How to cry?
Nov 2nd 2008, 6:50 am
#31
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 463
Re: How to cry?
If you want to give cognitive behaviour therapy (cbt) a try, without having to deal with a counsellor, try this website:
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's produced by The Australian National University and is a completely free online course that you can work through at your own pace. Incase you don't don't know cbt is about pinning down negative thoughts that bring you down and changing them for positive ones. It is considered the best treatment for depression. Unfortunately people get stuck on antidrepressants instead as a much cheaper alternative.
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's produced by The Australian National University and is a completely free online course that you can work through at your own pace. Incase you don't don't know cbt is about pinning down negative thoughts that bring you down and changing them for positive ones. It is considered the best treatment for depression. Unfortunately people get stuck on antidrepressants instead as a much cheaper alternative.
Nov 2nd 2008, 7:14 am
#32
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 912
Re: How to cry?
U.K.? coppers to spend on yourself after paying bills and mortgage, head-lice in every school, nasty squirrels jumping over my head in parks. revolting public toilets and train stations, sticky tables in pubs, cracked pavements, housing that looks like the WWII had only just ended, rising damp, dodgy double glazing, commuting to work for 2 hours each way, catastrophic train delays, motorway jams, expensive petrol, pokey old banger cars everywhere,expensive booze and fags, sickening and predictable news headlines, absolutely nothing to look forward to except paying the next set of bills, and the NEXT shop sale, homes where people never hoover and keep pets that stink up half of the street, nosey neighbors. People getting excited about fashion trends that ended in US about 5 years ago. Having the GP who proscribes Amoxicillin before you say Hello. Wet grass that you can never put a blanket on without getting it fouled up, and many, many more.
…..but don’t we love her? Like an old and frumpy mother; a truly wonderful England. I could move there any day!
…..but don’t we love her? Like an old and frumpy mother; a truly wonderful England. I could move there any day!
Nov 2nd 2008, 8:24 am
#33
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Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 12 years in Australia
Posts: 579
Re: How to cry?
2 things I can share. #1.Oftentimes when I felt all broken up about not seeing my parents and my children growing up without them,1 phone call would make it clear to me that my parents were doing marvelously without us! #2. 6 years away is time long enough for your parents to "grow away" from the kind of intimacy you are imagining. So what happened to me e.g. when I returned to my homeground after 4 years away, after a few days of excitement they all returned to their rutine and got busy with their lifestyle while my family were left alone again. In time the benefits of having them around became nothing compared to the the degradation of our own lifestyle of living in a poorer country, again. Months went buy and we figured we did not belong there any more, at all, not one bit!. Now we are in US and I am hoping not to ever make this mistake again. Please go there for a long holiday to check this out yourself. When you talk about how significant it is to be in "the same time zone"(??) I really think your judgement is purly emotional. That is not good. Skiing?, skating?, Rolloerblading? ...You should get out more, buddy! To take a step away, think of people who came over to US 200 years ago, had no phones, and had to endure far worse problems than ours..
Tampax commercial!
Nov 2nd 2008, 2:09 pm
#34
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Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Poland
Posts: 577
Re: How to cry?
Miss about England?
Scampi fries, my old "Fox and Hounds" pub in Leatherhead (changed the name now), hearing the word "sorry", and pronounced properly, polite policemen and train conductors, proper church hymn music at my church,holding the door open for the guys behind! The smiles on peoples faces, courtious drivers on motorways, ordinary small talk, and although I do not have it,nothing can replace the prepetual, easy humour in the office.
Dont get me wrong England is great, or used to be.
Scampi fries, my old "Fox and Hounds" pub in Leatherhead (changed the name now), hearing the word "sorry", and pronounced properly, polite policemen and train conductors, proper church hymn music at my church,holding the door open for the guys behind! The smiles on peoples faces, courtious drivers on motorways, ordinary small talk, and although I do not have it,nothing can replace the prepetual, easy humour in the office.
