Well it finally came out on the weekend. My Aussie partner is getting really pissed off with my constant sniping and moaning about Aus and Australians. He himself would like to leave and live O/S but because of me and the kids he can't (due to custody issues with Australian ex husband).

I feel I have probably become a tad obsessed and of course the Olympics really made me see red :curse: and has exacerbated things.

It's hard because he's the only one I have to vent to (apart from you lot *thank you*) as I try to keep it to myself outside the house. I can imagine how peed off I would be if we lived in UK and he constantly slagged the place off though.

Given I've got another 8 years to go I need to find a way to try and focus on the positives and not on being trapped here. I've increased my dosage of the happy pills but I feel it's a really sad state of affairs when you have to drug yourself up to the eyeballs in increasing doses just to be able to handle day-to-day life.

Thankfully we are going back to UK for a month at Xmas time but then I'm not sure whether that makes things easier or harder really as it takes so long to recover emotionally afterwards.

I suppose I am just having a vent really but wondered whether anyone else had suggestions of what worked for them to remain positive until they could get home.

One of the things that has made the biggest difference to me is meeting up with someone else who understands how I feel. if you fancy a couple of friendly ears
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545300.

APrt from that its the old cliches of trips home whenever I can, and getting a job I enjoy has made a big difference. I guess I sit on the things that I don't like, and only allow the good bits to affect me - not an ideal way to live, as I'm only half alive, but it seems to work for now.

My heart goes out to you. I think the fact that you can't move makes it worse than if you have the option available... I myself chafe against limitations. All I can say is stay away from what you know will anger you, and try to immerse yourself in your kids' childhoods. I've got nine years left on my own sentence (though I am in my home country, I want to move!) but if I sit here and wish it away, I will have missed so many precious things.

Like you I am remarried and sometimes resent my husband's potential for freedom (he's an EU citizen and will be eligible for American citizenship in a few months, and has no children of his own). This is not logical, and it's not helpful, but I will admit to it.

Sigh.I really do feel for you. For a start I'd have to say to stay out of this forum room. It can't be easy, or do you any favours reading posts from people longing to be home or actually going home when you feel the way you do.
I'm not sure what's going on with the custody thing but is there ANY way you could appeal and get back sooner? Talk to your lawyer??????

I guess the last thing I can suggest is maybe going back more often IF you can afford it and doing little positive things while your there that would lay the groundwork for when you get back permanently.

There is NOTHING worse than feeling trapped.
I'd be doing EVERYTHING I could to change that, BUT your situation sounds complicated and I'm sure you've tried so many times to make things easier.
Mate - wish there was something else I could say to you.

*pearly* x

Just out of curiosity, are your children going back to the UK with you in 8 years?

I think that 'rose-coloured spectacles' have their antitheses which are the 'shit-spattered spectacles' and in reality both of them give a distorted view of reality. On 'bad days' I remind myself of this and try to remain 'spectacle' free.

So many issues can cloud reality (in our case a mortgage that has to all intents and purpose negated our ability to 'live' and appreciate where we are) and sometimes you have to try to look beyond your bias and attempt to see what really lies in front of your eyes. Once the feelings of despondency and dissatisfaction gather momentum it can turn into a ride which is difficult to get off.

On some days I hate Australia but on others I love the place. I still insist that our little boy has been given the chance that many UK kids will never have and that is somewhere to live that is far superior to the UK (for children). I still feel the pull of 'home' from time-to-time but this is merely a distraction and a desire to 'run away' from everything that is pissing me off here. I'm not sure returning to the UK will remedy my dissatisfaction though, in all honesty.

Hello Rabs

Sorry to hear about your situation, but I guess its not sympathy you're after.

Empathy's a better word. Slightly different situation I know, but my wife (for that is what she is) had issues with where she used to work in the UK. She hated it, and on the whole, hated the people she worked with. And, bless her, she used to tell me how awful it was on a daily basis, for at least a year, but it felt much longer. Roles in her line of work were quite rare, so there was a sense for her of being trapped. Anyways, there came a point where no amount of my listening and trying to be sympathetic would make any difference. No matter what I said, she'd already heard it before; it was an issue which had become unresolvable by our own actions. So I suggested she might be better off speaking to a 'professional' about it, and I'm pleased to say that that she did. And it made an enormous difference to her, and to me. It didn't make her job any less loathsome, it didn't help her find virtues in her colleagues that up until then she'd overlooked, but it did help her put things into a different perspective. And I'm loathe to give advice, but perhaps a new perspective might help right now. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you, to view yourself as being trapped for the next eight years, but even if you effectively are, there must be a viewpoint from within that situation which allows a little more light in. How you find it?

For a starters, have a (((((HUG))))) > Not much use, but there you go anyway

You know that you have 8 years left to serve. There's little you can do about that. Fact. Shitty, but fact.

If I were in your shoes, Yes I'd be brassed off, feeling like I was trapped, going slightly insane too. But, you're doing the right thing by getting yourself stuck into uni. If that's not floating your boat, go get a job that you think you'll love. Anything to take your mind of the fact you're stuck here.

You're girls are growing up, and just like me, by wishing the years away, you're wishing their childhood away. I too am guilty of that. Try to stop and smell the roses a little. Try your hardest to find things you do love here. I know, easier said than done.

