British Expats

British Expats (https://britishexpats.com/forum/)
-   Moving back or to the UK (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/)
-   -   How did you decide? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/how-did-you-decide-518670/)

TraceyW Mar 15th 2008 8:46 am

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by Jumbo_Celcius (Post 6065497)
Thank you, Nu-Shooz, I'd emailed a friend about Perth and his reply was similar i.e. he liked the "down to earth" view instead of the usual "everything is soooo wonderful", "it's a quadrillion times better than UK", "the LIFESTYLE:eek: is great" etc, etc.

I'm seriously considering leaving here earlier than planned i.e. middle of year instead of end of year. With missus away, I went to pub in city afterwork on Fri night, got hammered, got food, walked home, drank more, woke up feeling like doggy doo this morning and was too hungover to make my weekly pilgrimage to the beach, hence the reason I'm on the internet on a Sat afternoon.


Welcome to this neck of the forum :thumbup:

It drives most of us insane with boredom too. I'm a "Gotta be doing something or I'll go mental" kind of person too and I need WAY more than a boat or a beach or a sodding fly infested park to amuse me. These people who say "If you're bored in Perth then you're a boring person" are obviously very easily pleased ;)

isleofmanmike Mar 15th 2008 10:03 am

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by Jumbo_Celcius (Post 6065497)
Thank you, Nu-Shooz, I'd emailed a friend about Perth and his reply was similar i.e. he liked the "down to earth" view instead of the usual "everything is soooo wonderful", "it's a quadrillion times better than UK", "the LIFESTYLE:eek: is great" etc, etc.

I'm seriously considering leaving here earlier than planned i.e. middle of year instead of end of year. With missus away, I went to pub in city afterwork on Fri night, got hammered, got food, walked home, drank more, woke up feeling like doggy doo this morning and was too hungover to make my weekly pilgrimage to the beach, hence the reason I'm on the internet on a Sat afternoon.

Great post. When I lived in Perth found that booze was the only thing that kept me sane......Where are you moving to....is it back to UK or another part of aus

Jumbo_Celcius Mar 15th 2008 10:30 am

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by isleofmanmike (Post 6065982)
Great post. When I lived in Perth found that booze was the only thing that kept me sane......Where are you moving to....is it back to UK or another part of aus

Yeah, totally right, I'm drinking alot more now than what I used to back home.
Dunno, where I'll go next, doubt it will be the UK, maybe Europe or Canada.
How long were you in Perth, where do you stay now?

isleofmanmike Mar 15th 2008 4:26 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 
I was in Perth for 15 years, left in 1988 and been on the Isle of Man for the past 6 years. The IOM is not part of UK and have our own government and laws, very low tax and great health service and infastructure........Fantastic lifestyle and very low crime. Would recomend it to anyone...

brits1 Mar 17th 2008 12:01 am

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by isleofmanmike (Post 6066872)
I was in Perth for 15 years, left in 1988 and been on the Isle of Man for the past 6 years. The IOM is not part of UK and have our own government and laws, very low tax and great health service and infastructure........Fantastic lifestyle and very low crime. Would recomend it to anyone...

I met an older gent at our sons football club (they may of been called Perth Italia when you lived in Perth) anyway he was over visiting a friends son, he had stopped over on the East Coast first and said it was "nicer" over there but did find Perth to isolated, he lived on the Isle of Man and was either "something" to do with the government...he really raved about the IOM (I have been there but many many moons ago)....if he had to choose anywhere else to live (but was percectly happy on the IOM) he said Canada but he had not been in their Winter......Perth is boring for some it's never really going to change as the majority like it that way and thats fine but for those who like variety,towns, different nightlife etc and easy access to other Cities then I would certainly look very carefully int "it" before coming to Perth.....
Oh Man City won 2-1....our eldest got up and watched the game he said it was a good match!!!!

