z1565124

So one of my biggest worries about moving back is how my wife (USC) will be accepted over there. It gets old at times but a Brit over in the US, aside from the odd ass-hole, typically gets a warm welcome and an assumption is made that they are smart, cultured and cool. Maybe not quite the case for the US spouse in reverse? Wife did spend about 9 months studying in Leeds, where we met, 15 years or so ago. Just worried about how people will treat her in the workplace etc. Don't get me wrong she can hold her own but with all the upheaval of moving things like a nasty comment at the wrong time can really upset you. I also worry about months of not being able to work (legally) will do to her self-asteam, she thinks it will be great to get some time off but not sure in reality that it might wear on her.

So interested to hear how your spouse coped (or didn't!) when they moved from the US to the UK.

Richard

penguinsix

The US expats in the UK website is filled with stories, good and bad, about just this sort of situation. Once you register (free) you can access the "Homesickness and Hard Times" board which will give you some of the more difficult stories and what to expect, but after reading those missives and some of the postings here you'll find that many of the problems come from being an expat generally rather than being a Yank in the UK, a Brit in the US, etc.

It's good to read through these though as some of the things that won't phase you or just seem "situation normal" in the UK might impact her a bit differently.

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

Pulaski

When Mrs P came over to the UK after we first got married, she did just fine. We lived in London, and she soon found a job and settled in, but her accent is not run of the mill American, which in London, as often as not means "New York", so she had a different profile that distinguished her from "most Americans".

She did struggle with some aspects of life, that there weren't local 24/7 convenience stores and fast food restaurants open for breakfast and late into the night. She could also never get her head around the idea that it was neither necessary or practical to keep my car outside the front door (I kept it in a lock-up garage several miles away, and I would collect it on Friday evening on the way home and take it back on Monday morning on the way to work).

She had a few, but not many, food anxieties, such as a lack of Oreos, and was never happy with the size of our fridge, which she considered to be a dorm fridge. Looking back she always said how much she enjoyed her time, and wished we had stayed longer, but she had her share of irritations.

Bluegrass Lass

I'm the US half of my marriage. We have just moved back to the UK - I've been in Edinburgh for about a month now. I've had some relatively minor gripes so far, but the biggest ones would be the size of the fridge and the size of the washer. I do consider the fridge to be a dorm room/mini-bar type fridge. And I really dislike that; but I also know that a lot of foods in the UK don't have the same amount of preservatives as they do in the US so you can't buy the large bottles that are the norm in the US. Having the smaller washer means doing laundry more frequently. Not a real big prob at the moment, but if we have kids down the line, I can see it becoming a big hassle.

All of the stories you're going to find are going to be pretty personal, and fairly subjective. It will come down to how adaptable is your wife, and what's her attitude about the whole move? When I lived here in 2011, I really found myself not liking it, and was very happy to move back to the US. While it's still early days thus far, I don't find myself frustrated as much as I did before. My attitude is definitely different now, and I think we've found the right location that suits me better.

My main reservations right now are how do I start to get credit in my name, so I can work towards a good credit rating for mortgage purposes, and if/when will we ever afford to actually buy a home. The cost of homes here are significantly higher than where I'm originally from in the US, and we have no savings due to the moves we've made in the last 2 years. So we're stuck renting for a long time. It's difficult to not compare what you get for the money here, versus back there, too..esp if you want a bit of land around you. And hubby and I have moved so much, we really don't know where we want to stay long term, so that doesn't help either.

I definitely recommend your wife having a read of the Homesickness forum & the Expat Life forum over at UK-Yankee. I'm a member there myself. It will give her a better idea of what things might be different and how she can prepare for that. And how she can possibly work through some of the homesickness feelings she might have.

z1565124

Thanks for your replies thus far. I had to laugh reading the fridge size comments, that is something my wife has stipulated if she moves I agree to get her a fridge bigger than a minibar! In all honesty I'll miss the ice maker more than her!

I'll check out that website, I'm sure there will be a section on learning to drive over there? That is something I think the whole of the UK should worry about not just the two of us!

robin1234

My wife is an American. She lived in England 1973-1976, then 1979-1991, plus the usual holiday visits when we've been living in the US.

She's from the Bronx, New York, and grew up in a tiny two bedroom co-op apartment, sharing a bedroom with her sister, so she never compared British house to the US suburban norm. Also closer to European norms in that while she had a family car growing up, public transport and walking was the usual way to get places in New York City.

Yes she had the usual challenges such as the nearest place to buy good bagels was miles away, the laundry machine had too many programmes, the washing instructions in clothes were symbol based and incomprehensible. But she's tough and took all that in her stride.

What she finds more difficult is how stuck up and unfriendly a lot of British people are. But I think after forty years of experiencing them, she is coming to terms with the British and accepting that it is all a part of life's rich tapestry.

Pulaski

FIFY

It's true, they can be, but many are not, and with all due respect to Mrs Robin1234 (who I do not know) there is almost nobody more effective at aggravating an otherwise affable Englishman than a brash New Yorker (NYC). Waldorf salad, anyone?

lgabriel73

I've always found Americans to be much more unfriendly than people in the UK, especially American women, but that's just my own personal experience.
FYI, You can actually buy big fridges in the UK.

Pulaski

You can, but given that our kitchen was 7'x8', where do you suggest we should have kept it?

lgabriel73

since you're not moving back to your small kitchen its not really an issue for you is it?? My point is that there are things that may make the wife feel better about being in the UK, like having a bigger fridge if you have the room.

robin1234

Hmm .. Maybe you have a point there. Over the last forty years, she has aggravated me several times! Only to discover, though, that each and every time, I was actually in the wrong!

Sally Redux

A lot of people seem to be knocking the backs out of their houses to get an open-plan kitchen with a big ****-off fridge.

WEBlue

The warmth of the welcome (or not) she will get from folks she meets in the UK may well be dependent on the area you move to. Some cities and towns seem friendlier than others. Do you have an area you must settle in, or is it up to your own choice?

It's good she's had a taste of living in the UK as a student, but as you say that was a while ago, and also being a student (with uni lectures and social events to fill up one's time and guarantee social interactions) is very different from moving somewhre as a spouse, when you must make your own interactions, find activities or join groups on your own, etc. You've mentioned she's a vet--any chance she'd want to do further veterinary training in the UK?

Yes, for many foreign spouses, one of the keys to settling in well is sooner or later finding meaningful work to do (of some kind, any kind, even unpaid). Time off after you first move over is fine, because there's usually a lot to do in the beginning and a whole new world to explore, but it's likely that at some point she will want to find something to do.

hungryhorace

This perception about washers gets to me. I've found the level of appliances here in America as very sub-standard compared to those we use in the UK. For a good washer, go and buy one of these: http://www.johnlewis.com/miele-w5872...ite/p231726449 -if I could find anything even APPROACHING this level of quality here in America I would be a happy man.

As it is, I will have to pay inflated Miele prices here in the US when myself and my wife buy a home here.

rebeccajo

I hear those are fabulous machines. But very very expensive.