quoll

Aw BD, so sorry to hear that you are going to put yourself through all this. I can sort of see where you are coming from - as you know I stay in Aus because of the DH. I certainly wouldnt if it were just the kids but, then, one of my kids has migrated back here so I guess I would be onto a winner whichever way I jumped. You never can tell with grandkids - my parents have had the dubious company of both their grandkids over the years. Once my boys got old enough to flee the nest they did and though one came for a holiday and stayed the other intended to stay but returned to Aus. They also had the luxury of being able to afford 6 months here, 6 months there for the first 15 years of their retirement which was fantastic for everyone.

How to cope living in blandland (the only thing I liked about Paul Keating was when he described Aus as the a*se end of the universe! LOL)??? Well, CBT tricks do it for me - positive self talk, thought stopping (that's my favourite) and saving like billy-oh for my next sanity hit. I do find that having a planned return date for a holiday works like a charm but that is a very expensive hobby unfortunately. When you get back to Aus if you present to your GP as being depressed, s/he can organize a number of sessions with a psych for you - check out that they do either CBT or ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) as either would be helpful (or get yourself a copy of Russ Harris "The Happiness Trap" which might appeal to you).

Australia would be an OK place if it werent so far from the rest of the world hey?!

Bevm

Bee, interesting pros and cons.

I can understand the bird thing, if OZ is really like that. I've never lived anywhere without birdsong, though some places in Canada have far fewer song birds than others. At the moment I'm constantly delighted by the birdsong.

This might seem silly, but you can get a CD of birds singing. Not bits of bird song to identify them, but a mic set in some woodland and catching the dawn chorus. We have one and sometimes play it just for the pleasure of it.

Not sure I get the Blackpool v a pristine beach, though! Each to their own.

I also get the historical aspects as they're very important to me. In Victoria, the oldest house was built in 1852, and that's a rare specimen. But it did feed a bit of my love of historical things.

Might there be some places in OZ to compensate. I don't know where you'd be, but there must be buildings from the 18th century, mustn't there? If you got interested in the detailed history of places like that it might be a substitute.It can be really interesting to find out about the detailed history of a place and people from just 100 years ago.

Is it not possible to get decent heating in OZ, and AC at least in one room? It will certainly be worth it for you to indulge yourself in some extravagances if it'll make you feel more at home there.

Just giving some ideas that might help, given that you feel you have to do this.

Bev

Beedubya

Hi Quoll and Bevm

Well it was just me exaggerating about the squawking birds and the heating and all that, just me being a drama queen is all

That CD sounds nice, so will look into that Bevm.

Quoll will also look into your suggestions but I am hopefully "cured" by April 3rd!!

quoll

Goodness no, you were spot on with the bloody birds! We have a migratory Koel which comes from October to March and is guaranteed to ruin any good night's sleep (some cultures call it something like "the drive you mad in the night bird". Then when you think you might be zzing off then the blasted cockatoos start up - get 100 of them and it is louder than a jumbo taking off. Then the magpies join in and it is a horrific cacophony and that is all before 6am! It is a long time since I have heard real birdsong. We used to have a blackbird in the vicinity but she is long gone and all we have now are sparrows and indian mynahs during the day. Birdsong is definitely on my list of "big miss".

One other thing to go on your Australia list though - and I have discovered I miss it immensely here - a half decent shower with enough power to actually get you wet and be able to wash the shampoo out of your hair!

There, hope that swings the balance for you LOL

karin_and_boys

I agree with above poster. Kids and grandkids can (and do) follow their own agenda. Now I don't know your story as I didn't read the other thread. But I am curious as to what your partner thinks of the move (if there is a partner in thisd equation?)

I just know that I would hate my Mom to move to a country that she disliked just to be with me and her grandkids. That would also out a huge onus on me to, well, to make sure she is happy. And there is nothing worse than being responsible for someone elses happiness, IMO.

My parents adore their grandkids (my boys) but would not entertain for a moment moving from their own familiar surroundings and the place they love to live near them. And much as I would love to have them near enough so I could pop in for a cuppa anytime I wanted, I would not want them to leave the place they love.

You know the old saying that first you give your kids roots, and then you give them wings? Well, sometimes I guess they fly away further than we would like. And I know I am not in that position (yet) as my kids are young.
But I just hope it works out for you and that you get to soend the rest of your life somewhere you want to be.

Karin.

dytopia

I'm not saying you have be a robot. Of course you have to trust yer gut as well. Sometimes it's good though to use cold hard logic to see what might happen especially if you are mostly fueled by emotion (which you seem to be, and that's not me having a pop btw). Good luck.

Margaret3

Come and hang out with my friend and I , we meet regularly to moan over lunch about australia! for me it helps coz thats the time i get to say how crap it is, every other time i've gotta pretend its great!

But seriously worked has helped me the most, and it was the thing i struggled with the most!, but i kept at it (had to , needed the money), and now i go to work and it never crosses my mind i'm in aus, just doing my job and keeping up with the gossip and meeting some folks for coffee from there!

LCT

My advice would be:

- remember that you are doing what you are doing FOR YOU and not for anyone else;
- focus on why you are doing it and not what you are giving up.

It would be wrong to return to Oz for your family. If family is the deciding factor then you have to return FOR YOU so that you can be with your family.

Try to focus on that. Its hard I know but you don't want to end up feeling resentment.

Good luck!

Beedubya

Thanks to all sooo much.