Dont get me wrong England is great, or used to be.
Nov 3rd 2008, 10:48 am
#35
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 8
Re: How to cry?
Hello All,
For the last two months I've been so homesick it's been untrue. I've been trying to tell myself to snap out of it and enjoy the sun and the open spaces and go and visit somewhere with the darling wife.
I can't snap out of it though. I just get this feeling that I'm wasting time and my life, sitting here. I miss my Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister, BIL, neice, nephew, etc. I want to be able to just sit down and watch the TV with them, have a cuppa, argue with my Dad over why he left the car on empty again, with my brother on what to watch on the TV
For the last two months I've been so homesick it's been untrue. I've been trying to tell myself to snap out of it and enjoy the sun and the open spaces and go and visit somewhere with the darling wife.
I can't snap out of it though. I just get this feeling that I'm wasting time and my life, sitting here. I miss my Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister, BIL, neice, nephew, etc. I want to be able to just sit down and watch the TV with them, have a cuppa, argue with my Dad over why he left the car on empty again, with my brother on what to watch on the TV
It sounds like you may well need to go back home. I think you should make a list of reasons to stay, and reasons to go back, and compare them. There are evidently strong reasons to go back in terms of family relationships. Financially, its probably best to stay in the US, but its well-known, backed up by research that 1: after basic needs are met, increase in wealth doesn't bring increase in happiness, and 2: the real key to happiness appears to be in meaningful relationships (with other people i:e friends and family, and for people that are religious, a feeling of a relationship with God)
It seems to me the US is full of people who have far more wealth than comparable Brits, but are profoundly unhappy, due to lack of good relationships with nearby friends and family. I've worked in the US and Canada, have been living back in the UK 5 years now, and although I miss the open spaces and mountains and positivity, never have I wished to be back in N America. On the big plus side, at least you have your wife with you. When I was in the US I hadn't met my now wife, so it was worse I suppose. After the effort of getting Canadian permanent residency, I let it expire and have no regrets. Similarly, you might not care if you lost your green card.
If your list of reasons to stay and reasons to move back are fairly equal, then maybe you should go back to UK with an "exit strategy" i.e a way to return to the US if moving back home wasn't what you were after. Perhaps a specific future time at which you decide? In my case I knew by a certain time my Canadian PR would have run out, but I'd long since decided being home for good was right, by then.
People talk about reverse culture shock moving back etc. Well yeah things will have moved on, but your friends and family are still more-or-less the same people they were and its your home country.
I guess the big unknown factor in this is your wife and what she wants. I guess as an Indian there's no reason she'd feel less comfortable in the UK than US? Maybe she'd like the UK better in fact?
In case anyone asks "why are you posting if you're so happy back home" - I'm off work with 'flu , and felt like helping a random person.
Good luck,
Nick
Nov 3rd 2008, 11:41 am
#36
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 63
Re: How to cry?
Thanks for all the responses guys.
One of the things that I find really difficult is that on a day to day living basis I like the US.
However, I miss the family and just being able to drive over and see them. Or pick up the phone and be in the same time zone.
No matter what I decide I'll be losing out on something.
A friend yesterday said to me, look when you have children things will change. Your Brother and Sister in the UK will have their own lives and parents, sad to say, but pass on. My immediate thought was I know how close I am to my sisters kids and how close my brother is with them too. I would want that for my kids too.
It's true about parents passing on, that's a fact of life, but doesn't that mean that I should cherish the time that they are around?
I've been away from England for nearly 6 years now, with 4 of them in the US. I waste weekends worrying about this and time goes by.
One of the things that I find really difficult is that on a day to day living basis I like the US.
However, I miss the family and just being able to drive over and see them. Or pick up the phone and be in the same time zone.
No matter what I decide I'll be losing out on something.
A friend yesterday said to me, look when you have children things will change. Your Brother and Sister in the UK will have their own lives and parents, sad to say, but pass on. My immediate thought was I know how close I am to my sisters kids and how close my brother is with them too. I would want that for my kids too.