JAMZ May 4th 2008 7:06 am

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by horrigans (Post 6009448)
Thank you all so much for your replies! I've been feeling like I've been going mad here. His parents can't understand why I'm unhappy (not that they ask me if I'm okay - they've never done that) and dh can't understand what it is that I miss about the UK or why I no longer 'get' the Aussie dream when we've spent years planning it. But the reality just doesn't match up with the dreams and despite us having come out here lots of times over the years I never thought I'd feel so homesick or just miss feeling 'ordinary' so badly. I want my life back. I don't want to spend a lifetime of people asking me if I'm on holiday here when I feel like shouting at them 'DO I LOOK LIKE I'M ON HOLIDAY???? HAVE YOU SEEN THE BAGS UNDER MY EYES??????'.

I've tried and tried to talk to him about it, but we just end up rowing. And rowing. And rowing. He's said that if I were to leave and go back to the UK, I couldn't take the children - so I feel even more trapped than ever.

He's saying one option is that we stay for another 18 months, get our citizenship and go back to the UK then, but I feel that's a carrot being dangled and that by then, the argument will be 'but we know people, but the kids know people, but we'd have to sell our house and... and... and...' and it's never gonna happen.

Will have a think about everything you've all said. I'm so relieved not to be totally alone in this and feeling like I'm going crazy here.

Sarah

oh my god, I got chills reading about your story. It is exactly what I am going through. I have been in California for 14 years and the past 10 I have been pleading to go back. My husband has said yes a few times, but then changes his mind. I have been hanging on for so long with the hope that he will change his mind and go back, but now I realize it just isn't gonna happen. He too threatened that I couldn't take the kids. I have cried so much about it and feel so trapped. He is very good at making me feel like I am crazy to want to go home and I'm the selfish one. Whatever you do don't let it go on as long as I have cause now my kids are older (oldest 14) and they are settled. I really feel for you and know exactly what you are going through.

brits1 May 4th 2008 1:51 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by JAMZ (Post 6304706)
oh my god, I got chills reading about your story. It is exactly what I am going through. I have been in California for 14 years and the past 10 I have been pleading to go back. My husband has said yes a few times, but then changes his mind. I have been hanging on for so long with the hope that he will change his mind and go back, but now I realize it just isn't gonna happen. He too threatened that I couldn't take the kids. I have cried so much about it and feel so trapped. He is very good at making me feel like I am crazy to want to go home and I'm the selfish one. Whatever you do don't let it go on as long as I have cause now my kids are older (oldest 14) and they are settled. I really feel for you and know exactly what you are going through.

Yes in all our time in W.A I have met or known of people who are now years later regretting not going home....mostly through their partners "Carrot" Dangling........you have to try and stay strong, don't let him threaten you with the children...........phone for advise on that subject but hopefully it will not come to that.......I have stayed here for 10 years to try and "make it home"....it is not home...so we are heading home.........for some people it does become home and I wish them all the best......take care.....

nicola411 May 4th 2008 9:37 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by JAMZ (Post 6304706)
oh my god, I got chills reading about your story. It is exactly what I am going through. I have been in California for 14 years and the past 10 I have been pleading to go back. My husband has said yes a few times, but then changes his mind. I have been hanging on for so long with the hope that he will change his mind and go back, but now I realize it just isn't gonna happen. He too threatened that I couldn't take the kids. I have cried so much about it and feel so trapped. He is very good at making me feel like I am crazy to want to go home and I'm the selfish one. Whatever you do don't let it go on as long as I have cause now my kids are older (oldest 14) and they are settled. I really feel for you and know exactly what you are going through.

HI Jamz

My hubby tried to pull this one on me. However after a week or so of sulking he finally asked me what was wrong. I explained to him in a calm and rational manner that the only reason I seem happier is because we are going home this year you nincampoop. So if you have dangled this carrot for a year and a half just to try and get me to enjoy myself you are an absolute liar and a tosser. Needless to say after about another week he said you are right I did say we could go home. Now we have sold the business and are just trying to sell the house and then off we blow.

good luck
n x

LizaJane May 7th 2008 10:19 am

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by isleofmanmike (Post 6066872)
I was in Perth for 15 years, left in 1988 and been on the Isle of Man for the past 6 years. The IOM is not part of UK and have our own government and laws, very low tax and great health service and infastructure........Fantastic lifestyle and very low crime. Would recomend it to anyone...

oh I want to be back, am in NZ have been for 4 long years before that was in Isle of man for 10 yrs, my kids are manx born. For some reason decided we had outgrown the island and kids needed to see/experience something else. Wish we hadn't bothered I miss IOM much more than my home town..London. Ice cream on Peel beach yum yum!

