. If your husband works in an international based occupation, this might not be the only time he is faced with this situation. He is in just as difficult situation as yourself and probably feels bad about the temporary nature of his situation. Its very easy for us (the trailing spouse) to forget that they have misgivings about the situation as well as us.
The ironic thing for me, is that after 12 yrs of living here, I am the one reluctant to move back to Europe as this now seems like home. He, on the other hand, would move back in a hop, skip and jump.
Sorry to be such Debby Downer about your situation but hope it works out for you.

Playing "devil's advocate" do you understand his point of view?

Thank you for all your concern, and advise regarding my husbands job. We are slightly different position to most as my husband works for the UK govement and this is a posting. So job is secure, this is why we didn't have any control over staying an extra 1 year as he was told he had to.

Luckly the extra 18 months is a choice, so my answer is no.

My husbands job is secure for the forseable future, but if you watch UK news you will know that they are making lots of people redundant from my husbands company (hard work not using the right discription but not allowed to on forums). My husband hasn't been included in that, but you never know.

With regards to feeling this is home, we try but its very hard as we know its only temp, so the alterative is to make them feel like they are getting a great experience/holiday.

Maybe your husband is thinking if he says no..when the next review comes around he will find himself on the list?

Here is some insight from a husbands point of view...
As a husband in a similar situation, I felt a commitment to my job and was driven to succeed as payback for the effort and trust my employer placed in me in moving me to the US.
Additionally, with everything rolling along OK, good standard of living, good house, good life, I felt no need to uproot everything to move from optimism back to UK pessimism.
I couldn't see any reason that my wife would not want to continue in that same life, earning more than she did in UK and with leisure and travel opportunities that would have been more difficult from the UK.
Besides, UK was not so far away for visits.
And if things got desperate in US then UK was still there to move back to, it wasn't going away.
18 years later, when the time was right for lots of reasons, we moved back to UK. The UK is still here. We are glad we made the most of the opportunity to live abroad.

Try not to think about it being temporary and just go with the flow, especially for your child's sake. Children are very susceptible to their parents emotions and this can have a really bad detrimental effect on their development. Keep focused on the day to day rather than the near future and time will quickly past.
We have been through 2 moves to the states, one in late 1980's for 9 months and our now temporary/permanent stay now. I have to say that our middle child, my son, had a terrible time, mainly because of the uncertainty in our attitude to life over here (mostly mine) in the first few years. Once we got on with life and stopped looking back, he became much more settled and is now living in Denver with this girlfriend. He was much older than your child but each child reflects the uncertainty of their parents. He is still the most fragile of our kids emotionally but he wasn't helped by my attitude. Remember time to them is not the same our perception of time.
Enjoy your time here, don't watch the news, local/national or day time TV as that will just get your depressed. Become part of the community for even the brief time you are here and chill out. England is not going to disappear, it will be there in 2 yrs time and the time you spend over here, is really a blink of an eye in reality.
We still have friends we made in MA, 24 yrs ago!
Hope it works out for you. My husband lived in Lincoln for 2 yrs before we got married and really is a lovely place. Quite a culture shock for you, no doubt moving to Las Vegas.