How to remain positive?
Aug 26th 2008, 7:09 pm
#16
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Re: How to remain positive?
Hi there,
Do you have to stay in Brisbane? Maybe a move might work? I know some of your situation but not all - of course! - maybe a move from the area would be beneficial?
If it all gets too dull here in Perth, then we may relocate to South of WA and live a country life and travel Australia to exhaust it, so that when or if we do return (which we think we will as we see no future here - our dreams ran out when we got here!!!) then i will have absolutley NO need to ever return to this country.
Mucho hugs. It must be very tough.
x
Do you have to stay in Brisbane? Maybe a move might work? I know some of your situation but not all - of course! - maybe a move from the area would be beneficial?
If it all gets too dull here in Perth, then we may relocate to South of WA and live a country life and travel Australia to exhaust it, so that when or if we do return (which we think we will as we see no future here - our dreams ran out when we got here!!!) then i will have absolutley NO need to ever return to this country.
Mucho hugs. It must be very tough.
x
Aug 26th 2008, 7:12 pm
#17
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Re: How to remain positive?
Have some more {{{hugs}}}
I guess if your OH is getting a tad ticked off then you really do need to find other ears to vent to (we are always here and many of us can empathise!). I know that you are well on top of strategies etc but can recommend The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris - I have recently been practising his strategies combined with my CBT (I can do thought stopping like a pro these days) and they do help. Last thing you want to do is alienate the OH because you will need him for the dire days when no-one else will do.
Have you thought about blogging? It seems that works for some folk - not tried it myself but have been thinking about giving it a go.
Sometimes doing volunteer work helping people who are less well off than yourself can deliver that light bulb moment of relativity - things like SES and Lifeline are my favourites.
The Olympics were a bit of a dire time, weren't they???!
Hang in there!
I guess if your OH is getting a tad ticked off then you really do need to find other ears to vent to (we are always here and many of us can empathise!). I know that you are well on top of strategies etc but can recommend The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris - I have recently been practising his strategies combined with my CBT (I can do thought stopping like a pro these days) and they do help. Last thing you want to do is alienate the OH because you will need him for the dire days when no-one else will do.
Have you thought about blogging? It seems that works for some folk - not tried it myself but have been thinking about giving it a go.
Sometimes doing volunteer work helping people who are less well off than yourself can deliver that light bulb moment of relativity - things like SES and Lifeline are my favourites.
The Olympics were a bit of a dire time, weren't they???!
Hang in there!
I don't have time for volunteer work what with uni, work, kids, house etc but it is something I would love to do at some stage.
Blogging is also a great idea ... i should do that instead of loitering on here!
I have decided as a coping strategy I am taking a leaf out of your book anyway. I am going back to UK at least once a year come hell or highwater. I probably won't be able to afford to take the kids back with me but I am going to have to be selfish and insist the ex look after them during this period, otherwise I will go mental.
I'm not much of a hugger - ((slides rabsody a MASSIVE glass of red))
but I know EXACTLY where you are coming from (pours self a massive glass of red)
When I first came out here I moaned to my Aussie OH all the time and he would never just listen but would always offer solutions (typical male response).
Eventually just like yours he got jack of it and told me to stop whinging, so I have pretty much buttoned it since then until I discovered this forum a few months ago (that is 8 years of making the best of it, mustn't grumble and all that).
So I don't have a solution as such but know EXACTLY what you mean and you live in Brisbane too which is more ocker than most of the other places so would be worse for you.
I think getting a blog is an outstanding idea, just make sure it is anonymous.
but I know EXACTLY where you are coming from (pours self a massive glass of red)
When I first came out here I moaned to my Aussie OH all the time and he would never just listen but would always offer solutions (typical male response).
Eventually just like yours he got jack of it and told me to stop whinging, so I have pretty much buttoned it since then until I discovered this forum a few months ago (that is 8 years of making the best of it, mustn't grumble and all that).
So I don't have a solution as such but know EXACTLY what you mean and you live in Brisbane too which is more ocker than most of the other places so would be worse for you.
I think getting a blog is an outstanding idea, just make sure it is anonymous.
Aug 26th 2008, 7:13 pm
#18
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Re: How to remain positive?
Hi there,
Do you have to stay in Brisbane? Maybe a move might work? I know some of your situation but not all - of course! - maybe a move from the area would be beneficial?
If it all gets too dull here in Perth, then we may relocate to South of WA and live a country life and travel Australia to exhaust it, so that when or if we do return (which we think we will as we see no future here - our dreams ran out when we got here!!!) then i will have absolutley NO need to ever return to this country.
Mucho hugs. It must be very tough.
x
Do you have to stay in Brisbane? Maybe a move might work? I know some of your situation but not all - of course! - maybe a move from the area would be beneficial?