If only we could turn back the clock eh???

Margaret3

If only i knew then what i know now

Fish n Chips 56

Hello B.W.

I've seen you on the 50-60s thread but I'm not totally up to date on your family situation, except I do know you love the UK and have bought a ticket to go back to Oz to be with your kids and grandkids.

Its an awful situation and I know how it feels, wanting the UK badly but having to leave, I came back to the USA after being in the UK for just 7 months, I couldn't get work, I was so disappointed, I was very angry with myself and my spouse for a long time, everyone close knew I was angry and tried to make me feel good, Huuhhhh sometimes you cant hide feelings, its in your eyes, face and attitude, after 20 years I'm still in the USA, hoping to go back in the next year or two, I always have hope.

Are you absolutly sure your kids will stay in OZ, or will they return like many after a while, many people have difficulty going back n forth trying to sort themselves out mentally, many people are confused, I'm sure you'd agree, what if they want to return in years to come, would you be able to do it all over again ?, consider all options.

Have you spoken to your kids honestly, you should get very serious with them ask them straight out how they feel, sometimes one half has an unsettling feeling and hasn't opened up yet, maybe one of them wants you there to make them feel more settled, and if you weren't to go they might want to go back to the UK themselves.

Sorry to put extra thoughts in your head, but emigrating is Very serious stuff as you know.

I agree with the person that said stay another year in the UK, even six months might help you see how you and your kids feel, I sure wish you had put these thoughts on the forum before getting the ball rolling, is there anyway you can put it on hold just to see how you might feel?.

Good Luck to you.

Beedubya

Thanks fish and chips but just to clear some stuff up.

My kids are dinki di Aussies now. There is no way either of them would come to live in England. Plus my daughter is divorced and the kids dad would never let them leave Australia..........so..........

I am divorced myself so am here on my own in England, the family live in a grim Northern town, I just do NOT want to live there at all. I really really really dont like it LOL!!

I handed in my notice on Friday, and am flying back on March 30th.

I am just an ordinary person on my own with one ordinary wage. If I stay here for another year, that means I will lose my return ticket (£700.00) and also have to pay another years storage in Australia. Plus that will be another year of my grand-kids growing up.

My kids don't want me to go back to Oz if I am going to be miserable, but I miss them all. Sometimes we have to compromise in life.

Nobody ever said life was meant to be easy.......

cally49

Hi there i really feel for you as i have been sitting here in New Zealand contemplating the move and as yet haven't. The reason? grandkids are over here in NZ and although i dont see an awful lot of them when i do im like, how could i leave this, I dont know what it is its something inside me saying go and something inside me saying stay.

You mentioned you are on your own without a partner which makes a HUGE difference i believe (im currently with a partner but may as well be on my own lol) when we have another adult in our life that truly cares for us somehow things seem different. I feel because of my personal circumstances that i have clung onto my grandchildren and children because they are my life right now.....The rest of my family is in the UK and i am at the stage i really i want to go back to the UK one day and the next have no idea what i should do. My family would love me to go back ..

I am very close to my family in the UK, its got nothing to do with old buildings and architecture for me, even though i do enjoy those things i can live without them.....As i said i think having a special someone in our lives makes a huge difference, when you are by yourself you feel things more i think its like a stark reality that you are by yourself and as i am one of those people that tends to mother people lol i think i may have focused on my children/grandchildren too much.
You have made the choice to return to Australia and theres nothing wrong with that at all they say home is where the heart is, who are they trying to kid...lol..... Anyhow all the best I hope this all made sense..... good luck with your future move keep in touch....Cally xxx

Mummy in the foothills

People before things (or places) as much as I am desperate to go home, no way would I want to live that far from my children and Grandchildren. I'd live nearer and try my best to make the trek home to UK annually to see the rest of the clan. Maybe during the hottest or most miserable time of year for you.
In my dreams, If my kids decide to back track back to US I hope it's the east coast with an easy flight to Manchester so we can see them often. If it's West coast I fear I'll be here forever.

Beedubya

Thanks Cally and Mummy (seems funny to call you that!!)

Yes you are both right of course. It IS harder being on your own, sure you can do what you like and please yourself and have to answer to nobody, but on the other hand there is nobody to talk things through with, nobody to listen to your fears or share in your happiness........

I am very close to my family here too, but unfortunately I have moved a little too far away, it's about 5 hours by train or 4 and a half hours in the car, and you know they all have families, jobs, kids, grand-kids themselves. We have tried to see each other but as most of them were waiting to come and visit me as the weather got warmer, well that ain't going to happen now.

I am looking forward to the days of space travel, when we can hop back and forward to places like Australia in an hour or so.

I am not the "mummy type" but I do miss my grand-kids dreadfully, (and my own kids too of course ).

They are so excited about me coming back so that is what I am focusing on right now. I've had a pretty rough week or so to be honest but I am starting to feel a little better.

I put a notice on the board at work late on Friday to inform them of my resignation so will have to go and face the people today, though I did have a really lovely letter posted through my letter box on Friday night, so that was nice.

Anyways off now to brush up my eBay ad, I hardly slept a wink last night as now I am on the merry go round of trying to sell stuff, sort stuff out and get some order into what is being packed, etc.

For all others in the same predicament, well you can only follow your gut instincts and your heart at the end of the day. Logic is all very well when it comes to your job but not when it comes to your family and your life.

But ain't it bloody awful when your heart is in two places? Talk about torn between two lovers!!