rabsody

Recently I had a month in UK to visit family and when I got back I initially felt better about coming back to Australia, thinking it was probably a better place to bring up the kids after all.

I've only been back three weeks and I can't stop moaning about Aus. I find myself in a constant state of anger and agitation about living here. I don't want to be a negative, pent-up moaner all the time but I'm finding it hard to focus on the positive (even though I know in my right mind there are a lot of positives too).

My OH (who's Aussie) has told me, understandably, to snap out of it as it's getting on his nerves now. He's never had a close family so he doesn't really understand.

I know I have to remain here until my children are old enough to leave with me (or stay here) due to my Australian ex, so i have to make the best of it. However I think that lack of choice is half the problem. I also know I'm only hurting myself with this bad attitude and I don't want to be one of those "people to avoid".

Is this just normal homesickness, rose tinted specs and will pass? How have others helped themselves? Do I need psychological help or just to stop coming onto BE and hearing my thoughts echoed by others?!!

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, just needed a vent (and probably a kick up the bum) ..... thanks for listening.

Jerseygirl

How long have you lived in Oz?

Personally I think it's quite normal. I feel like that from time for time...I've lived in the US for 11 years.

I also think because you can't leave Oz it makes you want to even more. Or at least that's how I would feel...if someone tells me I can't do something...I will.

Have you tried St John's Wort...it was a life saver for me? I really think I should have gone to the docs but I couldn't bring myself to 'confess' to a stranger. That was before the days of BE...being able to come on here and let off steam would've really helped me during my darkest days. Take a look in the US forums, The Lounge or TIO...for that British sarcasm and humour. Sometimes I have tears of laughter rolling down my face.

northernbird

I am sure TraceyW will be along in a bit, she had similar experiences I seem to recall after her last trip home.

Hope you feel better soon.

Sally

I think most of us have had these feelings at some time. Might be worth getting checked out by the Doc for possible problems like thyroid/depression. Also, sounds corny but try to build some new postive associations with the place you live - plan on some special family days out which will help to raise your positivity.

rabsody

I've been here 7 years Jerseygirl and I think that you are so right in saying that if you can't do something it makes you want it even more!

The thing is that I'm pretty sure that this is the best place for raising the kids etc, but even though I know all these good things about Aus I can't help feeling angry and critical about the place all the time.

I guess it's a head vs. heart thing.

Will give the St John's Wort a go ..... and a few large G&Ts!

kez81

If your taking st john's wort be aware if your on the pill the pill wont work properly and you will need to use other contraception, i had a friend who fell pregnant because she wasnt told, the pharmacy you buy it from should tell you this.

kezx

Sally

I heard it can also make our skin sensitive to sunlight.

TraceyW

Oh boy did I!!!!

I went to the UK in July last year with the kids for a month. The first few weeks were fantastic. The weather was amazing, the scenery spectacular and I just felt to good about being amongst family and friends and just being 'home' safe and sound. The last week of my stay though, I really started to miss Australia and my own home and obviously hubby. I couldn't wait to get back!

I saw the UK at it's best; in the peak of the summer, with all that it brings. But, I also saw the down sides of it too; the litter, graffitti and most of all, the dog poo! I couldn't believe how much poo there was! I know it sounds silly but it really got to me as Perth is pretty clean in that respect.

When I got back to Oz I thought "That's it, I've finally cracked it. I don't want to go home anymore. Oz is my home" Well, those feelings lasted for about a month and then bang, downhill again, back on the homesick trail so to speak! It's awful feeling torn in two all of the time, I do understand how you feel.

I think it's all down to a frame of mind at the end of the day. Over the last few weeks I've been trying not to worry about what will happen next year with regards to leaving Perth (that's a deffinite) and where we will end up living. I've been searching for the positives about life here, and I must admit there are quite a few! So, in your case, try to focus on what you have here as much as you can. Could you also afford to go back to the UK on a regular basis as that does help in getting your fix?

I wish you all the best and hope that this period of feeling so unsettled is shortlived

rabsody

Haha, I'm hearing you about the dog poo!!!

Thanks Tracey. I must admit, even before I returned I had the feeling of Aus being the best place for the kids' needs, but not necessarily for mine. It's not that I hate Aus and love UK per se, it's mostly a family thing if i'm honest (and cultural too).

I am about to start uni in July (Journalism) so that will at least keep me occupied and focussed but means that $ wise difficult to keep going back to UK with the loss of one income - and at about $20k a pop every time you wanna go back as we all know it's extremely difficult.

I'm hoping that once I get my degree (see, there's some optimism ) I will be able to return to the UK with the kids as hopefully their dad will allow them to go if they are a bit older and more able to make up their own minds - they'll be 11 and 14 then. This may be wishful thinking but I'm trying to use this goal to keep me sane!

You are right in that I must look for the positives and focus on those so the time that I do have here is not wasted in negativity.

Thanks for all your support ladies, I am feeling better for venting already, it's so fantastic to have people to talk to who understand what you are going through

Fleaflyfloflum

Vent all you like! I think it does do us a bit of good to be able to come here and get it all off our chests.

I can also relate to how you feel. I did a trip back to UK 18mths ago. I remember feeling like i wanted to get out of there and back to Aus. My biggest memory was going christmas shopping with my daughter and noticing people looking miserable!!! Looking back, i guess i was actively looking for negatives. Who isnt miserable shopping in freezing rain, frantic to get it all done?...LOL
Ironically, here i am today in Sydney, miserable myself looking out at the driving wind and rain! Daft thing is though, i am not miserable because its nasty weather. I am miserable because it reminds me of home and making me even more desperate to get there

saoghalbeag

Definitely agree the more trapped you feel here, the more frantic you will become about going back. I picture myself like a rat in a cage. I would chew through the bars if I could!!