It's true about parents passing on, that's a fact of life, but doesn't that mean that I should cherish the time that they are around?
I've been away from England for nearly 6 years now, with 4 of them in the US. I waste weekends worrying about this and time goes by.
I'm in a similar position - I got my citizenship though -it's worth keeping a door open. My wife's family are all in the US and if we move to England, which we are looking at next year, and she doesn't like it, we can always move back without going through immigration.
It is very difficult to obtain a green card once you have left. You can obtain reentry permits which are good for 2 years, but there are no guarantees. If you're serious about moving and keeping a way back open, get your citizenship, save money and just do your best.
As for friends and family moving on that is an unfortunate side effect when one has been absent for a long time, in my case it's seven years. I have almost no contact with my brother - he's married with no kids and his world is completely different from mine, but he is still my brother - I have to accept that the person I grew up with for most of my life has moved on.
I am closer with my sister because we have something in common - kids.
Best of luck
Last edited by drhewitt; Nov 3rd 2008 at 11:45 am.
Nov 3rd 2008, 2:20 pm
#38
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,750
Re: How to cry?
Dave, if it was me I'd apply for the USC and then go home. My situation is a bit more complicated but I know how you feel. Talk to your wife and be honest with her about everything. She knows something is wrong and this isn't going to go away on its own.
Nov 3rd 2008, 4:25 pm
#39
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 456
Re: How to cry?
Hello All,
Thanks for all the replies, it's been a rough weekend.
Firstly a few people have mentioned going for citizenship, I've only had my GC for about a year now and so that's at least 4 years till I can apply and then probably about a year in the application process. In the meantime I would have turned 40, my parents 70, neices and nephews into their late teens. 5 years to me at the moment sounds like a lifetime and and that missed time won't come back.
I spoke to my wife.. There were a lot of tears, mainly hers. I explained the situation and she listened and cried. We talked, held each other, talked and cried.
She said that she had seen a change in me in the last couple of weeks and was waiting for me to bring it up. She understands why I want to go back, she's a gentle soul and scared about living in the UK, especially now that she has got used to the US.
I think that we still have a way to go in discussing things as she is more thinking along the lines of a year, whereas I'm thinking about a few months.
Reading around the subject.. it does look like we'll be burning the bridge of coming back when we leave. Especially as when we apply for a settlement visa for my wife, that could be seen as intent to live permanently abroad.
In a way both my wife and I think that if we do move back to the UK, that's it. We should settle down and be done with it.
I don't want to be at work today, but have to be here.
I think that it's been said many times before moving country is a huge deal and something that you need to understand why your doing it. Looking back on it, I made a mistake moving out to the US.
Thanks for all the replies, it's been a rough weekend.
Firstly a few people have mentioned going for citizenship, I've only had my GC for about a year now and so that's at least 4 years till I can apply and then probably about a year in the application process. In the meantime I would have turned 40, my parents 70, neices and nephews into their late teens. 5 years to me at the moment sounds like a lifetime and and that missed time won't come back.
I spoke to my wife.. There were a lot of tears, mainly hers. I explained the situation and she listened and cried. We talked, held each other, talked and cried.
She said that she had seen a change in me in the last couple of weeks and was waiting for me to bring it up. She understands why I want to go back, she's a gentle soul and scared about living in the UK, especially now that she has got used to the US.
I think that we still have a way to go in discussing things as she is more thinking along the lines of a year, whereas I'm thinking about a few months.
Reading around the subject.. it does look like we'll be burning the bridge of coming back when we leave. Especially as when we apply for a settlement visa for my wife, that could be seen as intent to live permanently abroad.
In a way both my wife and I think that if we do move back to the UK, that's it. We should settle down and be done with it.
I don't want to be at work today, but have to be here.
I think that it's been said many times before moving country is a huge deal and something that you need to understand why your doing it. Looking back on it, I made a mistake moving out to the US.
