Homesick.........
 

This is more a 'get it off my chest' kind of post..... but am I the only one feeling homesick???

I have been in Canada for almost 4 years now, and recently moved to Alberta from BC, but for the last little while I have the overwhelming feeling of homesickness..................

I watch the news, and I go online to see what the economy really is like, are there any jobs to go to??????

Although for the most post, I have enjoyed my time in Canada, but I am, and always will be a true BRIT........... maybe its the weather, or lack of sunshine, is it just me, or does anyone else, really miss home, and have a yearning to go back???

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I think most people go through waves of homesickness. Some people get over it, some don't. You've been in Canada for 4 years which is a pretty good amount of time before feeling homesick. Will these feelings pass or do you think you will consider returning? I've only be in Oz for 6 months and have been homesick for about 4 of them. I'm going back to the UK in May. I have realised that I am too British to want to change to the OZ way of life. I love the hustle and bustle of the UK. I love it that there is so much History there and Europe is just a stones throw away. There is so much beauty in the UK. I just didn't realise it until now. I like the beaches here and the weather but that's all. I am looking forward to returning and getting my life back.

What ever you decide, good luck.:thumbsup: Nikki

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Did the homesickness start when you moved to Alberta, or had you been feeling that way before? The reason I ask is that I recently moved from Queensland down to Victoria in Aus and this was supposed to be our big move... a new start in Australia giving me an experience in a city that everyone kept telling me would be 'more me' (whatever that means!) and I was excited and optimistic about the change as Queensland had never really done it for me.

Within weeks of being here though I came to the realisation that no matter which city I was living in here, it just isn't 'home'. Luckily, my Aussie DH agrees and we've started planning our move back to Scotland. I love Australia, don't get me wrong. I just love Scotland and my friends and family back there more. It took a move to another part of Australia to teach me that :)

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I grew up in the UK, but moved to Hong Kong when I was 21 and to South Africa a few years later, so I've been an "expat" for more than 30 years now. Can't say I've ever been homesick at all, but I suppose I've always felt that "home" is where I happen to be.

My wife moved back to Scotland nearly three years ago, and wanted me to join her. I was reluctant, because I hadn't been there for over 20 years, didn't have any strong links to the country (I'm not good at keeping in touch with people) and was quite happy in SA. Anyway, she talked me into visiting last year and I arrived, en route, in London. I thought I was going to feel like a complete stranger, but found that I was actually quite at home there. I suppsoe places with a long, visible, history have a sense of permanence about them. I spent two weeks in Scotland, and flew back, with mixed feelings. I returned to Scotland for six weeks in January and, this time, realised that I didn't want to leave again. My wife has a lot to do with it, obviously, but there was something else that I can't explain. I do tend to trust my instincts, and they're telling me to go back, so I'm returning in a couple of months for good.

Follow your heart. I think you know what you want to do, if you're still unsettled and feeling homesick after four years. All the best.

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Fully understand about wanting to try and live in a city. We thought about moving to a big city but after reading losts of posts from people were unhappy living in a big city we realised that moving wouldn't be the answer. Home would be the only plaCe for us to be truely happy. Well done for giving it a go. Hope you get home soon. X

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So sorry you're feeling like this, it's an awful feeling. I've only been in Aus for 7 months, but I seem to be coming out of the homesickness feeling and really starting to enjoy my time here, but the first few months were horrendous. But, at the back of my mind I know who I am and where I truly belong and it's not here. It's so hard, because a good degree of me knows that we could have a very successful and enjoyable future here, but home pulls so strongly that I can't ignore it.

You've been away for almost four years, and in that time you'll probably have ridden the rollercoaster of emotions like everyone else. Were you happy in BC? was it the move to Alberta that gave rise to your yearning to go back to the UK? I'm a beginner at this whole emigrating business, so maybe I'm not in a position to offer any useful advice, but I get scared at the thought of if I stay here and reach the point of no return to England, what then. My children have no extended family out here, and I possibly run the risk of them blaming me for uprooting them from their happy existence in the UK, and plonking them in such an isolated part of the world.

