Homesick in Sydney
Jun 28th 2007, 1:56 am
#31
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Hi this is my first post on this forum. I was so struck by your post and I do hope you manage to resolve things for yourself. I have (am having) had a very similar situation in the USA, I knew things weren't right after 12 weeks, in 2005 - but I have now given it 2 years! I had made a mental note to myself that no matter what I would give it 2 years - to give a "fair crack of the whip" I do feel that the last 6 months of my residence here are really wasted and have been the most unhappy for me. If you are unhappy now, it will be very difficuly and miserable for yourself to stay for a long time. However I also appreciate the flip side of the coin and returning and setting up your whole new life "back home" or somewhere else, is at least as daunting! I found it most helpful for myself to sit down with my husband and agree an exit strategy, thankfully I am not experiencing the extra pressure from his family like you are.
I understand what you are saying about your family and friends, they will always be in your life, no matter what, I just feel like i'm mising out on those things they do every day. Maybe a couple of weeks home might help you put things in perspective? It did for me earlier this year.
I hope you manage to resolve how your feeling.
I understand what you are saying about your family and friends, they will always be in your life, no matter what, I just feel like i'm mising out on those things they do every day. Maybe a couple of weeks home might help you put things in perspective? It did for me earlier this year.
I hope you manage to resolve how your feeling.
Jun 28th 2007, 2:01 am
#32
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 81
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Hi this is my first post on this forum. I was so struck by your post and I do hope you manage to resolve things for yourself. I have (am having) had a very similar situation in the USA, I knew things weren't right after 12 weeks, in 2005 - but I have now given it 2 years! I had made a mental note to myself that no matter what I would give it 2 years - to give a "fair crack of the whip" I do feel that the last 6 months of my residence here are really wasted and have been the most unhappy for me. If you are unhappy now, it will be very difficuly and miserable for yourself to stay for a long time. However I also appreciate the flip side of the coin and returning and setting up your whole new life "back home" or somewhere else, is at least as daunting! I found it most helpful for myself to sit down with my husband and agree an exit strategy, thankfully I am not experiencing the extra pressure from his family like you are.
I understand what you are saying about your family and friends, they will always be in your life, no matter what, I just feel like i'm mising out on those things they do every day. Maybe a couple of weeks home might help you put things in perspective? It did for me earlier this year.
I hope you manage to resolve how your feeling.
I understand what you are saying about your family and friends, they will always be in your life, no matter what, I just feel like i'm mising out on those things they do every day. Maybe a couple of weeks home might help you put things in perspective? It did for me earlier this year.
I hope you manage to resolve how your feeling.
Have u made the big decision then with your hubby to come back to the UK then? Is he American?
Jun 28th 2007, 2:23 am
#33
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3
Re: Homesick in Sydney
We are going, just waiting to close on the sale of our business with our other uk business partners, and put our house up for sale. It's a shame our dollars will be cut in half by the exchange rate..! But that wont stop us - at some point this year making it back.
Jun 28th 2007, 2:25 am
#34
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 81
Re: Homesick in Sydney
guess its true that home is where the heart is..
Jun 28th 2007, 2:34 am
#35
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: new zealand
Posts: 76
Re: Homesick in Sydney
I just wanted to add that i've just had a baby in NZ. My OH is a fantastic man, my soul mate.
However since having our baby my need to go home has become unbearable. I long for my familly. I had my other two children in the Uk, with my family. This birth was so flat and un-celebrated compared to them. Don't get me wrong they've all rang and sent cards, but it's not enough for me. I really miss being ably to show my baby off, to the people who care and matter.
Good luck girl.
Jun 28th 2007, 4:15 am
#36
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 81
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Hi Karni 31
I just wanted to add that i've just had a baby in NZ. My OH is a fantastic man, my soul mate.
However since having our baby my need to go home has become unbearable. I long for my familly. I had my other two children in the Uk, with my family. This birth was so flat and un-celebrated compared to them. Don't get me wrong they've all rang and sent cards, but it's not enough for me. I really miss being ably to show my baby off, to the people who care and matter.
Good luck girl.
I just wanted to add that i've just had a baby in NZ. My OH is a fantastic man, my soul mate.
However since having our baby my need to go home has become unbearable. I long for my familly. I had my other two children in the Uk, with my family. This birth was so flat and un-celebrated compared to them. Don't get me wrong they've all rang and sent cards, but it's not enough for me. I really miss being ably to show my baby off, to the people who care and matter.
Good luck girl.
Can totally understand your feelings of sadness at the minute...as you say...you cant show your new baby off to the people who matter..you must be all mixed up between the joy of having her and the sadness of missing family..Is your OH a kiwi?