Keep your chin up mate

Have some more {{{hugs}}}

I guess if your OH is getting a tad ticked off then you really do need to find other ears to vent to (we are always here and many of us can empathise!). I know that you are well on top of strategies etc but can recommend The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris - I have recently been practising his strategies combined with my CBT (I can do thought stopping like a pro these days) and they do help. Last thing you want to do is alienate the OH because you will need him for the dire days when no-one else will do.

Have you thought about blogging? It seems that works for some folk - not tried it myself but have been thinking about giving it a go.

Sometimes doing volunteer work helping people who are less well off than yourself can deliver that light bulb moment of relativity - things like SES and Lifeline are my favourites.

The Olympics were a bit of a dire time, weren't they???!

Hang in there!

I'm not much of a hugger - ((slides rabsody a MASSIVE glass of red))
but I know EXACTLY where you are coming from (pours self a massive glass of red)

When I first came out here I moaned to my Aussie OH all the time and he would never just listen but would always offer solutions (typical male response).

Eventually just like yours he got jack of it and told me to stop whinging, so I have pretty much buttoned it since then until I discovered this forum a few months ago (that is 8 years of making the best of it, mustn't grumble and all that).

So I don't have a solution as such but know EXACTLY what you mean and you live in Brisbane too which is more ocker than most of the other places so would be worse for you.

I think getting a blog is an outstanding idea, just make sure it is anonymous.

Hang in there, by the time you come back to UK, maybe even the bill for the London 2012 has been paid off by the taxpayers...

There is not any perfect place in the world and Brits are famous for complaining, so that make any trip or move abroad a perfect candidate for whinging and moaning, and I must say that

I fell the same about the UK, but then again I havent been to Australia.
It does help to focus on the positives and perhaps spend every weekend and holiday abroad helps.

What is it that you miss mostly about the UK? (apart from family and friends)

After 10 years in the UK I still struggle to find any positives in the UK apart from my salary, so I am just trying to decide if I should stay on for yet another year or move on to a friendlier and better place.

Switzerland? Boston, MA?


I think that talking about it makes me move closer to a decision every day, hopefully you will be able to do so too.

I have no words of wisdom for you...just letting you know 'thinking of you'

Thanks Polly, that's kind of you. I'm at uni from 10am-6pm on Tuesdays but I might pop in for one after one week when the kids are at their dad's.

Thanks Snowbunny - I definitely chafe against limitations that's for sure! The problem is I can't stay away from things that anger me as everything seems to anger me at the mo! Just being around Aussies angers me! Watching Tv, listening to the radio, driving, reading a newspaper ... they all anger me! There's no hope

Thanks Pearly. I have been staying away a bit lately as I've been quite busy but I always get drawn back! I know it probably doesn't help focussing on the going back thing in here but no-one IRL understands!

I have enquired legally with one of Bris's top international custody lawyers and he said best case scenario 25% of getting back with a six month court case and plenty of $$$. The reason for this is because even though kids were born in UK, was married to ex in UK, the girls have been here for most of their lives and my ex and I have 50/50 shared care which factors into the equation.

Even if legally I were able to take them back it is not an ideal situation for my children as I don't feel I could take them away from their dad, that's not fair. I just need to work out how not to go insane in the process which is very hard!

I am preparing my kids now (might sound cruel/silly) by letting them know that I am off when youngest hits 17 and finishes school. They have the choice whether to come with me or not. Of course I am hoping they do. Ideally I would love for them to go to uni in UK (I know there's the residency rule which can make it tricky). Ultimately I can't force them to come with me and who knows, I may even come back of my own free will, but I am off!

When I first came out 8 years ago (having been backpacking here for a year) and the kids were small I loved it. It is great for bringing up kids and i am luckier than most in that they at least have one side of their family locally. However over time as I have grown as a person and since being at uni particularly the things that were important to me back then are far less important now.

I stilll love good weather but I really long for history, culture, depth, intelligent conversation from people who aren't afraid to talk about politics and current affairs. I feel too opinionated here amongst the apathy, people misunderstand me a lot they don't seem to "get" my style of communication (forthright!). I miss being amongst creativity, happening music, people who are more in touch with the rest of the world and more open minded and dare I say it, tolerant. These things are all really important to me now, as well as of course my family who I am very close to (but if I am honest my mum was probably part of the reason I moved away in the first place).

As I say I have lot to be thankful for, nice house, good income, fab car, able to study, supportive partner, two great kids but ultimately I just feel as if I have outgrown Brisbane.


Thanks S. I hear you and I understand where you are coming from with regard to being unable to change the situation but dealing with it in a different way. I was seeing a shrink for about 7 weeks but she wasn't very helpful. Maybe I need to find another one!

Thanks Tracey. Yes, it is indeed a shitty fact! I don't think so much I am wishing the years away but maybe more the girls might grow up thinking 'mum wants to go home and can't and it's my fault' type of thing so I have to be careful about what I say.

We do have a good life here on the whole.

I am part time uni now (2 subjects) as well as working three days a week which is a great balance for me and means I don't have half as much time to loiter on BE and get depressed! Still, the urge to vent arises!!!

How are you feeling about your impending move? Must be scary and exciting when you finally do it!