Aus isn't Canada, and I hope this is just a passing emotion that we all experience from time to time. If it's prolonged then maybe you will have to reconsider your options.

Good luck to you. :)

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Have you got a job? We have been thinking of returning for the las 2 years but my biggest fear is not finding a job.

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I wonder if this new found homesickness coincides with your move to Alberta?

In one way, this is another new place to get to know, somewhere new to find your way around, somewhere new to find new friends, settle into work, whatever. If you are feeling even a little bit unsettled by any of those kinds of things, then doubts or daydreaming of days gone by might find the chinks in your armour! Would you be interested in linking up with any of the BE people near your area (or is that your idea of hell? ;) ).

The other thing that I might hint at could be the weather!! I'm in Alberta and I'm having quite a sense of humour failure this month, as are most people I talk to. Does that bother you at all? Did you move from the more temperate but somewhat soggy west coast, or from the drier BC interior? The Alberta winter has been particularly cold this year (she says with British understatement).

I wish you well; to last 4 years without this hitting you is quite impressive - but are you feeling unsettled by other things too, or do you think this is a real yearning to return? Would a decent holiday this year be possible to go and have a look-see? See how you feel when you physically land there and walk around. Is finding a decent job on the cards at the moment?

It could simply be that your time in Canada has run it's course. You've done what you wanted to do, you've had a good time, but you might be moving into another phase of your life and are re-assessing if this is where you want to be for the next five years?

Good luck with it all - good place to come and vent, are you are certainly not the only one to think like this. My only advice at this point is not rush into any decision making. See if this a phase that will pass, or if it is much more deep-seated ...... :)

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I've been an expat over 20 years (with one year back in UK) I think of moving home daily, I'm homesick too, it never went away. But I'm not depressed (I don't think)
I live for the next trip home or next trip by Mum to come here and bring Britain with her.

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I work for myself, and haven't had a job in the sense of having a full time employer for donkeys years. No reason to change now.

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Ok I'll make you feel better about going back to the UK. Like you I have been in Canada for 4 years, We are returning to the UK on June 15th because my business (I've been running it from Canada for 4 years) is doing great despite of the recession. I have many clients who are also doing very well.

Sure there are a lot of companies going under but when you look at it, most of those were performing only marginally in the good times, it only took a few % fall in sales to knock them over the edge. Also you need to look longterm, once the so called "good times" return in a few years, house prices and everything will start rising again, and you will be regretting not going now.

House prices, rents, Cars etc have not been cheaper than now for a long time in the Uk which makes it an excellent time to go back. Finally the whole thing is affecting Canada in just the same way, did you see the latest Canadian Job loss figures?

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I could have written this post after 5 years in Perth. you do not realise what you have got till it is gone.

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jonfrank123 - hope you don't mind me asking, but what kind of business do you operate. Just curious as you're in Montreal and running a business in the UK??

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:confused:I would just like to say thank you for this post and different answers provided, especially Nikki. It has helped me a great deal today!

I am in the early stages of a move that I planned for 8 years before achieving. 2 years ago, I found that my life has started to settle and I was actually happy for the first time during the whole process of moving to Canada, I loved my job, had great friends, started new hobbies etc etc. Many a time I felt that I just had to keep going with it as it had taken so much time, effort and money that I cannot say no, and at least now, whatever the outcome, I cannot say I never did it.

It just isnt right though. Yes I know I am in my first month here and there is still the possibility it will change. I am also willing to give it a good effort whilst I am here but I have felt so much better after reading Nikki's post that if, in 6 months, I decide to go home......I am not a failure.......I too have found that I didnt really appreciate what I had until it was gone. I think I would be happy at home if I gave it my all (everything was kind of put on hold for 3.5 years after application in the mistaken thought that I was focused on Canada and nothing could stop it)

On the positive side, I now have my Permanent Residence, so I have 3 years leeway if I do move home to decide either way.....so what that I have spent a little money on what I thought was a dream.....it is just me so at least I haven't caused much upheaval to others.