However, despite my desperation to be back in Scotland, I have just signed myself up for a house in Oz and have to commit to staying here for another 12 months to avoid capital gains and all that. I feel like I'm drowning, with a house suddenly foisted on me when I just want to get out of here, but have managed to reach the point, after 2 years stuck back in Oz, where I have lived through the despair of being trapped, and even after all this time still have a deep desire to go back to the UK which has grown rather than waivered, so I am seeing the time I have to spend here as time spent towards building the resolve I will need to stick it out through the tough times (and shite weather!) in the UK. The longer I stay here and hate it, the more determined I am that Scotland is 'home' and where I will stay. The longer I am stuck here not knowing what to do with myself, the more ideas I have for things I will do in Scotland when I get there.

And now I have the house and a definite period of time I have to remain in Oz, it is actually easier than before, when I was thinking I could be leaving any minute. It means I can stop torturing myself by scouring the UK job pages, and stop checking the immigration websites for miraculous changes. I can stop proposing to ppl with British accents in the street (okay, never done that!). I think you may find the same feeling when you start your course. So long as you have a definite time period and something to occupy yourself, the 'being trapped' is not so overwhelming. You can just work on getting through the here and now, which is more than enough for any of us!

Hope you get over the blues soon. Must be awful when it's family you've got over there as well. At least I can console myself with the knowledge my family are here and to make the most of them while I can (easier said than done, lol!)

PoppetUK

I haven't had the chance to experience what you are feeling just yet but do have low moments.

We moved out 2 months ago and I have to say that somedays I miss England and some days I don't.

I am trying to keep in my mind that we must stay to get citizenship before we even contemplate returning.

My kids are 3yrs and 18 months old. Before we left the UK we had a reality check that we couldn't afford to live in the area we were in whilst I was off work looking after the kids. Weekends were crap due to weather and overcrowding. Sometimes we would head for the shops to help us feel better as joining leisure clubs etc was too expensive and the local council facilities were always in too high a demand and a swim was so hard (not here - it is soooooo easy we go 2/3 times per week)

I miss my friends like crazy and the weeks feel very lonely and long but I try not to concentrate on this although right now as I write this I wish I could just nip to the park or something with my friend. Moving to the other side of the world certainly puts a lot of focus on your relationship with your other half to and you don't have your mates to deflect the silly little things.

I am sure this will settle down. I would love to go back to England to visit but I know I would have to be very careful not to do the UK bashing thing. I try not to compare whilst I am here and refuse to get things shipped over. I think this does help me.

I am going to have to work out a strategy to help myself over the next little while. My husband is working 6 long days. I am left to look after the kids and that makes me feel a bit low. I am getting no time for myself (except a few posts whilst they nap - yippie bloody do!) Dragging the kids around with me isn't easy. Shopping for my little ones 3rd birthday on Monday reminded me of this. I had to pull both off there routine to shop. With naps missed they are overtired, misserable and not co-operating. (Thankfully they are trying to nap now). I am not sure hubby appreciates how tough it is to get things done with little ones.

I don't think anyone can even begin to understand how it feels unless they have had kids and moved countries. Hopefully once our stuff arrives and I can concentrate on day to day living it will feel easier.

Just another gripe. Family will say to me "well we didn't have any help". Most of the time they had 1 child in school and 1 at home. With 1 child you can get so much more done (no referees shirt and whistle needed!). I am sure for those that have 3 or more you probably think what's she moaning about.

Sorry I've hijacked your post but I guess I needed to vent and also thought it might be good to post where feelings are being shared.

I hope your feelings pass soon.

J

JaneandJim

PM me if you want to whinge in person, I'm only up the road. Personally, I found stopping watching TV a huge help. The media treat their viewers as if they're all thick and I've yet to meet a stupid person here. (I know they must exist, just not round here. )

Jane

rabsody

Oh J, I can so relate to your post. You sound like you are really going through it at the moment and I think you hit the nail on the head when you say that men don't seen to realise how much hard work two little ones at home all day is (or any number for that matter!).

Mine were similar ages to yours when we moved out to Aus and we moved out for similar reasons, kids cooped up indoors all day etc. At least when we got here I had the ex's mother but then when the ex and I split and I was a single mother, it was a very tough time with no family and support network.
Sounds like you are effectively going through a similar thing ... you're pretty much doing it by yourself with no support network (no disrespect to hubby).

Have you thought about putting the children in childcare, even if it's just for one afternoon a week or something, just so you can have some time out? Depending on how much your family income is, you can get quite heavily subsidised childcare. Also, have you checked out local mother and toddler groups and all that kind of thing?

I think the whole, huge drawn out process of moving to the other side of the world and the excitement that goes with it can sometimes be followed by a bit of a flat once you are actually here (bit like the 'flat' after your wedding day ) but give yourself time - you will make friends and the huge shock to the system does get easier. Whether Australia is for you in the long run is of course another matter and something that will become clearer as time goes on.

All the best and come on here for a vent whenever you need, it's great to get it off your chest

rabsody

Thanks Jane, I appreciate that

I can't stand the TV here either (banal, sensationalist and too many ads - whoops there I go moaning again! )

We stick with DVDs