I guess I am pre-empting that if I were to stay here with my partner and have a family I would feel exactly the same..I would feel they would miss out on having a relationship with my my mum and my sister and her kids..
My partner has a mate who came out here with his British wife and the exact same thing happened..as soon as she had a baby she just felt she couldnt stay here and unfortunately they ended up going their separate ways as he refused to go back to the UK..
Is an awful situation..with no solution...Do you think it is likely your partner would agree to head back to the UK? Surely if you are that unhappy he would consider it..
Jun 28th 2007, 4:29 am
#37
Homebody
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,181
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Tillergirl,
Can totally understand your feelings of sadness at the minute...as you say...you cant show your new baby off to the people who matter..you must be all mixed up between the joy of having her and the sadness of missing family..Is your OH a kiwi?
I guess I am pre-empting that if I were to stay here with my partner and have a family I would feel exactly the same..I would feel they would miss out on having a relationship with my my mum and my sister and her kids..
My partner has a mate who came out here with his British wife and the exact same thing happened..as soon as she had a baby she just felt she couldnt stay here and unfortunately they ended up going their separate ways as he refused to go back to the UK..
Is an awful situation..with no solution...Do you think it is likely your partner would agree to head back to the UK? Surely if you are that unhappy he would consider it..
Can totally understand your feelings of sadness at the minute...as you say...you cant show your new baby off to the people who matter..you must be all mixed up between the joy of having her and the sadness of missing family..Is your OH a kiwi?
I guess I am pre-empting that if I were to stay here with my partner and have a family I would feel exactly the same..I would feel they would miss out on having a relationship with my my mum and my sister and her kids..
My partner has a mate who came out here with his British wife and the exact same thing happened..as soon as she had a baby she just felt she couldnt stay here and unfortunately they ended up going their separate ways as he refused to go back to the UK..
Is an awful situation..with no solution...Do you think it is likely your partner would agree to head back to the UK? Surely if you are that unhappy he would consider it..
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=461212
Jun 28th 2007, 4:54 am
#38
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 81
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Cheers for the post and the link..yes..food for thought indeed.when kids come along things can get massively messy...
What is your situation..are you heading back home?
We are hoping to hear in the next day or so if my partner can get work back at his old company in London..so fingers crossed this works out..He knows I will never come back to Oz with him if we leave now but he is prepared to do this for me...If his old boss says no not sure what will happen..is just a waiting game..
Jun 28th 2007, 4:59 am
#39
Homebody
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,181
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Elvira,
Cheers for the post and the link..yes..food for thought indeed.when kids come along things can get massively messy...
What is your situation..are you heading back home?
We are hoping to hear in the next day or so if my partner can get work back at his old company in London..so fingers crossed this works out..He knows I will never come back to Oz with him if we leave now but he is prepared to do this for me...If his old boss says no not sure what will happen..is just a waiting game..
Cheers for the post and the link..yes..food for thought indeed.when kids come along things can get massively messy...
What is your situation..are you heading back home?
We are hoping to hear in the next day or so if my partner can get work back at his old company in London..so fingers crossed this works out..He knows I will never come back to Oz with him if we leave now but he is prepared to do this for me...If his old boss says no not sure what will happen..is just a waiting game..
Jun 28th 2007, 5:02 am
#40
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 81
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Guess we are some of the luckier ones..there seem so many people on this site who are trapped in a country because of their partner/kids or for whatever reason...
Jun 28th 2007, 9:25 pm
#41
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: new zealand
Posts: 76
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Tillergirl,
Can totally understand your feelings of sadness at the minute...as you say...you cant show your new baby off to the people who matter..you must be all mixed up between the joy of having her and the sadness of missing family..Is your OH a kiwi?
I guess I am pre-empting that if I were to stay here with my partner and have a family I would feel exactly the same..I would feel they would miss out on having a relationship with my my mum and my sister and her kids..
My partner has a mate who came out here with his British wife and the exact same thing happened..as soon as she had a baby she just felt she couldnt stay here and unfortunately they ended up going their separate ways as he refused to go back to the UK..
Is an awful situation..with no solution...Do you think it is likely your partner would agree to head back to the UK? Surely if you are that unhappy he would consider it..
Can totally understand your feelings of sadness at the minute...as you say...you cant show your new baby off to the people who matter..you must be all mixed up between the joy of having her and the sadness of missing family..Is your OH a kiwi?
I guess I am pre-empting that if I were to stay here with my partner and have a family I would feel exactly the same..I would feel they would miss out on having a relationship with my my mum and my sister and her kids..