JAMZ May 7th 2008 6:15 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by nicola411 (Post 6307404)
HI Jamz

My hubby tried to pull this one on me. However after a week or so of sulking he finally asked me what was wrong. I explained to him in a calm and rational manner that the only reason I seem happier is because we are going home this year you nincampoop. So if you have dangled this carrot for a year and a half just to try and get me to enjoy myself you are an absolute liar and a tosser. Needless to say after about another week he said you are right I did say we could go home. Now we have sold the business and are just trying to sell the house and then off we blow.

good luck
n x

Your so lucky to have made him see the light. I tried the sulk thing and it doesn't work with him. He just told me that he wished I would f**k off so he doesn't have to see my miserable face anymore!!! I don't think there is a caring bone in his body. Good luck with your move:thumbup:

chicagojlo May 7th 2008 6:28 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by JAMZ (Post 6319857)
Your so lucky to have made him see the light. I tried the sulk thing and it doesn't work with him. He just told me that he wished I would f**k off so he doesn't have to see my miserable face anymore!!! I don't think there is a caring bone in his body. Good luck with your move:thumbup:

Wow Jamz that is bad. If I was you I probably would have done just that by now. Kids in a hotel on his creditcard and all. I really hope you find a way out.

JAMZ May 7th 2008 6:37 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by chicagojlo (Post 6319915)
Wow Jamz that is bad. If I was you I probably would have done just that by now. Kids in a hotel on his creditcard and all. I really hope you find a way out.

Yeah, I probably should, but I think I'm too much of a nice person. Always tying to sort the problem out without too much conflict. I give in, but I think I'm starting to turn the corner. He's controlled me way too long, time to fight back.:frown:

chicagojlo May 7th 2008 6:57 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by JAMZ (Post 6319960)
Yeah, I probably should, but I think I'm too much of a nice person. Always tying to sort the problem out without too much conflict. I give in, but I think I'm starting to turn the corner. He's controlled me way too long, time to fight back.:frown:

Try being nice to yourself for a change. And don't think your kids don't see what's going on (not trying to make things worse for you with that but you do have to know that they are aware). There's a point where you say enough - being told to ***** off so I don't have to see your miserable face would have been it for me.
Have you tried searching for legal aid in your area?

quoll May 7th 2008 9:50 pm

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by JAMZ (Post 6319857)
Your so lucky to have made him see the light. I tried the sulk thing and it doesn't work with him. He just told me that he wished I would f**k off so he doesn't have to see my miserable face anymore!!! I don't think there is a caring bone in his body. Good luck with your move:thumbup:

OMG, J, cut and run! Now is the time to start looking after Number 1 because it sure as hell doesnt sound like anyone else is going to do that for you! Your kids will thank you for it!

brits1 May 8th 2008 2:08 am

Re: How did you decide?
 

Originally Posted by LizaJane (Post 6317866)
oh I want to be back, am in NZ have been for 4 long years before that was in Isle of man for 10 yrs, my kids are manx born. For some reason decided we had outgrown the island and kids needed to see/experience something else. Wish we hadn't bothered I miss IOM much more than my home town..London. Ice cream on Peel beach yum yum!

LizaJane you should read some of Isleofmanmike's threads...he lived in Perth for a few years but now lives on the Isle of Man.....with his family.....he does make the IOM sound lovely and when we are home we will definately plan a visit....we have been (I was a swimmer and swam at "Summer World"? just before it burnt down)....but many years ago..(tooooo long to remember!!!)
Would you consider a move home?...after 4 years in Aus we just knew by then it was not what we wanted.....still kept trying...wished we had'nt now but nearly home.......10 looooooooong years later!!! heck it will be nearly 11...gulp!!!!!


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