Thanks guys

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I feel the same, Nikki, too British to change. It takes something like emigrating to see it though, doesn't it. I'm into my seventh month now, and due to go back in July. My homesickness has got loads better, thankfully. I don't wake up with that awful gut wrenching feeling of emptiness now - which I'm glad about. That said, the first thing on my mind as soon as I wake up is England. Same as you, I like the sun and the beaches, but the UK has so much more to offer, and I don't want to deny my boys the opportunity to grow up surrounded by fabulous architecture, culture, history etc. If you come from a really crappy area of England (and there are many) then Perth is probably a utopia, but we have our house not far from the peak district, and if we want a city then there are four or five within an hour away.

Last Saturday I walked with my neighbour to a local park with our kids. It took us about 20 mins to get there, and I was gobsmacked by the fact we saw nobody in that time. The same happened walking back, it's like living in a ghost town. Back home, I could walk to the corner shop and pass at least 20 people in the process. I live in quite a large suburb, but where is everyone?!!

Hope you have a great journey back in May :)

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A small marketing business.

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I agree, there is just so much beauty in the UK (as there is here too), but for some reason, home calls me.....

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To all who replied, thank you............ I hated Vancouver, but liked White Rock (BC) and I dont live in the city in Alberta, I moved to Cochrane, which is quite nice, although after the last few days of stress and hassel....im not so sure......... I think its probably added to my feelings

But, this homesickness came as a shock out of the blue...... I have thought about home in the past, but of late, it seems to invade my dreams to........ and consumes me sometimes

Since being here, I have only made one real friend, who I know I can count on, other than that nothing, zero, and I talk to my friends back home via email, and we just cant figure it out.... I have lots of friends of all ages back home, and here only one.....maybe that hasnt helped........

As for the weather in Alberta, i loved the snow and really dont mind the cold at all, I am a big fan of all the seasons, and like all of them equally..............

I am engaged, and although love being with him, I just cant shake this feeling of home.

I am thinking of going back, and I fear that if I go for a vacation, I just wont come back........

Its nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks like this..... I think I must be too much of a brit???? Maybe

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In answer to your reply, no I dont have a job here, I look after my fiances daughter. And no i dont have a job in the UK to go to, but would hope to find one

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I have been in the US for 5 years and a month and i am just beginning to get settled in. It can take a long while. It took me a while to realize that England isn't my home anymore, it is my true home but my life is here and this is where i am living now. Yes i get homesick. Especially when i see remember or see something that reminds me of England.

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I was kind of like that for a couple of years...... and made this my new home, but recently, before I even moved provinces, i just felt this urge to go home, and for me, its a great urge.......... England is where my heart lies, and where I think it always will, I guess you can take the girl out of england, but you just cant take england out of the girl.....?

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The longer you remain, the more difficult and impractical it becomes as far as 'going home' is concerned. If you have children, they establish friendships, then marry and have children of their own, quite often.

By that time, your youth has passed .. people 'at home' have died or moved on. You very often don't have the necessary funds to re-establish a comfortable life in the UK. And of course, your spouse may not want to return with you. Add to that the fact that it's very difficult to tear yourself away on permanent basis from grown children and possible grandchildren. At which point, 'going home' is no longer a real possibility and you resign yourself to dying in the same place where you've been only half-alive for decades.