My partner has a mate who came out here with his British wife and the exact same thing happened..as soon as she had a baby she just felt she couldnt stay here and unfortunately they ended up going their separate ways as he refused to go back to the UK..
Is an awful situation..with no solution...Do you think it is likely your partner would agree to head back to the UK? Surely if you are that unhappy he would consider it..
No my OH is not a kiwi. We are both Brits.
Yes he will return even though he loves it here.
We have residency here, however if we leave the country we have to return before March 18th 09 (i think) using our returning residence visa. If this time passes and we have stayed out of the country, then that's it! we would have to go through the expense and hassle of emigration again.
I doubt that i will ever want to return, but I've learned to never say never!!!
Immigration wants to see that you have spent at least 6mths of each 12mnts over the two years. Then they issue you with a 'permanent' returning residency visa. I'm hoping that they will count our first year, which is completed on the 10th of November this year. I hope they wont want us to do 6mths of each year.
I really want my OH to come out of this with the opportunity to come back. I worry that at sometime in the future, he may resent me for making him return to the UK. If he has the right to return, then he can.
I hate the thought of staying until November, which isn't a long time i know. But it is when you are unhappy. Also, it may be just enough time for my eldest to change his mind and come home with me.
You are right that your feelings change when you have children. Only you can pre-empt how you will feel. You should follow your heart. You will reach a decision. Sooner or later.
Good luck, i wish i could help.
Tillergirl
Jul 4th 2007, 6:50 am
#42
Just Joined
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 16
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Hi Karni - I feel exactly the same. I have been here for nearly 4 years and am sponsored. Have been back a few times to the UK and I am now extremely appreciative of life over there. I also live in Sydney but am stuck in this job unless I look for another one. I live with my Australian boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and have voiced my desire to move back at the end of this year. I don't think he really wants to at all. He's suffered from depression and an anxiety disorder and although he came with my on holiday and loved it there I can't see him making the leap. I also think it has a lot to do with his background. White Australians can be extremely insular, especially in the area he grew up in and a surprisingly large number of them have travelled very little. I really want to go back and spend time with my family and maybe get more fulfilment in my career. I'm 30 and don't really want children so I suppose that's not an issue at least. I think I am going to have to be brave and make the break and hope he comes with me. And if he doesn't then that will be his choice. You can only make your feelings clear your partner and I guess you have to make a brave choice one way or the other. But you're not alone.
Jul 4th 2007, 8:31 am
#43
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 81
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Hi Karni - I feel exactly the same. I have been here for nearly 4 years and am sponsored. Have been back a few times to the UK and I am now extremely appreciative of life over there. I also live in Sydney but am stuck in this job unless I look for another one. I live with my Australian boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and have voiced my desire to move back at the end of this year. I don't think he really wants to at all. He's suffered from depression and an anxiety disorder and although he came with my on holiday and loved it there I can't see him making the leap. I also think it has a lot to do with his background. White Australians can be extremely insular, especially in the area he grew up in and a surprisingly large number of them have travelled very little. I really want to go back and spend time with my family and maybe get more fulfilment in my career. I'm 30 and don't really want children so I suppose that's not an issue at least. I think I am going to have to be brave and make the break and hope he comes with me. And if he doesn't then that will be his choice. You can only make your feelings clear your partner and I guess you have to make a brave choice one way or the other. But you're not alone.
Thanks for the reply. Did you come out here intially with the plan to emigrate or were u only out here for a defined period of time with work? Yeah, know exactly what u mean by white Australian men sometimes being pretty insular...Is a tough call isnt it?
We are still umming and ahhing about what we are doing...he is still waiting to hear back from his old boss in the UK as to whether there may be any work for him...but to be honest I know his heart will always be in Oz and he will want to settle here...he says he just cant see himself settling in the UK...
Have u just got sick or Sydney/Oz or is mainly because of family visits u want to go home? Must be extra painful if u are tied to your current employer for a visa..
Let me know how u are getting on..is good to know there are others who are in the same situation who understand..(my partner just doesnt get it..why oh why would u ever have a problem with Oz and wouldnt u be giving your right arm to live here..)
Jul 4th 2007, 12:32 pm
#44
SuzieB
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Sydney-ping-London-pong-Sydney
Posts: 98
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Hi Karni
I won't give any advice on the relationship front, as i am the least qualified person to do that, given my patchy love life, but as far as homesickness goes - can i just say that I think the 4-6 month stage can really be the worst. Its when the initial fascination and excitement has worn off and the reality sinks in.
I felt the same way after going to live in Sydney 18 months ago - at 6 months i admitted defeat and came home - and like you, i had travelled a lot and never expected to feel so awfully homesick. I am now heading back as i know i didn't give it a good enough go. Other people on this forum have also said that it does often get better.