If it all gets too dull here in Perth, then we may relocate to South of WA and live a country life and travel Australia to exhaust it, so that when or if we do return (which we think we will as we see no future here - our dreams ran out when we got here!!!) then i will have absolutley NO need to ever return to this country.
Mucho hugs. It must be very tough.
x
I have broached the subject with him before about moving to Melbourne and it was a resounding "no".
Aug 26th 2008, 7:45 pm
#19
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Posts: 38
Re: How to remain positive?
Thanks Tracey. Yes, it is indeed a shitty fact! I don't think so much I am wishing the years away but maybe more the girls might grow up thinking 'mum wants to go home and can't and it's my fault' type of thing so I have to be careful about what I say.
We do have a good life here on the whole.
I am part time uni now (2 subjects) as well as working three days a week which is a great balance for me and means I don't have half as much time to loiter on BE and get depressed! Still, the urge to vent arises!!!
How are you feeling about your impending move? Must be scary and exciting when you finally do it!
We do have a good life here on the whole.
I am part time uni now (2 subjects) as well as working three days a week which is a great balance for me and means I don't have half as much time to loiter on BE and get depressed! Still, the urge to vent arises!!!
How are you feeling about your impending move? Must be scary and exciting when you finally do it!
Also look at the positives, last weekend the 25th teenager this year was stabbed to death by another teenager. At least in Brisbane you wont have to stay awake worrying if your teenagers will come home or not.
And Brisbane can't be much worse than Wimbledon, (there are more Aussies in Wimbledon than in Brisbane I would imagine)
Maybe your dislike in Brisbane is all to do with your exhusband and you project it on the city of Brisbane? Anyway could have been worse you could be in Canada instead, or worse, in the USA.
Just hang in there, maybe meet some other people in Brisbane will make you feel better.
Aug 26th 2008, 8:22 pm
#20
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Re: How to remain positive?
Thanks Jayndsi. Unfortunately cannot move as we have shared care of the kids with their dad. I cannot legally even take them out of the state without his written permission I have broached the subject with him before about moving to Melbourne and it was a resounding "no".
I have broached the subject with him before about moving to Melbourne and it was a resounding "no".
that's just crap. I just don't know. I'm with whoever said talk to your lawyer again. This is just not on!
janine
Aug 26th 2008, 8:39 pm
#21
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Re: How to remain positive?
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
Aug 26th 2008, 8:59 pm
#22
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Re: How to remain positive?
isnt it normally standard that the men gets the tough deal when it comes to custody? At least it is like that in the UK.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
That is a good point although, you get to a certain point where you think ' hey you know what. i know what i like and what I don't, what i am willing to live with and what i am not' and no amount of desperate 'changing yourself' is going to 'sort' you out.
We are on this earth to be who we are meant to be, and adapting is fine, as long as it's not detrimental to your soul.
Aug 26th 2008, 9:11 pm
#23
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Re: How to remain positive?
isnt it normally standard that the men gets the tough deal when it comes to custody? At least it is like that in the UK.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
I was married and had my two kids in the Uk so I can assure you I don't associate it with happy, happy carefree,responsibility-free times. If anything that was what I associated Australia with before I came back out here with two kids and husband in tow! A very different scenario to backpacking as a 21 year old.
I don't think I am unhappy with myself. If anything the personal growth I have experienced since I have been here has probably been part of what has made me unhappy with Aus. I have stood on my own two feet without my family, I have survived under very difficult circumstances and still managed to pay my mortgage and put food on the table as a single parent, I have worked my way up to some really good jobs after being out of the workforce for five years, I have taken myself back to uni at the age of 34, I have carved out a great circle of friends and standard of living here in Aus.
However, I don't think a longing for all that you hold dear, including your family, is about changing yourself and not your postcode. Sometimes it takes time and distance to realise what is truly important to you.
Aug 26th 2008, 9:14 pm
#24
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Re: How to remain positive?
isnt it normally standard that the men gets the tough deal when it comes to custody? At least it is like that in the UK.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
Aug 26th 2008, 9:29 pm
#25
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Re: How to remain positive?
With the greatest possible respect, the same dangers exist here as back home Teenagers get stabbed, beaten up, aducted etc in Brisbane as well.
Aug 26th 2008, 9:40 pm
#26
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Re: How to remain positive?
Another strategy that I've tried, which is helping me to focus on the good bits, is to have found a guy at work who is trying to set himself up working part-time as a life coach. I've always treated that kind of thing as happy-clappy rubbish that wouldn't work for me, but because I hit it off well with him anyway I let him practise on me as part of his course, and it has made a difference to my attitude.