Australia (and very possibly Canada too) is filled with old people dreaming of a 'home' they know they'll never see again. And after they're dead, you find decades-old calendars, post-cards, picture books of England which they've looked at longingly, over and over again. It's very sad. Don't leave it too late

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oh god why did i read this post , i feel so depressed now:(

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we are in our early 50s. we emigrated to australia almost 18 years ago.my oh sprang it on me last year that he wanted to go back to uk to live.at first i said no.after long conversations,tears,soul searching i ageed.-but only if we could return to scotland (morayshire). we have grown up family here also 3 grandies and 1 on the way.the girls are now leaning more to their husbands side of the family as we already live 3.5 hour drive away from them. i realize our kids are on loan and we brought them up to be self sufficient(still have the occassional bailout though).i now look at it this way-they have their own family and life.i would never stand in their way if they wanted to move overseas and although i wont be spending a weekend with them every month or so, i can always come for a long holiday and spend quality time with them,phone them or talk/see them via internet.we deserve time on our own now after thinking of the kids and their needs.sorry to ramble,back to the question.my husband admitted he never really settled here,just had to push it aside and get on with the job in hand of providing for his family and what made them happy.i just got on with it as i knew we couldnt afford to return home.i moved down to yorkshire when we married and for 4 years suffered terrible homesickness. maybe i had done it all then eh??

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Thats right. I thinks thats perfectly normal, do you feel that you shouldn't feel the way you do ?

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:cry_smile::cry_smile:

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I reckon everyone's circumstances are different and that has a big bearing on it.
I am retired and I have enough money to go back to England at least 3 times per year. My wife is younger and works, but quite likes time on her on her own and is fine with me going back for holidays alone.

If I was younger with a young family, and working with little vacation time or money, it really would be a bigger decision to stay

My wife would like to retire early but is american through and through and doesnt like the idea of living in England permanently. She experienced a lot of hostility when she did , but that was largely due to the actions of Mr George W I reckon

Thing is, that for the right health insurance policy in the U.S. it's going to be very expensive - so I might be able to convince her to live in England during the 'gap' years between early retirement and medicare at age 65 so long as we maintain an apartment in say chicago so she feels she has a base here (and a vacation home too).

I am on green card at the moment, so the plan is to get US citizenship next year so that we can change our minds without a major and possibly irreversible loss of U.S. residency happening

When I sold my UK house, I put all the money in the bank of england in sterling and it will stay there - i reckon that says something about my subconcious feelings of attachment to the UK

I really do urge everyone not to burn their boats without some time passing after the decision - especially in the case of giving up residency rights - because things change and we need options

sleep on it

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I too have been homesick since I've been here in USA (4 1/2 yrs) on and off and it's all too clear now that I am ready to go back. We are working on our return and it's quite exciting.

If it's in your heart then go with what your heart is telling you. Even IF there's a recession, the recession is everywhere and if you stay positive and confident I am sure you will do well with moving forward in a place where you want to be. I am trying to think that way and hopefully life will move on in a positive way. Life is too short, grab it and wherever you be happy is the place you need to be. Only you know that, so don't listen to the doom and gloomers who have never been out of the UK in their life.

I wish you good luck with your return.

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The trouble is, what if you both feel the same and you have different homelands. Something and somebody has to give

aye, there's the rub

I can be happy here without falling in love with american culture and my wife says she ONLY wants to holiday in London/UK/Europe and I cant even get her to go to oz or NZ - so that's ok

That tells me that she secretly likes the UK a lot so I might get her over there for a few years

We have all met Brits who say they would like to live in France if it weren't for the French and they might just go there anyway and ignore them

I am doing a very mild version of that I reckon by not getting into american football or tv and substituting the internet/bbc/little britain
My cats don't even know they are american so we never clash

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Me too!:cry_smile:

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l think W.A is the size of western Europe with only 1.8 million people so that explains why there are'nt many people about, maybe you should have tired Melbourne or Sydney if you wanted a faster pace of life.

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Yes but on the other hand there are lots of people go home from australia etc thinking it will be like it was - only to find it isnt, and instead of being somewhere they don't want to be, they are nowhere

The MP for keighley complains that many of her parliamentary constituents have been in the UK 30 years and cant speak a word of english

If you live in a street full of these folk, it wont be like 1960, popping in and out of each other's houses without needing to knock first

The burglars don't pinch your garden gnomes any more - they have syringes full of heroin in their back pockets and knives too

People and places move on, so once you realise that world has disappeared and it isn't there to go back to - staying put isn't going to be so hard.