Nov 3rd 2008, 4:35 pm
#40
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,750
Re: How to cry?
You're right about the USC thing. A lot of folks are eligible by the time they want to leave so it is a matter of months for them. I know exactly what you mean about taking the decision to move to the US more seriously, but you've done it and its been an adventure, and now maybe its time to move on. Just give it time to be sure its what you want.
Nov 3rd 2008, 4:44 pm
#41
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Joined: Sep 2007
Location: NI (back from Toronto)
Posts: 3,409
Re: How to cry?
Nov 3rd 2008, 8:29 pm
#42
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Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Back in the UK after 12 years in Australia
Posts: 579
Re: How to cry?
That's good that you are talking to your wife, and making plans for one years time, 4-5 years is too long to be unhappy.
How about you treat the next 12 months as a working holiday rather than a prison sentence, try and see a few bits of America that interest you before you head back?
How about you treat the next 12 months as a working holiday rather than a prison sentence, try and see a few bits of America that interest you before you head back?
Nov 3rd 2008, 10:32 pm
#43
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: How to cry?
If you want to give cognitive behaviour therapy (cbt) a try, without having to deal with a counsellor, try this website:
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's produced by The Australian National University and is a completely free online course that you can work through at your own pace. Incase you don't don't know cbt is about pinning down negative thoughts that bring you down and changing them for positive ones. It is considered the best treatment for depression. Unfortunately people get stuck on antidrepressants instead as a much cheaper alternative.
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
It's produced by The Australian National University and is a completely free online course that you can work through at your own pace. Incase you don't don't know cbt is about pinning down negative thoughts that bring you down and changing them for positive ones. It is considered the best treatment for depression. Unfortunately people get stuck on antidrepressants instead as a much cheaper alternative.
Nov 3rd 2008, 10:53 pm
#44
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Poland
Posts: 577
Re: How to cry?
Hello All,
Thanks for all the replies, it's been a rough weekend.
Firstly a few people have mentioned going for citizenship, I've only had my GC for about a year now and so that's at least 4 years till I can apply and then probably about a year in the application process. In the meantime I would have turned 40, my parents 70, neices and nephews into their late teens. 5 years to me at the moment sounds like a lifetime and and that missed time won't come back.
I spoke to my wife.. There were a lot of tears, mainly hers. I explained the situation and she listened and cried. We talked, held each other, talked and cried.
She said that she had seen a change in me in the last couple of weeks and was waiting for me to bring it up. She understands why I want to go back, she's a gentle soul and scared about living in the UK, especially now that she has got used to the US.
I think that we still have a way to go in discussing things as she is more thinking along the lines of a year, whereas I'm thinking about a few months.
Reading around the subject.. it does look like we'll be burning the bridge of coming back when we leave. Especially as when we apply for a settlement visa for my wife, that could be seen as intent to live permanently abroad.
In a way both my wife and I think that if we do move back to the UK, that's it. We should settle down and be done with it.
I don't want to be at work today, but have to be here.
I think that it's been said many times before moving country is a huge deal and something that you need to understand why your doing it. Looking back on it, I made a mistake moving out to the US.
Thanks for all the replies, it's been a rough weekend.
Firstly a few people have mentioned going for citizenship, I've only had my GC for about a year now and so that's at least 4 years till I can apply and then probably about a year in the application process. In the meantime I would have turned 40, my parents 70, neices and nephews into their late teens. 5 years to me at the moment sounds like a lifetime and and that missed time won't come back.
I spoke to my wife.. There were a lot of tears, mainly hers. I explained the situation and she listened and cried. We talked, held each other, talked and cried.
She said that she had seen a change in me in the last couple of weeks and was waiting for me to bring it up. She understands why I want to go back, she's a gentle soul and scared about living in the UK, especially now that she has got used to the US.
I think that we still have a way to go in discussing things as she is more thinking along the lines of a year, whereas I'm thinking about a few months.