On another note, I'll be in Sydney mid September and it can be a great help just to meet up someone (who isn't australian!) and have a chin-wag.
I hope it gets better for you - good luck, hang in there xx
I won't give any advice on the relationship front, as i am the least qualified person to do that, given my patchy love life, but as far as homesickness goes - can i just say that I think the 4-6 month stage can really be the worst. Its when the initial fascination and excitement has worn off and the reality sinks in.
I felt the same way after going to live in Sydney 18 months ago - at 6 months i admitted defeat and came home - and like you, i had travelled a lot and never expected to feel so awfully homesick. I am now heading back as i know i didn't give it a good enough go. Other people on this forum have also said that it does often get better.
On another note, I'll be in Sydney mid September and it can be a great help just to meet up someone (who isn't australian!) and have a chin-wag.
I hope it gets better for you - good luck, hang in there xx
Jul 4th 2007, 4:53 pm
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: Sydney
Posts: 111
Re: Homesick in Sydney
Personally I think it is harder to live here with an Aussie partner than it is to move here as a family. If you all move together you learn together, you explore together; when married to an Aussie - in my experience - there is an element of "don't you know THAT" "well of course you buy that THERE" - they know the country you don't - and in the UK the opposite would be true. One partner is at home, one isn't, thats the big difference.
I have had issues with family here too - the MIL especially has found it very odd that I cling to my "britishness" and constantly asks why do I still go home, why do I still like British food, she asked once how I would cope after I had PR and "could never visit the UK again". She rally thought that if I moved here I would never want to leave, even if I was able to.
For my experience, there is always a feeling of being outside of the family circle, my experiences are different to theirs, and even when I try to fit in it doesn't work, and its viewed with suspicion by some of them, like an outsider moving into their closed ship.
To move back as a couple doesn't solve the problem as one person is still out of place, not at "home". I know I fit here better than The Bloke would fit in the UK, so here we have to stay.Thats the decision - do you love your partner and your marriage/relationship enough to live where you aren't truly happy? Only you can answer that, and I don't think there is a "right" answer.
I came here on holiday many times before emigrating, living here is different. the Bloke thinks he could live in the UK cos he likes holidaying there - he can't identify with my experiences of holiday vs living, but he is so much a creature of habit that I know ee couldn't cope with the unfamiliarity of emigrating.
Cross-country marriages work perfectly for some, but for others they are a compromise rather than a dream.
I have had issues with family here too - the MIL especially has found it very odd that I cling to my "britishness" and constantly asks why do I still go home, why do I still like British food, she asked once how I would cope after I had PR and "could never visit the UK again". She rally thought that if I moved here I would never want to leave, even if I was able to.
For my experience, there is always a feeling of being outside of the family circle, my experiences are different to theirs, and even when I try to fit in it doesn't work, and its viewed with suspicion by some of them, like an outsider moving into their closed ship.
To move back as a couple doesn't solve the problem as one person is still out of place, not at "home". I know I fit here better than The Bloke would fit in the UK, so here we have to stay.Thats the decision - do you love your partner and your marriage/relationship enough to live where you aren't truly happy? Only you can answer that, and I don't think there is a "right" answer.
I came here on holiday many times before emigrating, living here is different. the Bloke thinks he could live in the UK cos he likes holidaying there - he can't identify with my experiences of holiday vs living, but he is so much a creature of habit that I know ee couldn't cope with the unfamiliarity of emigrating.
Cross-country marriages work perfectly for some, but for others they are a compromise rather than a dream.
Yet again you have spoken words so true to my heart, I could not have put it any better! In a way the same situation for me with the added aggravation that the alternative would be Germany instead of halfway familiarity of UK/Britain to an Aussie bloke. Whenever you have (conciously) chosen a cross-country-relationship, there are so many things different to a "BAU"-relationship, it will always make one of the two the 'alien', not being accustomed to the country and it's ways of life.
Adding controversies within the relationship to the equation - ta-ta, you have one of the most trickiest sitiuations you could ever thought of.
I can second your comment about strange comments of the Aussie relatives, at best of times it leaves you with astonishment, at worst you would love nothing more than turn around and give it "the boot". Yet, being mature, one sticks to it and tries to work around the best one can, and still tries to make it work knowing that one cannot and won't be understood other than by those back home sometimes.
My apologies for sidetracking your thread, Karni, I guess, I'm not adding any valuable points but it's just struck a cord in me.
Karni, whatever you decide, all the best from me - from one questioning the whole thing at times (being the wiser now) to another,
Sonja