Hi Guys

Well I landed back in blighty a few days ago and OMG did I hit reality with a bang.

Given that I have only been away 9 months and my OH wanted to return from Perth it has been one rollercoaster of a ride.

Don't get me wrong its lovely to be back in the UK from the perspective that I missed the quaintness and greenery of the place.

But I just cannot bring myself to face my old friends I have no desire to even want to go and see many of them which is so not like me. Normally I would have jumped in my car and gone to see about 20 in one day lol.

I just feel I have moved on and do not want to justify to everyone why I am back if that kind of makes any sense.

I also, feel I have outgrown where I originally lived hence why did I move from there in the first place and want to look into living in another area.

Is all my thoughts rational I just hope I am not on my own in my thinking.

Love to hear from anybody who has experienced the same thing.

Many thanks

Debs

A mate of mine has just returned (to OZ) from 18 months in whistler Canada. Despite wanting to come back, has a big close family, her home, and job, and plans for the future here, she is a total basket case with the shock of it all.

Culture shock, the best thing to do is wallow it out for a few weeks see if the shock fades, before making any rash decisions.

I myself suffer from terrible culture shock after our annual month or so in USA or Canada Or UK. Coming out the airport back in OZ you could have landed me on the moon, and I have lived here more than a decade.

It takes time, chin up

We were the exact opposite, we had to wait until the next day but we went straight down to see our closest friends and it was like we had never been away. We are loving every minute so far and havent had any pangs of regret or any negative feelings.
Although I gre up in Australia I feel I am home.
Having said that it can take awhile to readjust.

I guess your situation is a bit different because it wasnt you that drove the move back and you havent been away for long but I can see that meeting mates and doing all the explaining might be difficult for you.

I reckon you can never go back to what you had, you can only go forward so why not try a new part of the country for a bit of adventure (if you can). Otherwise it might be a good idea to work on a script, you are going to encounter your old mates if you stay where you are.

I'm like Chris, just fell in with my mates as if we had never been apart and we are still mates after decades apart.

Good luck and look forward!

I'm another one who fell back in with my friends as though I'd never been away. And I feel the same way about the country - we just fit here. (That's after 22 years away!)

But it sounds as though your issues are less to do with your friends and more to do with how you feel about being home. Perhaps you're worried about them viewing you as a failure because you came home? (Just to be clear I don't think that, and I don't think they will think that - I just get the sense you think it).

I bet if you can get over that mental hurdle, you'll find everyone very welcoming and those pals will make the transition back home easier.

Good luck!

I had various adventures working away from the little island where I was born. Sometimes I felt like a stranger coming back as my friends lives had moved on, but most of them said that I was lucky to get off the rock.
I said there is a big world out there and they could have done it, but they preferred the security of island life.

Travel really does broaden your mind, but it also gives you itchy feet, which is how I found myself in France. I am sure you friends will love to hear about your travel tales, even though they might be a tad jealous but never admit it.

You do not have to justify why you came back, just rub a little salt into the wound and tell them what they were missing. :-)

You have had a big load of happenings to you lately and you are bound to feel all over the place so take some time and just try to not worry at this moment in time about friends, areas etc. In a couple of days, weeks etc see how you feel then, coming back down to earth again can be a bit overwhelming, your friends might understand if you wanted to explain to them how your feeling, if you really feel sure you now want to start 'anew' again then do so there is nothing wrong with that either, we returned home and are renting in an area we did not really know, a nice drive from family etc but far enough away to make new friends as well. Some of our friends have moved on but thats life, I know we are certainly not fully the same people as before we left either. You will get there in the end and if you decide you want somewhere new and different and would like to meet other friends then go for it, don't feel guilty, you have to be happy as you can be. Good luck

Thank you for all your kind replies.

Yes you are right all of you I cannot expect for everything to fall into place in the first few days.

There was a reason why I left the area I came from and yes don't get me wrong I have missed my friends but just want to move on.

But my partner have discussed about moving to another area so we can be close to my daughter who started Uni last year.

I know I have to familiarise myself first with being back here but I am certainly looking for another area within the UK to move to.

Many thanks everyone.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I have returned from Canada after a whirlwind emigration, just 7 months there. Hubby is still out there finalising (or trying to) everything, should be back mid June. I returned at the end of February with youngest, had to find house, buy car etc etc. Our eldest returned when container was packed in Canada. It is fab to be back, but it takes time to re-adjust as, like you, its been an utter whirlwind for the last 18 months (all the prep for moving out there then moving back). Everyone has been so supportive of us but some want the nitty gritty of why we didn't like Canada as they can't believe some of the issues we came across. I suppose the PR on Canada is so, so positive that people can't quite believe the reality when we tell them.
I feel like making a recording of standard replies and just switching it on. My youngest has now got her reply off to a tee - 'It didn't suit us as a family and we prefer the UK' end of......
I have just started applying for jobs now as before my brain just wasn't making the right connections, if you know what I mean.
Some friends of ours returned from Adelaide 9 weeks ago after lasting 2 years out there. They are going through exactly the same emotions I went through so I can support them to a certain extent. Glad and relieved to be back but feeling a little lost.
All I can say is that it does get better. I have had days where I am just so relieved to be back 'to normal' with the kids that all I want is to sit and watch TV and do nothing. Feel quite anti-social sometimes.
I suppose we lived with the prospect of emigration for so long that now it is gone it feels like a kind of bereavement. I liken it to not wanting your pet to suffer so you put it to sleep, grieving for the loss but relieved its all over. So glad its all over and we can move on with our lives. We didn't have the 'rose coloured' spectacles like lots wear, I am too clear headed for that. Perhaps a bit too practical for my own good. Just actual living there and all it
entailed really didn't suit and we prefer the UK. Think we came to conclusion for it to be a success we would have to shut off from the UK which we ultimately couldn't do, plus to feel part of your new country, for it to feel like home, I think you have to become like the natives and embrace it all warts 'n' all. This we decided we just couldn't do, just too English and influenced by the Europeans I suppose.
Just take it day by day, and don't rush it. You'll know what's best in the end.
Take care

Hey Debs, that's a pretty normal feeling. It's called reverse culture shock. Always happens to me whenever I've been away for awhile. You might come around in a few weeks' time... or you might decide to jet back off to Aus.

I have definitely been in shock since returning to the uk and it is getting better. Its not that i am not glad to be back, its just that it is such a big change to adapt to. Also it takes time for possessions to be shipped back and get them unpacked, hoping that by monday i will have more or less unpacked everything and will feel more settled. Moving back was definitely the right decision! even though you feel ike an alien to begin with

One thing i can't believe is that I have forgotton so much about the UK! not only road layouts but all sorts of things are like new, how is it we forget so much?

Deb,

I'm sure you'll be fine initially. I do think that moving to another part of the UK would solve most, if not all of your problems.

Your post did kind of hit home as it's one of the reasons why I feel that I cannot go back at all (I've been away for over 9 years now). I would worry about that hitting me like a ton of bricks., As much as I miss the UK, my gut is telling me not to go back, maybe ever.

I keep hearing a re-occuring theme about the need to explain an unplanned return home as if friends will be extremely judgemental and the return has real shame involved.Brits can't be that judgemental. What about the possibility that all your friends will be thankfull to have you back home. Please tell me that Brits aren't quick to hold things over your head when a choice in life has gone wrong.

I thinks this is nearly spot on for our experience as well and good advice in regards to taking it day by day, that's what I tried to do (a bit harder when you start worrying about homes, schools etc but you do get there in the end)and knowing I might have "moments" and to deal with them if and when they occurred.