Reading around the subject.. it does look like we'll be burning the bridge of coming back when we leave. Especially as when we apply for a settlement visa for my wife, that could be seen as intent to live permanently abroad.
In a way both my wife and I think that if we do move back to the UK, that's it. We should settle down and be done with it.
I don't want to be at work today, but have to be here.
I think that it's been said many times before moving country is a huge deal and something that you need to understand why your doing it. Looking back on it, I made a mistake moving out to the US.
Nov 4th 2008, 1:00 am
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 31
Re: How to cry?
Hello All,
For the last two months I've been so homesick it's been untrue. I've been trying to tell myself to snap out of it and enjoy the sun and the open spaces and go and visit somewhere with the darling wife.
I can't snap out of it though. I just get this feeling that I'm wasting time and my life, sitting here. I miss my Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister, BIL, neice, nephew, etc. I want to be able to just sit down and watch the TV with them, have a cuppa, argue with my Dad over why he left the car on empty again, with my brother on what to watch on the TV. Drive my mum to work, have my niece and nephew over for the evening, fight with them about them playing Nintendo too much. Have my family get to know my wife and her, them, the way you can only do, by spending time with each other.
I want to be able to walk to the shops, catch a bus, watch the football, cricket and darts. I want to go to Sainsbury's and Tescos and buy Pork pies, sausages and bacon. I want to be able to complain that it's too cold and wet to go Christmas shopping. I want to be asked to look after the kids, while my sister and BIL go sales shopping and then laugh at my BIL for being dragged along. I want to be able to have the chance of running into someone I know in the street and stop and catchup.
My sister says don't bottle it up, but I sound like a broken record if I talk about it.
I want to go home, but worry about finding work. Here I have a stable, well paid job even though at the moment it's mind numbingly boring. I worry about moving back and then losing my green card. It was a struggle to get it and I feel that if I lose it now, I'll never be in the US for work again, what with it so difficult to get a H1 now. I've only had the GC a year.
My sister asked, what am I doing? I said waiting to get my citizenship and then I'll comeback. Her response was doens't that tell you something?
My wife sometimes has a cry and says it makes her feel better afterwards. I stood in the shower the other day and tried and couldn't. My heart feels heavy and my chest tight.
For the last two months I've been so homesick it's been untrue. I've been trying to tell myself to snap out of it and enjoy the sun and the open spaces and go and visit somewhere with the darling wife.
I can't snap out of it though. I just get this feeling that I'm wasting time and my life, sitting here. I miss my Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister, BIL, neice, nephew, etc. I want to be able to just sit down and watch the TV with them, have a cuppa, argue with my Dad over why he left the car on empty again, with my brother on what to watch on the TV. Drive my mum to work, have my niece and nephew over for the evening, fight with them about them playing Nintendo too much. Have my family get to know my wife and her, them, the way you can only do, by spending time with each other.
I want to be able to walk to the shops, catch a bus, watch the football, cricket and darts. I want to go to Sainsbury's and Tescos and buy Pork pies, sausages and bacon. I want to be able to complain that it's too cold and wet to go Christmas shopping. I want to be asked to look after the kids, while my sister and BIL go sales shopping and then laugh at my BIL for being dragged along. I want to be able to have the chance of running into someone I know in the street and stop and catchup.
My sister says don't bottle it up, but I sound like a broken record if I talk about it.
I want to go home, but worry about finding work. Here I have a stable, well paid job even though at the moment it's mind numbingly boring. I worry about moving back and then losing my green card. It was a struggle to get it and I feel that if I lose it now, I'll never be in the US for work again, what with it so difficult to get a H1 now. I've only had the GC a year.
My sister asked, what am I doing? I said waiting to get my citizenship and then I'll comeback. Her response was doens't that tell you something?
My wife sometimes has a cry and says it makes her feel better afterwards. I stood in the shower the other day and tried and couldn't. My heart feels heavy and my chest tight.