There are no discos in my town, but my disco days have gone forever, so I don't mind

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Yes, Melbourne and Sydney probably would have been the better option. But hubby's line of work dictates that he has to work in an 'area of need' for one year before being able to work in the more urban areas. Available positions in Melbourne and Sydney would be in the more rural areas, so it would make virtually no difference. We decided on Perth, because where my hubby works (classed as an 'area of need') wouldn't be too far from the city, and within spitting distance from the ocean - which is a bonus. We could try Melbourne next year if we really were intent on staying, but Aus isn't for me at the end of the day. Although it is starting to grow on me.......:unsure:

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I think, there comes a time, where you just have to bite the bullet............

There are many reasons that the Uk draws me....... my two sons (who are both self sufficient and independant in their own right, still live there and all my friends......

The funny thing is also, I speak english, very well, I dont slur, stutter, or use slang and STILL people say, im sorry, what did you say, or they look at me, like I just spoke in a foreign language, and I find I have to change how I speak and use the canadian type sound so that I am understood............ whilst you go into stores, and half the people working there, cant even speak english that well...........

I just miss being me................. Its great to see that im not the only one, and thanks for everyone advise, and I have to agree....... I should do it now, before its kind of too late to do it...........

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Still kicking around the idea of going back home to the scotland and figuring out all the pros and cons and doing the research.

im not worried about the crime most of the crime in the usa is violent and prevalent in some areas and in the country it is less rampant.

In the uk it seems to be more disorganized and amateur unless you are involved with that certain organised element of society and then you probably already know what the deal is.

and if herion syringe and a rusty knife wielding plook faced moron is all i have to worried about then i think i will be fine.

Part of my job before retiring was dealing with violent situations and am not fazed by the typical petty wannabes back home!!

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Blimey, didnt think they were worth pinching to be honest.:lol:

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Too right!

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I didn't realise your sons were still here. My parents live in NZ but their only two kids live in the UK. They travel here every year to see their grandchildren, and fortunately they can afford it. I worry about when they get old (they are only 70!!) and can't do the trip any more. I know Canada is not so far, but these are the situations that make it tough. I hear from other grandparents that you don't realise how much love you are going to feel for your grandchildren till they arrive.:wub:

I feel bad too with mum and dad being so far away (even though it is my own fault, as I was the one who moved here).:o

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It's true that we live in a very mobile world. Planning our life to be close to our adult children and real or future grandchildren could be a mistake, especially in a big country like Canada or Australia. They could move a long way away without emigrating. We certainly don't want to try to stop them from having the same adventures we've had.

I don't really see the argument to stick with it, it'll get better, especially if everyone involved is in agreement. It's like, keep eating canned okra. Eventually you'll get used to it. Why bother? Move right on to something that tastes good. Life's too short. Note, I'm talking about when there's not a family conflict about what's wanted.

Canned okra is one of the most disgusting foods I've even encountered, and everyone I know agrees, so I'm not sure why it exists!

Bev

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chuckle - yes the days of garden gnome thieves have gone forever in the UK.
I helped arrest a burglar who went into the kitchen of a neighbours house a couple of years ago and stole her purse... he claimed he was touting for business for a window cleaning round
He had her money and credit cards in his front pocket and hypodermic syringe in his back pocket.

We had to sit on him until the police arrived but these drug freaks take some subduing

I spent 6 years in the police up to 1974 and I never arrested anyone for drugs or dealt with a prisoner who had drugs on them. It's a different world now and if someone has been out of the country 30 years then they should not think it's still how it was.

We patrolled alone and i was called to a near riot outside a pub with about 300 people kicking off. I got out of my car on my own and went over to them and sternly told them to go home. It went quiet and they just melted away. How times change eh ?

They would have my head on a pole now