He can't make me love it here - and he understands a lot of the reasons why, having visited the UK a lot, and having a British mother, he freely admits he loves a lot of the British ways of life - but what he is doing is helping me to see that I can be more content without actually having to "become an Aussie", just by making the country work for me, enjoying the bits that are good, and trying to rekindle the feelings of why I came here in the first place.
Aug 26th 2008, 9:56 pm
#27
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Re: How to remain positive?
Be great to see you - let me know when there's a week you can make it. We actually doubled our numbers last night and had 6 of us there
Another strategy that I've tried, which is helping me to focus on the good bits, is to have found a guy at work who is trying to set himself up working part-time as a life coach. I've always treated that kind of thing as happy-clappy rubbish that wouldn't work for me, but because I hit it off well with him anyway I let him practise on me as part of his course, and it has made a difference to my attitude.
He can't make me love it here - and he understands a lot of the reasons why, having visited the UK a lot, and having a British mother, he freely admits he loves a lot of the British ways of life - but what he is doing is helping me to see that I can be more content without actually having to "become an Aussie", just by making the country work for me, enjoying the bits that are good, and trying to rekindle the feelings of why I came here in the first place.
Another strategy that I've tried, which is helping me to focus on the good bits, is to have found a guy at work who is trying to set himself up working part-time as a life coach. I've always treated that kind of thing as happy-clappy rubbish that wouldn't work for me, but because I hit it off well with him anyway I let him practise on me as part of his course, and it has made a difference to my attitude.
He can't make me love it here - and he understands a lot of the reasons why, having visited the UK a lot, and having a British mother, he freely admits he loves a lot of the British ways of life - but what he is doing is helping me to see that I can be more content without actually having to "become an Aussie", just by making the country work for me, enjoying the bits that are good, and trying to rekindle the feelings of why I came here in the first place.
Aug 26th 2008, 10:02 pm
#28
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Re: How to remain positive?
Be great to see you - let me know when there's a week you can make it. We actually doubled our numbers last night and had 6 of us there
Another strategy that I've tried, which is helping me to focus on the good bits, is to have found a guy at work who is trying to set himself up working part-time as a life coach. I've always treated that kind of thing as happy-clappy rubbish that wouldn't work for me, but because I hit it off well with him anyway I let him practise on me as part of his course, and it has made a difference to my attitude.
He can't make me love it here - and he understands a lot of the reasons why, having visited the UK a lot, and having a British mother, he freely admits he loves a lot of the British ways of life - but what he is doing is helping me to see that I can be more content without actually having to "become an Aussie", just by making the country work for me, enjoying the bits that are good, and trying to rekindle the feelings of why I came here in the first place.
Another strategy that I've tried, which is helping me to focus on the good bits, is to have found a guy at work who is trying to set himself up working part-time as a life coach. I've always treated that kind of thing as happy-clappy rubbish that wouldn't work for me, but because I hit it off well with him anyway I let him practise on me as part of his course, and it has made a difference to my attitude.
He can't make me love it here - and he understands a lot of the reasons why, having visited the UK a lot, and having a British mother, he freely admits he loves a lot of the British ways of life - but what he is doing is helping me to see that I can be more content without actually having to "become an Aussie", just by making the country work for me, enjoying the bits that are good, and trying to rekindle the feelings of why I came here in the first place.
That sounds great Pollyanna, thanks. I don't have the kids next week so might try and make it but I'll drop you a note in advance.
Your work mate sounds fab! I might have to get his number off you when we meet up
I do want to try and make the best of it, I don't want to be miserable for the next 8 years
maybe I am fighting against submission 
Aug 27th 2008, 2:04 am
#29
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Re: How to remain positive?
Aug 27th 2008, 3:29 am
#30
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Re: How to remain positive?
isnt it normally standard that the men gets the tough deal when it comes to custody? At least it is like that in the UK.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
Happiness is not a place, not city, not a location, not a big house and not a material thing.
I think you are unhappy with yourself and I am not sure going back to the UK is going to change that. Change yourself, not your postcode.
Perhaps you are just associating the UK of being young, happy and not yet bured out by marriage, children and divorce. As you say, when you first arrived you liked it.
Why the hell would you change YOURSELF and not your postcode?
If you are happy with who you are why should you?!! You are right it is not a location or material thing, but if the geographical location of where you live does not suit you then thats just the way it is and no amount of bullshite soul searching will change that.
I speak as an expert having lived in 3 countries decided i needed to be back where i feel i belong and have got there. I can vouch for the fact that location DOES play a big part in your happiness. Even though i nearly died through illness immediately on my return i was just content to be here no matter how sick i was.
Faye. Big hugs. You know damn wwell i wouldnt be much use in advising how to stay positive as i was going crackers down there.
Just try to hang in there and keep those dreams alive in your mind. xxxx
